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Holly Evans and the Spiral Path
Chapter 25: Layers of Self
29th January, 1994
Minerva,
I suppose my actions this morning deserve some sort of explanation. It might help for you to know that my night was horrible. I woke up alone, still suffering from Dementor nightmares, though they have shifted focus from the Basilisk and related traumas to Hermione saying 'I'm not in love with you. I don't think I ever was' or screeching 'DON'T TOUCH ME!'. Said source of my haunting was nowhere in sight as I prepared for the day. I walked into the Great Hall groggy, emotionally bludgeoned and defensive. That's when the world crashed in on me.
I wasn't sure what I was going to do at first when I got up in front of the masses, but I think my choice was probably the least damaging I could come up with. I think it best if I take the week off as a loss. Let the other professors know I am suffering an emotional upheaval following recent family matters. Just know I will turn in my homework eventually, and I will still meet with your friend this evening. Other than that, people are giving me an allergic reaction. If you can deflect Albus for a while, so much the better.
Obviously you were there for my performance, but Newt captured a more relevant discussion with Hermione afterwards, so here's her version of both.
Transcription: 29th January, 1994 starting 7:42 AM
As Holly enters the Great Hall for breakfast, she draws the attention of every eye in the room and near silence descends upon the assembled. After a moment's pause, Holly stalks her way to sit at the Gryffindor table in an open space between Ron and Neville, across from Hermione. Whispering begins racing around the tables, except within ten feet of Holly herself. Hermione glances at her from across the table and returns to her book with a sheepish look. Neville keeps staring at Holly, staring at the ceiling, staring at Holly, staring at his food, until he abruptly stands up and hurries out of the Hall barely mumbling "See you in class, Holly" as he leaves. Turning to Ron, Holly notes his beatific expression and unrepentant gawk aimed at the breast nearest him. Looking around the table, nearly everyone is comparing a copy of the Daily Prophet to Holly. Holly opens Neville's abandoned copy and reads. The Daily Prophet hasn't come out and actually accused Holly of enacting Dark Rituals, but their sister publication Witch Weekly released a special edition complete with three fuzzy pictures of Holly they shared with the Prophet; one from before the Basilisk incident when her hair was black (awful outfit by the way, Mum), the second as she appeared when on the train to London for the Hols and the last a two-second shot of her walking with Lupin away from the Leaky Cauldron, emphasizing the bounce of her breasts as she strides. Every one of the ten related articles cites Holly's aggressive behavior and changing appearance to suggest that her descent into depravity is inevitable. The editorial calls out for Harry to save the soul of his wayward half-sister.
Holly stands up from the table once more, removes her outer robe from hanging around her shoulders leaving it on the bench and walks up to the front of the Great Hall. Holly stands there, gazing defiantly at the rapt students from in front of the staff table with a scowl on her face. Looking around, she crosses her arms in front of her and starts to peel off her double-layer of cotton mock-turtlenecks, prompting a collective gasp and for Minerva to yell at her.
Minerva: "Miss Evans you shall remain clothed!"
Holly stops with most of her abdomen exposed and grumpily straightens out her layered tops. Her voice resonates into the Hall as everyone stares in silence.
Holly: "Well, I suppose that's not the question that needs answering. Yes, they're real. No, I can't help anyone else with making theirs larger. I was suffering from an aftereffect from the Basilisk attack that was holding back my growth, but it was cured over the weekend, and my development just... rushed to catch up. It was painful. All things being equal, if this helps the boys deal with our Dementor problem, then please, by all means, stare to your hearts' content. If you ask really nicely and work out a compensation plan, we might be able to get a calendar of the third-year girls going. After all, we're the most attractive year of witches this place has seen in decades. Of course... I may be biased."
Holly walks back to her seat to grab her robe and then out the doors frowning the whole time, but her grin grows wide the second she's out of sight and the names of several other girls are called from all across the room.
Unidentified students: "Padma!" "Susan, would you...?" "O, Hannah! My Hannah!" "Lav, you have to...!" "Parvati, would you and Padma be willing...?" "Daphne is December! Daphne is December!" "Lisa, you should consider..." "Whaddya mean the third year is more attractive? We've got Katie, Cho, Marietta, and... and..." "I can totally see Tracey and Pansy..." "NO!" "You may not have a choice..." "Mandy, you and Su could do a very artful..." "Megan your hotness is unquestionable!" "Hermione!"
Hermione: "What? I'm sure she'll include herself, she started the whole thing!"
Seamus (I think): "Yes but will you be... ahh... possibly...considering...?"
Hermione: "GRRR!"
Moments later Hermione shoots through the main doors past Holly, obviously ready to do verbal battle. Holly is leaning against the wall in shadow, listening to the raucous discussion from the Great Hall.
Holly: "Hermione. How did you like the show?"
Hermione turns to see Holly, walking over to stand in front of her in a menacing loom.
Hermione: "You! How could you do something so demeaning, so inconsiderate to us all?!"
Holly: "Muffliato. So, will you pose?"
Hermione: "I most certainly will not!"
Holly: "Because you don't want to be appreciated for your beauty?"
Hermione: "No, I do, but as a person not a... a... sex object!"
Holly: "And here I thought I was doing you a favour. Every boy in this school just checked you out. Once they figure out we aren't dating anymore, you should be receiving some very kind stares."
Hermione: "I... don't want that sort of attention right now. I have my studies..."
Holly: "Nothing to do with emotional problems, you just want to be able to concentrate, is that it?"
Hermione: "Yes... wait, why does this seem like one of your verbal traps?"
Holly stands up from leaning against the wall to stare Hermione in the eyes.
Holly: "Because it is! Hermione, maybe you haven't figured it out yet, but m-my heart is b-broken! Along with all I've been through, I now have lost my anchor! The fact that this doesn't affect you at all bugs me even more! Now, this morning, with all the attention swirling around my life, you just trot off to brekkers without any warning to me of what I'm walking into, but you're pissed because I handled it with humour? Either you really felt nothing for me, or you're repressing your feelings like a champion. Either way, I think you need to do something other than study. If only to get you away from me for awhile! I'm already due for three dress-downs for the classes I skived trying to make myself non-homicidal!"
Hermione responds aggressively, holding her hands at her hips.
Hermione: "If your feelings are truly that out of control, then I think it's you that needs the break! I suppose I should be thanking you for dealing with your discomfort in a non-lethal manner! I'm getting a little tired of this 'angry at the world' attitude you've been cultivating. You've just been granted a wish- to make you fully human once more, but all you can do is point out other people's problems in trying to excuse your own."
Holly: "You've... no idea what I've been through!"
Hermione: "Whose fault is that? And really, how much could have happened in two days? I realise having Harry in your life would change things, but you're a different person entirely! It's like every measure of reason you usually exhibit has been erased!"
Holly: "Reason? You think I'm acting unreasonably?"
Hermione: "Yes! You seemed much calmer before. I thought we had reached an agreement after our discussion. You were sorry for affecting my emotions and I forgave you for it because I knew it wasn't done consciously. You said at the time it would be alright, and even asked me to give you friendly hugs when you need it. Do you need one now?"
Holly: "I... need... to go."
Hermione: "Holly! Why are you running away? You never run away!"
Holly runs off, tears streaming down her face.
Transcription Ends
I forgot that Hermione would engineer in her mind the details of our faux-conversation ending the relationship from her own expectations. In her mind, we calmly and logically discussed the reasons why her affections were falsely generated and no doubt came to an amicable agreement. There may even have been teacups involved. I couldn't continue the argument, knowing how far off her knowledge of the truth has wandered in the last four days. We are well and truly apart, now.
Newt, new mission. I need you to follow Hermione, find out where her mind is and how she's holding up. See what she's writing and to whom. There's something so very wrong about this, but I'm too churned up to see things clearly. Can you do that?
No.
Newt, please, this is not the time to play childish. I need your help!
I'm not being childish. I think it's wrong for you to ask me to spy on Hermione for you. Last time, you asked me to take care of her and see what other people were plotting. This isn't the same.
(Mum is stomping around the room, ranting about betrayal and loyalty at the moment.)
(...and again after reading what I wrote.)
Alright, little squirt. Please accompany Hermione for the next few days. Tell me if she wants me to know something or if you see or hear something fishy. Tell her that I thought she could use the support, as I'm planning on being bitchy through next week. Will that work?
I can do that. Please take some time to think, Mum. I know it's hard with how much has happened. I am loyal. I won't leave you or spill your secrets, but I won't be your servant either. I love you.
(I kissed Mum on the hand, leaving an ink stain heart there to remind her I love her.)
I love you, too. Troublemaker.
Anyway, that's what happened.
Holly
*
Minerva,
You may not have heard, but Moony caught hell from Albus for taking me to London. The two apparently had an extended and heated discussion of my rights and privileges, HIS rights and privileges, and the overall risk factor of Padfoot wandering about. Honestly. I think the only one less safe in London than Sirius Black is me.
Oh, well I suppose that proves his point.
Anyway, Moony and I have agreed for him to step back, to at least appear to be abiding by Albus' wishes in not enabling my free movement or furthering my education in the lives of the Marauders. I understand Moony's position- it is better for us both if he's able to stay at Hogwarts, even if he keeps his distance from me. It just hurts a little more is all. One more piece removed from play.
Holly
*
It's still the 29th January, 1994
Minerva,
I met your friend. You'll be happy to know we've hit it off. Because she is of such great entertainment value, I will do my Newt-liest to relate this historic meeting.
As I entered the Transfiguration classroom I saw one of the most interesting square pegs I've ever seen. There was a girl in at best her early twenties with spiky bubblegum pink hair atop her heart-shaped face, wearing three layers of skintight cotton t-shirts in different colors, black jeans shorts over purple leggings that extended to just above the tops of her Doc Martens jump boots, and a pair of cyclist gloves. She didn't seem to even have a wand, and she was definitely under-dressed for winter in Scotland. The young woman was presently spinning herself in circles in McGonagall's wooden desk chair when she noticed my entry.
"Wotcher, Holly Evans! My name is Auror Cadet Tonks. You may call me ...Tonks!"
This is an Auror? I walked up to shake her hand and she stopped the rotation of her flight in the chair, standing up and taking my hand in a strong single shake, then started to look me up and down.
"Well! Haven't you just ...blossomed!"
The pink-haired punk girl grinned as wide as the Thames. It was almost a look of pride. And very...familiar. This girl certainly wasn't there when Hermione and I were arrested, and I didn't remember any other female Aurors when we were in the DMLE holding cells, apart from an older stern-faced woman with a monocle who ended up being Director Bones. Yet still, Tonks had just let out that she saw the difference my new body had made. I assume that was what she was referring to, as her gaze hadn't moved from my breasts since she stopped speaking.
"When have we met before?"
Tonks looked up into my face with a brief look of panic and then smiled pleasantly.
(somewhat lamely) "Oh, ahh, we haven't. Really. This is our first encounter."
"Auror, have you been to my relatives' house in Surrey, perchance?"
(Yes, I skimmed that from her mind. She's an open book.)
Tonks stomped her foot in frustration as her face fell into a grimace.
"Oooohhh! It's times like this I know why they give me the chump duties! Yes. I was there; on Obliviation squad, alright? We rotate through each of the different squads to get a sense of where our talents lie, and I was there at the Dursleys over the summer. Are ya happy? I'm SO going to be fired for this!" Tonks slumped back into the desk chair at the conclusion of her whine.
"Hang on, how MANY times were you at the Dursleys?"
"Um, four! No, five! Yeah, the fifth time they let me do the wipe on the young fatso."
Tonks started to swing back and forth in the desk chair, with one leg propped over the armrest where she had her arms wrapped around her knee. It made her seem like a ten-year-old waiting for her mother to finish shopping.
"Tonks, did you happen to give him any ...unauthorized instructions?"
Tonks looked up at me again, almost in pride.
"Well, yeah! We had already been there for various acts of violence done to you or by you. It just seemed proactive, y'know, to suggest that he actually liked his sisterly cousin, especially when she gave the adults what for! Heh, Yeah! Oh! I also suggested a diet. Did it help?"
"I think it did, in both cases. Thanks. At this point you've done more for me without being asked than anyone else in my life since my parents died, aside from Hermione. Really, thank you."
"No worries, luv. I'm just glad to help!"
I paced about for a moment before pressing Tonks for more details.
"Tonks, what sort of damage did I do that you had to correct it?"
"You know I'm not supposed to talk about this."
"Well, the cat's out of the bag I'd say. Also, you're here (I assume) to help me deal with my unique situation. Believe me, this may be a factor that we need to deal with."
"Huh! I'll say! How strong are you anyway? Those lumps may never exercise, but I don't see how you could lift 'em at 20 stone apiece minimum!"
"Oh, now you have to tell me what happened. Or maybe... Tonks, do you know Legilimency?"
"Yeah a fair bit. I mean, what's Legi-millanees? That's some sort of Dark Art, innit?"
"You are guileless, aren't you?"
Tonks grumped at my jibe, taking an attitude of indignation.
"No! I...I actually do alright ...when I'm concentrating. When I'm distracted or relaxed is when I get all ...stumbly and ...and gullible."
"What's got you distracted, Tonks?"
"Well, a couple things, actually." Tonks gave a smirk and a leer at my braless chest as she spun around in the desk chair. I wasn't biting.
"What has you thrown, really?"
Tonks sensed I was looking for truth more than banter; I could tell as her face changed from playful to more thoughtful. She took nearly a minute disentangling herself from the chair and then stood up before me, looking down at the scuffs on her boots before continuing.
"Well to be honest, I don't know why I'm here. I know you're the older sister of Harry Potter, so that makes you sort of obliquely important, and I know you've had a lot of trouble with people, but I got the assignment to be here for the rest of term and all they told me was I could retry some of the rotation squads when I got back to see where I fit. It's like code for them; 'you don't actually fit, so we're sending you where no one else wants to go to see if you'll screw it up or just quit!' OH! No offense!"
"I would be offended, but I don't know why you, specifically, were assigned to me. The Ministry wouldn't give a rat's arse if I died; you're here because Minerva called someone to bring you in. Why would she do that?"
Tonks guffawed at that last bit.
"'Minerva'! I guess we're all friendly now with the Terror of Transfiguration! Where do you get off, eh?"
"Professor McGonagall has ...become indebted to me. As she owes me, I relate to her more as an equal than as a mentor or professor. She wouldn't have asked for you if you didn't have something specific to offer."
Tonks seemed to get a bit morose when she realised what I was aiming at, even if I didn't.
"Oh, well she must have asked for me for my ...talent."
Before I could ask Tonks what her talent was, her face melted and shifted until it looked just like Poppy Pomfrey, only with a much younger body wearing urban gear. Tonks shifted back into her pink-haired self and gave me a wry smile.
"I'm a Metamorphmagus. I can change my features to appear as different people. It's like being an Animagus, only I can't change fully into a critter and I can only change my body size about a fifth smaller or larger."
"Tonks, this may make more sense then. Just tell me this; can you appear as a man?"
Tonks' look of indignation startled me in its suddenness. She started to pace about briskly.
"Oh! Oh! Oh, this is the limit! I am not going to be pimped out to some needy teen with some quirk or...or... obsession! I don't care what McGonagall owes you! I don't owe her enough to... well, actually I do but ...BUT I'm not going to do it! No way!"
"Auror Tonks! Shut the Hell up and I'll show you why I need your help!"
"Oh, this should be good!"
I held up my hand and concentrated. I kept trying to think about how I felt when the potion took hold, or when I was staring at myself in the mirror at the Cauldron. After a few minutes of Tonks tapping her foot waiting for me, getting more irritated by the moment, I just threw up my hands in frustration. It figures I can't do the one thing I need to do when I need to do it!
"Holy hungry hippos! You ARE Harry Potter!"
I looked down at myself to notice the absence of my new c-cups and an uncomfortable lump in my knickers. I think it's easiest for me to change to Harry when I'm feeling screwed over. From now on I'll just think of the goblins or Dumbledore (and probably do without undies). As it was, I was already feeling a sense of loss from the absence of my baps. It's like my presents got taken away. I looked up to face Tonks.
"Yes, I am Harry Potter. I just didn't know it until a few days ago. Now I have to figure out what this means. I am a girl. I can be a boy when I want to, yet I was born a boy. But I've been a girl most of my life. What's more complicated is that I'm deeply in love with a girl, but she likes boys, mostly and is having a complete meltdown. And I've always liked her, but I kinda liked a few boys, too. Maybe."
Tonks shifted her form into a tall skater boy with floppy black hair and a vacuous expression.
"Whoa."
"Tonks, you look like that surfer actor, Keanu something."
Tonks reverted to her pink-haired self and apologised.
"It seemed to fit how I felt."
I decided right then that Tonks could really help me.
"Tonks, I am in a world of shit. All that I told you is a problem, but to tell you the truth it feels like just a hobby for me to figure out in my own time."
"You feel your identity and sexuality aren't a priority? You just got girly again, by-the-by."
Looking down I could see she was right. Yay. I have no 'self' control.
"(Sigh) It's more comfortable, and probably my natural state, assuming I have one."
"Well...cool! We can talk about being different people! I'm put in the position of being someone else all the time."
Tonks' unassuming acceptance of everything suddenly made me very emotional. I caught Tonks by surprise by giving her a warm hug. When she started to sense my growing upset, she started cooing to me and rubbing my back soothingly. I wasn't crying, but I held tight to her just the same. She's about 5' 7", so it felt very comfortable and reassuring.
"S'alright little Holly. It'll be awright."
After a bit I had calmed down enough that I could continue with my recruitment speech. I leaned back in Tonks' arms to look up into her face, keeping my hands at her hips.
"Yes, who I am is not the priority, it's about where I am. I am trapped in a collection of situations and influences that threaten to tear apart not just me but the entire Magical World. At least Britain, anyway. I need an ally. I need to train. I need to figure out how to use what little I know to get answers about what everyone else is trying to do to me or with me. You could be the most important person in my life. I just don't know if I can trust you. Would you ...let me into your mind, if I vow to let you into mine, so we can come to an understanding? I need you, Tonks. My last trustworthy ally and erstwhile girlfriend is freaking out on me, the only other professor who knows is of dubious use at best, not to mention having flashbacks of my Mum and ... Oh Tonks, I'm running out of options. I need your help!"
"You really need me? Me, specifically? Well, alright!"
"Thank you, Tonks. You have no idea..."
Tonks had pulled out her wand from some hidden holster and now held it in front of her like the Olympic torch.
"I vow to do everything in my power to help Holly Evans who is Harry Potter to sort out his/her life! So mote it be!"
I confess; this was an Evil moment for me. If Tonks had known me at all, the smile would have been a dead giveaway.
"Well! So mote it be, then."
The swirl of magic surrounding Tonks' wand slammed into both of us as her vow took hold.
"Tonks, were you in Hufflepuff?"
Tonks smiled even wider. "How'd ya guess?"
She's nice (thus dumb), yet infinitely capable, authorized to enforce the law, and now bound to me by an open-ended vow; I couldn't see how it could get any better.
"By the way, did you... ah... did you say you and your girlfriend were on the outs?"
I guess Tonks was being serious when she said she was distracted by a couple things. I stepped back and gave her a smile.
"Eyes up, Auror. We have work to do."
Holly
*
Minerva,
After signing off on the last entry, I could swear I heard a scream somewhere in the castle. You might want to look into it.
Holly
*
31st January, 1994
Minerva,
I have shared Perenelle's notebook with Auror Tonks, in preparation of having her delve into my mind to unlock the Obliviations I've been subjected to over the years. I suspect that Mum has hidden something deep in my mind this way- her last message urged me to contact Perenelle, but I think that this notebook was what she was hoping I'd receive. The natural conclusion then is that Mind Arts were used to hide the secret she wished me to find. Tonks says the notebook is laid out much more practically than even her Auror guide. She's a quick study, but as you might expect of someone so... physical she hasn't an Occlumency barrier to speak of. I'm hoping the vow she made to me will help to protect my secrets from others' intrusion. In the meantime, I think it best if no one is informed that she is visiting the castle, much less spending time with me.
By the way, I have been using the Turner to attend classes. Head down, mouth shut, ears open. That's all. Hermione keeps trying to engage me in idle conversation, but I think Newt is clueing her in to my mental lockdown, as her attempts are tapering off. On the lighter side, I hear Colin's really excited about his new photography project. I'm all about improving morale.
Tonks asked me to clarify a few points before we started running through each others' brains. I find her... annoyingly interesting. It's really hard to keep a good grump going around her. We were eating fruit while sitting on a couch she summoned in an abandoned classroom we've secured for our purposes. I think they used to teach sewing in here, as the tapestries all feature women doing needlepoint in an artful fashion. No wait, it's the old Divination room- the women are the Norns. Forgive my error.
"How do you know you're really Harry Potter then? Maybe you're a metamorph like me, only you have a Harry obsession!"
"Fair question; the answer is- I'm circumcised."
"Kinda like saying you're the Pope 'cause you wear a funny hat, isn't it?"
"No, see it's a matter of precedence- which came first. If I were shifting to a male form for the first time, I would go into it with no preconceived biological modifications, right?"
"This time in Brit-speak?"
"The only other dick I've seen in real life wasn't cut, but mine is. Therefore, the modification was made before I became a girl."
"See? Not so difficult! So... Lily Potter was Jewish?"
"What? No! Circumcision has become standard practice as a matter of cleanliness, at least in the muggle world. Are there no circumcised Wizards?"
"Well in my experience, unfortunately broad as it is, I've only met two blokes with the mushroom instead of the sweater, and they were both from East Europe and Jewish. Only one was a wizard. 'Course, I don't date muggleborns usually."
"You... have something against them?"
"Nah, it's just that they tend to get freaky right quick when they learn I can change form. I never told the Czech muggle boy I could adjust things- overall our conversation was delightfully limited in length, unlike his equipment! Anyhoo, your average familied Wizard is used to the idea of Transfiguration, so they don't go all mab on 'trying out the options'."
"Oh. Yet you've had many relationships. Maybe you should expand your selection."
"Oh, Honey! It's not that they treat me bad. No one can keep up with me!"
"Sorry?"
"Yes I am! After an hour or so, there's not a bloke that can stand up anymore. I've just got my engine running and they fall flat. I try to be understanding, but they all just... (sniff) take it too hard."
"Oh. Is that why you've been flirting with me?"
"Eh? Why wouldn't I? You're dead sexy!"
"Yah, but I've been lead to understand that lesbianism isn't well-regarded."
"Oh, that. I don't much truck in philosophies, but for one thing I'm not a non-breeder so it's alright, right? Not that I've had sprogs yet, but I'm not opposed in the least. For another, I'm a metamorph. It's in our nature to be polysexual, just like Veela and their daughters are bisexual. You might as well ask a dog not to lick! Hang on, that didn't come out right."
"You're very candid."
"Well yeah, this is why I'm here, isn't it? To help you get alright with being more than just the one type of person, and eat strawberries. Gods, I missed the food here. Anyway, you're a regular Tiresias, you are. I may be able to help, but you've got another challenge upon you."
"I'm not familiar with Tiresias."
"He was this Greek fellow that yanked off Hera by whacking two of her snakes he saw getting it on. Hera punished him for being sexually uptight by making him a girl until he learned his lesson. After living as a courtesan for decades in Hera's temple and having some children, Tiresias once again walked in on some snakes that were copulating, only this time he said a prayer. Hera turned Tiresias back into a guy, and he acted as a wise man thereafter. There are versions of the story that say Tiresias whacked the snakes the second time as well, and Hera changed him back deciding that he was a lost cause. That version makes more sense to me."
"Why?"
"'Cause later Tiresias is called in front of Zeus and Hera to make an educated decision on whether men or women felt the yearning for sex more than the other. Back then, to be beholden to your desires was a weakness, so Hera was voting men and Zeus said it was women. Tiresias sided with Zeus, so Hera struck him blind and Zeus extended his lifespan seven times normal."
"So why do you say Tiresias whacked the snakes the second time?"
"Well he didn't learn to side with the woman in an argument between a married couple, so he can't have been that bright."
"Hah! I like how you think. Tell me, why is my challenge different than yours, Tonks?"
"Well, I can look like a man. I can even make working parts, but I'll always be a woman inside. You have to figure how to be both in the same brain, alternating or integrating. I can only take you so far as my experience is, well, skin-deep."
"You act dumb, but you're really quite wise, aren't you?"
Tonks smiled at me with a smoky look.
"Are you chatting me up?"
"No, I can already tell that you wouldn't want me to."
"And why is that, pray tell?"
"Sometime I'll tell you about astronomers and astronauts, but the short version is that you would be happier if I demonstrated affection rather than talked about it."
"Damn right! So, how are my chances?"
"Tonks, a few facts may cool your ardour, here. One, I just broke up with the only girl, the only person, I've ever loved. Two, I'm actually Harry Potter."
"Sorry for the first, though I'd argue some consolation loving would do you right. Why is the second a deal?"
"When was Harry Potter born, Tonks?"
"Oh everyone knows that! It was July 31st, 1980! Wait, you're THIRTEEN?!"
"I have lived on the planet through thirteen and a half runs around the sun, yes."
"But you look... damned fine for thirteen, I'd say! And you've already been in a relationship. I thought I was aggressive..."
"Well, my body has gone through a number of changes and I've spent some time with a Time Turner, and at one point I was handed advanced language skills, so my maturity is another question entirely. Oh! That's something I wanted to try out. Tonks, can you cast the ...whatever Charm it is that tells what a person's vital statistics are?"
"Sure."
Tonks waved her wand and subvocalized a longer Latinate phrase. A blue scrolling output started to appear over my head, looking like a modified version of the Scarpin's results. I twisted around to see the details.
Holly Evans
61.6 inches in height
124.8 pounds in weight
Dark Red hair, thin and straight with average length ~31 inches, bangs over forehead
Green eyes, uses corrective lenses for myopia
Date of birth: [data unclear]
Chronological age: 15 years, 4 days
Apparent maturity: Majority, not yet Entitled
Unusual markings:
Prominent jagged scar, center of forehead
Large puncture scar on right shoulder
Large puncture scar on right side of thorax below the ribcage
Numerous small linear scars across the upper back, back of the thighs, shoulders and triceps
Right index finger; last knuckle to tip tinted purple (temporary)
"Well, Happy Belated Birthday, I guess!"
Tonks sat forward and gave me a hug.
"That's... (oof) thank you. Those results are a bit puzzling, but I think I get most of it."
"Well, you can see where I made the mistake- even the spell thinks you look somewhere between 17 and 21! But I thought you just said you were 13- how long have you been Turning?"
"About four months with time off for the holidays. They used an Incubation Bath on me; maybe that shifted things, causing me to age quicker. Is there a spell that can tell if I'm aging faster?"
"That's a different spell. I haven't got it down, quite, but we can give it a run. This will make your appearance change to show you as you grow older. Vicis Sarcina."
Tonks started to twirl her wand in a slow circle, as if rolling forward a movie reel. After a minute, Tonks looked frustrated and started twisting the circle more rapidly.
"Yeah, I don't have this one down yet. We should have seen something by now- I'm up to your fifties and you've barely changed a blink."
I reached forward and grasped her wand to stop the motion, disrupting the spell.
"Hey! You could have just said 'Stop'!"
"We'll try that one another day, Tonks."
"Still, don't go grasping another girl's wand. It will always lead to trouble, particularly if it's attached to a man!"
"Speaking of, do you normally appear as the surfing actor, or do you have some sort of cover identity you typically use?"
"Ah! Allow me to introduce you to..."
Tonks shifted to look like a narrow, dark-haired man with really nice eyes, taller but quite slim. Tonks' outfit changed at the same time to a conservative work robe and casual business outfit.
"...Gordon Knot, at your service."
"Umm, Gordon, you sound American. Also, how did you change clothes as well? Is that part of being a metamorph? I would think you would never stay warm if you're forming clothes from your own skin."
"Um, no. These are clothes. I patterned this identity after this attractive fellow I saw in a play in America last year. I went to New York in autumn, sort of as a gift to myself. I got a chance to chat with him afterwards to get all the details right. He was quite the gentleman- no peaks beneath the covers unfortunately. I don't think his career is going anywhere, so I doubt I'll be recognised. I love his voice and his eyes have done wonderful things for my dating success ratio. Also he is a thinner man as you can see, so it doesn't stress me as much to take his form and keep it for long periods."
"I see what you mean about the eyes. What was the actor's name?"
"Eddie Norton. Totally forgettable, but I like it. It's, y'know it's ...comfortable."
"And the robes?"
"Oh! Of course. I used a switching spell embedded in a stud piercing that I have keyed to detect when I change to this form. I'm always wearing two layers of clothing, but only one is around at a time. My wand holder isn't included in the switching, so I remain armed at all times. If you'll be changing forms regularly, I should teach you the spell and how to write the runes to keep it on a device. You'll have to decide where to get a piercing to keep it handy. I'm sure Harry would look fine with an earring."
"Yes, that seems very handy. Where is your piercing?"
"That's a quest for another day, I'm thinking."
"So, you're attracted to me as both Tonks and ...Knot."
"As I said before, my mind doesn't distinguish. I just find you attractive. How you would like to be intimate is something I leave to your preference. It's all fun for me, though as I said, I'm a girl first. Seems Zeus was right, after all."
"By your admission, you don't have the proper perspective. Some day I'll have to answer that question for myself. I'll let you know what I decide. Tonks, what's your first name?"
Gordon became Tonks, her clothing once more evoking a concert-goer more than a constable. She looked annoyed.
"I don't see how that's important."
"Tonks, you've been very up front about your sex life, why would your name be an issue?"
"It’s... Nymphadora."
"Ok, a little odd but not for the culture. It translates to 'love of wood spirits' so one might confuse your parents as being in the moonshine business, but I don't see why you don't like it."
"Well, because... because... I don't like it!"
"Fine. Why don't you change it then?"
"What?"
"You're an adult. If you don't like your given name, change it. Christ, girl, you think John Wayne would have been the stud of a generation if he was called Marion? Call yourself something else."
"Like what?"
"Uh! This whole society is entirely unimaginative about names! Anyone not named after their previous generation is suckered into some unfortunate case of alliterative mangling. If you want to fit in call yourself Talia Tonks."
"All my things say N. Tonks."
"Okay, NAtalia Tonks. Was that hard?"
"You're my new best friend! Call me... Natalia! Oooh! It sounds a bit foreign doesn't it?"
"Yeah, also; Gordon Knot? Tonks backwards, plus the whole Gordian Knot business? Too easy. At least Riddle scrambled his letters."
"Who?"
"Tom Marvolo Riddle can be rearranged into 'I am Lord Voldemort'. It's like a kid's game."
"Really! You're so smart, what would you call yourself if you were undercover?"
"Well, I only look like two well-known people. Assuming I could pull off some sort of Glamour, I could call myself any number of things."
"Like?"
"Jane Fitzgibbons! Ariana Eddington! Haley Smithson! Terry Orwell! That last one could be either male or female. Whatever it was, I would just get used to it! I think you should stop studying actors and start studying acting!"
"Alright! Alright. I know you're a bit out of sorts and all, but could you not yell at me so much?"
"Sure, Natalia. I'm ...sorry if I hurt your feelings."
"You didn't. You're just making me hot! I took a vow to uphold the law before I met you, y'know?"
"I'm calling you Nymphadora."
"I'll need a new best friend then!"
"Tell me about it."
"Ooooh! POOR widdle Holly wolly! Eat the Grape! The grape will save you! Eat it!"
Tonks was squishing my cheeks together, trying to push red grapes past my lips. Tonks really makes me smile. You're an evil, evil woman Professor. Thanks.
Holly
*
1st February, 1994
Minerva,
Tonks is a dab hand at the sifting and de-Obliviating. Here's what we found:
The most recent ones were from over the summer, when Tonks and her crew came to Number 4 to do damage control. The short version is that my nightmares weren't completely creations of my fancy. I did cut open Dudders, I nearly twisted off Petunia's head and I did remove Vernon's feet with accidental magic. Also, at one point I had them stacked petrified in the garden, lightest to heaviest in oblique poses so that they resembled the pear tree. That was the incident when the Squad decided to let Tonks try her hand- apparently the crew is quite impressed with my artistry. No evidence of me consuming human flesh was revealed, thankfully. The crew also came when my legs were broken by Vernon's tire iron, causing me to call all sorts of snakes to the house. Even with the memory freed, I have no idea how I summoned all those snakes, so I doubt I could do it again without much practice or painful experimentation. Tonks kept apologising for renewing my trauma until I explained that having the memories back was really comforting, not to mention bloody hilarious.
Further back we uncovered two Obliviations by Gilderoy Lockhart. The more recent was the one that didn't quite work for him, when he sandbagged me coming out of hospital to see you about Ginny's possession by Riddle's diary. The wording of his spell tripped him up, I think: "Forget your involvement in finding the Heir of Slytherin. Gilderoy is dreamy, maybe even your favorite person; you are obedient, nice and docile in Gilderoys' presence." If he hadn't said 'nice' he might still be able to form consonants. The other time is the one that makes me shudder: "Forget everything from when you saw the girl being led into the Slytherin dorm until now- you saw nothing interesting, got bored and went back to your room to eat your favorite treat which you stole at dinner and stored in your trunk. It was tasty." The memory also includes that fucker having me lift my skirt and poking gently at my privates while Percy watched Confunded, finally deciding 'not quite ripe, little one. We'll see how you develop come next year, shall we?' I mention this only so we can both move forward with a fair agreement that my actions against him don't constitute a crime so much as a reckoning.
Here's the fun one:
Deep in the earliest dark recesses of my memory was a short piece of Lily talking to me. She stared very lovingly into my eyes, and then her features focused into a hard stare. After a minute, she said... the phrase telling me where she hid her lab. It's covered by a Fidelius Charm and I am the keeper now, as Mum said Perenelle was the only other person who knew about it. I've decided to hold off telling you the secret until we're in person, and only after I've taken a look through the place. Tonks, Newt and I are taking a field trip there starting... six hours ago. You didn't think I was going to tell you ahead of time, did you?
Holly
*
Author's Note:
Edward Norton (yes, Fight Club, American History X, the Illusionist- that Edward Norton) got his break in an off-Broadway play called Fragments by Edward Albee during the time period mentioned. I figure Tonks would want to travel, and might fixate on one of the few blokes she really liked that she never took to bed. When I first came up with Ed Norton as Tonks' male identity, I hadn't realised his movie career hadn't started yet. A mistake becomes deeper background for Tonks.
The vital statistics spell is a variant of Scarpin's Revelaspell (I'd expect it to be darn useful in many areas if they still remember the inventor's name). Possible output for the 'Apparent Maturity' stat is based upon (muggle) average physical appearance: Infant (0-2), Child (2-6), Minor (7-11), School-Age (11-16), Majority (17-20), Entitled (21-25), Inheritor (26-35), Mastery (36-50), Patriarch/Matriarch (50-69), Venerable (70+). I've met many (girls usually) that confound my expectations of their actual age. One was easily set to pose for Playboy at the age of 12 and another was a dead ringer for Audrey Hepburn in Roman Holiday (Ms. Hepburn was 24) at the age of 45. The only safe age-related question to ask a girl is "how long will I live if I ask when you graduated?"
Holly Evans and the Spiral Path
Chapter 25: Layers of Self
29th January, 1994
Minerva,
I suppose my actions this morning deserve some sort of explanation. It might help for you to know that my night was horrible. I woke up alone, still suffering from Dementor nightmares, though they have shifted focus from the Basilisk and related traumas to Hermione saying 'I'm not in love with you. I don't think I ever was' or screeching 'DON'T TOUCH ME!'. Said source of my haunting was nowhere in sight as I prepared for the day. I walked into the Great Hall groggy, emotionally bludgeoned and defensive. That's when the world crashed in on me.
I wasn't sure what I was going to do at first when I got up in front of the masses, but I think my choice was probably the least damaging I could come up with. I think it best if I take the week off as a loss. Let the other professors know I am suffering an emotional upheaval following recent family matters. Just know I will turn in my homework eventually, and I will still meet with your friend this evening. Other than that, people are giving me an allergic reaction. If you can deflect Albus for a while, so much the better.
Obviously you were there for my performance, but Newt captured a more relevant discussion with Hermione afterwards, so here's her version of both.
Transcription: 29th January, 1994 starting 7:42 AM
As Holly enters the Great Hall for breakfast, she draws the attention of every eye in the room and near silence descends upon the assembled. After a moment's pause, Holly stalks her way to sit at the Gryffindor table in an open space between Ron and Neville, across from Hermione. Whispering begins racing around the tables, except within ten feet of Holly herself. Hermione glances at her from across the table and returns to her book with a sheepish look. Neville keeps staring at Holly, staring at the ceiling, staring at Holly, staring at his food, until he abruptly stands up and hurries out of the Hall barely mumbling "See you in class, Holly" as he leaves. Turning to Ron, Holly notes his beatific expression and unrepentant gawk aimed at the breast nearest him. Looking around the table, nearly everyone is comparing a copy of the Daily Prophet to Holly. Holly opens Neville's abandoned copy and reads. The Daily Prophet hasn't come out and actually accused Holly of enacting Dark Rituals, but their sister publication Witch Weekly released a special edition complete with three fuzzy pictures of Holly they shared with the Prophet; one from before the Basilisk incident when her hair was black (awful outfit by the way, Mum), the second as she appeared when on the train to London for the Hols and the last a two-second shot of her walking with Lupin away from the Leaky Cauldron, emphasizing the bounce of her breasts as she strides. Every one of the ten related articles cites Holly's aggressive behavior and changing appearance to suggest that her descent into depravity is inevitable. The editorial calls out for Harry to save the soul of his wayward half-sister.
Holly stands up from the table once more, removes her outer robe from hanging around her shoulders leaving it on the bench and walks up to the front of the Great Hall. Holly stands there, gazing defiantly at the rapt students from in front of the staff table with a scowl on her face. Looking around, she crosses her arms in front of her and starts to peel off her double-layer of cotton mock-turtlenecks, prompting a collective gasp and for Minerva to yell at her.
Minerva: "Miss Evans you shall remain clothed!"
Holly stops with most of her abdomen exposed and grumpily straightens out her layered tops. Her voice resonates into the Hall as everyone stares in silence.
Holly: "Well, I suppose that's not the question that needs answering. Yes, they're real. No, I can't help anyone else with making theirs larger. I was suffering from an aftereffect from the Basilisk attack that was holding back my growth, but it was cured over the weekend, and my development just... rushed to catch up. It was painful. All things being equal, if this helps the boys deal with our Dementor problem, then please, by all means, stare to your hearts' content. If you ask really nicely and work out a compensation plan, we might be able to get a calendar of the third-year girls going. After all, we're the most attractive year of witches this place has seen in decades. Of course... I may be biased."
Holly walks back to her seat to grab her robe and then out the doors frowning the whole time, but her grin grows wide the second she's out of sight and the names of several other girls are called from all across the room.
Unidentified students: "Padma!" "Susan, would you...?" "O, Hannah! My Hannah!" "Lav, you have to...!" "Parvati, would you and Padma be willing...?" "Daphne is December! Daphne is December!" "Lisa, you should consider..." "Whaddya mean the third year is more attractive? We've got Katie, Cho, Marietta, and... and..." "I can totally see Tracey and Pansy..." "NO!" "You may not have a choice..." "Mandy, you and Su could do a very artful..." "Megan your hotness is unquestionable!" "Hermione!"
Hermione: "What? I'm sure she'll include herself, she started the whole thing!"
Seamus (I think): "Yes but will you be... ahh... possibly...considering...?"
Hermione: "GRRR!"
Moments later Hermione shoots through the main doors past Holly, obviously ready to do verbal battle. Holly is leaning against the wall in shadow, listening to the raucous discussion from the Great Hall.
Holly: "Hermione. How did you like the show?"
Hermione turns to see Holly, walking over to stand in front of her in a menacing loom.
Hermione: "You! How could you do something so demeaning, so inconsiderate to us all?!"
Holly: "Muffliato. So, will you pose?"
Hermione: "I most certainly will not!"
Holly: "Because you don't want to be appreciated for your beauty?"
Hermione: "No, I do, but as a person not a... a... sex object!"
Holly: "And here I thought I was doing you a favour. Every boy in this school just checked you out. Once they figure out we aren't dating anymore, you should be receiving some very kind stares."
Hermione: "I... don't want that sort of attention right now. I have my studies..."
Holly: "Nothing to do with emotional problems, you just want to be able to concentrate, is that it?"
Hermione: "Yes... wait, why does this seem like one of your verbal traps?"
Holly stands up from leaning against the wall to stare Hermione in the eyes.
Holly: "Because it is! Hermione, maybe you haven't figured it out yet, but m-my heart is b-broken! Along with all I've been through, I now have lost my anchor! The fact that this doesn't affect you at all bugs me even more! Now, this morning, with all the attention swirling around my life, you just trot off to brekkers without any warning to me of what I'm walking into, but you're pissed because I handled it with humour? Either you really felt nothing for me, or you're repressing your feelings like a champion. Either way, I think you need to do something other than study. If only to get you away from me for awhile! I'm already due for three dress-downs for the classes I skived trying to make myself non-homicidal!"
Hermione responds aggressively, holding her hands at her hips.
Hermione: "If your feelings are truly that out of control, then I think it's you that needs the break! I suppose I should be thanking you for dealing with your discomfort in a non-lethal manner! I'm getting a little tired of this 'angry at the world' attitude you've been cultivating. You've just been granted a wish- to make you fully human once more, but all you can do is point out other people's problems in trying to excuse your own."
Holly: "You've... no idea what I've been through!"
Hermione: "Whose fault is that? And really, how much could have happened in two days? I realise having Harry in your life would change things, but you're a different person entirely! It's like every measure of reason you usually exhibit has been erased!"
Holly: "Reason? You think I'm acting unreasonably?"
Hermione: "Yes! You seemed much calmer before. I thought we had reached an agreement after our discussion. You were sorry for affecting my emotions and I forgave you for it because I knew it wasn't done consciously. You said at the time it would be alright, and even asked me to give you friendly hugs when you need it. Do you need one now?"
Holly: "I... need... to go."
Hermione: "Holly! Why are you running away? You never run away!"
Holly runs off, tears streaming down her face.
Transcription Ends
I forgot that Hermione would engineer in her mind the details of our faux-conversation ending the relationship from her own expectations. In her mind, we calmly and logically discussed the reasons why her affections were falsely generated and no doubt came to an amicable agreement. There may even have been teacups involved. I couldn't continue the argument, knowing how far off her knowledge of the truth has wandered in the last four days. We are well and truly apart, now.
Newt, new mission. I need you to follow Hermione, find out where her mind is and how she's holding up. See what she's writing and to whom. There's something so very wrong about this, but I'm too churned up to see things clearly. Can you do that?
No.
Newt, please, this is not the time to play childish. I need your help!
I'm not being childish. I think it's wrong for you to ask me to spy on Hermione for you. Last time, you asked me to take care of her and see what other people were plotting. This isn't the same.
(Mum is stomping around the room, ranting about betrayal and loyalty at the moment.)
(...and again after reading what I wrote.)
Alright, little squirt. Please accompany Hermione for the next few days. Tell me if she wants me to know something or if you see or hear something fishy. Tell her that I thought she could use the support, as I'm planning on being bitchy through next week. Will that work?
I can do that. Please take some time to think, Mum. I know it's hard with how much has happened. I am loyal. I won't leave you or spill your secrets, but I won't be your servant either. I love you.
(I kissed Mum on the hand, leaving an ink stain heart there to remind her I love her.)
I love you, too. Troublemaker.
Anyway, that's what happened.
Holly
*
Minerva,
You may not have heard, but Moony caught hell from Albus for taking me to London. The two apparently had an extended and heated discussion of my rights and privileges, HIS rights and privileges, and the overall risk factor of Padfoot wandering about. Honestly. I think the only one less safe in London than Sirius Black is me.
Oh, well I suppose that proves his point.
Anyway, Moony and I have agreed for him to step back, to at least appear to be abiding by Albus' wishes in not enabling my free movement or furthering my education in the lives of the Marauders. I understand Moony's position- it is better for us both if he's able to stay at Hogwarts, even if he keeps his distance from me. It just hurts a little more is all. One more piece removed from play.
Holly
*
It's still the 29th January, 1994
Minerva,
I met your friend. You'll be happy to know we've hit it off. Because she is of such great entertainment value, I will do my Newt-liest to relate this historic meeting.
As I entered the Transfiguration classroom I saw one of the most interesting square pegs I've ever seen. There was a girl in at best her early twenties with spiky bubblegum pink hair atop her heart-shaped face, wearing three layers of skintight cotton t-shirts in different colors, black jeans shorts over purple leggings that extended to just above the tops of her Doc Martens jump boots, and a pair of cyclist gloves. She didn't seem to even have a wand, and she was definitely under-dressed for winter in Scotland. The young woman was presently spinning herself in circles in McGonagall's wooden desk chair when she noticed my entry.
"Wotcher, Holly Evans! My name is Auror Cadet Tonks. You may call me ...Tonks!"
This is an Auror? I walked up to shake her hand and she stopped the rotation of her flight in the chair, standing up and taking my hand in a strong single shake, then started to look me up and down.
"Well! Haven't you just ...blossomed!"
The pink-haired punk girl grinned as wide as the Thames. It was almost a look of pride. And very...familiar. This girl certainly wasn't there when Hermione and I were arrested, and I didn't remember any other female Aurors when we were in the DMLE holding cells, apart from an older stern-faced woman with a monocle who ended up being Director Bones. Yet still, Tonks had just let out that she saw the difference my new body had made. I assume that was what she was referring to, as her gaze hadn't moved from my breasts since she stopped speaking.
"When have we met before?"
Tonks looked up into my face with a brief look of panic and then smiled pleasantly.
(somewhat lamely) "Oh, ahh, we haven't. Really. This is our first encounter."
"Auror, have you been to my relatives' house in Surrey, perchance?"
(Yes, I skimmed that from her mind. She's an open book.)
Tonks stomped her foot in frustration as her face fell into a grimace.
"Oooohhh! It's times like this I know why they give me the chump duties! Yes. I was there; on Obliviation squad, alright? We rotate through each of the different squads to get a sense of where our talents lie, and I was there at the Dursleys over the summer. Are ya happy? I'm SO going to be fired for this!" Tonks slumped back into the desk chair at the conclusion of her whine.
"Hang on, how MANY times were you at the Dursleys?"
"Um, four! No, five! Yeah, the fifth time they let me do the wipe on the young fatso."
Tonks started to swing back and forth in the desk chair, with one leg propped over the armrest where she had her arms wrapped around her knee. It made her seem like a ten-year-old waiting for her mother to finish shopping.
"Tonks, did you happen to give him any ...unauthorized instructions?"
Tonks looked up at me again, almost in pride.
"Well, yeah! We had already been there for various acts of violence done to you or by you. It just seemed proactive, y'know, to suggest that he actually liked his sisterly cousin, especially when she gave the adults what for! Heh, Yeah! Oh! I also suggested a diet. Did it help?"
"I think it did, in both cases. Thanks. At this point you've done more for me without being asked than anyone else in my life since my parents died, aside from Hermione. Really, thank you."
"No worries, luv. I'm just glad to help!"
I paced about for a moment before pressing Tonks for more details.
"Tonks, what sort of damage did I do that you had to correct it?"
"You know I'm not supposed to talk about this."
"Well, the cat's out of the bag I'd say. Also, you're here (I assume) to help me deal with my unique situation. Believe me, this may be a factor that we need to deal with."
"Huh! I'll say! How strong are you anyway? Those lumps may never exercise, but I don't see how you could lift 'em at 20 stone apiece minimum!"
"Oh, now you have to tell me what happened. Or maybe... Tonks, do you know Legilimency?"
"Yeah a fair bit. I mean, what's Legi-millanees? That's some sort of Dark Art, innit?"
"You are guileless, aren't you?"
Tonks grumped at my jibe, taking an attitude of indignation.
"No! I...I actually do alright ...when I'm concentrating. When I'm distracted or relaxed is when I get all ...stumbly and ...and gullible."
"What's got you distracted, Tonks?"
"Well, a couple things, actually." Tonks gave a smirk and a leer at my braless chest as she spun around in the desk chair. I wasn't biting.
"What has you thrown, really?"
Tonks sensed I was looking for truth more than banter; I could tell as her face changed from playful to more thoughtful. She took nearly a minute disentangling herself from the chair and then stood up before me, looking down at the scuffs on her boots before continuing.
"Well to be honest, I don't know why I'm here. I know you're the older sister of Harry Potter, so that makes you sort of obliquely important, and I know you've had a lot of trouble with people, but I got the assignment to be here for the rest of term and all they told me was I could retry some of the rotation squads when I got back to see where I fit. It's like code for them; 'you don't actually fit, so we're sending you where no one else wants to go to see if you'll screw it up or just quit!' OH! No offense!"
"I would be offended, but I don't know why you, specifically, were assigned to me. The Ministry wouldn't give a rat's arse if I died; you're here because Minerva called someone to bring you in. Why would she do that?"
Tonks guffawed at that last bit.
"'Minerva'! I guess we're all friendly now with the Terror of Transfiguration! Where do you get off, eh?"
"Professor McGonagall has ...become indebted to me. As she owes me, I relate to her more as an equal than as a mentor or professor. She wouldn't have asked for you if you didn't have something specific to offer."
Tonks seemed to get a bit morose when she realised what I was aiming at, even if I didn't.
"Oh, well she must have asked for me for my ...talent."
Before I could ask Tonks what her talent was, her face melted and shifted until it looked just like Poppy Pomfrey, only with a much younger body wearing urban gear. Tonks shifted back into her pink-haired self and gave me a wry smile.
"I'm a Metamorphmagus. I can change my features to appear as different people. It's like being an Animagus, only I can't change fully into a critter and I can only change my body size about a fifth smaller or larger."
"Tonks, this may make more sense then. Just tell me this; can you appear as a man?"
Tonks' look of indignation startled me in its suddenness. She started to pace about briskly.
"Oh! Oh! Oh, this is the limit! I am not going to be pimped out to some needy teen with some quirk or...or... obsession! I don't care what McGonagall owes you! I don't owe her enough to... well, actually I do but ...BUT I'm not going to do it! No way!"
"Auror Tonks! Shut the Hell up and I'll show you why I need your help!"
"Oh, this should be good!"
I held up my hand and concentrated. I kept trying to think about how I felt when the potion took hold, or when I was staring at myself in the mirror at the Cauldron. After a few minutes of Tonks tapping her foot waiting for me, getting more irritated by the moment, I just threw up my hands in frustration. It figures I can't do the one thing I need to do when I need to do it!
"Holy hungry hippos! You ARE Harry Potter!"
I looked down at myself to notice the absence of my new c-cups and an uncomfortable lump in my knickers. I think it's easiest for me to change to Harry when I'm feeling screwed over. From now on I'll just think of the goblins or Dumbledore (and probably do without undies). As it was, I was already feeling a sense of loss from the absence of my baps. It's like my presents got taken away. I looked up to face Tonks.
"Yes, I am Harry Potter. I just didn't know it until a few days ago. Now I have to figure out what this means. I am a girl. I can be a boy when I want to, yet I was born a boy. But I've been a girl most of my life. What's more complicated is that I'm deeply in love with a girl, but she likes boys, mostly and is having a complete meltdown. And I've always liked her, but I kinda liked a few boys, too. Maybe."
Tonks shifted her form into a tall skater boy with floppy black hair and a vacuous expression.
"Whoa."
"Tonks, you look like that surfer actor, Keanu something."
Tonks reverted to her pink-haired self and apologised.
"It seemed to fit how I felt."
I decided right then that Tonks could really help me.
"Tonks, I am in a world of shit. All that I told you is a problem, but to tell you the truth it feels like just a hobby for me to figure out in my own time."
"You feel your identity and sexuality aren't a priority? You just got girly again, by-the-by."
Looking down I could see she was right. Yay. I have no 'self' control.
"(Sigh) It's more comfortable, and probably my natural state, assuming I have one."
"Well...cool! We can talk about being different people! I'm put in the position of being someone else all the time."
Tonks' unassuming acceptance of everything suddenly made me very emotional. I caught Tonks by surprise by giving her a warm hug. When she started to sense my growing upset, she started cooing to me and rubbing my back soothingly. I wasn't crying, but I held tight to her just the same. She's about 5' 7", so it felt very comfortable and reassuring.
"S'alright little Holly. It'll be awright."
After a bit I had calmed down enough that I could continue with my recruitment speech. I leaned back in Tonks' arms to look up into her face, keeping my hands at her hips.
"Yes, who I am is not the priority, it's about where I am. I am trapped in a collection of situations and influences that threaten to tear apart not just me but the entire Magical World. At least Britain, anyway. I need an ally. I need to train. I need to figure out how to use what little I know to get answers about what everyone else is trying to do to me or with me. You could be the most important person in my life. I just don't know if I can trust you. Would you ...let me into your mind, if I vow to let you into mine, so we can come to an understanding? I need you, Tonks. My last trustworthy ally and erstwhile girlfriend is freaking out on me, the only other professor who knows is of dubious use at best, not to mention having flashbacks of my Mum and ... Oh Tonks, I'm running out of options. I need your help!"
"You really need me? Me, specifically? Well, alright!"
"Thank you, Tonks. You have no idea..."
Tonks had pulled out her wand from some hidden holster and now held it in front of her like the Olympic torch.
"I vow to do everything in my power to help Holly Evans who is Harry Potter to sort out his/her life! So mote it be!"
I confess; this was an Evil moment for me. If Tonks had known me at all, the smile would have been a dead giveaway.
"Well! So mote it be, then."
The swirl of magic surrounding Tonks' wand slammed into both of us as her vow took hold.
"Tonks, were you in Hufflepuff?"
Tonks smiled even wider. "How'd ya guess?"
She's nice (thus dumb), yet infinitely capable, authorized to enforce the law, and now bound to me by an open-ended vow; I couldn't see how it could get any better.
"By the way, did you... ah... did you say you and your girlfriend were on the outs?"
I guess Tonks was being serious when she said she was distracted by a couple things. I stepped back and gave her a smile.
"Eyes up, Auror. We have work to do."
Holly
*
Minerva,
After signing off on the last entry, I could swear I heard a scream somewhere in the castle. You might want to look into it.
Holly
*
31st January, 1994
Minerva,
I have shared Perenelle's notebook with Auror Tonks, in preparation of having her delve into my mind to unlock the Obliviations I've been subjected to over the years. I suspect that Mum has hidden something deep in my mind this way- her last message urged me to contact Perenelle, but I think that this notebook was what she was hoping I'd receive. The natural conclusion then is that Mind Arts were used to hide the secret she wished me to find. Tonks says the notebook is laid out much more practically than even her Auror guide. She's a quick study, but as you might expect of someone so... physical she hasn't an Occlumency barrier to speak of. I'm hoping the vow she made to me will help to protect my secrets from others' intrusion. In the meantime, I think it best if no one is informed that she is visiting the castle, much less spending time with me.
By the way, I have been using the Turner to attend classes. Head down, mouth shut, ears open. That's all. Hermione keeps trying to engage me in idle conversation, but I think Newt is clueing her in to my mental lockdown, as her attempts are tapering off. On the lighter side, I hear Colin's really excited about his new photography project. I'm all about improving morale.
Tonks asked me to clarify a few points before we started running through each others' brains. I find her... annoyingly interesting. It's really hard to keep a good grump going around her. We were eating fruit while sitting on a couch she summoned in an abandoned classroom we've secured for our purposes. I think they used to teach sewing in here, as the tapestries all feature women doing needlepoint in an artful fashion. No wait, it's the old Divination room- the women are the Norns. Forgive my error.
"How do you know you're really Harry Potter then? Maybe you're a metamorph like me, only you have a Harry obsession!"
"Fair question; the answer is- I'm circumcised."
"Kinda like saying you're the Pope 'cause you wear a funny hat, isn't it?"
"No, see it's a matter of precedence- which came first. If I were shifting to a male form for the first time, I would go into it with no preconceived biological modifications, right?"
"This time in Brit-speak?"
"The only other dick I've seen in real life wasn't cut, but mine is. Therefore, the modification was made before I became a girl."
"See? Not so difficult! So... Lily Potter was Jewish?"
"What? No! Circumcision has become standard practice as a matter of cleanliness, at least in the muggle world. Are there no circumcised Wizards?"
"Well in my experience, unfortunately broad as it is, I've only met two blokes with the mushroom instead of the sweater, and they were both from East Europe and Jewish. Only one was a wizard. 'Course, I don't date muggleborns usually."
"You... have something against them?"
"Nah, it's just that they tend to get freaky right quick when they learn I can change form. I never told the Czech muggle boy I could adjust things- overall our conversation was delightfully limited in length, unlike his equipment! Anyhoo, your average familied Wizard is used to the idea of Transfiguration, so they don't go all mab on 'trying out the options'."
"Oh. Yet you've had many relationships. Maybe you should expand your selection."
"Oh, Honey! It's not that they treat me bad. No one can keep up with me!"
"Sorry?"
"Yes I am! After an hour or so, there's not a bloke that can stand up anymore. I've just got my engine running and they fall flat. I try to be understanding, but they all just... (sniff) take it too hard."
"Oh. Is that why you've been flirting with me?"
"Eh? Why wouldn't I? You're dead sexy!"
"Yah, but I've been lead to understand that lesbianism isn't well-regarded."
"Oh, that. I don't much truck in philosophies, but for one thing I'm not a non-breeder so it's alright, right? Not that I've had sprogs yet, but I'm not opposed in the least. For another, I'm a metamorph. It's in our nature to be polysexual, just like Veela and their daughters are bisexual. You might as well ask a dog not to lick! Hang on, that didn't come out right."
"You're very candid."
"Well yeah, this is why I'm here, isn't it? To help you get alright with being more than just the one type of person, and eat strawberries. Gods, I missed the food here. Anyway, you're a regular Tiresias, you are. I may be able to help, but you've got another challenge upon you."
"I'm not familiar with Tiresias."
"He was this Greek fellow that yanked off Hera by whacking two of her snakes he saw getting it on. Hera punished him for being sexually uptight by making him a girl until he learned his lesson. After living as a courtesan for decades in Hera's temple and having some children, Tiresias once again walked in on some snakes that were copulating, only this time he said a prayer. Hera turned Tiresias back into a guy, and he acted as a wise man thereafter. There are versions of the story that say Tiresias whacked the snakes the second time as well, and Hera changed him back deciding that he was a lost cause. That version makes more sense to me."
"Why?"
"'Cause later Tiresias is called in front of Zeus and Hera to make an educated decision on whether men or women felt the yearning for sex more than the other. Back then, to be beholden to your desires was a weakness, so Hera was voting men and Zeus said it was women. Tiresias sided with Zeus, so Hera struck him blind and Zeus extended his lifespan seven times normal."
"So why do you say Tiresias whacked the snakes the second time?"
"Well he didn't learn to side with the woman in an argument between a married couple, so he can't have been that bright."
"Hah! I like how you think. Tell me, why is my challenge different than yours, Tonks?"
"Well, I can look like a man. I can even make working parts, but I'll always be a woman inside. You have to figure how to be both in the same brain, alternating or integrating. I can only take you so far as my experience is, well, skin-deep."
"You act dumb, but you're really quite wise, aren't you?"
Tonks smiled at me with a smoky look.
"Are you chatting me up?"
"No, I can already tell that you wouldn't want me to."
"And why is that, pray tell?"
"Sometime I'll tell you about astronomers and astronauts, but the short version is that you would be happier if I demonstrated affection rather than talked about it."
"Damn right! So, how are my chances?"
"Tonks, a few facts may cool your ardour, here. One, I just broke up with the only girl, the only person, I've ever loved. Two, I'm actually Harry Potter."
"Sorry for the first, though I'd argue some consolation loving would do you right. Why is the second a deal?"
"When was Harry Potter born, Tonks?"
"Oh everyone knows that! It was July 31st, 1980! Wait, you're THIRTEEN?!"
"I have lived on the planet through thirteen and a half runs around the sun, yes."
"But you look... damned fine for thirteen, I'd say! And you've already been in a relationship. I thought I was aggressive..."
"Well, my body has gone through a number of changes and I've spent some time with a Time Turner, and at one point I was handed advanced language skills, so my maturity is another question entirely. Oh! That's something I wanted to try out. Tonks, can you cast the ...whatever Charm it is that tells what a person's vital statistics are?"
"Sure."
Tonks waved her wand and subvocalized a longer Latinate phrase. A blue scrolling output started to appear over my head, looking like a modified version of the Scarpin's results. I twisted around to see the details.
Holly Evans
61.6 inches in height
124.8 pounds in weight
Dark Red hair, thin and straight with average length ~31 inches, bangs over forehead
Green eyes, uses corrective lenses for myopia
Date of birth: [data unclear]
Chronological age: 15 years, 4 days
Apparent maturity: Majority, not yet Entitled
Unusual markings:
Prominent jagged scar, center of forehead
Large puncture scar on right shoulder
Large puncture scar on right side of thorax below the ribcage
Numerous small linear scars across the upper back, back of the thighs, shoulders and triceps
Right index finger; last knuckle to tip tinted purple (temporary)
"Well, Happy Belated Birthday, I guess!"
Tonks sat forward and gave me a hug.
"That's... (oof) thank you. Those results are a bit puzzling, but I think I get most of it."
"Well, you can see where I made the mistake- even the spell thinks you look somewhere between 17 and 21! But I thought you just said you were 13- how long have you been Turning?"
"About four months with time off for the holidays. They used an Incubation Bath on me; maybe that shifted things, causing me to age quicker. Is there a spell that can tell if I'm aging faster?"
"That's a different spell. I haven't got it down, quite, but we can give it a run. This will make your appearance change to show you as you grow older. Vicis Sarcina."
Tonks started to twirl her wand in a slow circle, as if rolling forward a movie reel. After a minute, Tonks looked frustrated and started twisting the circle more rapidly.
"Yeah, I don't have this one down yet. We should have seen something by now- I'm up to your fifties and you've barely changed a blink."
I reached forward and grasped her wand to stop the motion, disrupting the spell.
"Hey! You could have just said 'Stop'!"
"We'll try that one another day, Tonks."
"Still, don't go grasping another girl's wand. It will always lead to trouble, particularly if it's attached to a man!"
"Speaking of, do you normally appear as the surfing actor, or do you have some sort of cover identity you typically use?"
"Ah! Allow me to introduce you to..."
Tonks shifted to look like a narrow, dark-haired man with really nice eyes, taller but quite slim. Tonks' outfit changed at the same time to a conservative work robe and casual business outfit.
"...Gordon Knot, at your service."
"Umm, Gordon, you sound American. Also, how did you change clothes as well? Is that part of being a metamorph? I would think you would never stay warm if you're forming clothes from your own skin."
"Um, no. These are clothes. I patterned this identity after this attractive fellow I saw in a play in America last year. I went to New York in autumn, sort of as a gift to myself. I got a chance to chat with him afterwards to get all the details right. He was quite the gentleman- no peaks beneath the covers unfortunately. I don't think his career is going anywhere, so I doubt I'll be recognised. I love his voice and his eyes have done wonderful things for my dating success ratio. Also he is a thinner man as you can see, so it doesn't stress me as much to take his form and keep it for long periods."
"I see what you mean about the eyes. What was the actor's name?"
"Eddie Norton. Totally forgettable, but I like it. It's, y'know it's ...comfortable."
"And the robes?"
"Oh! Of course. I used a switching spell embedded in a stud piercing that I have keyed to detect when I change to this form. I'm always wearing two layers of clothing, but only one is around at a time. My wand holder isn't included in the switching, so I remain armed at all times. If you'll be changing forms regularly, I should teach you the spell and how to write the runes to keep it on a device. You'll have to decide where to get a piercing to keep it handy. I'm sure Harry would look fine with an earring."
"Yes, that seems very handy. Where is your piercing?"
"That's a quest for another day, I'm thinking."
"So, you're attracted to me as both Tonks and ...Knot."
"As I said before, my mind doesn't distinguish. I just find you attractive. How you would like to be intimate is something I leave to your preference. It's all fun for me, though as I said, I'm a girl first. Seems Zeus was right, after all."
"By your admission, you don't have the proper perspective. Some day I'll have to answer that question for myself. I'll let you know what I decide. Tonks, what's your first name?"
Gordon became Tonks, her clothing once more evoking a concert-goer more than a constable. She looked annoyed.
"I don't see how that's important."
"Tonks, you've been very up front about your sex life, why would your name be an issue?"
"It’s... Nymphadora."
"Ok, a little odd but not for the culture. It translates to 'love of wood spirits' so one might confuse your parents as being in the moonshine business, but I don't see why you don't like it."
"Well, because... because... I don't like it!"
"Fine. Why don't you change it then?"
"What?"
"You're an adult. If you don't like your given name, change it. Christ, girl, you think John Wayne would have been the stud of a generation if he was called Marion? Call yourself something else."
"Like what?"
"Uh! This whole society is entirely unimaginative about names! Anyone not named after their previous generation is suckered into some unfortunate case of alliterative mangling. If you want to fit in call yourself Talia Tonks."
"All my things say N. Tonks."
"Okay, NAtalia Tonks. Was that hard?"
"You're my new best friend! Call me... Natalia! Oooh! It sounds a bit foreign doesn't it?"
"Yeah, also; Gordon Knot? Tonks backwards, plus the whole Gordian Knot business? Too easy. At least Riddle scrambled his letters."
"Who?"
"Tom Marvolo Riddle can be rearranged into 'I am Lord Voldemort'. It's like a kid's game."
"Really! You're so smart, what would you call yourself if you were undercover?"
"Well, I only look like two well-known people. Assuming I could pull off some sort of Glamour, I could call myself any number of things."
"Like?"
"Jane Fitzgibbons! Ariana Eddington! Haley Smithson! Terry Orwell! That last one could be either male or female. Whatever it was, I would just get used to it! I think you should stop studying actors and start studying acting!"
"Alright! Alright. I know you're a bit out of sorts and all, but could you not yell at me so much?"
"Sure, Natalia. I'm ...sorry if I hurt your feelings."
"You didn't. You're just making me hot! I took a vow to uphold the law before I met you, y'know?"
"I'm calling you Nymphadora."
"I'll need a new best friend then!"
"Tell me about it."
"Ooooh! POOR widdle Holly wolly! Eat the Grape! The grape will save you! Eat it!"
Tonks was squishing my cheeks together, trying to push red grapes past my lips. Tonks really makes me smile. You're an evil, evil woman Professor. Thanks.
Holly
*
1st February, 1994
Minerva,
Tonks is a dab hand at the sifting and de-Obliviating. Here's what we found:
The most recent ones were from over the summer, when Tonks and her crew came to Number 4 to do damage control. The short version is that my nightmares weren't completely creations of my fancy. I did cut open Dudders, I nearly twisted off Petunia's head and I did remove Vernon's feet with accidental magic. Also, at one point I had them stacked petrified in the garden, lightest to heaviest in oblique poses so that they resembled the pear tree. That was the incident when the Squad decided to let Tonks try her hand- apparently the crew is quite impressed with my artistry. No evidence of me consuming human flesh was revealed, thankfully. The crew also came when my legs were broken by Vernon's tire iron, causing me to call all sorts of snakes to the house. Even with the memory freed, I have no idea how I summoned all those snakes, so I doubt I could do it again without much practice or painful experimentation. Tonks kept apologising for renewing my trauma until I explained that having the memories back was really comforting, not to mention bloody hilarious.
Further back we uncovered two Obliviations by Gilderoy Lockhart. The more recent was the one that didn't quite work for him, when he sandbagged me coming out of hospital to see you about Ginny's possession by Riddle's diary. The wording of his spell tripped him up, I think: "Forget your involvement in finding the Heir of Slytherin. Gilderoy is dreamy, maybe even your favorite person; you are obedient, nice and docile in Gilderoys' presence." If he hadn't said 'nice' he might still be able to form consonants. The other time is the one that makes me shudder: "Forget everything from when you saw the girl being led into the Slytherin dorm until now- you saw nothing interesting, got bored and went back to your room to eat your favorite treat which you stole at dinner and stored in your trunk. It was tasty." The memory also includes that fucker having me lift my skirt and poking gently at my privates while Percy watched Confunded, finally deciding 'not quite ripe, little one. We'll see how you develop come next year, shall we?' I mention this only so we can both move forward with a fair agreement that my actions against him don't constitute a crime so much as a reckoning.
Here's the fun one:
Deep in the earliest dark recesses of my memory was a short piece of Lily talking to me. She stared very lovingly into my eyes, and then her features focused into a hard stare. After a minute, she said... the phrase telling me where she hid her lab. It's covered by a Fidelius Charm and I am the keeper now, as Mum said Perenelle was the only other person who knew about it. I've decided to hold off telling you the secret until we're in person, and only after I've taken a look through the place. Tonks, Newt and I are taking a field trip there starting... six hours ago. You didn't think I was going to tell you ahead of time, did you?
Holly
*
Author's Note:
Edward Norton (yes, Fight Club, American History X, the Illusionist- that Edward Norton) got his break in an off-Broadway play called Fragments by Edward Albee during the time period mentioned. I figure Tonks would want to travel, and might fixate on one of the few blokes she really liked that she never took to bed. When I first came up with Ed Norton as Tonks' male identity, I hadn't realised his movie career hadn't started yet. A mistake becomes deeper background for Tonks.
The vital statistics spell is a variant of Scarpin's Revelaspell (I'd expect it to be darn useful in many areas if they still remember the inventor's name). Possible output for the 'Apparent Maturity' stat is based upon (muggle) average physical appearance: Infant (0-2), Child (2-6), Minor (7-11), School-Age (11-16), Majority (17-20), Entitled (21-25), Inheritor (26-35), Mastery (36-50), Patriarch/Matriarch (50-69), Venerable (70+). I've met many (girls usually) that confound my expectations of their actual age. One was easily set to pose for Playboy at the age of 12 and another was a dead ringer for Audrey Hepburn in Roman Holiday (Ms. Hepburn was 24) at the age of 45. The only safe age-related question to ask a girl is "how long will I live if I ask when you graduated?"
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