- I really enjoy how you write young Lulu. She seems so strong, confident and happy. The fact that you imply that she has a unique bloodline is really intriguing.
I also like the little details you give us, like the fact that she once wore bright colors to distract from her pale complexion. Imagining her before the mirror in a black dress, finally embracing her uniqueness and comparing herself to her mother is an endearing sight.
Jecht's ribbing is cute, and I like that he invades a children's blitzball game in order to show off.
I also like that Auron's second meeting with Lulu renews his inspiration to complete the pilgrimage and defeat Sin.
A few English corrections:
"would forever remained the same" should be "would forever remain the same"
"had always wonders about her" should be "had always wondered about her"
"natives sang before" should be "natives sing before"
"we are no difference" should be "we are no different"
"and gets to see the", you don't need the word "gets" here.
"fiends normally hides" should be "fiends normally hide"
I hope you don't mind the nitpicks. :) They're just that.
I'm so glad you are writing this...I like multi-chapter works and more Aulu is always a good thing.
Author's responseThank you! I don't mind the nitpicks, they help me to improve and discover some careless mistakes I made =D
I'm really glad that little details are being picked out and noticed^^ Because some little details will starts to matter in the future chapters. [goes off to edit]
- The whole chapter is about innocence, in an interesting way -- not just Lulu's, although that bright smile is rather heartwrenching to me, since she doesn't show it often later. Grumpy Auron has such small things to worry about: a blitzball attack from Jecht, more ribbing. Jecht is off to party. Only Braska really seems to realize what's coming. I like the subtle hint that he's slipping off to taste the feel of each place he travels, as Yuna did, knowing he'll be giving his life for it.
I'm just babbling here; anyway, I'm really enjoying your glimpses of the earlier pilgrimage, and the hints of what's to come.
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