Categories > Celebrities > My Chemical Romance > Push
Ok, I gave up on editing the title to say what chapter I'm posting; it got too annoying. But this is chapter fifteen. Enjoy. I'll check in at the end...
“Gerard, you have to sit still!” Nicole groans.
“I’m trying, but you’re poking me in the eye with that!” I jerk my head at the rag in her hand, which is spotted with red. I don’t mean to snap at her, but I’m so fucking irritated with myself that I can’t help it.
“Sorry,” she says, but she doesn’t really sound it. We’ve been sitting here for a while now, though my sense of time is screwed up from the beer and then the beating. All I know is that my body aches like a bitch, and I’m so angry I want to beat myself ten times harder than those guys did.
Nicole sighs, and I notice how tired she is. I almost want her to leave, so that I’m free to rip myself apart. To my messed up happiness, she says, “Shit! I’m so damn late! I gotta go!”
“What?” I say, acting sort of confused.
“I told my parents I’d be home an hour ago!” She brushes her hair out of her face and throws the towel onto the floor. I know she’s nervous about being this late.
Add to my list of things I hate about myself; I have gotten one of the people I care most about in trouble. Again. Great job Gerard.
“Oh. Ok. Go, I don’t want you to busted.” I say, in a hopefully convincing voice. Luckily, she’s distracted enough not to notice how fake it sounds.
“No. I’ll be ok. I love you.” She kisses my cheek and runs for the door, screaming, “Ray, I gotta go, come on!” I hear Ray’s heavy footsteps as he runs out after her, and I sigh, leaning back against the wall.
“Gee, you ok?” A worried Mikey appears at the doorway, and I want to pull my hair out. You gotta love the kid though; he’s always looked up to me, and he gets so worried about me, which is sorta funny, because I still don’t think that he can really take care of himself.
“Yeah, I’m fine Mikes.” His eyes are so wide looking at me; I know he’s still scared.
“You sure, Ge-“ He tries to say, but his sentence is cut off by a huge yawn, which he tries to stifle.
“I’m fine. Trust me Mikes.” I stand up straight as I can, and stretch. It kills, but I want Mikey to believe my lie, so I wrap my arm around his shoulder.
“Come on,” I tell him, leading him towards his room. “Let’s go to bed.”
With reluctance, Mikey stumbles into his bed, and falls asleep almost immediately. I sigh taking off his glasses and laying them on his bedside, before going to my room. I can’t do what I want yet; my parents will be home. But I can wait. Mikey, Ray, and Bob are going to Hoboken to go to a new video game store, and it will probably take them most of the day. I don’t know what Nicole is doing, or Frankie and Evangeline, but I should be able to come up with some reason to be alone. So I can do one of the only things I’m good at; get drunk and try to rip myself apart.
I drag myself into my bed, not caring enough to take off any of my clothes, even though they’re filthy, and sticky with beer and blood. I pull the covers over myself, hoping to hide so that my parents don’t look too closely when they get home. And though I don’t expect it, I’m asleep too, in a mater of minutes.
When I wake up first, it’s because I hear my mother’s voice yelling, “Oh my god! What happened to my Gee baby?”
I force my eyes open as I feel my mother’s hand on my face. I wince as her fingers touch the bruises I got last night.
“What happened to you?” She asks me.
“Nothing, ma. I got into a fight.”
“A fight!” She shrieks. Shit.
“Yeah mom. It’s fine. Doesn’t matter.” I yawn, then wish I hadn’t , because my mom always smells beer, on anyone’s breath. She’s too distracted to notice that, thankfully.
“You get into too many fights-“ She wants to say more, but she glances at the clock on my wall. “I’m gonna be late for work. We’ll talk more later.” And she speeds out, leaving me to pull a pillow over my head and go back to sleep.
When I wake up later, I know no one is home. It’s one now, and I feel safe as I get up and walk to my closet, where I’ve got two forties of vodka hidden safely under a nearly un-ending stack of comics. I crack one open, taking a large grateful drink. My anger at myself is refreshed immediately.
What is my fucking problem? I can’t do anything. I get beat up, and look like a weak piece of shit that can’t do anything for himself. And now I’m sitting in my room with a bottle of vodka, like I do at least once a week. I’m nothing. Nothing.
I drink the first bottle, way too fast. The room is kind of swirling. Not that I didn’t expect that. When you drink a forty of vodka in an hour… And yet, I still manage to crack open the other one. I don’t even know how much I’ve drank of that, but after a while, I head to the bathroom because I have to piss.
When I’m done, I look at myself in the mirror, hating everything, everything that I see. It makes me feel sick; though part of that could be from all that I’ve drank. The room begins to swim more, and I take another drink, but that just makes it worse. I put my hands on the countertop, but it feels like they go right through. I fall the to floor, my head hitting the linoleum. Then, nothing.
“Gerard! Wake up! Gerard!” Someone yells.
I moan as I open my eyes and light attacks me. Pain is sharp in my head, and in my stomach. Someone appears above me, and I try to make things stop spinning so that I can see who it is.
“Gerard? Are you ok?” Frankie asks me, again and again.
“Mmmhhn,” I moan, relieved that it’s Frank and not my brother, or Nicole.
“Gerard, fucking answer me!” Frankie yells, and it’s enough to jolt me into speaking.
“I don’t know,” I groan, Frank’s scream still ringing in my ears. I wince, and I can see Frank’s face looking a little embarrassed.
“Sorry about the yelling. I was just freaked; I called your phone eight times, and then I came here and you’re on the bathroom floor with an empty forty next to you.” Frankie rubs at his arm uncomfortably.
“What happened?” He asks.
“What do you think,” I say bitterly.
“You got angry at yourself, and got drunk.” He says simply. I’m surprised though. How would he know I was angry at myself?
I try to sit up, but it kills to do it. My stomach turns, and I swallow.
“You’re gonna throw up,” Frankie says, in an odd way; he’s telling me, not asking.
I start to protest, but I can’t, because Frank was right. I turn around, and with Frank’s help, I manage to get over the toilet in time to vomit violently into it. Frank lays a hand on my shoulder gently.
“Easy Gee, easy.” He says.
It takes me at least ten minutes before I’m done; and I don’t think I even threw up one of the two bottles that I drank.
After wiping my mouth on the back of my hand, I look up at Frankie, who has a pitying expression.
“How’d you know I was gonna be sick?” I ask him.
He smirks. “Come on Gerard. I’ve known you since you were five. You had that expression on your face; the one you always get before you throw up. Like when we spun on the tire swing for two hours straight, and when you were gonna get sick at school that one time, and Mikey and me took you to corner so nobody had to see you.” He smiles. “Give me some credit; I think I know you well enough to know that.”
I’m not really sure what to say. Luckily, I don’t have to.
“You look like shit. We gotta clean you up before everyone comes back.”
I panic. “Comes back? Who’s coming? When?”
“Well, Evangeline went with Nicole to Hot Topic, and I think Nicole is abducting her for the night.” He groans. “But they’re coming here, because Nicole wants to make sure you’re ok.” I moan at that part, and Frank raises an eyebrow and continues. “Ray, Mikey, and Bob are on their way; they’re about ten minutes from here.”
“Shit!” I say, feeling sick again. Frank eyes me worriedly. “Frankie, you’ve gotta get me out of here. They can’t see me like this!” I bite my lip, because I’m worried I’ve said too much. But Frank holds up his hands.
“Ok, but we gotta get going then. You can stay at my place; I’ll tell them I brought you to a guitar store or something.”
I’m so grateful for Frankie in that moment. I sigh, leaning back, almost onto the floor. I could easily fall asleep right now.
“No you don’t.” Frankie says, standing, and pulling my up under my arms. “If we gotta get you out, you gotta get out right now. Like I said, they’re coming back soon.”
I stumble every step I take, and Frankie tries to carry as much of my weight as he can. When we get downstairs, I scribble on a piece of paper
Gone with Frankie’s, see you later
-gee
I feel like I’m dying by the time Frank and I are halfway to his house.
“Come on, not that much farther,” he coaxes me. I try the best I can to walk normally, but it takes almost everything in me just to make it to his front door. He has to haul me up the stairs, and I collapse onto his bed the moment we make it there.
“Are you gonna be sick again?” Frank actually asks me now.
I shake my head; I don’t have the energy to be sick.
Frank sighs, and lies down next to me with a soft thud. “So,” he says. “Why were you so angry at yourself? And how did you get beat up?”
I sigh. “Well, it’s the same. I got beat up by these guys last night, outside Jax’s, and I was pissed, because I got beat up.”
“Everyone gets beat up.” Frankie says, raising an eyebrow.
“But it made me look like an idiot.”
“Gee, just ‘cause you got hit a few times doesn’t make you an idiot.” I don’t answer. “Why are you still taking pills?”
I’m stunned; my breath freezes up in my chest. “What.\?”
“You didn’t just throw up vodka Gerard. I saw the pills.” He’s so confident, there’s no way to even attempt to lie.
“They help.” I say after a few minutes.
“Bullshit.” Frank says quickly.
“They do.”
“Uhuh. Right.” Sarcastic. “You don’t need those Gee. You’ve got Mikey, and Bob, and Ray, and Nicole. And me.” He adds softly, in a different voice than he used for all the other names.
I look at his face, and all of the sudden, he looks very beautiful. I push myself up onto my elbow, unaware of what I’m doing until my lips are on his. He’s frozen for a second, but then he starts to move with me. He wraps his arms around my neck, and I put a hand in his hair. I bite his lip gently, and I feel his nose skim against mine. Then, we break apart suddenly, gasping, and the realization sets in.
“Did we just kiss?” I ask him, in an awestruck voice.
Frankie stares at me with wide eyes, and nods.
Wow.....even I can't believe that happened. Impromptu- we'll see where this goes...did you like it? TELL ME! RATE AND REVIEW! You've gotta have something to say after that!
“Gerard, you have to sit still!” Nicole groans.
“I’m trying, but you’re poking me in the eye with that!” I jerk my head at the rag in her hand, which is spotted with red. I don’t mean to snap at her, but I’m so fucking irritated with myself that I can’t help it.
“Sorry,” she says, but she doesn’t really sound it. We’ve been sitting here for a while now, though my sense of time is screwed up from the beer and then the beating. All I know is that my body aches like a bitch, and I’m so angry I want to beat myself ten times harder than those guys did.
Nicole sighs, and I notice how tired she is. I almost want her to leave, so that I’m free to rip myself apart. To my messed up happiness, she says, “Shit! I’m so damn late! I gotta go!”
“What?” I say, acting sort of confused.
“I told my parents I’d be home an hour ago!” She brushes her hair out of her face and throws the towel onto the floor. I know she’s nervous about being this late.
Add to my list of things I hate about myself; I have gotten one of the people I care most about in trouble. Again. Great job Gerard.
“Oh. Ok. Go, I don’t want you to busted.” I say, in a hopefully convincing voice. Luckily, she’s distracted enough not to notice how fake it sounds.
“No. I’ll be ok. I love you.” She kisses my cheek and runs for the door, screaming, “Ray, I gotta go, come on!” I hear Ray’s heavy footsteps as he runs out after her, and I sigh, leaning back against the wall.
“Gee, you ok?” A worried Mikey appears at the doorway, and I want to pull my hair out. You gotta love the kid though; he’s always looked up to me, and he gets so worried about me, which is sorta funny, because I still don’t think that he can really take care of himself.
“Yeah, I’m fine Mikes.” His eyes are so wide looking at me; I know he’s still scared.
“You sure, Ge-“ He tries to say, but his sentence is cut off by a huge yawn, which he tries to stifle.
“I’m fine. Trust me Mikes.” I stand up straight as I can, and stretch. It kills, but I want Mikey to believe my lie, so I wrap my arm around his shoulder.
“Come on,” I tell him, leading him towards his room. “Let’s go to bed.”
With reluctance, Mikey stumbles into his bed, and falls asleep almost immediately. I sigh taking off his glasses and laying them on his bedside, before going to my room. I can’t do what I want yet; my parents will be home. But I can wait. Mikey, Ray, and Bob are going to Hoboken to go to a new video game store, and it will probably take them most of the day. I don’t know what Nicole is doing, or Frankie and Evangeline, but I should be able to come up with some reason to be alone. So I can do one of the only things I’m good at; get drunk and try to rip myself apart.
I drag myself into my bed, not caring enough to take off any of my clothes, even though they’re filthy, and sticky with beer and blood. I pull the covers over myself, hoping to hide so that my parents don’t look too closely when they get home. And though I don’t expect it, I’m asleep too, in a mater of minutes.
When I wake up first, it’s because I hear my mother’s voice yelling, “Oh my god! What happened to my Gee baby?”
I force my eyes open as I feel my mother’s hand on my face. I wince as her fingers touch the bruises I got last night.
“What happened to you?” She asks me.
“Nothing, ma. I got into a fight.”
“A fight!” She shrieks. Shit.
“Yeah mom. It’s fine. Doesn’t matter.” I yawn, then wish I hadn’t , because my mom always smells beer, on anyone’s breath. She’s too distracted to notice that, thankfully.
“You get into too many fights-“ She wants to say more, but she glances at the clock on my wall. “I’m gonna be late for work. We’ll talk more later.” And she speeds out, leaving me to pull a pillow over my head and go back to sleep.
When I wake up later, I know no one is home. It’s one now, and I feel safe as I get up and walk to my closet, where I’ve got two forties of vodka hidden safely under a nearly un-ending stack of comics. I crack one open, taking a large grateful drink. My anger at myself is refreshed immediately.
What is my fucking problem? I can’t do anything. I get beat up, and look like a weak piece of shit that can’t do anything for himself. And now I’m sitting in my room with a bottle of vodka, like I do at least once a week. I’m nothing. Nothing.
I drink the first bottle, way too fast. The room is kind of swirling. Not that I didn’t expect that. When you drink a forty of vodka in an hour… And yet, I still manage to crack open the other one. I don’t even know how much I’ve drank of that, but after a while, I head to the bathroom because I have to piss.
When I’m done, I look at myself in the mirror, hating everything, everything that I see. It makes me feel sick; though part of that could be from all that I’ve drank. The room begins to swim more, and I take another drink, but that just makes it worse. I put my hands on the countertop, but it feels like they go right through. I fall the to floor, my head hitting the linoleum. Then, nothing.
“Gerard! Wake up! Gerard!” Someone yells.
I moan as I open my eyes and light attacks me. Pain is sharp in my head, and in my stomach. Someone appears above me, and I try to make things stop spinning so that I can see who it is.
“Gerard? Are you ok?” Frankie asks me, again and again.
“Mmmhhn,” I moan, relieved that it’s Frank and not my brother, or Nicole.
“Gerard, fucking answer me!” Frankie yells, and it’s enough to jolt me into speaking.
“I don’t know,” I groan, Frank’s scream still ringing in my ears. I wince, and I can see Frank’s face looking a little embarrassed.
“Sorry about the yelling. I was just freaked; I called your phone eight times, and then I came here and you’re on the bathroom floor with an empty forty next to you.” Frankie rubs at his arm uncomfortably.
“What happened?” He asks.
“What do you think,” I say bitterly.
“You got angry at yourself, and got drunk.” He says simply. I’m surprised though. How would he know I was angry at myself?
I try to sit up, but it kills to do it. My stomach turns, and I swallow.
“You’re gonna throw up,” Frankie says, in an odd way; he’s telling me, not asking.
I start to protest, but I can’t, because Frank was right. I turn around, and with Frank’s help, I manage to get over the toilet in time to vomit violently into it. Frank lays a hand on my shoulder gently.
“Easy Gee, easy.” He says.
It takes me at least ten minutes before I’m done; and I don’t think I even threw up one of the two bottles that I drank.
After wiping my mouth on the back of my hand, I look up at Frankie, who has a pitying expression.
“How’d you know I was gonna be sick?” I ask him.
He smirks. “Come on Gerard. I’ve known you since you were five. You had that expression on your face; the one you always get before you throw up. Like when we spun on the tire swing for two hours straight, and when you were gonna get sick at school that one time, and Mikey and me took you to corner so nobody had to see you.” He smiles. “Give me some credit; I think I know you well enough to know that.”
I’m not really sure what to say. Luckily, I don’t have to.
“You look like shit. We gotta clean you up before everyone comes back.”
I panic. “Comes back? Who’s coming? When?”
“Well, Evangeline went with Nicole to Hot Topic, and I think Nicole is abducting her for the night.” He groans. “But they’re coming here, because Nicole wants to make sure you’re ok.” I moan at that part, and Frank raises an eyebrow and continues. “Ray, Mikey, and Bob are on their way; they’re about ten minutes from here.”
“Shit!” I say, feeling sick again. Frank eyes me worriedly. “Frankie, you’ve gotta get me out of here. They can’t see me like this!” I bite my lip, because I’m worried I’ve said too much. But Frank holds up his hands.
“Ok, but we gotta get going then. You can stay at my place; I’ll tell them I brought you to a guitar store or something.”
I’m so grateful for Frankie in that moment. I sigh, leaning back, almost onto the floor. I could easily fall asleep right now.
“No you don’t.” Frankie says, standing, and pulling my up under my arms. “If we gotta get you out, you gotta get out right now. Like I said, they’re coming back soon.”
I stumble every step I take, and Frankie tries to carry as much of my weight as he can. When we get downstairs, I scribble on a piece of paper
Gone with Frankie’s, see you later
-gee
I feel like I’m dying by the time Frank and I are halfway to his house.
“Come on, not that much farther,” he coaxes me. I try the best I can to walk normally, but it takes almost everything in me just to make it to his front door. He has to haul me up the stairs, and I collapse onto his bed the moment we make it there.
“Are you gonna be sick again?” Frank actually asks me now.
I shake my head; I don’t have the energy to be sick.
Frank sighs, and lies down next to me with a soft thud. “So,” he says. “Why were you so angry at yourself? And how did you get beat up?”
I sigh. “Well, it’s the same. I got beat up by these guys last night, outside Jax’s, and I was pissed, because I got beat up.”
“Everyone gets beat up.” Frankie says, raising an eyebrow.
“But it made me look like an idiot.”
“Gee, just ‘cause you got hit a few times doesn’t make you an idiot.” I don’t answer. “Why are you still taking pills?”
I’m stunned; my breath freezes up in my chest. “What.\?”
“You didn’t just throw up vodka Gerard. I saw the pills.” He’s so confident, there’s no way to even attempt to lie.
“They help.” I say after a few minutes.
“Bullshit.” Frank says quickly.
“They do.”
“Uhuh. Right.” Sarcastic. “You don’t need those Gee. You’ve got Mikey, and Bob, and Ray, and Nicole. And me.” He adds softly, in a different voice than he used for all the other names.
I look at his face, and all of the sudden, he looks very beautiful. I push myself up onto my elbow, unaware of what I’m doing until my lips are on his. He’s frozen for a second, but then he starts to move with me. He wraps his arms around my neck, and I put a hand in his hair. I bite his lip gently, and I feel his nose skim against mine. Then, we break apart suddenly, gasping, and the realization sets in.
“Did we just kiss?” I ask him, in an awestruck voice.
Frankie stares at me with wide eyes, and nods.
Wow.....even I can't believe that happened. Impromptu- we'll see where this goes...did you like it? TELL ME! RATE AND REVIEW! You've gotta have something to say after that!
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