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Categories > Books > Harry Potter > The Chosen One

Reviews

• The Chosen One

  (#) stealacandy 2008-08-26

  Work on your formation, man. What you got it is a big, fat wall of turd. Erm, I mean wall of text, yes.
  
  A line break every once in a while would do you wonders. Might even make me want to read it!
  
  Sheesh!
  
  
  
  -mo

  Author's response

  Oops. I'm used to the WYSIWYG editor on FanFiction.net and on my website. Sorry. Should be fixed now.

• The Chosen One

  (#) ROBERT_1958 2008-08-27

  Harry should have gotten all the thangs from all his volts befor going back in time, that way he would have dubble the thangs in the volts.
  
  Harry should have gotten the muggle lotory numbers befor going back in time as well.
  
  Harry should have talked to Dobby and WSinky to see if he could get them to help him when he went back in time as well.
  

• The Chosen One

  (#) teachergirl 2008-08-29

  You need to keep your writing in one tense. You keep switching from present tense to past tense. You also have too many sentence fragments, so work on your structure. It will make your stories easier to read.

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