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Chapter Twenty Seven - What have I done?


The rain continued to fall hard as Jill made her way from the train station to Ruth's flat. She could feel it running through her clothes as she walked along the pavement, her head down and the water falling to the ground in big drips from her soaked hair. The sound of it falling, the feeling of it running freely down her face comforted her somewhat as she once again felt the tightness in her chest. Standing at the door, she pondered whether to keep walking as she knew as soon as Ruth was in front of her she wouldn't be able to hold it back.

"Hey Jill, the wanderer returns,"

Jill looked up to see him, the one person that knew all her deepest secrets and she lost it. Justin looked at her aghast as she burst into tears before him.

"Oh my god, what's wrong?" he said pulling her towards him and holding her trembling body close. He reached into his jacket pocket for the keys and awkwardly opened the door.

Jill didn't look at him as she clung to him sending feelings of fear through her friend. He had only seen her like this once before and it scared the shit out of him to see her like this again. He grabbed her bag of her and threw it over his shoulder as he somehow managed to semi-carry her up the stairs towards Ruth's flat.

x------x

Ruth sat at her kitchen table trying to finish a few things for work before Justin came back. She couldn't wait to see Jill again, although she had only been away a week it had seemed like a lifetime especially around the office. The doorbell rang and she sighed, Justin had long since had his own key for her flat but he would always ring the doorbell because he couldn't be bothered to dig around for his key. She reluctantly got to her feet and cursed away as she went to open the door.

"Justin use your," she started as she opened the door but then stopped immediately when she saw Jill.

"Bloody hell, Jill are you okay?" she asked helping Justin to support Jill as they eased her into the sitting room. Ruth looked up at Justin as he shrugged his shoulders.

"First of all we need to get you out of these clothes," Ruth said noticing how cold and wet Jill was, "Justin would you get me some clothes from my room?"

Justin just nodded as he went off to get the clothes and he came back to find Ruth was already stripping the clothes of Jill and drying her with a huge towel.

"I'm so sorry," Jill whispered to them both.

"What are you sorry about?" Ruth asked.

"Spoiling your night, I don't know what's wrong with me." Jill replied as Ruth helped her into the sports trousers and hoodie.

"Honey, we love you and I'm just glad you came here and didn't go home to be by yourself." Ruth said trying to comfort her as Jill sat down beside her on the couch.

"I'll go and make you some hot chocolate, you're freezing Jill," Justin said.

Ruth waited for him to leave the room before she took Jill's hand, "What's wrong Jill? You seemed so happy when I spoke with you last night on the phone."

"I've messed things up," Jill replied rubbing furiously at her eyes wishing to god she would stop crying.

"Messed what up?" Ruth gently asked.

"I can't," she muttered glancing at her friend and gripping her hand.

"You can, please Jill," Ruth said trying to encourage her friend.

Jill looked down at their tightly held hands, "I love him and I messed it up."

Ruth watched Jill break into tears again, "You love him, who? Are you speaking about Bob?"

Jill nodded her head and Ruth's heart broke for her friend, "What happened honey?"

Justin walked into the room with three mugs of hot chocolate and Ruth smiled at him. He gently sat down beside Jill and placed his arm around her.

"I didn't want this to happen," Jill said sipping her drink.

"What to happen?" Justin nervously asked fearing exactly what she was about to say.

"Over the week I spent so much time with them and I felt like I really got to know them," Jill started ocassionally glancing up at Ruth, "They treated me like a friend."

Ruth squeezed Jill's hand to encourage her to keep going.

"I tried for so long to hide the way I was feeling but it was so hard." Jill continued.

"Hide your feelings about what?" Justin asked knowing he wasn't going to like the response.

"God I'm so dumb," Jill sighed thumping the sofa arm with her free hand, "I love him, how can you fall in love in such a short period of time?"

"Eh what?" Justin said trying his best to follow the conversation as he looked over at Ruth to see her mouthing the word Bob. "What did he do Jill?"

Jill knew he protected her like a brother, "He didn't do anything that's the problem it was me."

"Okay, what did you do?" Justin asked as Ruth gave him a look that told him to shut up.

"We got really close over the week and it moved past the harmless flirting and occasional kiss," Jill told them her eyes transfixed on her drink.

"You slept with him?" Justin suddenly said shaking his head, "How many times do I have to say this? you don't sleep with the musicians."

Jill looked up at him and nodded her head, he was right and he had told her over and over again about it.

"Justin, shut up," Ruth snapped, "Jill, don't listen to him."

"But I did Ruth, I did sleep with him," Jill sobbed, "I'm nothing more than a rock star whore."

Ruth wanted to punch Justin so hard, he didn't get it. He hadn't seen the way Bob was around Jill. From the moment she had seen him gently tucking her into the bed when he had come back to the flat all those months ago to the time she had seen Jill interacting with him backstage.

"I don't believe that for a second, if you had come back and said that you had slept with the whole band plus their support act then I might have worried but this isn't the same and you know it." Ruth told her.

"He didn't say anything when I left," Jill said struggling to let the words out," As soon as we met again this morning he just said goodbye like I was a staff member or something not like someone he had just made love to. Maybe I was just some random fuck to him."

"He didn't give you any indication that he wanted to meet up again or stay in touch." Ruth asked trying to find a way to make Jill feel better.

"He kept saying to me that he didn't want to leave and how much he cared for me but he seemed so different when we all said goodbye."

"Was this when you were still in his bed?" Justin asked trying to contain his anger.

"That's it, get out of here." Ruth snapped.

"Whhhhyyy?" Justin asked.

Ruth just looked at him and he knew straight away that he had to leave. Ruth watched him go in to their bedroom. The sound of the door buzzer made her roll her eyes, "I don't think we're supposed to get any peace tonight Jill, JUSTIN will you get the door?"

"For fuck sake, make up your mind woman," he moaned as he walked back out of the bedroom towards the door. He shut the door behind as he reluctantly looked through the flat door viewer. He couldn't see anyone and he opened the door to see the last man he ever expected to standing there.

"What the fuck do you want?" Justin snapped closing the front door behind him as he stepped out beside Bob.

"I need to see her," Bob replied.

Justin looked at him, he too had appeared at the door soaked through to the skin.

"Do you know what you've done to her?" Justin shouted once more, "She's in there crying her eyes out because she thinks you've used her like some cheap whore."

Bob looked at him, he wanted through that door and he couldn't wait one more minute.

"Let me in, I need to see Jill." Bob pleaded.

"No fucking way." Justin snapped pushing Bob back.

"You don't understand," Bob tried to explain.

"Understand what? That you want to have one last fuck before you leave." Justin said angrily.

Bob sighed as he clenched his fists, "What the hell do you think I am?"

"I've seen what guys like you do to people."

"Guys like me, tell me what do we do?" Bob snapped wanting to punch Justin and get through that door.

"You treat women like toys and then disguard them when you're all done."

Bob couldn't take it anymore as he launched himself at Justin and pinned him to the wall beside the door, "Shut the fuck up, would I be here when I'm supposed to be flying back with the band at this very minute if I didn't fucking love that girl."

The anger in Justin face disappeared and he stopped struggling against Bob, "You love her?"

Bob released Justin and stepped back, "Yes I do, I was an ass this morning, I got scared and I didn't want to hurt her."

Justin rubbed his neck," You can't fuck her about like this,"

"I know," Bob replied a bit sharper than he mean't to.

"No you don't," Justin quickly responded, "Jill, well she's kinda fragile, she comes across all strong but underneath she's usually shaking like a leaf."

"I've seen that," Bob responded in a sad tone.

"Well you better get in there and tell her what you just told me." Justin almost commanded finally recognising the truth depth of how Bob felt for his friend.

Bob nodded.

"Just don't mess her about," Justin warned raising his finger at Bob, "She's like a sister to me but I am sorry for losing it a bit."

"I'm sorry too but I understand," Bob replied, "If Jill was my sister I'd feel the same but I do love her."

Justin patted Bob on the back as he opened the door and led him through to the room. He glanced in to see Ruth holding Jill in her arms.

"Who was it Jus?" Ruth asked.

"Someone for Jill," Justin replied beckoning Bob to come in.

"Tell them to go away," Jill muttered into Ruth's arm.

"I can't do that Jill because they're standing beside me." Justin said grinning at Ruth.

Jill removed herself from Ruth's arms and miserably looked over to where Justin stood. Her eyes widened and her hand instantly clamped her mouth.

"Em Ruth, we have reservations tonight so we better be going," Justin said signalling for an equally shocked Ruth to follow him.

"I don't think we do," Ruth said trying to remember him telling her about this earlier.

"Well we do now," Justin said helping her to her feet.

Bob just stood looking at the tired girl in front of him as Ruth and Justin scrambled about before leaving the flat.

"Jill, I'm so sorry for the way I acted before," he said moving closer to her.

Jill looked at him as if she was trying to add something up in her head, "Hold on should you not be on a plane?"

"Yep but I couldn't leave you like this," Bob explained, " the thought of leaving you like that and not telling you what I really wanted to tell you."

Jill looked puzzled at his comment and she stepped back slightly as he came towards her.

"Please Jill," Bob pleaded, "The last week of my life has been the craziest, happiest and most amazing week."

Jill just continued to look at him.

"It's been like that because of you," Bob added, "I love you Jill and I was just too stupid not to have told you that at the hotel instead of acting like a stupid fuck."

Jill stood for a moment trying to take in what he had just told her, "You mean that?"

"Yes," Bob replied desperately trying to read her.

Suddenly the biggest smile appeared on Jill's face before she burst into tears.

"I'm sorry," Bob said as he wrapped his arms around her and pulled her in close.

"I'm sorry too, "Jill replied,"I wish I didn't cry all the time."

Bob gently laughed as he placed his hand on the back of her head, it felt so good to have her in his arms again. "God I love you."

Jill looked up at him, "I love you too,"

Bob took a deep breath as he heard the words that mean't so much to him.




I hope you like the update and it lived up to what you hoped would happen. Please let me know what you think - good or bad. Thank you so much for your reviews and for taking the time to rate aswell. I love reading the reviews - gives me the much needed kick in the ass to keep going. Just heard Leathermouth are finally releasing their album early next year - hurrah.