(#) ReddyDevil 2011-10-30'One day Jade became sick of the stench I was giving off and chucked a bucketful of freezing cold water on me. Drenching me and my mattress. '
Hahaha! Man I would pay to see that!!
Good job! Although I have to admit, there were a few moments at the end when I thought you were going to make Davey and Jade get together (despite you telling me that you wouldn't). I love how they were all in on the crime; now I'm forever gonna be giving hotel laundry carts a second glance!!!!
Author's responseHaha. I'm so glad you liked it! Yes, at times it did seem like Jade and Davey were going to get together. But I really DIDN'T want that to happen. They're more like brothers in this story :)
- Well that worked - worked well too. The good points? It had a lot of pace - it never stopped moving. You kept dialogue going and didn't waste my time as a reader. You developed an atmosphere and as a reader, I felt I could see into the mind of the narrator. The bad points? I felt that the relationship with Jessica had more mileage, and it might have been nice for the twist to have been that she was a vampire all the time, and hence undead - perhaps that would have been why her blood vanished :-)
Author's responseThanks for the pointers. I'll be sure to keep them in mind when writing my next story :) Haha, I like the idea of Jessica being a vampire. Nice one! That MIGHT be my next story.
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