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Categories > Celebrities > My Chemical Romance > Never Say Never

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• Never Say Never

  (#) _Amy_Revenge_ 2009-11-23

  Dan is such a creeper!

  Author's response

  dude totally agreed. but that's how i want him to be lol. thanks for reviewing!
  ~mo~

• Never Say Never

  (#) XMyDisturbedRomanceX 2010-01-07

  I've been reading this story and I usually wait until I finish one to review, but I can't keep reading it so I've decided to do it now.
  I don't mean this to sound insulting, as it is my genuine opinion, but I think you COULD be a good writer if your story wasn't all over the place. You don't have an actual plot, you keep jumping from one thing to another and it makes no sense.
  I didn't have a major problem with the story, other than the fact that it has been done several times before, until Coraline was introduced. She was never mentioned before this point, and if she were such a big part of the story, she should have been.
  Personally her death scene did bring out some emotion in me and it was good. But right after that, in the next chapter they are laughing and completely forgetting her? That's not realistic at all, especially with Gerard trying to get straight into bed with Maddie right after the girl he was in love with died.
  Also Maddie is an extremely annoying character, she hates her father, with no real reason as all he wants is what is best for her, and after making such a big deal out of her hatred...it's never mentioned again after a couple of chapters. She is selfish after Coraline dies and tries to make the moves on Gerard, something that is going to turn readers against her.
  Then to the sex...you keep leading them into almost having sex then pulling them back from it, once per chapter it seems. This is not only frustrating, but boring, it's not hot, it's not interesting, because it's the same thing over and over again.
  All in all, you need a lot of practice to learn how to write well.
  My advice is to pace yourself. You said at the start of the first chapter that you had no idea where you were going with this, and that shows in the writing, which makes it annoying for your readers who will watch as the story gets thrown from one place to another. When you want to write, think of a plot, a defining line and STICK with it. Think of a beginning and end to start off with, but never, never just make it up as you go along. Plan it, sit down and plan it, make a plan of each character, they're likes/dislikes, their looks, their relationships with the other characters. Think of actual events you want to happen, and hint on it as it progressing comes closer.
  For example, with the character of Coraline, you should have mentioned her existence long before she was introduced, maybe have had Gerard thinking of the times he spent with her, maybe with the appearance of Maddie, make him think about the last time he felt as strongly about someone. Not a complete chapter dedicated to her, just small mentions of her. It might make you think you will detract from the shock of what happens to her, but it would be better for your readers, they would have more of a connection to Gerard's grief if they knew this character a little before she in introduced.
  Also, the plot line of the 'new girl in school' who everyone falls for, is far too over used. Trust me, a couple of years ago I went down the same path with a story like that and I wish now that someone had told me to not go with it as it is used far too much.
  Don't take this as an insult, I think you have the potential to be a good writer, you just need the practice. The story has it's good points, but over all it's far too stereotypical at first, then messy and all over the place for me to personally enjoy it.
  Whether you listen to my opinion or not, I wish you luck with your writing.
  

  Author's response

  thank you for what you're saying and i actually totally understand. like when i finished the story and went over and read it i was like crap. this stinks. so the sequel is going to be a lot better because i actually know what i want to do, and when i was writing never say never i had like no like fixed ideas of how the story was going to end.
  thank you for your like essay you wrote me haha and please read my new story Charlene Diane Malmgren (that isnt the sequel to this story) because i think that one is going to be a lot better because i was sort of like formulating what is going to happen and how it's going to end and i would love to hear your view point on it to in case i get like to ... unpleasant? i dont really know what word i would like to use there.
  so email me or review or tweet me.
  thanks for reviewing!
  ~mo~

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