- You're killing me! ack! But I'm loving every minute of it. Great moment of them working together and feeding off each other's attacks, quite stimulating and sensual in its own right especially with how you mentioned the growing familiarity they are now having for each other.
- There are nice ideas underlying here! The dialogs are awesome, too. If I didn't know the script by heart, I would have thought they were taken from the game.
I can't wait to see where it's leading ^^
Author\'s Response: Hello, my friend! I'm so glad to be able delight an artist whose art really does inspire my writing! I'm glad I'm still managing to peg the voices for you; that matters to me more than anything else (especially since I'm not so great with plot. ;) ) (next chapter just posted, btw!)
- I love the way Auron won't wait to hear anything else once Lulu's presence in the cavern is confirmed and the small detail of the rocks pattering down fromthe cliff as the detonation of Lulu's magic.
I like the way you describe the source of the greenish light in the caverns and the strange rock formations.
I really enjoy your descriptions of the battles with the fiends. You are very poetic in your writing of these battles. I like the comments that pass between Lulu and Auron, short and witty.
I love the metaphor about the pyreflies and the burning sparks. I really enjoy the way Lulu needs to quench her fires every now and again so Auron's feet don't catch fire. That's lovely.
"Laying his sword across his knees, Auron slipped a arm around her and waited stoically, gazing into the darkness." "a arm" should be "an arm."
Author's responseproof that I really do get around to fixes sooner or later! going through, checking reviews, fixing typos and pondering deeper questions my readers have raised for me
(#) pyrefly_sky 2006-05-09"The Teachings of Yevon were coming apart at the seams. So much the better."
I just want to take a second to heap praise on this very insightful little line, it's simply perfect!
The first image we get of Lulu is fantastic, very moody, very atmospheric and (dare I say) very sexy.
I completely envy your combat writing skills, you make it sound so smooth and easy. In a way the battle feels like foreplay which works really well for these two!
"A fine layer of ash and dirt rained down on them, as pyreflies spiraled away." - Fantastic image that is going to stay with me for quite a while! (tiny point: there are two L’s in spiralled)
The dialogue is beautiful, it works so well and sounds very natural.
I'm not surprised that Lulu would want to test herself and to be in private when she does so and despite his jibe relating her to Tidus (heehee) I think he would be the only one to respect that wish and Lulu's independence.
Sign up to review this story.