FicWad

Chapter Thirty Four - All Nightmare Long


Frank jumped out of his bunk and landed with a thump on the ground. Another day and another city, he couldn't wait to get back on the stage again tonight. He quickly pulled his jeans on and the hoodie that had been lying at the bottom of his bed.

"Do you always have to be so happy?" Gerard moaned pulling his pillow over his head as Frank hummed away to himself.

"Ahhh grumpy, just tonight then we get to go home and you know what that means?" Frank said unable to stop smiling.

"Is that all you think about?" Mikey interupted pulling back his curtain.

Frank turned around to face him, "Don't tell me you weren't thinking the same?"

Mikey just grinned and fell back onto his bunk as Frank almost skipped out towards the kitchen area.

X------X

"Hey Bob," Frank said as he pulled out a bowl and sat at the table with him.

"How can you eat that shit?" Bob immediately said as he watched Frank fill the bowl with some random chocolately cereal.

"I'm a growing boy Bob, got to keep my strength up," Frank replied grinning as he ate a huge spoonful.

"Hate to tell you this Frank but I think you've reached your limit in that department," Bob quipped.

"Harsh man harsh," Frank replied pretending to be hurt,"What you doing up so early anyway?"

"I couldn't really sleep and you were twitching like mad," Bob moaned.

"I was not," Frank said as he looked up from the bowl before eating another spoonful.

"Frank, you can never stay still when you're awake I love the fact you think you can when you're asleep," Bob told him, "The only time you're still is when you're sick."

"Bah," Frank replied.

Bob grabbed his phone as it rattled on the table and couldn't hide his disappointment as it was just another random text from a company.

"You expecting a call or something?" Frank asked as Bob practically slammed his phone down.

"No," Bob answered getting grumpier by the second.

"You want to speak about it or should I just go back to my bunk before you explode?" Frank cautiously asked.

"Sorry Frank, I'm just feeling frustrated," Bob muttered checking his phone again.

Frank finished his cereal before stealing Bob's glass of juice and finishing it.

"Cheers Frank," Bob said lifting the glass.

"Right spill, you never know I might actually be able to help," Frank said leaning back in his chair waiting for Bob to speak.

"Fine," Bob snapped.

"This doesn't need to be painful Bob," Frank laughed, "I could go and get Ray,"

"No laughing at me Iero," Bob scowled as he watched Frank cross his chest,"It's just, god this sounds so lame, I haven't heard from Jill."

"Since when?" Frank asked.

"Last night,"

"What?" Frank said slightly surprised,"Bob seriously, it's like late morning over there or something, maybe she just got caught up at work."

"I know I sound pathetic but we always text each other in the morning and I sent her one but heard nothing back, maybe she's changed her mind about me."

Frank smiled slightly, "Seriously man, I think you're looking into this too much. It's probably something really trivial like she's run out of battery or something."

Bob nodded knowing that Frank was probably right and hating himself for even doubting Jill.

"I do know one thing though," Frank added.

"Yep,"

"The Bryar has it bad for the British girl," Frank laughed.

"ha ha so funny," Bob replied throwing a magazine at Frank.

X------X


Jill arrived back at the hospital after a slight detour to Ruth's flat to pick up some clothes and essentials for her. She was desperate to get back to Ruth to find out the latest news on Justin but walking through the hospital corridors only gave her sense of impending doom. She let her hand fall into her pocket to switch her phone off knowing that she should go through the messages but not having the strength to do it. Jill made her way to the waiting room and let out a gasp when it was empty.

"Oh fuck no," she muttered to herself.

Desperately looking around she finally spotted a nurse who informed her that Justin had been taken for surgery and would then be moved to a high dependency unit. Jill could feel her heart pounding in her chest as she entered the lift to take her to the floor where Ruth would be waiting for news. She quickly found the room and noticed Ruth half sleeping on her mum's lap.

"How is she?" Jill whispered as she softly put the bag down and sat beside Ruth's mum.

"She's shattered poor thing, thanks for getting some stuff for her,"

"No problem, I thought she might want to change out of those clothes but there's overnight stuff in there too," Jill replied, "Any news on Justin?"

"Nothing really, except they had stabilised him and taken him down for surgery,"




x------x

Later that afternoon

"What's he doing?" Ray asked noticing Bob leaving the room.

"Jill's finally phoned him," Frank replied grabbing a juice from the table and sitting down next to Gerard.

"Ohhhh," Gerard said dramatically,"Is everything okay with them?"

"I think so but Bob's been a bit edgy since she hadn't called," Frank confirmed glancing over the drawing pad in Gerard's lap, "That's cool."

"Do you think so?"

"It's all dark and fucked up," Frank grinned studying the drawing.

"I was thinking of you when I drew it," Gerard immediately responded.

"Oh fucking ha ha," Frank said mock laughing.

x------x

"Jill, are you okay?" Bob asked trying to get a good reception on his phone.

"I.........hospital.......surgery,"

"What? You're in hospital," Bob yelled, "Fucking hell, I can't get a reception."

As the phone cut out, he lost all patience and yelled at it. Looking up he noticed everyone had kind of stopped in their tracks, their faces staring direcly at him.

"Sorry guys, it's my phone," Bob said as he walked towards the door glaring intensely at the screen as he noticed the indicator finally showing a semi-decent reception. He stepped out the door and looked around to make sure he had privacy. Dialling the number he was pleased to finally hear the voice,

"Hello,"

"Jill sorry I couldn't get a reception, did you say you were in the hospital?" Bob asked.

"I'm sorry I haven't been in touch," Jill replied trying desperately to hold herself together, the sound of his voice making it more difficult, "It's Justin, he was attacked last night."

"Oh god, is he okay?" Bob asked as he finally let go of the breath he was holding in, "Are you okay? Were you there when it happened?"

"No I was at home, he's in a really bad way Bob," Jill replied.

"I'm really sorry Jill, I want to be there for you," Bob said running his hand through his hair, "I hate to think of you being on your own."

Jill slumped forward in the chair, letting her hair cover her face and using her free hand to lean on, "Ruth's mum and dad are here so it's fine honestly," Jill tried to assure him.

"I could catch a plane and be there," Bob said looking at his watch.

"No Bob, don't miss anymore shows, I'll be fine and anyway I'm sure Jus will be fine," Jill replied finding it hard to truly believe the words that were tumbling out of her mouth.

"I only have tonight before we go back home, I could stop over in London before I fly back home," Bob suggested.

"But Bob you were going to spend time with your mum," Jill suddenly responded not wanting to feel a burden on him and knowing how close he was to his family.

Bob could feel himself getting frustrated he wanted to be there for her but he was getting the distinct impression she didn't want him, "Jill baby listen to me, you are the most important person to me right now and I want to be there for you."

Jill didn't reply as she felt the tears fall down her face, all the pressure finally getting to her. She covered her phone and sniffed trying in vain to compose herself. Bob could hear her crying, "Jill?" he asked gently.

"I'm okay," she replied.

"Jill please, I can hear you crying," Bob said,"Stop trying to protect me, I would drop everything right now if you asked me too."

Jill sobbed openly this time, "I love you," she whispered.

"I love you too Jilly," Bob instantly replied, "I'm not going to force the issue but you just let me know if you want me there."

"I do want you here Bob, I just don't want you to miss anymore time with the band because of me," Jill told him.

"I know, hey I'll finish the tour and catch up with you then," Bob said, "Jill the guys in the band would understand you know and they would probably be mad with me if I didn't take care of you,"

"Okay, so I'll see you Wednesday," Jill replied starting to feel a bit better knowing she would see him soon.

"Definitely, I'll let you know for sure but you phone me at any time Jill and I mean that," Bob confirmed.

"I will I promise," Jill quietly replied.

"I'll see you tomorrow, I love you," Bob said wishing he didn't have to go.

"I love you too and Bob thank you," Jill said wishing she could hug him.

Bob said his goodbyes and shut his phone, he stood for a moment outside the door as he tried to compose himself. He finally turned round and opened the door to go back inside. As Bob walked back into the dressing room he didn't escape the sudden end of conversation as four heads suddenly turned to stare at him.

"Everything okay Bob?" Ray asked noting Bob's downcast demeanour.

"Not really," Bob replied looking up at the ceiling and trying to keep his emotions in step.

Ray exchanged glances with the rest of the band as they waited for Bob to speak.When no words were forthcoming, Ray took the initiative, "Speak to us Bob,"

Bob looked over at them and dragged himself over to where they were all sitting.

"What's going on?" Gerard asked concerned for his friend.

"I was speaking to Jill," Bob started, "Do you guys remember Jill's journalist friend Justin?"

"Yeah I remember him," Frank answered as the rest all nodded.

"Last night he was attacked and he's really ill in the hospital," Bob told them.

"Is he alright?" Mikey asked as Bob went silent again.

"Jill told me he's in a bad way and he's in surgery just now," Bob replied, "Jill's not doing so good but you know, she was trying not to tell me the full picture, she's in bits and all she could think about was not being a burden on me and trying to tell me not to miss any shows on her account,"

"She's just trying to protect you Bob and you guys haven't known each other that long," Gerard replied.

"I don't need protecting and I want to be there to help her," Bob said standing up and pacing heavily towards the table to grab a drink.

"You should go Bob," Ray said which instantly shocked the others particularly Gerard who almost spat his juice over himself.

"I know I should but Jill doesn't want me letting the band down, I said I would meet up with her tomorrow instead of flying home," Bob informed them.

"But we have press stuff all week and tv," Gerard suddenly said before instantly stopping as Mikey hit him hard with his elbow in his side, "But Ray's right you should go and see Jill, in fact you should bring Jill with you when you come back home."

Mikey just looked at his brother wishing he would learn when to shut up.

"I was actually thinking of inviting Jill," Bob replied.

"Great," Frank interupted, "She can finally meet Jamia and it's always a good laugh when Jill's about, plus you're so much happier."

Bob just looked at him, "So really what you're actually saying is that I'm a grump."

"Yep," Frank instantly replied before leaping out of Bob's reach.


x------x

Later that evening

Jill walked out of the hospital wanting to savour every last moment of feeling so happy. The tears of joy ran down her face and she didn't care that people were staring at her. Her best friend was going to be okay, despite everything he had pulled through. The days ahead would be hard but all was well. Her mind shifted to the other person in her life, it suddenly dawned on her that she hadn't told him the good news. Jill pulled out her phone and sat down on the bench outside the hospital entrance. Her phone was packed with messages again and she slowly made her way through them. She gasped as she realised that each of the guys had left her a message. It choked her to think that they cared so much to bother themselves to send her their best wishes. Frank had added that Bob was missing her and she laughed when Frank called him a grumpy bastard. Jill instantly sent Bob a text to update him on Justin before scrowling through the rest of her messages and being surprised to see a text from her brother. They kept in touch but never by text and here he was demanding that she phone him. She sighed as she saw the capital letters, everything was always such a friggin drama with him. He had even left her countless voice messages demanding that she phone him.

"Jill, this is your brother phone me now please"

"As if I wouldn't recognise my own brother," Jill thought to herself as the messages continued to roll on.

"Phone me now,"

"Jill, for fuck sake phone me now, where the hell are you?"

"aggghhhhhhh, just ignore your family do you,"

"Jill, I didn't want to tell you this by phone but since I can't ever get a hold of you and I've tried your office, your flat and you mobile. Dad's unwell. Phone me now,"

Jill sat back for a moment before replaying the message. "Dad must have man flu again."

Jill listened once more before she quickly dialled the number and was instantly met with the sound of her brother.

"Finally Jill, where the hell have you been?"

"I'm really sorry, it's been hell here, Justin was attacked and it was touch and go for a while but now he's doing really well and it should be okay. I'm so happy I thought my world was ending and now, you know I actually think things are finally turning around." Jill blurted out unable to stop herself speaking once she had started.

"Jill, I need you to listen," her brother interupted.

"Of course, nothing could ruin my day, how's Dad?" Jill asked smiling.

"Jill, Dad was taken into hospital last night, he had a heart attack,"

Jill sat there for a moment trying to take in what he had just said, "A heart attack, I don't understand, is he okay? He'll be going mad trapped in the hospital.

"Jill," Mark replied pausing for a moment.

"Is he needing surgery too?" Jill asked hoping the answer would be no because she couldn't go through that again.

"No Jill," Mark said, "I don't know how to tell you this and I wish it wasn't over the phone,"

"Tell me, just please tell me, you're starting to freak me out." Jill said beginning to wonder what was going on.

"Dad died Jill,"

"Jill, are you still there?"

"Speak to me please Jill, I need you to speak to me,"

"I'm oh my god," Jill replied, "Please tell me it's not true."

"I wish I could I really do Jill,"

"I need to go, I can't take this in, I, I , I ," Jill muttered unable to think.

"Jill, I will wait here by the phone and you call me at anytime," her brother said wishing he could be there for his baby sister, "When will you be home?"

"I'm, I don't, I , oh Bob," Jill stammered randomly.

"Bob, that's your boyfriend isn't it?"

"Yep, I'm coming home," Jill replied, "I need some time,"

"I know Jill, you will phone me later?"

"Yes I promise," Jill replied as she shut her phone and stared straight ahead. This wasn't happening, she was still dreaming. She stood up but couldn't find any strength in her legs as she fell backwards on to the bench. It felt like she was slowly suffocating as she gasped for air, everything was so distant, the sounds and the people walking by. She looked at her phone and started to laugh. She was dreaming or halucinating, her dad wasn't dead he just couldn't be. She had just spoken to him yesterday to let him know about Justin and to arrange to go and visit him at Christmas. Jill walked back into the hospital and into the lift, nothing was making sense anymore and she wanted to let Ruth know she was on her way home. As she approached Justin's room, she felt her throat constrict, her legs were turning to jelly and she looked around in the vain hope for a bathroom. Glancing in the window outside Justin's room she could see Ruth speaking to him as she brushed the hair away from him face with her hand. Ruth looked up at her and motioned for Jill to come in the room. As Jill opened the door, she wondered if it was at all a possibility she was dreaming right now.

"Jill, Justin opened his eyes," Ruth almost squelled, "It was only for a few minutes but he recognised me and smiled."

"Ruth that's great," Jill replied.

"Hey you don't look so good Jill," Ruth said as she let go of Justin's hand and helped Jill to a seat.

"Am I really here Ruth, I mean is this real?" Jill asked.

"Don't go flaking out on me now Jill," Ruth half laughed as she returned to Justin's bedside.

"I just got a call from my brother," Jill started as she looked at her phone once again, "Ruth, he told me.....he said.....my dad has died,"

Ruth instantly looked up at Jill's vacant face," No Jill, I can't believe it, are you okay? that was stupid question of course you're not okay."

Jill sat for a moment before bursting into tears, "I have to go home Ruth,"

"Jill, I'm so sorry," Ruth said as she once more walked over and embraced Jill tightly,"Will you be okay going home?"

Jill nodded, "I can get a train tomorrow morning."

Ruth didn't know which way to turn. Jill was distraught and any other time she would drop everything to make sure her friend was not alone. She needed to stay to be with Justin when he woke up properly. She hadn't slept or eaten since the attack and he looked so vulnerable as he lay on the bed. But on the other side of the bed was her friend who looked totally broken. Jill had been so much stronger than her when the news came through about Justin, much stronger than Ruth had expected her to be. There was no way she coud let Jill face this on her own.

"Jill, there's a bathroom for visitors down the hall, take my wash bag and go clean yourself up," Ruth suggested as she handed the bag over.

"I don't care what I look like," Jill responded using her hand to wipe her cheeks.

"Please, for me, I need to know you're going to be okay," Ruth added grabbing Jill's hand.

"But I don't know if I am," Ruth knelt down and placed her arm around Jill, "Go on, you get freshened up and I'll be here with Justin."

"Okay," Jill muttered as she slowly got to her feet.

"Give me your jacket," Ruth ordered helping Jill out of it.

Ruth watched as Jill dragged herself out of the room.

"Jus, please let me be doing the right thing," Ruth said as she sat down beside him and pulled Jill's mobile out of her jacket pocket. She scanned down the numbers until she found it.

"Right, okay, I can do this," Ruth said to herself as she held her finger over the button. Her heart was beating fast as she heard the ringing tone.

"Hey Jilly,"

"Bob, is that you?" Ruth asked hesitantly.

"Who's this?"

"Oh right, it's Ruth, Jill's friend." Ruth replied.

"Oh hey Ruth, is everything alright? Is Jill okay?" Bob frantically asked, "Has something happened to Justin?"

"Justin's going to be just fine," Ruth interupted as she glanced over at him sleeping soundly, "The reason I phoned, Jill doesn't know I'm doing this and I may have to hang up if she comes back," Ruth blurted nervously whispering and watching the door, "I know you are coming to see Jill tomorrow and I know she wouldn't want me to tell you as she wouldn't want to burden you."

Bob was getting nervouse and quite frankly finding it difficult to follow the conversation, "Ruth, just tell me," he said as calmly as he could.

"She's going to kill me, "Ruth started, "Look, Jill really needs you Bob, her Dad has died, it was so sudden and I can't leave the hospital and I'm scared to leave her on her own."

Ruth listened to the uneasy silence at the end of the phone.

"Fuck, where is she?"

"She's at the hospital with me but she'll be going home tomorrow morning." Ruth explained.

Bob stood for a moment thinking it all through, "I'm just about to go on stage but I'll get a flight to London tonight, hopefully I can get that done, Will Jill be at her flat?" Bob asked.

"I'll make sure she is," Ruth replied as she heard the sound of Jill's boots on the corridor floor. "I have to go now but I'll send you my number encase you need to contact me," Ruth added as she scribbled down Bob's number on Justin's chart.

"Thanks for letting me know Ruth and I'm really pleased that Justin will be okay, "Bob said, "I just wish Jill would let me know these things."

"Give her time, she'll get there eventually, I'll speak to you later, " Ruth said quickly as she quickly snapped shut the mobile and launched it at Jill's jacket.

"You okay honey?" Ruth asked as Jill entered the room. Ruth walked over to her and helped her with her jacket. She discreetly picked up the phone and slipped it back into Jill's jacket pocket, "I'm going to get my mum to take you home Jill."

Jill shook her head, "No. I'm fine, I'll just catch a taxi and get back to the flat."

"You're getting the first train tomorrow?" Ruth asked hopefully.

"Yeah, the first train tomorrow, "Jill repeated, her eyes downcast and her voice monotone.

"Phone me as soon as you get there to let me know you're okay, I don't think I could take anymore if something happened to you." Ruth said hugging Jill as she cried on her shoulder.

"I will," Jill sobbed, "Let me know if anything happens with Jus,"

"I promise," Ruth replied.

"Have you phoned Bob?" Ruth gently asked.

Jill shook her head.

"He'd want to know Jill,"

Jill nodded,"I will phone him when I get back to the flat."

"Okay honey, you take it easy," Ruth said hugging Jill once more,"I'll just call my mum I think she's in the café downstairs.”

“Ruth, honest, I think I’m just going to get back on my home,” Jill said, “I need time on my own.”

“Okay but be careful and send me a text when you get home,” Ruth replied, “I love you.”

Jill nodded as she walked up to the bed and kissed Justin’s cheek,”Please wake up soon Justin, I need you,” she gently whispered into his ear, “We both need you.”

Jill walked out of the hospital as once again the tears threatened to fall. There was just something about hospitals that made everything so real. She needed to get out and fast, it wasn’t unusual to see someone crying in this place but Jill so wanted to be alone. She didn’t care that it would be dark soon, she couldn’t care less if someone jumped out in front of her right at this very moment, all she could think about was her Dad. It was as if her chest was about to be ripped in two as she struggled to breath. Christmas was close and the streets were crowded with shoppers snapping up early deals. She couldn’t face it, the sound of the christmas music blaring out of the shops, people laughing and having a good time. She felt herself being pushed about as she desperately tried to escape the crowd, everyone seemed to be going in the opposite direction and she could feel herself starting to lose it completely. Panic started to set in as she felt herself being jostled about, she lashed out unable to keep the tears back and she could feel people tutting at her and staring. Finally breaking free, she started to run like there was no tomorrow. She ran until she had nothing left.

“Hey steady lass,” a man said as he gripped on to her side.

Jill was exhausted, dizzy and slightly confused as she felt the strength disappear from her legs.

“Whoops, “ the man said, “Hey Tom, gonna give me a hand, this lass ain’t doin too well.”

Jill suddenly felt two sets of hands on her as they helped her into the train station and onto a chair.

“You take it easy lass,” the man gently said, “Tom, get her some tea or something and make sure there’s sugar in it.

Jill looked up at the man as he sat down beside her, “You’re okay, my wife always said sugary tea sorts out all ills.”

Jill smiled through her tears, she could see his uniform and guessed he must be a guard of some sort, “Thank you,” she murmured.

“Good one Tom,” the man said with such a kind voice as he took the drink from the other man,”Now lass, drink some of this and we’ll soon have you back on your feet.”

Jill sat drinking the tea as the two men watched over her, she was so embarased as the commuters started to stare, “Thank you so much.”

“Not at all, I’m Billy and this is Tom,”

“Thank you Billy and of course Tom,” Jill smiled as she stood up and handed the cup back to them,” I’m really grateful for your help.”

“No trouble at all lass, are you sure you will be okay to travel?” Billy asked.

“I will be now I’ve had my sugary tea,” Jill replied, “Tell your wife it worked.”

“See I told you Tom, my wife never gets it wrong,” Billy laughed, “It’s a bit annoying actually.”

Jill said her goodbyes as she left them, she didn’t feel so good and once out of sight she sat down again. This was going to be a long night and she felt so alone.

X-----X

A journey that would usually take Jill at the most an hour and a half had taken three times as long due to having to sit down every twenty minutes. She had just missed a train when she finally made it to the platform and then another when she found herself bursting into tears for no apparent reason and had to retreat to the bathroom. By the time she finally made it home, she was finished and on the edge. Walking up the stairs to the flat, she had to pause a few times as she struggled to find the energy. One more flight of stairs and she would be there. Jill looked up to see someone slumped at her door. Her body instantly drew in a sharp intake of breath as she recognised him, her legs wobbling once more as the emotion became too much. He looked up from his slumber and scrambled to his feet. He studied her for a moment, she was so pale and tired. Jill burst into tears as she ran to him. Bob instantly wrapped his arms around her and kissed the top of her head.

“It’s okay Jill,” he whispered hating to see her in this way. They stood like that, just holding on to each other as Jill continued cry on to his chest. Bob slipped his hand down to her jacket pockets and searched for the keys. Half holding Jill he somehow managed to open the door and pick up his bag. Jill was holding on to him so tightly as he threw his bag into the room and helped her to the sofa.

“Jill, “ he said gently.

She didn’t respond as she huddled up beside him. Eventually she looked up at him, “You found me,” she said blinking through tear soaked eyes.

“Well Pete did, he’s my personal sat-nav over here,” Bob replied stroking the hair away from her face.

“I can’t believe you’re here,” she whispered as she reached out and touched his face. Bob placed his hand over hers as it rested on his cheek. He gently pulled it away and kissed it.

“What times your train?” he asked.

“I think there’s one just after 10 straight to Glasgow.”

“Do you want me to come with you?” Bob asked not wanting to make her feel that she had to say yes.

Jill nodded unable to say the words.

“You’re not alone Jill,” he said pulling her close.


x------x

Bob stretched out as he started to slowly wake up, he instantly stretched out his arm to find her. Turning his head he noticed the empty space beside him. It had been a bad night, he lost track of the number of times he had awoken to find her in a huddle on the floor crying her eyes out. He looked up to see her sitting on the window sill staring out of the window, she was so pale. Bob slowly walked over to her and stroked her back.

“Hey Jill, you’re freezing,” he said noticing she didn’t acknowledge him at all.

He felt so useless at being unable to comfort her and not knowing what to say. He knew she would probably want time to herself but he desperately wanted to be there for her and if he was being totally truthful he didn’t want her to be alone. Jill’s phone started to ring and she slowly turned to look at him.

“Do you want me to get that?” he asked softly.

Jill shook her head and gently reached for his hand. In an instant he wrapped his arms around her as the Ruth’s voice could be heard from the answer machine.

“I can’t do this,” she whispered to him, “How can I walk into the house and my Dad not be there?”

“You can do this Jill, it’s not going to easy but I’m here for you,” Bob tried to reassure her.




Hope you like the update and thanks so much for reviewing my last one. I had so many ways I could go with this so I hope no one was expecting this one. I’m trying to wrap this story up now because it’s kind of got really long when it was only supposed to be 10 chapters.

Please review/rate :)