Categories > Celebrities > My Chemical Romance > You’re My Phobia
Chapter Fourteen: Stop Looking
Song: Linkin Park – In Pieces
“Elena, how did you and Grandpa meet?”
The elderly woman laughed as she patted the soft seat beside her. “You’re so full of questions little one.” She smiled kindly as she knitted her way through the young boys shaggy brown hair with her weak fingers as he plumbed himself beside her. “What is it that you want to know Gerard?”
The young boy giggled “how did you and Grandpa meet?”
Elena sighted heavily, shuffling further into the leather couch. Gerard repeated her actions, this was going to be a long heart-aching story for his Grandmother, his death was long before the young boy Gerard Way was born, but nonetheless it still pained Elena to speak of him. “Well” she began, smiling to herself. “Back in the day Gerard, woman didn’t have the freedom to do what they wanted. They were aloud to work and such, but most stayed home and became housewives.”
The young boy nodded eagerly, taking in every inch of information that left his soft Grandmothers lips. Gerard was quiet aware talking about him hurt her, but of course the elderly woman understood the young boys curiously got the best of him.
“I on the other hand wanted to work, me stay home a cook?” She snorted loudly causing the younger boy to laugh. Elena smiled “I didn’t want to cook and clean like my mother, so I begged my dad to take me to the factory and teach me how to sow. Your great grandfather owned a sowing factory back in the day, he used to trim shirts and so on, well anyway back to the story” she paused, laughing softly. “I went their with a goal, my goal was to be the hardest working woman that place has ever seen, and I was Gerard. “She ran her fingers through the younger boys hair. He watched in awe as her eye’s tingled with pride and happiness “you should have seen be Gerard, so young and full of life, and that’s when I met your grandfather.”
Gerard laughed loudly. “Grandpa used to sow!”
Elena slapped the younger boy playfully. “Hush you!”
Gerard silenced himself awaiting his Grandmother to continue with the story.
“He didn’t sow, mind you, sowing isn’t just for girls Gerard! He fixed the broken sowing machines. And it so happened that one day my sowing machine crashed and nearly scared me out of my socks! I screamed as it nearly exploded, and me being clumsy as I am I shot right up.” She laughed halfheartedly “And right back down I went!”
Gerard erupted into a fit of laughed. “You stacked it?!”
Elena eyes him curiously, shaking her hair. “The youth of today.” She mumbled. “Does ‘stacked it’ mean fell over, because if it does then yes honey, I stacked it” Elena mocked with quotation marks causing Gerard to burst into a fit of laughed once more.
Elena shook her head and laughed along with the young boy until she hushed him to silence once more. “So as said before I fell over and then here comes this handsome young boy rushing towards me, I’ll never forgot those big blue eyes. ‘Are you okay!’ he kept saying as he swiped me off my feet.” A soft sigh of contentment escaped her lips as she looked down at Gerard. “You look like him you know. You have his eyes, different color maybe.. but you have his eyes nonetheless. He was a good drawer you know Gerard?”
The woman cupped Gerards cheek in her soft hands. “I truly believe he passed his gift down to you once you were born. Never give up Gerard, never.”
The young boys heart felt heavy as he wrapped his arms around the elderly woman, “I wont Elena, I promise.”
“Good boy.”
A peaceful silence fell upon the two as they sat deep in thought until a loud “OH!” caused the young boy to jump. “What is it?!” he asked startled, causing the elderly woman to laugh once more. “I never finished the story silly.”
Gerard laughed, seating himself cross-legged as he waited for his Grandmother to start once more. “Still today I believe it was love at first sight. People say that there is no such thing as destiny but I am here to prove them wrong, there Is such thing as soul mates Gerard.. two people who were made for each other, and me and your grandfather were. We were made for each other.. well anyway, to make a long story short, soon after we got married.. and then we had your mother, what a handful she was.”
“What about Mum and Dad, are they soul mates?”
An awkward silence passed over Elena, until she opened her mouth to speak but no words came out.
“Their not soul mates are they Elena?”
“Gerard, when your mother first met your father he was a charming young fellow. But sometimes people change Gerard, for the worse and for the good. But forget about them Gerard, think about yourself.. once day sweetie you’ll fine someone to love. Someone who will look after you-”
“No I wont.”
“Gerard yo-“
“I wont Elena, no one will ever love me.”
The elderly woman pulled the young boy into a bear hug. “Don’t ever say that!” she mumbled against his shoulder as the boy held in his tears. “You will, be it a boy or a girl, you will find someone to love..”
The dream began to slowly dissolve into the blackness as it came to its finale. My eyes to heavy and tired to open, body sore and bruised so I remained still, my raw lips hadn’t spoke words in days, and that’s how I liked it. “You will, be it a boy or a girl, you will find someone to love..” those very words continued to rummaged through my thoughts as well as the image of Frank Iero’s crystal tears sliding down his pail face sent my body though a fit of shivers, we were so similar.. yet at the same time so different.
We were broken, Frank possibly even beyond repair. But I for one was more than sure that I was fixable. Well, I had to be considering he trying to break me to the point were I couldn’t be fixed, right?
Thousands upon thousands of thoughts ran through my mind as a soft October breeze blew through the window causing my entire body to shake.
“I always new you were awake. I swear I did.”
My body stiffened as I slowly opened my eyes, my vision was foggy as I rubbed away at my left eyes focusing on the silhouette that stood motionless at the end of my bed. “Silly boy.” The elderly nurse muttered, her eyes small and tired from lack of sleep.
Was she watching me the entire time?
In a swift movement she pulled the wooden stool beside me bed and sat down, yawning loudly. “Excuse me” she giggled rubbing at her eyes ”how are you feeling Gerard?”
Shrugging slightly I ran my finger through days of unwashed hair, I cringed slightly. “w-what, h-how?” I struggled with words as my throat ached as I opened my mouth to speak once more.
The nurse lifted her hand in a ‘don’t speak’ gesture, “you were sleeping for around 3 days straight Gerard, you hit your head pretty hard, and you seemed completely out of it.”
I nodded sheepishly, pulling my sore and aching body into a slight seating position. The venomous pain shot up thought my entire body causing me to moan in pain.
“Take it easy tiger.” The nurse cooed, I eyed her for a moment, and then it hit me. Her small tired eyes, her continues glances towards the hospital door, the nibbling of the lip.
Something was wrong.
“W-what’s hap-“
“Don’t talk, you’ll strain your throat. Nothings wrong Gerard, just.. we filed you application for the Phobia’s institution, and we got a call, you’ve been assigned to be transferred in another 3 weeks or so. We called your mother and she advised you stay here.. but there one problem.” The nurse fiddled with her hand as my jaw dropped in complete horror. It felt as my entire body was turned inside out, my skin shrieked and itched, I took hold of the blankets as if to ease the sensation, but it did nothing.
“You cant stay in this room any longer, were getting a lot more patients, and your mother refusing to pay the fees for the machinery and all, so we’ll have to put you in the Children’s section for now. But don’t worry honey, the kids are great, and you wont be the only 18 year old. Were moving some other patents also, there Kyle Denson, Emily Hendison, Frank Iero, Jamie-“
“Frank Iero?” My fingers gripped the sheets tightly. I couldn’t go, and I new that for a fact. But another thing I could do was share a fucking room with Iero. Surely these nurses were fucking crazy or something, all hell would break lose, he’d shoot me while I’m sleepin-
But maybe he likes you?
But what if he just hates me and I’ve got this all wrong?
He was trying to help you!
Yeah, but maybe he was trying to gain my trust!
Well if he-
“Gerard, are you okay?”
I snapped out of my sudden daze.
…well theirs only one way to find out..
I nodded my head slightly. “When do I move?”
The nurse smiled, “today would make it a whole lot easier!” she laughed as I began to drag my aching body from under the sheets until she stopped me. “I’ll get the wheelchair so you don’t strain and injure you boy even more.
1 minuet of groaning.
2 minuets of touching and burning.
3 minuets of snapping and yelling.
All together, 6 minutes of complete and utter annoyance, yelling and pain. It’ll surprise you how 6 minutes feels like 6 hours.
The male nurses snorts mockingly as he pushed the chair forward, my mood changes causing him to roll his eyes continuously as I muttered small “fucking idiots” under my breath, but loud enough for him to hear. “Let me take him Howard.” The elderly nurse mutters as she waves his hands away, “go help Jason back Gerard’s things.”
The male nurse nods and shuffles away, grumbling under his breath as I send him a devious smirk. I’ll be honest with you all, no matter how much pain I’m in, I somehow find a way to piss someone off.
I chuckle slightly as the elderly nurse leads me in the direction to the children’s hospital, witch she assures me the children will just love me.
In other words, there gonna have their hands all over you so be-fucking-ware to keep you shit close.
I sight heavily as we pass the entrance to the Hospital, the swaying trees seem to mock me as they sway side to side. A child no older than 10 years old rushes into the hospital causing the electric doors to lunge open, the breeze chills my skin as I feel the sun on my face for a moment..
And then its gone, as fast as it came it disappeared as the doors shut with a loud band. The small child’s face is erased from my memoirs as he disappears into the long corridor.
Maybe he’s lost?
The elderly nurse begins to hum softly to herself, causing the young boy to clench his hands to keep himself from lashing out at her. His thoughts begin to drift into locked memories, into closed of arrears he wishes to never cross again.
Gerard Way used to sing.
But he stopped long ago, the last melody that ever left his lips was Elena’s funeral, he has shocked his family as he opened his mouth and his melodic voice charmed the crowd.
He still remembers their wide eyes as he whispers a small “this is dedicated to you Grandma, you taughed me how to sing.. and I vow to never sing again, only you will ever hear my voice again..”
And then the tears came as he slid back into his seat next to Mikey who eyes him with sorrow. “She would have been proud Gee.” He whispered, smiling softly.
“Come on Frank! That was ages ago!”
The loud angered voice caught me attention as I snapped out of my deep thought and eyed the Elderly nurse above me. “Oh dear, he’s back.” She whispered.
I followed her gaze, and there he sat, arms crossed tightly over his chest tears dribbling down his cheeks.
“Come on babe, I was busy, you’ve got to understand.”
A tall male stood over Frank, his back facing Gerard as he reached out grasping Frank cheek in his gloved hand. “Forgive me please.” He muttered as the nurse rolled us close towards the open courtyard door. I wanted to yell at her, I wanted to tell her lets get the hell away from them but I couldn’t. It was as if I lost my voice.
My heart was racing as the tears glittered as they slid down his cheeks. “Go away James!” he snapped turning slapping his hand away.
And then it all came crashing down..
The red headed nurse grinned as she eyes me. “That guitar kept him alive. That, and well James when he stuck around.”
“James? Who’ James?”
The nurse giggles. “It was his boyfri-“ She froze.
James, the boy Frank so happened to be in love with, the boy who left him when he mostly needed him..
But left..
What was he doing back?
“Come on Frankie baby, you know I still love you.”
The elderly nurse muttered a small “Be right back” as she parked me beside the door. Frank entire face was coved in tears, black ringlets outlined his eyes from lack of sleep.
“Frank, what’s going on here? James, what are you doing back?” The elderly nurse snapped as she walked towards Frank.
And in that very moment, I wanted to disappear, I wanted to fucking disappear as Frank eyes snapped towards mine.
They weren’t sad, nor were they pain filled. But hate-full. It was as if he though I was somehow going to use this against him, as If I was going to get him back..
Well.. was i?
No. No! Of course not!
My entire body felt naked as exposed as he eyed me, but worst of all the florescent wide honey-golden eyes of his boyfriend also. I took him in, he was beautiful but harsh, the way is lips curled into a small snarl, his eyes soft by color, but hard nonetheless. He was a slim boy, much taller than Frank, much older as well. His hair was soft, cut short and fiddled into a shaggy half spiked skated look as it flowed delicately over his eyes.
I turned my eyes away, looking towards my pare feet. And in little less than a minute I found myself standing, clearly ignoring the pain that shoot through my bones as I took once step forward, and then the other..
And I was doing it.
I was walking away..
Just like I had from those who cared for me..
I walked away.
Why?
Because I was to afraid to stay.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Do you guys wanna know the truth? I fucking hated this chapter. I don’t know what the hell happened while I was writing, the end I liked.. but I just dunno.
What do you guys think?
I seriously need your reviews, advise even..
xo
Song: Linkin Park – In Pieces
“Elena, how did you and Grandpa meet?”
The elderly woman laughed as she patted the soft seat beside her. “You’re so full of questions little one.” She smiled kindly as she knitted her way through the young boys shaggy brown hair with her weak fingers as he plumbed himself beside her. “What is it that you want to know Gerard?”
The young boy giggled “how did you and Grandpa meet?”
Elena sighted heavily, shuffling further into the leather couch. Gerard repeated her actions, this was going to be a long heart-aching story for his Grandmother, his death was long before the young boy Gerard Way was born, but nonetheless it still pained Elena to speak of him. “Well” she began, smiling to herself. “Back in the day Gerard, woman didn’t have the freedom to do what they wanted. They were aloud to work and such, but most stayed home and became housewives.”
The young boy nodded eagerly, taking in every inch of information that left his soft Grandmothers lips. Gerard was quiet aware talking about him hurt her, but of course the elderly woman understood the young boys curiously got the best of him.
“I on the other hand wanted to work, me stay home a cook?” She snorted loudly causing the younger boy to laugh. Elena smiled “I didn’t want to cook and clean like my mother, so I begged my dad to take me to the factory and teach me how to sow. Your great grandfather owned a sowing factory back in the day, he used to trim shirts and so on, well anyway back to the story” she paused, laughing softly. “I went their with a goal, my goal was to be the hardest working woman that place has ever seen, and I was Gerard. “She ran her fingers through the younger boys hair. He watched in awe as her eye’s tingled with pride and happiness “you should have seen be Gerard, so young and full of life, and that’s when I met your grandfather.”
Gerard laughed loudly. “Grandpa used to sow!”
Elena slapped the younger boy playfully. “Hush you!”
Gerard silenced himself awaiting his Grandmother to continue with the story.
“He didn’t sow, mind you, sowing isn’t just for girls Gerard! He fixed the broken sowing machines. And it so happened that one day my sowing machine crashed and nearly scared me out of my socks! I screamed as it nearly exploded, and me being clumsy as I am I shot right up.” She laughed halfheartedly “And right back down I went!”
Gerard erupted into a fit of laughed. “You stacked it?!”
Elena eyes him curiously, shaking her hair. “The youth of today.” She mumbled. “Does ‘stacked it’ mean fell over, because if it does then yes honey, I stacked it” Elena mocked with quotation marks causing Gerard to burst into a fit of laughed once more.
Elena shook her head and laughed along with the young boy until she hushed him to silence once more. “So as said before I fell over and then here comes this handsome young boy rushing towards me, I’ll never forgot those big blue eyes. ‘Are you okay!’ he kept saying as he swiped me off my feet.” A soft sigh of contentment escaped her lips as she looked down at Gerard. “You look like him you know. You have his eyes, different color maybe.. but you have his eyes nonetheless. He was a good drawer you know Gerard?”
The woman cupped Gerards cheek in her soft hands. “I truly believe he passed his gift down to you once you were born. Never give up Gerard, never.”
The young boys heart felt heavy as he wrapped his arms around the elderly woman, “I wont Elena, I promise.”
“Good boy.”
A peaceful silence fell upon the two as they sat deep in thought until a loud “OH!” caused the young boy to jump. “What is it?!” he asked startled, causing the elderly woman to laugh once more. “I never finished the story silly.”
Gerard laughed, seating himself cross-legged as he waited for his Grandmother to start once more. “Still today I believe it was love at first sight. People say that there is no such thing as destiny but I am here to prove them wrong, there Is such thing as soul mates Gerard.. two people who were made for each other, and me and your grandfather were. We were made for each other.. well anyway, to make a long story short, soon after we got married.. and then we had your mother, what a handful she was.”
“What about Mum and Dad, are they soul mates?”
An awkward silence passed over Elena, until she opened her mouth to speak but no words came out.
“Their not soul mates are they Elena?”
“Gerard, when your mother first met your father he was a charming young fellow. But sometimes people change Gerard, for the worse and for the good. But forget about them Gerard, think about yourself.. once day sweetie you’ll fine someone to love. Someone who will look after you-”
“No I wont.”
“Gerard yo-“
“I wont Elena, no one will ever love me.”
The elderly woman pulled the young boy into a bear hug. “Don’t ever say that!” she mumbled against his shoulder as the boy held in his tears. “You will, be it a boy or a girl, you will find someone to love..”
The dream began to slowly dissolve into the blackness as it came to its finale. My eyes to heavy and tired to open, body sore and bruised so I remained still, my raw lips hadn’t spoke words in days, and that’s how I liked it. “You will, be it a boy or a girl, you will find someone to love..” those very words continued to rummaged through my thoughts as well as the image of Frank Iero’s crystal tears sliding down his pail face sent my body though a fit of shivers, we were so similar.. yet at the same time so different.
We were broken, Frank possibly even beyond repair. But I for one was more than sure that I was fixable. Well, I had to be considering he trying to break me to the point were I couldn’t be fixed, right?
Thousands upon thousands of thoughts ran through my mind as a soft October breeze blew through the window causing my entire body to shake.
“I always new you were awake. I swear I did.”
My body stiffened as I slowly opened my eyes, my vision was foggy as I rubbed away at my left eyes focusing on the silhouette that stood motionless at the end of my bed. “Silly boy.” The elderly nurse muttered, her eyes small and tired from lack of sleep.
Was she watching me the entire time?
In a swift movement she pulled the wooden stool beside me bed and sat down, yawning loudly. “Excuse me” she giggled rubbing at her eyes ”how are you feeling Gerard?”
Shrugging slightly I ran my finger through days of unwashed hair, I cringed slightly. “w-what, h-how?” I struggled with words as my throat ached as I opened my mouth to speak once more.
The nurse lifted her hand in a ‘don’t speak’ gesture, “you were sleeping for around 3 days straight Gerard, you hit your head pretty hard, and you seemed completely out of it.”
I nodded sheepishly, pulling my sore and aching body into a slight seating position. The venomous pain shot up thought my entire body causing me to moan in pain.
“Take it easy tiger.” The nurse cooed, I eyed her for a moment, and then it hit me. Her small tired eyes, her continues glances towards the hospital door, the nibbling of the lip.
Something was wrong.
“W-what’s hap-“
“Don’t talk, you’ll strain your throat. Nothings wrong Gerard, just.. we filed you application for the Phobia’s institution, and we got a call, you’ve been assigned to be transferred in another 3 weeks or so. We called your mother and she advised you stay here.. but there one problem.” The nurse fiddled with her hand as my jaw dropped in complete horror. It felt as my entire body was turned inside out, my skin shrieked and itched, I took hold of the blankets as if to ease the sensation, but it did nothing.
“You cant stay in this room any longer, were getting a lot more patients, and your mother refusing to pay the fees for the machinery and all, so we’ll have to put you in the Children’s section for now. But don’t worry honey, the kids are great, and you wont be the only 18 year old. Were moving some other patents also, there Kyle Denson, Emily Hendison, Frank Iero, Jamie-“
“Frank Iero?” My fingers gripped the sheets tightly. I couldn’t go, and I new that for a fact. But another thing I could do was share a fucking room with Iero. Surely these nurses were fucking crazy or something, all hell would break lose, he’d shoot me while I’m sleepin-
But maybe he likes you?
But what if he just hates me and I’ve got this all wrong?
He was trying to help you!
Yeah, but maybe he was trying to gain my trust!
Well if he-
“Gerard, are you okay?”
I snapped out of my sudden daze.
…well theirs only one way to find out..
I nodded my head slightly. “When do I move?”
The nurse smiled, “today would make it a whole lot easier!” she laughed as I began to drag my aching body from under the sheets until she stopped me. “I’ll get the wheelchair so you don’t strain and injure you boy even more.
1 minuet of groaning.
2 minuets of touching and burning.
3 minuets of snapping and yelling.
All together, 6 minutes of complete and utter annoyance, yelling and pain. It’ll surprise you how 6 minutes feels like 6 hours.
The male nurses snorts mockingly as he pushed the chair forward, my mood changes causing him to roll his eyes continuously as I muttered small “fucking idiots” under my breath, but loud enough for him to hear. “Let me take him Howard.” The elderly nurse mutters as she waves his hands away, “go help Jason back Gerard’s things.”
The male nurse nods and shuffles away, grumbling under his breath as I send him a devious smirk. I’ll be honest with you all, no matter how much pain I’m in, I somehow find a way to piss someone off.
I chuckle slightly as the elderly nurse leads me in the direction to the children’s hospital, witch she assures me the children will just love me.
In other words, there gonna have their hands all over you so be-fucking-ware to keep you shit close.
I sight heavily as we pass the entrance to the Hospital, the swaying trees seem to mock me as they sway side to side. A child no older than 10 years old rushes into the hospital causing the electric doors to lunge open, the breeze chills my skin as I feel the sun on my face for a moment..
And then its gone, as fast as it came it disappeared as the doors shut with a loud band. The small child’s face is erased from my memoirs as he disappears into the long corridor.
Maybe he’s lost?
The elderly nurse begins to hum softly to herself, causing the young boy to clench his hands to keep himself from lashing out at her. His thoughts begin to drift into locked memories, into closed of arrears he wishes to never cross again.
Gerard Way used to sing.
But he stopped long ago, the last melody that ever left his lips was Elena’s funeral, he has shocked his family as he opened his mouth and his melodic voice charmed the crowd.
He still remembers their wide eyes as he whispers a small “this is dedicated to you Grandma, you taughed me how to sing.. and I vow to never sing again, only you will ever hear my voice again..”
And then the tears came as he slid back into his seat next to Mikey who eyes him with sorrow. “She would have been proud Gee.” He whispered, smiling softly.
“Come on Frank! That was ages ago!”
The loud angered voice caught me attention as I snapped out of my deep thought and eyed the Elderly nurse above me. “Oh dear, he’s back.” She whispered.
I followed her gaze, and there he sat, arms crossed tightly over his chest tears dribbling down his cheeks.
“Come on babe, I was busy, you’ve got to understand.”
A tall male stood over Frank, his back facing Gerard as he reached out grasping Frank cheek in his gloved hand. “Forgive me please.” He muttered as the nurse rolled us close towards the open courtyard door. I wanted to yell at her, I wanted to tell her lets get the hell away from them but I couldn’t. It was as if I lost my voice.
My heart was racing as the tears glittered as they slid down his cheeks. “Go away James!” he snapped turning slapping his hand away.
And then it all came crashing down..
The red headed nurse grinned as she eyes me. “That guitar kept him alive. That, and well James when he stuck around.”
“James? Who’ James?”
The nurse giggles. “It was his boyfri-“ She froze.
James, the boy Frank so happened to be in love with, the boy who left him when he mostly needed him..
But left..
What was he doing back?
“Come on Frankie baby, you know I still love you.”
The elderly nurse muttered a small “Be right back” as she parked me beside the door. Frank entire face was coved in tears, black ringlets outlined his eyes from lack of sleep.
“Frank, what’s going on here? James, what are you doing back?” The elderly nurse snapped as she walked towards Frank.
And in that very moment, I wanted to disappear, I wanted to fucking disappear as Frank eyes snapped towards mine.
They weren’t sad, nor were they pain filled. But hate-full. It was as if he though I was somehow going to use this against him, as If I was going to get him back..
Well.. was i?
No. No! Of course not!
My entire body felt naked as exposed as he eyed me, but worst of all the florescent wide honey-golden eyes of his boyfriend also. I took him in, he was beautiful but harsh, the way is lips curled into a small snarl, his eyes soft by color, but hard nonetheless. He was a slim boy, much taller than Frank, much older as well. His hair was soft, cut short and fiddled into a shaggy half spiked skated look as it flowed delicately over his eyes.
I turned my eyes away, looking towards my pare feet. And in little less than a minute I found myself standing, clearly ignoring the pain that shoot through my bones as I took once step forward, and then the other..
And I was doing it.
I was walking away..
Just like I had from those who cared for me..
I walked away.
Why?
Because I was to afraid to stay.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Do you guys wanna know the truth? I fucking hated this chapter. I don’t know what the hell happened while I was writing, the end I liked.. but I just dunno.
What do you guys think?
I seriously need your reviews, advise even..
xo
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