FicWad

LA

Mikey was headed towards Gerard’s private room when a nurse stopped him. “Mr Way, I need to speak to you.”

He turned to see the grey headed woman hurrying towards him. “Yes?”

She spoke softly her voice filled with compassion. “I just wanted you to be aware of something before you go into your brother’s room.”

Mikey’s heart began to race, “What? What’s wrong?”

She placed her hand on his arm trying to calm him. “Not long after you left last night Gerard suffered another episode. His body began convulsing and he pulled out some of his IV’s.”

“Why the hell didn’t anyone call me?”

“It only lasted a few minutes. I reached him first.” She suddenly glanced down.

Mikey knew she was holding something back. “What happened exactly?”

She sighed, “When I reached his room his movements had already pulled out one of the IV”s. His heart rate was elevated and his blood pressure dangerously high.” She paused, “His eyes were open, and he cried out.”

Mikey’s own heart began to race, “Cried out? I don’t understand.”

“I’m sure the doctor has explained that it is not unheard of for coma patients to open their eyes and to utter sounds or words.”

“He spoke?” Mikey shouted.

“He only cried out one word..No” Then his eyes closed again and his body relaxed.” She gently squeezed Mikey’s arm. “He is still in a coma but his body is restrained now. I just wanted you to be aware before you saw him.”

“So he was still in the coma when he spoke?”

She nodded sympathetically. “Yes.”

Mikey closed his eyes. “But he didn’t hurt himself? I mean when he pulled out the IV?”

“Doctor Gray will be in to speak to you shortly.” She said taking a step back.

Mikey’s spirits plummeted, obviously the doctor wanted to speak to him for a reason and judging by the nurse’s face that reason was bad. Without another word he continued down to hallway towards Gerard’s room.
_______________________________________

Ayasha awoke to find Gerard’s arms holding her tightly against his body. Last night after she’d received her vision her body and mind had shut down. Without a word Gerard had spread out the sleeping bags, taken her in his arms and she’d fallen into a troubled sleep. Now as she opened her eyes she saw the new days early light thought the open doors. She shifted her body slightly needing to look into Gerard’s face.

“Good morning.” He whispered his arms holding her in place.

“Gee.” It was hard but she rolled over forcing his arms to relax. Once she could look into his face she spoke again and what she wanted to discuss was pressing. “Last night, did you receive an answer?”

“Did you?” He countered.

“I asked first.”

He sighed, he’d spent all night trying to forget what he’d seen. “Saw something.” He muttered, “Didn’t make any sense.”

“What did you see?” She pressed.

“What did you see? I’m assuming you saw something, it was obvious you were pretty shaken.”

Instead of answering she glanced away. “I’m sorry about that. I didn’t want to fall asleep, I wanted to stay awake with you.”

He gently touched her cheek. “Honey, it’s okay. I could tell just looking at you that your mind was shutting down. Hell, you could hardly keep your eyes open.”

“You’re right, my mind did shut down, I couldn’t think. I was so exhausted.”

“And right now you’re trying to find a way to change the subject so I don’t ask you to tell me about what you saw.”

She gave him a shocked look. “It’s not that I don’t want to tell you exactly but I’m still trying to figure it out.” That much was very true, while she’d seen herself leaving her home it had been more that just a simple trip to work. She’d been very frightened and that didn’t make sense.

He laughed, “Here both of us wanted to see something, find a direction but now we’re not so sure that’s what we wanted.”

“I still wanted direction, I just wish I understood what direction I was given.”

Again the vision he’d seen forced its way into Gerard’s mind. The dark clouds, the howling wind, the choice of paths taken from him. He needed to get it out of his mind.

Ayasha was watching his face and could see he was upset. “What would you like to do today?” She asked hoping that talking about something else would help him.

He was grateful for the question and a chance to think about something else. “I dunno, what does my girl want to do?”

“Paint.” The word just seemed to pop out of her mouth by itself.

He wondered why she looked so strange. “Yeah, okay.” He said slowly. “I love to watch you paint. Maybe I’ll do some sketching.”

She was still trying to figure out her response. “I need to paint something.” She whispered searching her mind. “I have to paint it.”

Gerard wondered if it was something else like the scene of her mother’s accident, something she was holding back deep in her mind. “Okay” He nodded looking into her eyes.

She tried to snap herself out of this strange feeling that had come over her. “Is there anything else you want to do?”

His mind cried out, I want to get out of this limbo, I want it to be over. I want to be alive. As the last words echoed in his mind his body took over. Throwing back the sleeping bag that was covering them he looked down at her nude body. “Oh yes.” He whispered as his fingers trailed down her body. Filled with an urgency he didn’t understand his fingers went directly to work. As he stroked her nub Ayasha parted her legs to give him better access. Soon he was rewarded by the sound of her gently moaning in pleasure. But it wasn’t enough, loving her made him feel alive, and he wanted her to feel what he couldn’t, he wanted her to feel him inside her. Quickly he got to his knees and positioned himself. As he thrust inside her he suddenly was afraid. “We’re you ready?” He asked prepared to pull out.

“Oh Gee.” She arched her back, “Yes” It was like she understood his thoughts, “Please, I need to feel you moving inside me.”

Still on his knees he placed his hands under her bottom to pull her even closer. Ayasha’s legs went around his back burying him deeply inside her. Using her legs she was now in control, pushing him inside her as his hands caressed her breasts.

“Oh” She moaned as his fingers tweaked her sensitive nipples. “Yes.”

A moment later he saw her bury him deeply, her legs were so tightly around him that her back arched and she lifted herself up. Gerard’s arms went around her as she sat facing him. Her whole body shuddered as wave after wave of passion crested. He murmured words of love in her ear until she stopped shaking.

Finally she sat back slightly making sure he was still inside her. “I like this position.” She said unashamedly.

“Me too.” He smiled.

She kissed his lips whispering against them. “I love you.”

“I love you.” He answered from deep in his heart.

__________
LA
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Alicia knew as soon as she saw her husbands face that something was very wrong. However before she could ask she looked over at Gerard in the bed. “Oh.”

“He’s restrained because it happened again.” Mikey’s voice was hollow.

She rushed over to the chair were he sat. “When?”

“Last night not long after I left.”

She pulled the other chair nearer. “What else?”

Mikey had been going over and over in his mind what the doctor had told him. He’d been trying to prepare himself to break the news to Alicia and his parents but now the words escaped him.

“Mikey?”

“His vital signs are weakening. They don’t know why, the can’t explain any of it.” He turned to look at his wife, his eyes full of tears. “But he’s slowly slipping away.”
______________________________________________________

Ayasha took a quick shower while Gerard made her breakfast. Neither spoke much while she ate, both trying to come to terms with their thoughts. Together they washed the few dishes then walked into the living room.


Immediately as if compelled by a force she couldn’t understand Ashya set up a fresh canvas on her easel and began to paint. Gerard sat down on the sofa with a sketch book. It was almost an hour later he looked up. “How’s it going?” Because it was an overcast day she’d positioned the easel in front of the windows for better light.

Ayasha frowned, “It’s not right. Something is missing.”

Throwing the sketch book aside he stood to walk over towards her.

She continued painting.

As his eyes fell on her work his heart began to race. “Oh shit.”

The sound of his voice caused her head to snap around. “Gee, what’s wrong?”

“Why did you paint that?” He asked staring at the work.

“I don’t know.” She answered honestly. “It’s not a place I’ve ever been, at least I don’t think so.” She turned back to look at the painting. “Maybe it’s a place I will see one day.”

“No.” The word tore from his soul. “You never want to be there.”

Now she was frightened, “Gee, do you know this place? Do you know where these crossroads are?”

He was staring at the panting. She’s captured the feel of the dirt roads, the blowing dust, the feeling of desolation. It was like she’d ripped the vision from his mind. “The storm clouds.” He whispered.

At first she didn’t understand but then suddenly she did. “Yes” She turned back to the painting, that was what was missing. Now she could see it in her mind. “The storm clouds.” However instead of adding them she handed the brush to him.

Her legs were shaking as she walked away knowing he was finishing the painting. When at last he set the brush down she walked back over. Now dark clouds were rolling over the roads, ugly, rain laden clouds. “Gee?” She whispered in fear and confusion.

“My vision.” He sighed, “You painted my vision.”

Ayasha’s eyes grew wide. “This is what you saw?”

“This place.” He said staring at the landscape. “I was standing there when I cried out for direction.”

She prayed he would tell her the truth. “Did you receive an answer?”

He closed his eyes. “One word…truth”

“Truth?”

He nodded without opening his eyes. “Yeah, truth. It made me angry, I cursed and then the storm clouds appeared. The wind picked up and the dust swirled all around me. I couldn’t see.”

“You lost your chance to choose your path, your direction.” She whispered her voice shaking.

He opened his eyes. “Yeah, I realized that. My anger, my refusal to admit the truth caused me to lose my chance.”

Ayasha knew in her heart he must admit the truth, he must speak it out loud. “Gee, what is the truth you haven’t faced?” As the moments ticked by she began to pray he’d answer.

Gerard stared at the painting. “It wasn’t an accident.” He whispered. “I tried to end my life.”

___________
LA
___________

“Son you should go home too.”

Mikey looked over at his father. “I can’t.”

It was early evening and Alicia had just left with Donna. While the excuse they had given Donna was that Alicia needed her rest that wasn’t the truth. Donna had been beside herself when she’d learned Gerard condition was worsening. They were afraid she’d break down. So she’d gone home with Alicia believing she was to care for her daughter-in-law.

“I’m going to stay at his side tonight.” Don said softly. “There is no reason for you to stay.”

Mikey tried to put his feelings into words. “I just want to be here for him.”

“You are afraid he’ll leave us.” Don whispered.

Mikey blinked back tears, “I want to be with him until the end.”

Don walked over to sit next to his youngest son. “We still don’t know how this will end.”

“Dad, you know what’s happening. He’s growing weaker every fuckin’ day.”

His father nodded, “Yes, and while I think we all should try to prepare ourselves for what could happen we can’t lose sight of the fact that it might not happen. It’s important to always keep a small amount of hope.”

Mikey continued to stare at the floor.

“I hear Alicia has a doctor’s appointment tomorrow.”

“Yeah.” Mikey nodded.

“And you’re going with her?” Silently Don prayed his son’s answer would be yes.

“I’ve been thinking about that.” Mikey said slowly. “I told her I would.”

Don waited for him to continue.

Mikey looked up. “I’m going with her, it’s what I should do.”

“It is.” Don smiled sadly, “You and Alicia have been blessed with a new life. Your brother would understand your decision.”

“But you’ll be here, right?”

Don nodded, “Not planning on going anywhere. I’ll stay tonight and tomorrow until you arrive.”

“Dad what’s going to happen with Ma?”

Don had realized this too was troubling his son. “Your mother is a strong woman when she has to be. Right now, with all the uncertainty it might not seem that way, but she is. You have enough to worry about without adding Donna to it.”

“Can’t help it.” Mikey whispered.

“That’s because you have always been the one to take the weight of the world on your shoulders.” Don said softy. “You know Gerard was always worrying about that.”

“Gee worried about me?”

“Of course he did.” Don answered. “He told me once it didn’t seem right that you worried about so much and that he didn’t. He said it was almost like you were the older, wiser, brother.”

Hearing this surprised Mikey. “He never said anything like that to me.”

“No, he wouldn’t tell you that. He wanted to be the best older brother he could be for you. He wanted you to believe he was.”

“I couldn’t have a better brother.” Mikey whispered.

Don clasped him on the shoulder. “Go tell your brother you’re heading home to your pregnant wife. Tell him you’ll see him tomorrow.”

“But will I?” Mikey asked sadly.

“My gut says yes.” Don answered. “I know what these doctors think but they don’t know Gerard like we do. He’s a fighter. I believe he’ll find his way back to us.”
_________________________________________________________

Ayasha was curled up in Gerard’s lap holding him tightly. Since he’d admitted the painful truth he’d been denying neither had spoken but now she knew there were things that needed to be said.

“Gee, tell me what you’re thinking.”

He sighed, “That I’m a fool who could never see the truth. I had a good life, a charmed life and I threw it all away. Instead of realizing how many people loved me, I always…”

Ayasha looked into his eyes, “Always wanted more?”

“No.” he shook his head, “That’s not it. I was afraid, always afraid. I was scared that I’d do something to make them stop loving me then I’d be alone.” He closed his eyes as he poured out the truth from his soul. “I was always so sure that would happen that toward the end I deliberately pushed those who loved me away. Guess I’d convinced myself it was going to happen so I’d beat them to the punch. They we’re gonna stop loving me so I’d help them.”

“Your fear drove you to do that.”

“Yeah, sure it did and I let it. I’m a weak man.”

Ayasha gently touched his cheek. “You are much stronger than you know.”

“How can you say that?”

“A strong man admits the truth no matter how painful. You did that.”

He leaned his head back against the sofa cushion then closed his eyes. “Yeah, I did that too late. Ayasha the vision showed me that truth. Because I refused to admit I’d tried to end my life I lost the chance to go back.”

She too had been thinking about his vision. “That’s not true. Perhaps the vision was showing you what would happen if you refused to admit the truth.”

He lifted his head to look at the woman who’d captured his heart. “Honey, I admitted the truth and I’m still here, still in limbo.”

Her heart was breaking. “For now but admitting the truth could have been the first step in finding your way back home. You can’t give up.” She too had to believe. “Just think right now your mind is clearer than it has been in a long time. You are admitting things about yourself that you would never have admitted before. I believe this journey is about self discovery.”

“It’s no lie the drugs and alcohol had clouded my mind.” He said slowly. “But the choice to use them was mine.”

“A poor choice you now realize. I believe in my heart you will return to your life and you will be a much better person.”

He hugged her tightly to him. “You believe in me too much.”

“You don’t believe in yourself enough.” She whispered.


The time for Opal and Ridge’s visit was growing near and Alysha found herself nervously glancing at the clock.

Gerard smiled. “It’s gonna be okay, you know.”

She wished she could explain her feeling to him but it was impossible. “Yes, it’s just a visit, right?”

He knew she was pinning so many hopes on the visit. “Right, just a visit.” He glanced over at the two easels. “Uh, think we should put mine in the bedroom?”

“Oh.” She glanced nervously at the paintings. “Maybe we should put both of them in there.”

He nodded but as he headed towards hers she stopped him.

“Gee, leave mine.”

While her painting of his vision was disturbing to him he believed he understood. “You want to see her reaction to a painting of my vision?”

“Maybe.” She whispered looking at the painting. “I don’t know.” Her mind was filled with confusion.

He moved the other easel into the bedroom while Ayasha stood glancing around the living room. Had she done the right thing by asking them to visit? Would Opal be able to offer any information or was she just hoping for the impossible. Soon she would know as a knock on the door snapped her out of her thoughts.

“I’ll get it.” She laughed nervously.

Gerard grinned, “Yeah, good idea. Don’t want to scare them by having a door open itself.”

“Gee.” She giggled softly. “Stop that.”

He shrugged but as she crossed the room he spoke softly. “I love you.”

She turned, “I love you.” She whispered then pulled open the door. She was surprised to see only Opal.

“Hello, Little One.”

“Opal, come in.” She stood back. “Your grandson isn’t joining us?”

Opal walked inside and immediately glanced around the room. “I thought perhaps you’d like to speak to me alone. Ridge will return for me in an hour.”

“Oh.” Ayasha closed the door then turned. “Please, sit.”

Opal walked to the nearest chair. “You have a lovely home.” She was about to sit when she spied the painting of Ayash’s mother. Walking over to it slowly she spoke. “You are very talented.”

“Thank you.” Ayasha was slightly unnerved by the way Opal was staring at the painting.

“You have captured her spirit in this painting.”

A chill ran down Ayasha’s spine.

“Your mother was beautiful.”

Gerard was watching Ayasha closely and could see she had begun to shake. “How do you know that’s my mother?”

Opal turned from the painting to move towards the chair. She didn’t answer until she was seated. “The resemblance, of course is very apparent.”

“Oh.” Ayasha sat down on the sofa. Gerard took a seat next to her. “Would you like something to drink?” She asked forcing herself to be a good hostess.

“A glass of water would be nice.”

As Ayasha hurried to the kitchen Gerard watched their guest. He saw her eyes had turned to Ayasha’s painting of his vision. She was staring at it with what looked to be sadness in her eyes. When she heard Ayasha returning she looked away.

“Here you go.” Ayasha said handing Opal a glass of ice water.

“Thank you.” Opal smiled then took a small sip.

As Ayasha took her seat on the sofa Gerard whispered. “She was looking at the painting.”

Nervously Ayasha searched her mind for something to say. “So, did you do well at the festival?”

“Yes, I sold many pieces of my jewelry.” Opal answered.

“That’s good. Do you and your grandson travel to many of these shows?”

Opal set her glass of water down on the nearby table. “So far this year we have set up at three shows. We plan to do three more before heading home.”

“To Ohio.” Ayasha said remembering Opal and her grandson were members of the Talliage Tribe.

Gerard wondered why Opal suddenly began to fiddle nervously with her shawl.

“Ridge is all that remains of my family here on earth.” Opal said slowly. “My late husband and I were only blessed with one child. When he married and moved away to live with his wife’s people I did not see him for many years. Not even when Ridge was born.”

Ayasha wasn’t sure what to say.

Opal continued. “I did not see Ridge until he was seven. His mother had died unexpectedly and my son became lost. I traveled to be with them the day after he called.” Her voice was filled with sadness. “I could not help my son. Drinking had become his way to ease the pain of that loss. I took over the care of his son.”

“And your son?” Ayasha asked.

“My son died a few years later.” There was no emotion in her voice.

“I’m so sorry.”

Opal nodded, “Thank you.” She shifted in the chair trying to ease her arthritic back. “That was over fifteen years ago. I chose not to move back to Ohio but to stay in the home Ridge knew.”

“I had just assumed you were from Ohio.” Ayasha said slowly.

“Yes, I knew that.” Opal smiled. “But the truth is Ridge and I live in North Carolina.”

Gerard saw Ayasha’s hand tighten around her glass of water. “Oh.”

Opal sat forward slightly gazing into Ayasha’s eyes. Suddenly she began to speak in Cherokee. Gerard didn’t understand what she was saying but whatever it was it caused Ayasha’s eyes to widen.

“What’s she saying?” Gerard asked.

Not thinking Ayasha glanced at him then quickly turned back to Opal.

The woman stopped speaking in Cherokee for a moment then began to speak again this time in English. “He does not understand Cherokee.”

“What?” Ayasha’s voice shook.

Opal smiled, “It is my guess he does not speak Cherokee so he asked you what I was saying.”

“Oh shit.” Gerard muttered in shock. “She knows I’m here.”