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Chapter Thirty Five - Last Train Home

Jill had never felt so lost in her whole life, the only thing that was keeping her going was the person beside her. Her head rested against the side of the seat as she stared out the window of the train carriage. She gripped his hand tighter as his right arm rested on her thigh. Jill had virtually attached herself to him since they left her flat this morning. Bob had organised everything and she now found herself curled in her seat on the way to the one place she never wanted to be.

"You want something to eat?" Bob asked aware that he hadn't seen her eat anything since he had arrived last night.

"No," she barely whispered.

"Okay but you will need to eat something soon Jill," he replied watching her closely as she just continued to look out of the window.

As the catering trolley reached him, he grabbed some food and some stuff to drink for both of them. As he turned his phone on, it jumped into life as the messages came through. Jill looked at him and then his hands as the noise gave her a fright.

"Sorry Jill," he said as he noticed her looking at him.

"It's okay," she replied turning round to rest her head on his shoulder.

"You want a drink?"

Jill nodded as he passed her a bottle of water, "Thank you,"

"I got you something to eat later too," Bob added.

"I can see that," Jill replied unable to help the little smile that fell across her lips as she looked at the small mountain of food on the pull out table in front of him.

"Thank you," Jill added.

Bob turned his attention from his phone to her, "For what?"

"For everything, for being here," Jill replied fastening the top back onto the water bottle.

Bob kissed her gently on the forehead, "I love being with you."


x------x


The train journey had been relatively peaceful and Bob was thankful that Jill had managed to eventually sleep through most of it. He had even managed to persuade her to eat a little, he knew she would give in if he nagged her enough.

"Hey sleepyhead," Bob said as she eventually started to wake up.

"You shouldn't have let me sleep so long, where are we?" she said rubbing her eyes and looking out the window.

"Not sure, we've passed Carlisle wherever that is,"

"We must be close to Glasgow then," Jill replied feeling the nervousness creep into her stomach.

Bob looked back to make sure their bags were still there, he hated having to leave his stuff in a holding area next to the doors and he was sure the crink in his neck had been caused by him turning around every ten minutes to make sure they hadn't been stolen.

"Someone's going to meet us at the station and drive us up," Bob said.

Jill looked at him in surprise, "You didn't need to do that, we could have got a connecting train."

"I know, but it's easier this way and I didn't want you to be hanging around the station." Bob replied tucking the loose strands of hair around her ears.

"You're too good to me Bob," Jill said before adding, "I don't deserve you."

Bob didn't reply as he stood up and pulled their jackets down from the overhead hangar, he hated when she said stuff like that. She could be so negative about herself sometimes and he just wanted her to see what a good person she was. He thought about what Gerard had said to him before he had left them yesterday. He knew he couldn't be away from the band again for any significant period, they had already done so much for him to let him have this time with Jill. Maybe he should suggest to her to come back with him and spend some time away from everything. Bob was anxious about asking her especially with everything that had just happened. He didn't want her to feel like he was putting pressure on her. He knew the other guys wouldn't mind, especially since it was a short tour in their home country and the other girls would be there for the most part. Bob held back for now, it wasn't the right time with Jill having so much already on her mind.

The train drew slowly into the station and Bob stood up to let Jill out. She walked towards the door and started to grab some of the bags.

"I'll get those," he said throwing the bags over his shoulder.

"Bob, let me get some, you'll never manage them all," Jill replied.

"I'll be fine," Bob immediately replied.

Jill started to laugh as he slowly began to resemble a pack horse. "Nah. Honestly give me a couple at least.

"Okay," he huffed passing two of the smaller bags over, "At least I made you laugh."

Jill smiled at him, "I guess you did." She said as she kissed him quickly on the lips.

Bob followed Jill as she made her way through the station.

"Where are we to get the car?" Jill asked.

"He said at the taxi place, wherever that is?" Bob smiled.

Bob's smile quickly vanished as he heard someone mention his surname.

"What's wrong Bob?" Jill asked aware that his expression had changed.

"It is you isn't it?" a voice asked.

Bob shut his eyes before turning his attention to a group of people in school uniforms, "I'm not sure who you mean?"

"You're the drummer from My Chem," another girl dressed in what appeared to be a school uniform added.

"What you doing here?" the first girl added with a hint of suspicion.

"Are you sure it's Bob?" Jill heard a teenage boy ask beside her, "Why would he be here on his own?

"Could you sign this for me?"

Jill stood patiently as Bob was engulfed by the group demanding autographs and photographs. He was so good with them, not that she thought he would be difficult but in his own way he was quite shy about the whole rockstar thing.

"Mr Bryar, we really have to be going before you're late," Jill interupted noticing that Bob was becoming the focus of other people in the station.

Bob turned and smirked at her, "Yeah, sorry guys I have to go, I em, I've got meetings to go to."

"That's the one on the website,"

Jill froze as she heard them discussing her.

"It is you know, the one that's been trying to get off with them all."

"Did you see the photo that was put up last week?"

Bob immediately walked towards Jill and they both hurried away from the group.

"Hey, is she your girlfriend?"

Bob had never been so grateful to see security.

"Bob, you were supposed to phone us and let us meet you at the train," a familiar voice said.

"I'm sorry Jai, I really didn't think anybody would notice and I guess I fucked that up." Bob replied quickly getting into the car as Jai and the other person that Bob did not recognise jumped into the car.

"Jill, are you okay?" Bob asked as he helped her to put the seatbelt on.

"I'm on a website, why would I be on a website?" Jill asked him as she tried to take in what had just happened.

"Just don't think about it," Bob replied as he watched her pulling open her phone and surfing the net,"Jill, don't."

"I don't understand, nobody knows who I am," Jill said as she frantically typed into her phone.

"No, you're not doing this," Bob said as he took her phone from her.

"Give me my phone Bob," Jill whined reaching towards his hand.

"No," Bob replied sharply, "Forget this ever happened, you have too much to think about at the moment."

Jill looked away from him and crossed her arms. There was so much flying through her mind and she knew she was struggling to focus on anything. She didn't blame Bob for getting fed up with her, he didn't need this and it was so obvious to others she didn't deserve him. They sat in silence for the rest of the journey, neither knowing quite what to say to each other but being thankful for the sound of the radio to avoid the awkward silence.

Jill usually loved the approach road to Stirling, it truly was the gateway to the highlands as the rolling hills became more mountainous and the familiar landmarks appeared over the horizon.

"Look at the castle," Bob said suddenly distracted.

Jill didn't say anything and continued to look out in the opposite direction.

As they pulled into the town, Bob seemed transfixed by the ancient buildings and the quaint cobbled streets that seemed so tight and twisted. The noise of the sat-nav instructions were increasingly starting to irritate Jill especially when the car turned in a direction she would never take. She could feel herself getting angry and Jill knew there was no rational explanation for it, she hated herself for being like this and it was then she felt his hand wrapping itself around her own. She didn't look at him but she gripped his hand tightly. Her breathing quickened and she felt sick as the car turned into the familiar street. Everything was still the same, nothing had changed and people were going about their daily business. The car stopped and she felt him lean over and release her seatbelt. Jill turned to look at him, she didn't need to say anything as he already knew. Bob opened the door and still holding her hand he helped her out the car.

"Bob, we're booked in to a place just down the road so just phone if you think you need us," Jai said as he lifted the last bag out of the back of the car.

Bob knew there was no point in arguing, Brian would have everything covered and there was no way he would let any of them run about on their own without any sort of security.

"Will you be letting Brian know about the incident earlier?" Jai asked when Jill was out of earshot.

"I guess I should," Bob replied knowing that someone was bound to say they had spotted him here, "Thanks guys for doing this."

"No problem," Jai responded as the two men got back in the car.

Jill looked up as the front door opened and her brother stepped out. She stood there shaking as he approached her.

"Jill, you made it," he said as he held her so tightly. Jill couldn't help herself as she started to cry. She wished so much that the tears would stop.

Bob walked up behind them with his hands full of luggage.

"Hi, you must be Bob," Mark said as Jill pulled back from him sensing Bob beside her.

"Nice to finally meet you Mark," Bob responded.

"Hey come inside," Mark replied as he grabbed some bags from Bob.

Jill hesitated at the door before stepping in.

"How's she been?" Mark quietly asked Bob.

"Not so good." Bob replied never taking his eyes of the girl in front of him.

The next couple of days were difficult as the family prepared for the funeral, the doorbell and the phone seemed to never stop going off and both Mark and Jill put on brave faces as they consoled relatives and friends. Despite the charade, she would go to Bob was there for her when she was finally behind closed doors. When there was nothing to occupy or distract her thoughts and it was time to sleep. He held her, reassured her and gave her the strength to get through the next day.

Bob sat on the bed in Jill's old room contemplating the day ahead. He hated funerals, mind you it would pretty odd for someone to say they loved them.

"Hi Ray, how you doing?" Bob asked after he picked up his phone as it vibrated across the bedside cabinet.

"Good, you?"

"Tired,"

"I bet, are you still coming back the day after tomorrow?" Ray asked.

"Yeah but I'm kinda reluctant to leave Jill," Bob replied sighing down the phone.

"I know it won't be easy,"

Bob smiled as he heard a voice in the distance on the phone, "Bring Jill with you,"

"That was Frank," Ray added, "You should though, to tell you the truth we were half expecting you too anyway."

"I've been trying to find the right time to ask her but it's never been right and it's so hectic." Bob tried to explain, "I will though, I think it would be good for her to have a complete change."

"If it's any help, I know Jamia's coming along with .."

"Yeah Jamia, ha ha fun time for Frankie," Frank yelled in the background.

"Bob, you gotta come back and save me from this maniac, anyway what I was trying to say was Alicia is going to catch up with Mikey at some point, Krista is hoping to come along and Eliza will be there too," Ray explained.

"Booooooooooooo," Frank shouted.

"Eliza's as popular with Frank as ever then," Bob responded.

"It would seem so," Ray laughed.

"I'll phone you later and let you know, I gotta go Ray, it's the funeral today and I need to help Jill get ready." Bob said as he heard the bathroom door opening.

"Shit man, why didn't you say and here's me blabbering on," Ray suddenly said, "Tell Jill we're all asking for her."

"I will and thanks for phoning," Bob said as they finished the call just as Jill came in the room.

"That was Ray, he wanted to let you know that the guys are all thinking about you,"

Jill nodded and sat down beside him, he put his arm around her and she leaned her head on his shoulder.

"I'm scared," Jill whispered.

"What you scared off Jilly?" Bob asked pulling her closer.

"Today," she replied burying her head into his chest.

"I know Jill, I know," he slowly answered.

x------x

The service brought back so many memories for Jill as she thought about her Mum and the realisation that she had lost them both. Seeing the coffin had hit her hard, knowing he was in there. Nothing prepares you for that. She could barely sing the words to the hymns her dad had chosen. After her Mum had died, her Dad had become preoccupied with making sure everything was in place for his children when he died. It was hard to listen to at the time, you never truly believe that your parents will die.


Later That Day

Bob watched as Jill put on the best performance of the day as she greeted people at the wake. Jill had introduced him to several of her relatives, she was on autopilot with the evanescent smile attached to her face. He watched as she looked at him with alarm as a couple of older ladies sat down beside him at the table.

"So you must be Robert," the lady said

"Yes but most people call me Bob," Bob replied smiling whilst watching Jill rapidly approaching the table.

"I'm Betty, Jill's Aunt," she announced before turning to the other woman, "And this is Nicola, Jill's cousin."

"Nice to meet you both," Bob responded nervously shaking their hands not quite sure if this was what they expected him to do.

"So you are Jill's boyfriend Robert?"

"Yes," Bob replied.

"So what do you do?" the Aunt asked.

"Aunt Betty, I see you've managed to meet Bob," Jill quickly said as she joined them at the table.

"Yes Jill, finally, since you obviously don't intend to introduce the poor boy to anyone." Betty quickly replied, "I don't know Jill where you get your manners from."

"Mother," Nicola added, "Jill has a lot of people to speak to today."

Jill exchanged a quick thank you glance with Nicola aware they had been defending each other since they were children.

"So Bob, what do you do?"

"Aunt Betty, I told you earlier what Bob does," Jill interupted.

"Yes yes Jill but I still don't understand, you're in a band Bob and you play drums, that's all very nice but what do you do for a job?" Betty said the exasperation in her voice all too apparent.

"That it my job," Bob replied.

"How do you support yourself Bob? And more to the point how do you expect to be able to support Jill?"

Jill was horrified, "Aunt Betty, please. I can support myself."

"Life isn't all fun you know Jill, you have to take responsibility and think to the future at some point, " Betty said making Jill feel as if she was being chastised, "You have your head in the clouds most of the time girl. Look at you running off to London, barely scrapping by and for what, leaving your poor Dad to sit at home alone worrying about you."

"Mother!" Nicola quickly replied, "Uncle Jack was so proud of what Jill had achieved in London, you know that."

"Nicola dear be quiet, he didn't need that extra stress with his daughter doing god knows what."

"If you could just excuse me, I think my brother needs me," Jill responded feeling the tears come to eyes once more with the realisation that they all blamed her. Could it be right? Her Dad had always encouraged her to follow her dreams and he virtually made her go to college. She had been such a homebird when she was younger, never wanting to be far from him after her Mother had died. Maybe she had gone away too much, she knew he worried about her and he was always saying she didn't phone him enough. Jill felt miserable, was her aunt telling her what everybody else thought.

"Jill," Bob said after discovering her outside.

"She's right you know," Jill said despondently.

"No she's not," Bob replied.

"I'm selfish, I should never have gone so far away." Jill sobbed.

"Jill, I wish you could have heard everything I did today. People have the nicest things to say about you and how close you were to your Dad. He was so proud of you Jill and for moving to London." Bob told her as he once again wrapped his arms around her.

"Why would she say that?" Jill asked looking up at him.

"Because she's a nasty old witch," Bob responded matter of factly.

"Bob, that's my family you are talking about,"

"Anyway, Nicola said to tell you that," Bob laughed and was so pleased when she smiled back at him even if it was for only a brief moment.

Bob stayed with Jill as they went back inside, she was starting to look really tired and he was grateful when people started to leave. As they returned to the house, Bob helped Jill get ready to bed. She was exhausted to the point he had to help her out of her obligatory black dress. He quickly changed out of his formal clothes and into his much loved jeans and hoodie.

"I know I haven't said til now but you looked good in that suit," Jill whispered as he pulled the covers over her.

"You just get some sleep Jilly," Bob smiled back as he kissed her and watched as she closed her eyes.

"Thank you," she muttered as he started to close the door.

Bob had spent the rest of the evening chatting to Mark and his wife, Mhairi. During the conversation he finally found the courage to let Mark know about his proposed plan to take Jill back with him and he was pleased when Mark thought it was a great idea.

"I know she's had a lot to deal with, what with Dad and all the stuff with Justin," Mark added.

"She's quite fragile though," Mhairi added, "but I do think she needs to get away from here for a while."

"I'll speak to her tomorrow about all the things we need to sort out with Dad's will but I'm more than happy to do all the business stuff to let Jill away," Mark said, "I have Mhairi to keep me right with all this stuff."

"I'm so pleased to have finally met you Bob, it's a pity it wasn't under happier circumstances," Mhairi said, "Well I'm off to my bed, it's been a long day."

"Yeah me too," Bob replied.

Bob walked wearily up the stairs, the thought of finally going to bed sounded so good at that point. He opened the door quietly and made his way into the room. He suddenly woke up as he found the bed empty. He walked back out of the room and creeped along the corridor trying not to wake the children in the opposite rooms. The bathroom was also empty so she couldn't be in there and he knew he hadn't seen her come down the stairs whilst he was with her brother.

"You okay Bob?" Mark asked as he noticed Bob looking puzzled.

"Jill's not in her bed and I can't find her." Bob replied.

"Mhairi, have you seen Jill?" Mark asked as he popped his head back into his bedroom.

"No, I thought she was asleep, "Mhairi replied, "Although come to think of it I did have to double lock the back door again, maybe Jill was out the back, shit I've locked her out."

"I think I know where she is," Mark said walking down the corridor to the window, "There's a break in the hedge right at the bottom of the garden, she used to go there all the time when she wanted some time to herself."

"Thanks," Bob replied as he went back into the room to find shoes.

"Hey you'll need this too," Mark said throwing Bob a rug, "You want me to come with you?"

"I'll be alright, I'll come right back if she's not there," Bob assured him as he walked down the stairs to the back door. As he walked across the garden he wished he had a torch as it was so dark.

Bob was so relieved when he finally found her in the exact spot her brother had suggested he look. She was sitting on the ground, her arms wrapped tightly around her legs staring out in to the distance. Bob had to admit the view was breathtaking, you could see for miles. Endless miles of hilltops and forest, a cloudless dark sky scattered with thousands of stars and the moon providing the only light. There sat Jill, his Jill, so alone. Jill looked up as he stood beside her.

"It's beautiful here," Bob whispered as he lowered himself to sit beside her.

"I used to sit here all the time with my dad," Jill said.

Bob lifted his arm and placed it over her shoulders so slowly. He gently smiled as she moved towards him and rested her body against him. He gently placed the blanket over her.

"Are you okay?" he asked as he rubbed her arm.

Jill nodded, "Not really, it's hard to believe I'm never going to see him again."

"He'll always be with you Jill," Bob replied.

Jill could feel herself starting to cry, she thought she had spent all her tears but everytime she thought about her Dad, she relived the pain. The words spoken that afternoon continued to taunt her, maybe her aunt was right she was selfish, the stress she had put on him by not being there. Then there was Bob, he was always there for her despite only knowing her for such a short time. She daren't hope that maybe someone would be there, to hold her hand, to help her out of this dark place.

"Come with me?" Bob said as he hugged her closely, "Come back to the States with me."

Jill turned to look at him,"I need to go back to work,"

Bob sighed, "You need a break Jill, come with me,"

"You don't need me hanging around and getting in the way," Jill replied solemnly.

Bob gently placed his finger under her chin and forced her to look at him, "You will not get in the way, I want you to come with me."

"I'm not exactly great company," Jill muttered.

"Jilly," Bob replied lightly kissing her forehead, "I want to be there for you."

Jill nodded as she let herself fall into him, her head resting on his chest. She always felt so safe wrapped within his arms.

"So you'll come with me then?" he asked hesitantly.

"Yes," Jill finally whispered as she wrapped her arms around his middle and hugged him close.





I've checked, double checked and triple checked that this update has gone on okay since the last one was a total mess. This is a bit of a sombre one so I hope it was okay. Thanks so much for reviewing the last chapter - so pleased you liked it. I stole the title of this one from a Lostprophets song, just worked so well I think.

There is only one more chapter to go. I can't believe I've finally got to the end and I started this in May 2008. Thanks so much for sticking with this, my first ever MCR fic. It might take me a while to write the final part. I'm also writing another story at the moment called "All Hope Is Gone" based mainly on Frank. It's quite dark but I will be updating that this week. I've got 3 updates almost done for that one.

Please rate/review if you have a moment. Thank You.