Categories > Celebrities > My Chemical Romance > The True to Life Abominations

Rules on How to Live a Normal Life

by nerds_assemble 1 review

Mikey describes his first day at a new school. It involves a psyched mom, an alien brother, and a Hellboy lunchbox that ruins his Middle School life...[Written by nerds_assemble]

Category: My Chemical Romance - Rating: PG - Genres: Fantasy,Humor - Characters: Gerard Way,Mikey Way - Published: 2010-12-13 - Updated: 2010-12-13 - 910 words - Complete

0Unrated
“Rules on How to Live a Normal Life”
December 9th, 2010 at 7:56AM
By Michael James Way (a.k.a “Mikey”)


-Keep a diary (All the kids are doing it these days, c’mon, don’t you want to be a robot?)

-Sing in the shower (Yes, that’s right. The best of us do this and aren’t afraid to admit it)

-Enjoy your new lunchbox (Don’t ask, just do)

-Beg your mother to drive you to school. (When I say beg, I mean get down on your knees, even offer to
wash the dishes. That’s how enthusiastic you should be)

-Bring your estranged brother (or sister) who wears eyeliner (or guyliner) along. (It’ll be a blast when you show them off like a new toy at Show & Tell, especially when they recite satanic rituals and tell you all that you’re going to Hell)

-Enjoy my story! (You lucky ------------- * This has been censored.)


(The Actual Story, Keep in Mind, My Brother is the Writer, Not Me)

It would have been a normal day. Just like any other day, in fact. If…I weren’t being driven to school by my excited mother and my abnormal brother. A new school. My mom, with her face folding into wrinkles from smiling. My brother sat shotgun and layered on eyeliner. Again. And again. His hair made me nauseous because he just had to choose neon green for Monday. He would have been just a normal teenager if he didn’t insist on buying a cheap new hair color every day. Fridays were always deep blue for some odd reason. Maybe it was to show that he was depressed about the weekend coming up because he never had any friends…My mom, poor soul, didn’t understand that on the first day of middle school, I would most likely be called ‘Momma’s boy’ if she drove me and my brother to school. But no, she just had to drive us.

“Mom, I think it would be best if you just let me and Gerard out right now,” Impatiently, I tapped my foot and waited for the car to stop speeding down New Jersey. It didn’t. Gerard pursed his lips and pulled his hair back, taking a look at himself. Sometimes, I swear I see the inner girl emerging from Gerard.

“What, Mikey? You afraid of getting beaten up or tripped on the way up the big and powerful Middle School?” Gerard asked, never taking his eyes off of himself, the self-centered bastard. It killed me how cool he could be about all this. He was always so neutral about everything, unless, of course you were having an argument on which D&D miniature was the best model or which super-hero could beat up the other. But today, there was something a little off about his mood. I took off my glasses and stared hard at the back of his head.

“Gerard…you’re scared…scared of…socks?” I started to get the words, but then he turned around and covered his head with his hat.

“Fucker!” He shouted, reaching back to grab my arm. Luckily, mom glared at him and started to lecture him about his language and being nice to his brother (me) because he only has one (me) brother. “Mom, tell him that he can’t use his freak-ability on me,” Gerard stated as I put my glasses back on. “Or I’ll tell a nasty story about him,” Oh, jeez, forgot to tell you; my brother and I are freaks of nature. I can see what people fear or hate or love or whatever depending on the letters/colors/images I see in the back of their head. My brother is a little different. He writes these stories on his skin that magically (and somewhat impossibly) become true. It’s actually quite impressive. It makes me jealous and terrified. So, reason #3 why we are so weird.

Once we finally reach the gates, I make a beeline for the car door, rushing my words so they sound jumbled up and something like ‘Biome ill okay?’ when I meant to say; ‘Bye, mom. I love you,’. My brother just climbed from the car, grinning at me and heading off to his High School (which was on the other side of the street, so no one saw mom drop him off). I groaned and walked with my head down to the school doors. Then, I hear the voice I dread.

“Wait! Mikey, sweetie, you forgot your lunch!” My face heats up as a group of Jerk Jocks laugh. Dammit, mom! Did you not hear a word I just said in the car?! I walk back and grab my black, cartoony lunch box that I begged mom to buy. I’m maybe rethinking that seeing as it is Hellboy and I’ve already had the ol’ ‘mom calls me sweetie in front of Jerk Jocks.’ I grimace and walk back up to the school doors. Now it’s like a chain reaction of laughs coming from everyone. The Bipolar Bitches, the Jerk Jocks, the Petty Preps, the Stupid Stoners, the Manic Meatheads, everyone. Well, except the Conformist Castaways, because, of course, they were non-conformists together.

Dios mios. Asi, mierda.

So, in conclusion, yeah. School is fucking awesome*. Yay.

*Being bitter in that sentence...Just thought I'd let everyone know that I fucking hate it. Just so we're clear.
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