Categories > Celebrities > My Chemical Romance > The Drugs Make Us Numb; They Don't Keep Us Sane

4- Count Your Tears

by XxPerfectTomorrowxX 5 reviews

We see a softer side of Gerard but how long can he keep his sadistic desires from poisoning his time with Rian?

Category: My Chemical Romance - Rating: R - Genres: Drama,Romance - Characters: Gerard Way - Warnings: [V] - Published: 2012-01-01 - Updated: 2012-01-01 - 3107 words

Gerard was exhausted by the time he arrived home, having spent the last three hours cleaning up the mess he had made at Lucy's. There was no room for error in what he did. He didn't plan on spending any time behind bars and to ensure that didn't happen he had to make sure he was the best at what he did.

Lucy's blood still stained Gerard's nose and his ears still held her muffled pleas. Seconds before she died she did beg for Gerard to end it all, overcome with pain. Gerard had done her the favor of murdering her, knowing she wouldn't want to live after what he'd done to her. He had never pretended to be a good person, ever... The things he did sickened him at times but they never felt wrong enough to force him to stop. It was the sickness of his actions that drove him to continue. Deep inside of him even he knew... he didn't know what was wrong with him or why he did the things he did. He didn't go that deep however because on the surface of his mind he really didn't care to know. There had been no reason for him to analyze himself. He didn't like when the psychiatrist did it. He didn't like when his parents did it. He didn't like when his supposed friends did it. He just did not like it. So why would he do that to himself?

Gerard opened his front door, finding himself smiling at the idea of finding the girl asleep on his couch. When he stepped in to his living room he found it empty though. "Where'd you go?" Gerard called, finding happiness in his tone at the idea of seeing her. It was strange to yearn to see another... He wanted to talk to her, to taste her lips, to watch her eat, to make her warm... He wanted to see her smile. It was weird. He shrugged the worries from his mind, figuring he simply felt the need to protect her since she was younger and obviously vulnerable.

Silence met Gerard's question and he made his way in to the kitchen, looking past the note on the fridge since he didn't realize it was a new one at first. After he grabbed a bottle of water from his fridge he studied the note, realizing it wasn't his but instead... the girl's. Her handwriting was curly, slightly artistic. Gerard felt the bubble in his chest explode as he realized the girl was now gone... Would he see her again? He threw his water bottle on the counter, rolling his eyes. "Good riddance." He muttered, trying to push away any desire to see the girl again. That's what he got for going off script. He felt he should have killed her. He should have stayed.

It wasn't until Gerard reached for his keys that he had set on the table that he realized he was going out to look for the girl. He tried to justify his actions by reasoning that he was upset he had let her slip away... He tried to push the craving in to the category of causing harm but he knew... if he picked her up again and she simply wanted to sleep on his couch again... Well, he'd be okay with that.


"Piper?" Rian called as she walked in to the dimly lit shack. She could hear footsteps as she walked further in but they were heavier than her sisters.

Fear bubbled within Rian's chest as she saw her dad step out of the shadows, his face a mask of fury. "How dare you." He stated, through gritted teeth. Rian dropped the bowl of pasta she had brought for her sister, the contents exploding at her feet.

Rian backed away slowly, her father stepping closer. "How dare you drag my eight year old daughter to a place like this and leave her!"

"H-how did you find us?" Rian whispered, terrified.

"Piper got scared." Rian's father growled, causing Rian to feel terrible guilt over the situation. "What have you been out doing you little whore?" The words cut deep as Rian thought of how she had been with a strange man, willing to do whatever he wanted...

"Where is Piper?" Rian asked, trying to be brave. She couldn't let him hurt her sister again.

"She's with your uncle Jack. Tonight we need to figure a few things out. I obviously haven't been enforcing the rules well enough with you."

Rian felt temporary relief, knowing that Piper would be safe with their Uncle Jack. He was a great man and never hurt them... He was so different from their father. "I'm not going home with you." Rian said, stepping back again in fear.

Rian's dad just grinned. "Go ahead and run you stupid girl." He spat out. "Soon enough you'll find there are far worse things in this city than me."

Rian didn't think over his words. She didn't care to. She just wanted to get away from him. She didn't want to be hurt by a man that was supposed to love her. She didn't want to feel the emotional pain with each physical blow. She would have to run. She would have to go back for her sister but... she knew Piper would be okay for the first few weeks. Her dad always calmed down after the first few weeks of being home after running away... before he fell back in to his routine. She had that long to figure things out. She had to make things better. She had to protect her little sister.

Rian's feet took her away from the shed but once her breath left her, her cheeks stinging from the cold whipping across them, she slowed to a walk while tears pricked at her eyes.


Gerard almost drove right past the girl walking down the road. As he glanced at her he noticed she was wearing a familiar jacket and skidded to a stop, realizing it was his jacket... his girl. The girl he was looking for.

The girl didn't even seem to notice as she kept walking while Gerard got out of his car and walked quickly to catch up to her. "Hey!" He called out, attempting to get her attention though for the first time in a long time he didn't really know what he would say.

Rian heard the man shout and turned around, more than surprised to see the stranger from earlier. She stopped, letting him catch up. "Oh... hi... Did you come looking for your jacket?" She asked quietly, in no mood to get picked on by anyone. Her father was bad enough. Would he just leave her alone if she gave it back and apologized? She could hope. "Here..." Rian started tearing the jacket off and extended it to Gerard who simply stared at it, not moving to grab it. "And I- I owe you a bowl and forks... and I-I'm so sorry I left them somewhere else and I- I will have to pay you back for those later... I'm sorry... I just don't know how to pay you back right now and I don't want to do whatever you want me to do... I don't want to be hurt tonight." Rian's voice cracked as she bluntly ranted to the stranger.

Gerard's facial expression softened and without thinking of what he was doing he reached out, pulling the girl in to a soft embrace as his jacket fell to the ground and Rian's head fell against his chest causing her sobs to be muffled as she cried openly.

Once Rian's crying died down Gerard gently squeezed her body in what was supposed to be a reassuring way and then he whispered kindly, "I'm not going to hurt you tonight, I promise."

Rian stared up at Gerard with tear filled eyes and she bit her lip nervously, "What do you want from me?" She asked softly.

Gerard searched for the words to explain just what he did want but it was difficult... and the sad look she gave him made things even more complicated. She was so vulnerable. He wasn't used to her type of vulnerable. He was used to superficial vulnerability that made him sick to his stomach. "I want to hear what you think of my pasta, you never told me." Gerard finally stated.

Rian let out a laugh mixed with a left over sob that had been hiding in her throat, "That's why you came looking for me?" She asked, smiling despite her overwhelming sadness.

"Well, yeah. I mean, I'm pretty proud of it but... you just left without telling me what you thought. You know, that hurts." Gerard joked.

Rian faked a sad face, amused. "Well... I didn't mean to hurt you." She bit her lip, feeling bad suddenly. "But I... I dropped the pasta actually so I never got to try it. It smelled wonderful though so I'm sure it's delicious." She assured him, wishing she had tried it. She was still quite hungry.

"You know what that means, right?" Gerard asked, fighting back a smile as he tried to keep his face serious.

"What?" Rian asked, confused.

"That means I have to take you home again and cook for you but this time you've got to promise to stay long enough to eat it with me, okay?" Gerard asked, hoping she'd agree.

Rian looked at her feet nervously, "Well... I would hate to impose... again." Being warm, even if just for a short period of time, and being fed did sound absolutely enticing however.

"Is it really imposing if I beg?" Gerard asked, grinning.

Rian smiled. "I'd love to come over again."

Gerard bent over and picked up his jacket, dusting it off from the ground. "Good then put this back on. It looks much better on you princess." He stated, not even realizing he had given the girl a pet name until the word left his lips, leaving him confused as he walked back to his car.

Rian had a smile plastered to her face as she let his words sink in, his jacket now tightly wrapped around her frail body once again. The car was warm and as Rian sat down she yawned instantly, realizing she was still tired.

Gerard laughed, "Still tired?"

Rian nodded, attempting to stifle her next yawn. She failed, becoming stuck in a series of yawns.

"You just want me for my couch." Gerard accused, a smile gracing his perfect lips.

"Don't forget the pasta." Rian joked back, making Gerard laugh.


The car ride went by quickly as Gerard and Rian's conversation continued. Gerard quickly got out of his car, rushing to Rian's side to let her out. She smiled, thinking it was a kind gesture. Gerard didn't want her to realize she was locked in and freak out... he no longer wanted to scare her, not at the moment anyway. "Thank you." She immediately said.

Gerard smiled back at her, "Think you can stay awake long enough to eat?" He asked.

Rian nodded. "Well I don't think I can sleep until I try this amazing pasta now!"

As they walked inside of Gerard's place the warmth hit both of them instantly since Gerard had turned on the heat before leaving. Gerard was somewhat sad to see his jacket come off of Rian. "So, where'd you go off to anyway?" Gerard asked as they walked in to the kitchen together.

Rian shrugged, "I went home..." Or what had been a home to her. She now had nowhere and had to find somewhere to live fast, somewhere she could give her sister safe shelter.

"Where is home?" Gerard asked curiously as he put a pot on the burner and waited for the water to boil, his attention going to Rian.

"Je ne sais pas." Rian muttered, looking away from Gerard. How could she tell him that home was whatever place she could find that seemed somewhat safe? How could she tell him that she failed as an older sister, unable to protect her younger sister from the harm of the world... from the harm of her own father? She didn't want his sympathy! She... just needed time to figure out the answer to his question. She needed to find a place to call home.

Gerard did not know french and knew if the girl was speaking a different language in response that she most likely did not want him to know the answer so instead of pestering her for a translation he asked a simpler question, "Would you like to watch a movie while we eat?"

Rian's troubled expression instantly cleared, a smile spreading across her face. "What movie?"

"That's your call. I could go for anything really." Gerard said, yawning as he stirred the noodles that were now cooking in his pot.

"Hmm... where are the movies?" Rian asked, trying to think of what genre the man would most appreciate. She hoped his movies would explain that to her.

"Under the television in the cupboard." Gerard informed her.

Rian made her way out of the kitchen to find the movies. When she did she realized that Gerard was a hardcore horror movie fan and most of the movies he owned seemed gory in one way or another.

She finally gave up on sifting through them, never having watched a horror movie before. Her family hated them. The top movie was the one she picked, reading the title once again. Jeepers Creepers. Sounded creepy enough to keep her awake for days but... she didn't want to seem like a wimp so she set it on the table, putting away the other movies before walking back to the kitchen.

Gerard was setting bowls filled with pasta on the table as Rian entered. She smiled and commented, "It smells delicious. I'm so excited to try it."

Gerard smiled in response. "I'm glad to hear it. Find a movie worth watching?"

Rian sat at the table as Gerard walked to the fridge. "Something called Jeepers Creepers."

"Did you want something to drink?" Gerard asked, grabbing a water bottle.

"Water please."

Gerard grabbed her a bottle of water as well and joined her at the table, "You've never watched that before?" He asked, surprised.

Rian shook her head, "No and thank you again, for dinner."

"Wow." Gerard stared at her, appreciating the way her lips parted slightly as she spoke quietly. "And again, no problem. Remember, I wanted validation towards my pasta."

Rian nodded and slowly took a bite of the steaming hot pasta. The heat burned her tongue slightly but the taste was intoxicating, setting her taste buds on fire as they begged for more. Rian realized how hungry she was after having not eaten for a long period of time and she quickly took another larger bite, digging in to the bowl as she frantically attempted to fill her empty belly with food. "It's so delicious." Rian muttered, between bites of food. "Délicieux." She added, quickly finding the bottom of the bowl.

Gerard grinned as he watched, having not eaten a single bite of his own pasta. "That good?" He asked, happily.

Rian blushed, "Yes. It's very good. I apologize. That was rude of me..." Now she felt like a pig.

Gerard shook his head, "Don't apologize for being hungry. Here, eat mine." he slid his bowl to her.

Rian stared at the bowl with hunger but politely objected. "No! You must be hungry. It's yours. I'm sorry. I'm fine now."

Gerard simply stared at Rian. "I'm not hungry. I made this for you."

Rian smiled shyly, "Merci."

Gerard gave her a confused glance and said nothing, causing Rian to realize she had reverted to speaking french without realizing it. She did that every now and then, which had caused her nothing but trouble at school and with her father. It was her mother that was french and her mother spoke nothing but french... Her father knew french but generally didn't allow french in the house, attempting to force her mother to speak english.

"Thank you." Rian quickly stated, blushing again.

Gerard smiled. "You are welcome. How would I say that?" He asked, showing interest in the other language she spoke.

Rian's face lit up in to a smile and she slowly stated, "Vous êtes les bienvenus." Repeating it a good six times before Gerard could say it correctly.

Once he got the hang of it he grinned and repeated, "Vous êtes les bienvenus."

Rian nibbled on Gerard's pasta for a few minutes, finishing his off as they sat in silence. Gerard broke the silence as Rian polished off the last of his pasta, "So, when did you learn french? That's french, right?"

"Yeah, it's french." Rian stated, standing up and taking both bowls to the sink as Gerard watched her. "Um, well my mother is french so... she taught it to me as soon as I was born I guess. I don't remember ever not knowing it."

"That's really awesome..." Gerard said, yawning as Rian started washing the bowls. "Ready to watch our movie?"

Rian nodded, "Yeah... unless you'd rather get to bed... I mean, it is really late. Am I keeping you up?" She asked.

Gerard shook his head, "Nope. A movie sounds rather fantastic."

Rian smiled. "It does." She agreed, hoping the movie wasn't too bad. She didn't want to get completely freaked out before going back to the streets.

Together they walked to the living room and Gerard went to put the movie in as Rian sat on the couch, pulling the blanket that was still laying on the couch over her since she had once again become cold.

As the movie began playing Gerard came and sat next to her, staring at her for a few seconds before speaking. "You know what I've been dying to do since you left earlier?" Gerard asked, eyes burning in to Rian's.

"What?" Rian breathed out nervously.

"Kiss those precious lips of yours again." Gerard whispered, leaning closer.

Rian leaned closer as well, feeling Gerard's warm breath against her face. "So?" Rian asked quietly, staring in to his eyes.

"So?" Gerard asked, confused.

"Why haven't you already?" Rian asked, eyes sparkling in amusement.

"That's a good question." Gerard replied, devouring Rian's lips with his own.



Délicieux= Delicious.

Je ne sais pas= I don't know.

Merci= Thank you.

Vous êtes les bienvenus= You are welcome.

Let me know if anything is incorrect and I'll change it as needed. (: Thank you! What'd you guys think of the chapter?

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