FicWad

Gerard stared into her blue eyes, “You understand your vision?”

Ayasha nodded, “Yes, it is now clear. The vision began with me standing in the doorway of my home.” She paused, her voice becoming a whisper. “I asked for direction, it was then I looked down and saw the suitcase.”

“A suitcase?”

“Yes, and I was immediately afraid. I turned to see you standing behind me watching. You nodded and I knew you understood.”

Gerard sat up, “I don’t get it.”

She smiled sadly, “I think you do. I must leave, the power contained in the necklace still offers you a chance to choose. It can bring you out of the darkness.”

Her words were met with resistance. “But Ayasha, it’s impossible.”

“Opal said often our minds tell us the possible is impossible. I must find a way to get the necklace to you. It’s your only hope.”

He sat in stunned silence.

“My journey could not begin until I faced the truth. I have done that. In my heart I’ve always believed in Cherokee magic, in the ways grandmother taught me. It was my mind that refused to believe.”

He searched her face and what he saw troubled her. “Are you afraid to go?”

“I am not afraid.” She admitted softly. “But my heart is filled with sadness. I know that when I return you will be gone. My heart prays it will be because you have returned to your life but…” She couldn’t comprehend any other outcome. “I know my home will be empty.”

“Then don’t go.” He said grabbing her hands.

“Gee.” She said as her eyes filled with tears. “I must go. I must find a way to get that necklace to you. I have told you all along I knew helping you return to your life was what I was meant to do. We both know we can not go on much longer like this. Each day the darkness holds you tighter.”

While he knew she was right the thought of her leaving, of the darkness taking over and possibly not ever letting go was suddenly too much. “We’ll talk about this later.”

“We have to talk about this.” She was now more determined than ever.

He stood and walked across the room. “Not now. I can’t think about this now.”

“Gee..

“God damn it, Ayasha” He roared as fear turned to anger. “Just stop. I don’t want to fuckin’ talk about this shit right now.”

Her gaze dropped to the floor.

Gerard immediately crossed the room to stand before her. “I’m sorry. But fuck it, I’m scared and I’m not afraid to admit it. Shit, not just scared I’m still trying to come to terms with all of this.”

“I understand.” She said still looking down.

He fell to his knees. “Honey, look at me.” He said using his finger to tilt up her chin. “Shit.” He whispered still unfamiliar with the blue eyes blinking back tears. “I’m fuckin’ afraid to let you go. It’s more than just fear of the darkness I know will come. It’s the idea of not being with you anymore. I feel safe here…” He added in a near whisper, “I feel loved.”

“You must remember the love your family feels for you and you for them.” She forced herself to be strong though her heart was breaking.

“I do remember that and I want that but that’s something I’ll remember. But what if I come out of the coma and I don’t remember any of this? What if I don’t remember my regret for the mistakes I’ve made, what if I forget what I’ve learned about myself. But more importantly what if I don’t remember you?”

“Gee, your heart has changed, you will remember you want to change your life, you will rejoice in the chance you’ll be given to make amends.”

He searched her eyes, “You don’t think I’ll remember you.”

Both her heart and mind knew he wouldn’t, it was not meant to be.

When she didn’t answer he stood back up. “I won’t forget you, I can’t. You’re in my heart, Ayasha.”

Knowing he was wrong she forced herself to smile for his sake. “We have to figure out a way I can get the necklace to you.”

Gerard sat down heavily on the couch beside her. “I honestly don’t know.”

For several minutes they both sat lost in thought. Finally a plan started to form in Ayasha’s brain.

“Does Mikey have an open mind to different beliefs?”

Gerard laughed slightly, “Uh, yeah sort of but I really don’t think he’d believe you if you just showed up and told him we’ve been hanging out together since I’ve been in the coma.”

Ayasha sighed, “No, of course not. No one would. But I do remember reading in an article that you said you’d become more spiritual, that you’d been reading books on modern shamanism and chaos magic.”

He frowned, “I said that?”

“Yes, you did.” She tilted her head, “Did you just make that up?”

“No, not really. For a while there I was pretty interested in that. But as I started drinking more, I stopped.”

“And Mikey knew you’d been reading about it?"

“Yeah, Mikey always knew what I was up to. He’d take an interest in things I did so we could discuss it.”

Ayasha sat back against the sofa cushions. “Good.”

“What are you thinking?”

“That if I could talk to your brother I could make him believe you and I had met during that time.”

“Oh” Gerard too sat back stretching his legs out. “I think I see where you’re going with this.”

“If he believed that we really did meet during that time this could work.” Suddenly her mind latched onto the idea. “I could tell him you’d come to me to discuss Native American myths, Cherokee magics.”

“But he’d know I wasn’t in Colorado.”

“If I’m in LA I’m sure he’d just assume that is where I was from.”

He looked over at her. “You’re thinking if you can pass yourself off as some sort of Cherokee psychic…”

“Gee.” Ayasha sighed, “My grandmother was a medicine woman. If I had listened to what she tried to teach me, I too could have become one.”

“I think you did become one.” He said softly.

Ayasha refused to discuss what could have been. “Do you think Mikey would believe this?”

“Yeah, it’s possible. But what exactly are you going to tell him?”

“I will want him to believe you and I met several times because of your interest in the Cherokee magics. I will tell him it was during one of those meeting you admitted to me you’d had a foreboding feeling of something that had not yet happened but you felt would come to be.”

“The coma.”

“Yes, exactly. I will also tell him during one of our meetings you told me about a necklace you were given that for reasons you didn’t understand held great interest to you.”

“That’s the truth.” He said softly.

It filled her heart with happiness to hear him say that. “I’ll tell him you described it to me and that I told you I believed it was a talisman created by a Cherokee medicine woman. A talisman to protect you through the long day of night.”

“He’ll get that’s the coma. Mikey’s smart.” There was pride and love in his voice.

“Still..” Ayasha sighed, “I worry he will not believe my story.”

Gerard, realizing this plan must work, said, “I’ll give you his private number. You’ll tell him I gave it to you because I’d wanted you to call him if something happened to me. I mean that would go along with me telling you I’d had this feeling something was going to happen.”

“That’s good but I also think it would be wise for me to be able to say something that would make him know I’d really spent time with you.”

Gerard thought a minute. “I got it. You know how I told you we used to go camping as kids?"

Ayasha nodded.

“This sorta fits in. I told you I used to be such a shit, always trying to scare him in the Pine Barrens. Well I made up this story about a creature.” He paused a moment trying to remember the details. “I called it the Devil Raven and told Mikey that it would come and get him, steal his soul. Shit, that scared him so much. We’d be laying in the camper at night when everyone else was asleep and I’d tell him I heard the flapping wings of the Devil Raven and knew it was close.”

By this time Ayasha had sat up and was staring at him.

“What?” He asked not understanding the look on her face.

“Why a raven? Why did you choose this bird for your creature?”

He shrugged, “I don’t know. Does that matter?”

“It is strange.” Ayasha said slowly. “That you chose to tell him a story about a creature that ties into Cherokee legend.”

“I didn’t read anything about a Devil Raven in your books.”

She smiled slightly. “It is not called a Devil Raven it is the Raven Mocker. Cherokee legends say the Raven Mocker comes when it senses a mortal is sick. It is so feared all other evil spirits leave when it grows near. The Raven Mocker can take many forms but most commonly the shape of a huge raven. As it grows near the flapping of its wings grows louder. It uses fear to hasten the death of the person, not wanting them to use all of their life span because it wants to absorb what is left.”

Gerard was shocked, “I didn’t read that. So it takes the persons soul?”

She nodded, “Yes, if not stopped by a powerful medicine man or woman. They can guard the sick person attempting to stop the Raven Mocker.”

He was still giving this thought when Ayasha spoke.

“It is strange you tried to scare your brother using the basis of a Cherokee legend. Maybe you read a story about it when you were young.”

He sighed, “For sure I used to read a lot of scary shit. But I don’t think I read about it.” He tried to remember. “I honestly just think I made it up out of my imagination. But think about it this sorta ties in, doesn’t it? You can tell Mikey how I shared the story about trying to scare him with the Devil Raven. Then tell him you explained to me about the Raven Mocker. Tell him that it reinforced my feeling that something was going to happen to me.” His face took on a look of sadness, “Tell him I knew my soul was sick and feared…”

She reached for his hand. “Gee, your soul was sick. You’d given up we both know that now.”

“Yeah, that’s true.” He whispered.

Ayasha heart was breaking when she realized he was trying to squeeze her hand but with his weakening condition couldn’t. “Will he agree to meet with me?” She asked knowing how important this was to their plan.

“I hope so.” He whispered. “But….”

“What is it?” She asked seeing the troubled look in his eyes.

“I worry that if this doesn’t work, if he meets with you and you tell him all of this it will get his hopes up that I’ll come out of the coma. Mikey is hurting, I’ve heard it in his words and his voice. I love my brother so fuckin’ much, I don’t want to hurt him anymore.”

“Think how hurt he’d be if he knew there was a chance you could return to him and didn’t take it.”

Gerard sighed, “Yeah, that’s true. But it’s hard for me to imagine all of this. To imagine you meeting my brother and him not knowing you’re the woman I love with all my heart.”

“It will be difficult for me also.” She said softly. “I can not let him see my true feelings for you. I do not want him to believe I’m some kook who just showed up trying to see you.”

“Yeah, especially with all the shit that’s been said about me by that woman.” Gerard said angrily.

“That’s true.” Ayasha nodded. “I must make him believe I saw you only in a professional capacity. He can’t know how much I love you.”

Gerard pulled her into his arms. “Sugar, I’m so fuckin’ scared.” He whispered.

“Me too.” She admitted, “Because I know how important this is, I must take the necklace to you.”

“And you really believe it contains the ability to help me out of the darkness?”

“I do and so must you.”

He closed his eyes lost in thought for several minutes. “Do you think we still have time?”

Ayasha understood, “You are feeling weaker, aren’t you?”

He couldn’t lie to her. “Yeah, before when this first happened if I was just near you I felt so strong but now….”

“I will make all of the arrangements tomorrow. I’ll try to get a flight for tomorrow night.”

His heart began to race. “No, make the arrangements but don’t leave tomorrow night.”

“Gee, I must go as soon as possible. I have money tucked away and I’m praying it’s enough for my airfare.”

He hadn’t even thought about this part of the plan. “You’re gonna fly?”

She sighed, “It is much quicker and to be honest I’m not even sure my old car could make it that far without breaking down.”

“Shit, it’s gonna wipe out your saving, ain’t it?”

“Gee, I’d give up everything I own to do this.”

He kissed her cheek. “When I said before I had a charmed life that was true but even in limbo it’s charmed. Knowing you has made me want so hard to be a better man. Loving you has changed me like that.”


_____________
LA
_____________

“Gee, I have to leave now.” Mikey whispered tightening his grip on Gerard’s hand. “Tomorrow I’ll be back as soon as I can but I have to go with Alicia to the doctors. We’re gonna find out more about our baby.” A tear escaped down his cheek.

______________________________________________________________


Ayasha could tell by the way he’d grown silent and closed his eyes he was listening to a loved one. She tightened her arms around him silently praying her nearness could give him the strength to hear clearly. When she saw him open his eyes a few moments later she sat back. “Who was speaking to you?”

“Mikey.” He whispered. “It was hard to hear but I think he was explaining he won’t be there tomorrow until later because he’s going with Alicia to the doctors. Guess she’s got an appointment because of the baby.”

“Perhaps it is best I wait until Tuesday to call him.” Ayasha said softly.

“Shit, I hope the baby’s okay. They’ve wanted one for so long.”

Another idea formed in Ayasha’s mind but for now she tucked it into her subconscious.

Gerard forced his mind to return to their previous discussion. “When you get to LA you’re gonna have to rent a car too.”

She hadn’t realized that until now. “Oh, yes that’s true.”

He understood, “Money is going to be a problem isn’t it?”

“I have a credit card.” She said proud of that fact. It had taken time to establish credit so she was proud of her accomplishment.

“Maybe Mikey could reimburse you.” He said hating the fact she would be spending her life’s savings trying to help him.

“Gee, he needs to believe I’m from LA. and I certainly don’t want him to think I’ve gone to him with information expecting to be paid.” Her words came out a bit harsher than she’d intended. “I understand you are worried about this but don’t be.” She stood. “Now I need to check on line for flights.”

He followed her to the computer and watched over her shoulder as she checked several sites. “Uh, are you sure you’re gonna be able to take off work?”

She forced herself to be optimistic. “I am sure Tom will allow me to take off work. If I leave on Tuesday morning I want to fly back that same night if I’ve gotten the chance to talk to Mikey. That way I can be at work on Wednesday.”

“You’ll be exhausted.” He started to say more when he saw her shoulders suddenly droop. “What’s wrong?”

She used all her willpower to be strong. “Nothing.” She said forcing a smile.

He pulled a chair over next to her. “Please, tell me the truth.” He said touching her arm. “Please.”

When she spoke her voice was full of emotion. “I was just thinking about coming home.”

“And me being gone.” He said understanding immediately. “But maybe I won’t be. Maybe when you get back I’ll return.”

“No, please don’t say that.” She said looking into his eyes. “That would mean I’d failed. That the necklace didn’t help lead you back to your life. You must be gone when I return. I just hope that news of your recovery hits the Internet quickly.” She smiled blinking back tears. “I want to know you’ve come out of the coma and are recovering.”

“But maybe it won’t happen that quickly. Maybe it will take some time.”

“That’s true we don’t know how long it will take for you to awaken from the coma. But I know in my heart from the feeling I got in my vision that you will be gone. I must prepare myself for that, I must be strong.”

He stood, rolled back her chair, then pulled her into his arms. “My beautiful strong woman,” He murmured holding her close. “Don’t forget what Opal said. Only a fool believes they can be strong all the time. This is fuckin’ hard for both of us to face.”

Suddenly feeling overwhelmed by emotion she clung to him. It was difficult when she finally made herself take a step back. “I must book my flight.” She said glancing at the computer. “Then I want us to go up to the attic.”

He smiled, “Yeah, but not for too long. It’s already late and you’ve got to get up in the morning.”

The idea of sleeping away any of the remaining precious moments they had together was unthinkable. “I’m not tired.” She said resuming her seat.

He watched as she booked the flight seeing in her eyes a fierce determination. This woman’s will was remarkable. His heart knew the love they shared was equally remarkable.


_______________
LA
________________

As Mikey walked through the door Alicia was there waiting with a hug. “Your mom’s asleep.” She said a moment later releasing him.

He slipped off his light jacket. “Good. That’s good.”

Alicia understood his mom’s mental state was just another burden on her husband’s shoulders. “She and I talked a bit when we first got home. She’s handling things better than she did at first.”

They walked over to the sofa. Mikey spoke once he was seated. “Dad says she’s stronger than I give her credit for.”

Alicia cuddled up next to him. “Yeah, I mean she was pretty upset at first when the doctor talked to us but now…”

“She’s coming to terms with the fact we’re losing Gee.” He whispered leaning back and closing his eyes.

Immediately Alicia touched his arm. “Mikey, we don’t know what’s going to happen.”

He spoke without opening his eyes. “You heard the doctor. Gee’s vital signs are weakening.”

“But he’s still holding on.” Alicia said passionately needing to give him hope. “That says something.”

“I told him I’d be there tomorrow after I go with you to the doctor.” He sighed.

“Mikey I’ll understand if you don’t want to go with me.” She said softly. “I know how much you want to be with Gerard.” Even though she wanted her husband with her she understood his desire to be at Gerard’s bedside.

He opened his eyes to look into her eyes. “I’m not going to miss one important minute of this pregnancy. I want to hear the doctor confirm you’re pregnant. I need to be there to hear her say those words.”

Tears appeared in Alicia’s eyes. “We’ve wanted this for so long.”

“Yeah, we have.” He nodded. “And I know in my heart Gee would understand that. And yet…” He closed his eyes again.

Alicia said for him what he couldn’t. “You’re afraid he’ll slip away while you’re gone.”

“Stupid ain’t it.” He whispered. “Me thinking it matters. Gee don’t know if I’m there or not.”

“I think he does.” Alicia said softly. “I can’t explain it but I think he does sense his loved ones are with him. I believe that gives him strength.”

He forced himself to be positive. “Well tomorrow after the appointment when I see him I’ll tell him we know for sure our baby is on the way and the due date.”

Pure love for her husband flowed through her body. “Yeah, that’s right.” She laid her head against his chest. “I talked to Lindsey earlier, she called right after your mom fell asleep.”

“And?”

“She just wanted to know if there had been any change in Gee’s condition. It’s sad it took something like this for her and me to get in touch with each other again. We talked for a long time.”

“His marriage ending started this downward spiral.” Mikey said angrily.

“Mikey, you can’t blame Lindsey alone for their marriage ending.” She reminded him gently.

“No I suppose not.”

“She’s planning on going to see him again tomorrow afternoon.”

Mikey was surprised by this news. “She is?”

“Yeah, she wanted to know if I thought it was okay. I guess she thought you were a little upset when she showed up before.”

He felt saddened by this news. “I honestly didn’t mean for her to feel that way. I was just sorta shocked when she showed up. So much shit went down between her and Gee.”

“But you have to remember they share a beautiful little girl.” When he didn’t answer she went on. “A little girl who’s going to come visit here tomorrow. Lindsey’s gonna drop Bandit off here to visit with your mom while she goes to see Gerard.”

He nodded, “That’s good. Seeing Bandit will do Ma some good.”

Alicia agreed. “Yeah, it will.”

Mikey closed his eyes again lost in thought. He wanted to share with his wife what was going on in his head but wasn’t sure she’d understand.

“What is it?” She asked sensing his turmoil.

It never ceased to amaze him she seemed to always understand. “You know it’s weird but when I sit with Gee I wonder where he is. A coma is such a strange thing. The doctors say there is brain activity and it makes me wonder where his mind is at, you know? I find myself wondering if in his mind he’s somewhere else, believing he’s living a life in a different place.”

Alicia was surprised by his words. “I don’t know.” She finally admitted. “Maybe that’s a possibility. I’ve been reading a lot about comas on the Net. Some people who have been in comas can’t remember anything at all but some do have memories they can’t explain.” She once more wanted to give him hope. “And many remember hearing the voices of their loved ones talking to them.”

He opened his eyes and smiled, “That’s my deepest hope, that Gee can hear us. Maybe the sound of our voices will be what it takes to bring him back.”

“We just have to keep believing.” Alicia said leaning over to hug him. “We can’t give up hope.”
_______________________________________________________________

Ayasha pushed back from the computer finally done with making her plane reservations. Tuesday morning she would be flying out of the Colorado Springs airport at 6:09 am. The quickest flight made two stops landing in Los Angeles just after noon. It had been difficult but she had tried to put her fears aside. The truth was Ayasha had never flown before.

Gerard was watching her closely. He could see she was upset and while he understood she was placing so much hope in this plan to help him out of limbo he felt that there was more. “Uh, you have flown before, right?”

She looked at him a moment then suddenly laughed. “Am I that transparent?”

He shook his head, “Shit, you haven’t.”

“No, I’ve never been on a plane before. Gee, my travels had been on foot until someone would give me a ride.” She thought a minute, “But I have traveled on a few buses.”

It seemed so strange to him that a woman thirty years old had never flown. “Well a plane is a lot nicer than a bus.” He smiled wanting to put her mind at ease.

She squared her shoulders. “I will be fine. It is just another form of transportation.”

Now he had another worry added to his mind, he knew flying for the first time was difficult but for Ayasha it would be a challenge. She was already nervous about what would happen when she tried to see his brother. He wanted to make the part of this trip as easy as he could for her. “Uh, you should probably go ahead and handle renting a car now too.”

While she knew what he was saying was true there was a reason she couldn’t handle this right now. “I’ll take care of that tomorrow from work.” She smiled.

“Good.” He nodded, “That will make it a lot easier for you. You’ll be able to catch a shuttle to the car rental place as soon as you get off the plane.” He thought a minute. “You’re not going to take any baggage, right?”

She knew waiting for baggage would just slow her down. “No, only my large bag that I can carry with me.”

He was still worried, “Uh, airport security is pretty wicked to get through anymore.”

Ayasha’s mind was starting to overload. For now she needed to make herself try to relax. “I’m sure it is but I will be fine. Now let’s head up to the attic.”

Looking into her eyes he understood she was trying to get a grip on her fear. “Sounds good to me.” He said putting his arm around her shoulder. “And I think we have just enough wood left up there for a small fire.”

This was one time Ayasha was glad he couldn’t actually feel the tension in her body. Forcing herself to smile she nodded, “Yes, I think we do.”

He kept his arm around her until they reached the foot of the stairs leading to the attic.

Once they reached the attic Ayasha immediately headed towards the small pile of kindling but Gerard stopped her. “Hey, you just open the doors then take a seat. I want to make the fire.”

She smiled her thanks, opened the doors to reveal the night sky then took a set on the sleeping bags. Before long Gerard had the fire started. As is crackled to life he sat down beside her.

“See, I can make a pretty damn good fire.” He teased.

She nodded as she stared into the flames.

“One day you and I will go camping, a real camping trip. I’ll show you I know how to fish too.”

His words broke her heart, she did not believe that once he left this place they would ever meet again. Still she knew it was good he was making plans he believed would happen when he returned to his life. “Oh, so you can fish?” She teased.

“Sure I can.” He nodded happily. “I’ll catch our dinner and well cook it over the fire.” He paused, “I’ll be glad to be able to taste food again, it’s one of those things you take for granted until you can’t.”

“I’m sure that’s true.” She said softly, her eyes on the dancing flames.

While he understood she didn’t believe he’d remember her once out of the coma he had to believe he would. It was at that moment he decided he’d do something before she left for LA that would positively make that a reality.

Ayasha realized after several minutes he had grown quiet. “What are you thinking?” She asked turning her head to look at him.

“Oh nothing really.” He lied. He’d tell her about his plan later. “Just enjoying the fire.”

She laughed, “You know I’ve begun to recognize that look in your eyes.”

“What look?”

“The wheels in your brain are turning.”

Honestly he loved the fact she could read him. “Just making some plans.” He said softly. “But for now I’m putting them on hold, there is something I want to hold that is much more important.” His voice was like velvet.

She slowly moved into his open arms. For the next hour they held each other close, trying to keep their fears at bay. When at last they settled into her bed that night Ayasha fell into a troubled sleep while Gerard watched her once more giving him time to plan.