FicWad

For several minutes Gerard held Ayasha tight but slowly he began to realize something seemed strange. He finally realized what. “Hey, you haven’t been gone very long, have you?”

Ayasha sat back slowly while trying to regain her composure. “No, only a few hours.”

He smiled as he sat up. “Thought so. I’m getting pretty good a judging what time it is by the light in the room. It’s about noon, right?”

By this time Ayasha had stood up. “Just a little after noon.”

Gerard reached for her hand to gently pull her down on the sofa to sit beside him. “Uh, so why are you home so early? Nothings wrong is it?”

She took a deep calming breath. “No, nothing is wrong. Tom told me to take the rest of the day off to get ready for my trip.”

“So he’s got no problem with you leaving?”

Ayasha sighed, “No, I told him I have a dear friend in LA who is very ill.”

He grinned, “Hell, I hope I’m more than just a dear friend.” His hand trailed down her arm. “I sure think of you as more than a friend.”

Her nerves were frayed. “I thought that was the best way to explain the situation.”

“He didn’t push you for more information?”

“No”

“I didn’t realize you were going to tell him you were going to LA.” Gerard said slowly giving this some thought. “I just thought you were going to ask for tomorrow off.”

She didn’t want to admit she’d had to tell her boss because she’d didn’t have enough money to rent a car. “I thought it best.” She didn’t offer any other explanation.

Gerard could sense she wasn’t telling him something but decided not to push the issue. “Well good. That means we get to spend the day together.”

The world seemed to be closing in on her. Ayasha knew in her heart this would be the last day they’d spent together. She tried to smile. “Yeah, that’s true.”

Suddenly Gerard’s whole body grew tense. Immediately Ayasha grabbed both of his hands to hold them tightly. He’d closed his eyes and she knew he was hearing voices.

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LA
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“Dad says you had a good night.” Mikey tightened his hold on Gerard’s hand. He forced his eyes to look up at Gerard’s face but tears came to his eyes as he gazed at his brother’s pale complexion. It was hard to speak but he did. “Just got here. I went with Alicia to the doctor this morning. She’s definitely pregnant.” A single tear rolled down his cheek. He wanted so badly to be happy. “Yeah, I’m gonna be a dad, just like you.”

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Ayasha watched Gerard’s face, his eyes were shut tightly but a small smile appeared on his face.

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LA
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“You know, I really need your help with this.” Mikey said softly trying to ignore the machines surrounding the bed, trying to put the brutal truth of the situation out of his mind. “I don’t know the first thing about being a dad. Gotta admit, I’m scared. I don’t want Alicia to know that but it’s true. What if I fuck it up?”

_____________________________________________________________

Suddenly Gerard’s smile faded.
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LA
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“Gee, I need you.” Mikey whispered. “You just gotta wake up. I can’t handle this.” Another tear rolled down his cheek. “Please.”

______________________________________________________________

Gerard roughly pulled his hands out of Ayasha’s grasp.

“Gee?”

He stood then began to pace feeling overwhelmed by emotions. “I’m such a fuck up.” He ground out.

“I don’t understand?” Ayasha was on her feet. “What just happened?”

He continued to pace. “Mikey was telling he went with Alicia to the doctor.

“Something’s wrong with her?” Ayasha didn’t understand.

“No, she went because she’s pregnant.”

“Oh” Ayasha nodded still unsure why he was upset.

He ran his hand over his face in frustration. “Mikey was telling me he needs me to wake up because he’s afraid.”

Ayasha was trying to understand. “About being a first time dad?”

Gerard nodded, “Yeah, like I’m such an expert on the subject.” The anger in his voice was clear. “What the hell? I’m a shitty dad don’t he get that? Did I think about Bandit when I swallowed those pills? Was my daughter on my mind? Fuck no, she wasn’t. I was only thinking about myself.”

Slowly she crossed the room to stand beside him. “Gee, you were lost in pain and confusion.”

He shook his head, “Yeah, so? I didn’t give one fuckin’ moment of thought for my daughter or family. I didn’t think about how what I was doing would affect them.” He closed his eyes, “What if I don’t get a chance to make it right? What if I never see Bandit again?” He felt Ayasha’s arms suddenly surrounding him.

“You will make it back.” She said, her voice full of determination. “You will get the chance to tell your family how much you love them. You will see Bandit grow up into a beautiful young woman.”

“I want that so badly.” He whispered needing to believe her words.

She spoke from her heart. “It will happen. I know it will.”

Gerard opened his eyes to gaze at the small woman who’s nearness gave him strength. “I love you.” He whispered.

Ayasha blinked away the tears that threatened. “I love you, too.” She smiled, “Now, I’m going to pack for tomorrow. It won’t take long and then I want to put the trip out of my mind for the rest of the day.”

He looked into her eyes. “You’re scared, aren’t you?”

She had to be strong for him. “Just nervous but it will be okay.”

“I’m so sorry.” He whispered looking down.

Ayasha was confused by his words. “Sorry?”

“That you have to do this. That you have to fly to LA. Sorry for so many things.” He whispered.

“Gerard Way.” She crossed her arms in what looked like an angry pose. “You stop that right now. You may have things in your life to be sorry for but me going to LA isn’t one of them. I want to do this. I know I need to do this.”

“But still if it wasn’t for me…”

She spoke quickly cutting him off. “Your appearance in my life has changed me. A change I need so much. Don’t ever think for one minute I wish this hadn’t happened.”

“Has it really changed you?” he whispered searching her eyes for the truth.

She stared at him a moment then let her heart speak. “It taught me what love truly is.”

He pulled her into his arms holding her tightly. “I hope you’ll never forget how much I love you.” He whispered stroking her back.

Again she felt tears in her eyes. No, she would never forget the love they’d found but it was with great sadness she felt he would have no memory of it.

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LA
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Mikey stayed at Gerard’s bedside for about an hour then returned to the waiting room where Alicia was thumbing through a magazine. She looked up when he entered and was immediately concerned. “What’s wrong?”

He sat down heavily beside her. “I don’t know.”

“His condition hasn’t changed, has it?”

“No.” he shook his head trying to put his feelings into words. “It’s nothing.”

She placed the magazine on the table then turned to him. “I can tell something happened. Please tell me.”

Mikey sighed, “I can’t really explain it.”

She reached for his hand. “Try.”

Mikey closed his eyes. “It was so weird. I was holding his hand and telling him about how I went with you to the doctors this morning.” He paused, “Hell, I was probably just imagining it but it felt like he was really there, listening to me spill my guts.” Immediately his mouth snapped shut.

Alicia smiled slightly. “You were telling him you’re afraid.”

He didn’t want her to get the wrong impression. “Not afraid.”

“Sure you are.” She said softly, “And so am I. Being a first time parent is scary. There’s nothing wrong with that.”

The love he felt for his wife washed over him. “Yeah, okay I’ll admit I’m sorta scared. And I was telling Gee that. I was telling him I needed him to wake up and help me because he’s a dad.”

Alicia nodded, “And it seemed like he was listening?”

“Crazy ain’t it?” Mikey sighed.

“I don’t think that’s crazy at all.” Alicia answered. “You and Gee have always been so close, I’m sure he can hear you.”

“Then why the fuck don’t he wake up?” His voice was full of pain.

“Maybe he’s trying.” She answered hoping her words were true. “Maybe that’s what you felt.”

Mikey closed his eyes. “I just don’t know what to think anymore.” He whispered.

___________________________________________________________

While Ayasha was packing her bag Gerard made her lunch. He heard her walk into the kitchen.

“Nothing fancy, just a sandwich.” He said walking over to place it on the table.

She sighed, “I’m not really hungry.”

He’d expected her reaction. “Too bad, woman. You’re gonna sit down like a good girl and eat your lunch.”

She smiled slightly, “My, aren’t you bossy.”

Gerard laughed, “Yeah, well right now there aren’t a lot of things I’m really in control of but making sure you eat is something I can do.” He watched her slowly pull out a chair then take a seat. “And taking care of you makes me feel good.” He admitted softly.

His words brought a smile to her face.

Gerard sat down across the table from her. “So I never thought to ask but what happened about your painting?”

She chewed a bite of her sandwich before answering. “Tom placed it near the front of the store. There was some interest in it but it hasn’t sold. I think he priced it too high.”

Gerard hated to admit it but he was glad to hear this. Right now he needed to believe he’d wake from his coma and making plans for the future helped. So in his mind he’d decided he wanted to be the one who’d buy her painting. He’d come back here for Ayasha and he’d buy her painting.

Ayasha tilted her head while narrowing her eyes. “What are you thinking?”

Gerard gave her a sheepish look, “Oh, nothing.”

She continued to stare at him. “That was not a ‘nothing’ look on your face.”

“Eat your lunch.” He mumbled trying to get the conversation on another track.

Ayasha was having none of that. “Please, tell me what was going on in your head. Do you think it was stupid of me to take that painting to sell? Because I think so, I saw so many wonderful artists whose works were so much better than mine…”

Gerard spoke up. “Ayasha, no. I wasn’t thinking that at all. Shit…” He sighed, “Okay the truth was I was just thinking how glad I am that your painting didn’t sell. See, I want to buy it.” He shifted in his seat fighting the urge to stand and pull her into his arms. “Of course I have to wake up out of the fucking coma first but …Well then I’m gonna come back here and I want that painting to be for sale.”

“Oh.” She dropped her sandwich back down on to the plate.

“That’s bad?” He couldn’t stop himself from reaching across the table and taking her hand. “You don’t want me to have the painting?”

She continued to look down at the plate. “It’s not that.” Trying to explain was difficult. “I’d love to give you the painting if you like it.”

When her voice trailed off he asked, “You think it’s stupid I’m making plans?”

It was important to her that he understood, “No, not at all. The fact you’re making plans makes me very happy. It shows you believe you’ll come out of the coma but…”

Sadly be began to shake his head, “But you don’t think I’ll ever come back here.”

She couldn’t find her voice.

“You’re wrong.” He said softly. “I honestly believe I understand most of this now. I’ve been a fool, I’ve messed up so many things in my life but worse than that I’ve hurt so many people, people who love me.” His thumb absently caressed Ayahsa’s fingers while he spoke. “That night I swallowed the pills I didn’t do it out of pain, I did it out of anger. Anger at myself because I knew what a fuck up I’d become and I just wanted it to end. But then I found myself here.” He released her hand then moved his finger to lift her chin. Once looking into her eye he smiled, “I was given a second chance but I almost fucked that up too.”

“But it’s not too late.” Aysaha said softly, “The necklace will take you back to the crossroads and you’ve already made your choice. You’ll return home.”

He nodded, “Yeah, I believe it will. I believe that necklace, our bond, is what brought me here. But I believe more than that. This second chance has brought me a lot of pain, pain I so rightly deserve. I get that, I do. Being here and hearing Mikey’s voice as he pleads with me to wake up…that is more painful then you can imagine. Thinking about Bandit knowing I left her without a thought, that pain is overwhelming. So yeah, there has been a lot of pain but with that pain I’ve also been given a chance to find a beautiful love, one that touches my heart and soul.”

Ayasha’s heart was breaking. “Gee…”

He held up his head to silence her. “I know you’re afraid I won’t remember this place, this time but I will. I promise you, my heart will remember.”

She bit her bottom lip to keep from crying. She couldn’t tell him the truth he had to choose to go back to his life with no hesitation. So she kept the words Opal had spoken to her in Cherokee silenced. She didn’t tell him that Opal had explained that Ayasha had to let him go knowing he’d have no memory of her, no memory of the love they shared. “I will always remember you.” She whispered. “Always.”

Gerard stared into her eyes. “So if you love me why aren’t you being honest with me?”

Ayasha blinked, “What?”

“You don’t think I’ll remember because of something Opal said, isn’t that the truth?”

She started shaking her head.

“Ayasha.” His voice was sharp. “Please don’t lie to me. I watched your face when you and Opal were speaking in Cherokee. I know damn good and well she said things that upset you.”

This was dangerous territory, he couldn’t be told the truth. His chance to get back to his life depended on him going back without hesitation. “No, that’s not what it was.” She pushed back from the table and stood. “And I don’t want to talk about this.”

He couldn’t let it go. Rounding the table he grabbed her arm. “Damn it, I know you’re lying.”

“I’m not lying.” She tried to wrench her arm out of his grasp but he was holding on painfully.

“Just admit it.” He yelled feeling hurt she wasn’t being honest with him.

“Let go of me.” She yelled. “You’re hurting me.”

His hurt gave way to anger. “Not until you tell me the truth. Just say it, she told you I won’t remember a fuckin’ thing.”

“Let go of me.” Aysaha screamed.

“Tell me the fuckin’ truth.” His anger wrought from fear was driving him on. In the darkest part of his soul he was afraid forgetting was possible and he hated that doubt.

“Stop.” She used all her strength to push at his chest but he still didn’t release her.

“Admit it, you think I’ll forget you.” He tightened his hold on her arm causing her to cry out.

“You will fuckin’ forget me, you have to.”

As her words echoed in his ears his anger still burned. She was wrong, she had to be wrong. “No.” He ground out. Still holding on to her arm his other hand grabbed her shirt. He was reacting in anger and he couldn’t stop.

“Stop.” Ayasha screamed as he tore open her shirt sending buttons flying.

“I won’t fuckin’ stop.” He yelled. Before she could react he pushed her back against the table knocking her plate to the ground. The sound of the shattering china only angered him further. Anger like he’d never known before came over him, he didn’t understand it, he couldn’t. With one hand he shoved her shoulders making her fall back onto the table. Using his body he forced her legs apart. When he tore the lace panties off her body she went still, closing her eyes.

Gerard was beyond the point of no return. He didn’t look into her eyes. He was focused on shedding his sweatpants. Once gone he reached down and took his throbbing member into his hands. Placing it at her opening he mindless thrust into her. “I won’t fucking forget this.” He ground out. Again and again he trust into her. “I won’t fucking forget this.”

Ayasha’s eyes were closed, her fingers balled into fists.

He thrust harder. Fury caused by the fact he couldn’t feel controlled his actions. He needed to feel. He needed to believe someday he would feel again. The fact she was just laying there caused him to be blinded to the truth. “Fuck, feel something.” He yelled. “Damn you, feel.”

“I feel for both of us.”

Her words were like he’d been doused with cold water. His whole body stilled. Looking down into her face, seeing the tears in her eyes, he muttered an oath.

Ayasha understood his anger, she understood his pain. “My body feels your pain. Your soul feels mine.” She whispered.

“Oh, Ayasha.” Now that the blood red veil of anger was gone he saw the truth. “Oh, God, I’m sorry.” He started to move back, to pull out of her but her legs came up and crossed behind him back stopping him.

“Gee, don’t.” She said from the depths of her soul. “Don’t leave me.”

They both knew her words ran deeper than just the physical act of him withdrawing.

“I’ve hurt you.” He said reaching down to touch her cheek. “Sugar, I’m sorry.”

Ayasha could feel her body responding to his love still buried deep inside her. Unashamedly she pulled apart her shirt baring her breasts. Her body ached for him. “Touch me, love me.” She whispered.

At that moment the love he felt for her deep in his soul was stronger than any physical emotion he’d ever known. “I will.” He slowly reached back to unlock her legs. “But let me do it slow, let me love you like you should be loved.”

She hated to let him leave her body but she lowered her legs.

Gerard pulled out of her watching her body as he moved. Slowly he held out his hand to help her sit up but when she started to slide off the table he shook his head. “No, stay put.”

Ayasha nodded feeling her heart racing as he gently pulled the shirt off her shoulders.

“I like it when you don’t wear a bra.” He smiled.

“Not much need for one really.” She sighed knowing her breasts were small.

Gerard understood her feelings. “They are perfect breasts.” He murmured as he reached behind her to unfasten her skirt. Once it was done she lifted her hips slightly so he could pull it off her body.

“There now.” He said letting his gaze take in the beautiful nude woman sitting in front of him. “That’s much better.”

“I’d like you too be nude too.” She said looking slightly embarrassed by her request.

He laughed, “As you wish.” He quickly discarded his sweatshirt. Then pulling up a chair he looked deeply into her eyes. “You’ve had your lunch now it’s time for mine.” He gently pushed her body back onto the table then sat down between her legs.

Ayasha felt her whole body blush at his words.

Gerard smiled as his fingers caressed her thighs. “So beautiful.” He whispered. “Tell me you are mine.”

“I am yours.” She answered in a throaty voice, “Heart and soul, mind and body.”

His gaze swept across her body to her face. “There is no shame in out love. What we do together is out of love.”

She smiled, “Yes, I believe that.”

It was important to him to know she felt that way. He knew from her past sex had been something she had never equated with love. Hearing that she now understood it to be so much more caused him to smile. “Then let your inhibitions go, know that what I’m doing is because bringing you pleasure is my way of showing my love for you.”

“Yes.” Her voice trembled, her body aching for his touch. “I know.”

He scooted the chair closer to the table then lowered his head. Ayasha moaned when she felt his face between her legs. For several minutes he simply rained kisses on her skin and her body reacted. Gerard saw the moisture and wished so badly he could taste her.

“Gee.” She whispered his name lovingly.

He spoke, his lips vibrating against her core. “Patience my beautiful girl. I’m hungry, so hungry.”

She almost cried out when she felt him lift his head. At first she didn’t understand when he took her hands in his. But when he placed them on her breasts she smiled. “I don’t want your beautiful breasts to be ignored.” His own hands moved with hers. When he removed his Ayasha’s hands continued to caress her breasts. “That’s it.” He whispered watching the movement of her fingers, “Beautiful.”

Ayasha continued to caress her breasts while Gerard’s hands slid down her body. When he used his fingers to gently pry apart her lips she moaned again.

His eyes were wide, his breathing rapid. “Such a beautiful pussy.” He murmured.

Before that term would have taken on a derogatory connotation but hearing it from his lips only made her burn for him more. “Love my pussy.” She pleaded unashamedly.

“As you wish.” He ground out before lowering his head. His tongue lapped at her juices, flicked her throbbing nub. Ayasha’s head rolled back and forth, her body begging for more.

“Oh, Gee.” She cried out.

He continued his assault gauging her reaction to his touch each time he licked her wet slit. He would withdraw each time he knew she was to the breaking point.

“Gee, you tease.” She could barely catch her breath.

“Anticipation.” He grinned raising his head to look into her eyes. “Soon I’ll thrust my finger deep into you but not yet.” He loved how her eyes grew wide. “You want that, right?”

It was hard for her to think, her body was completely in control, not her mind. She nodded slightly, “Yes.”

He grinned, “Then lay there like a good girl and stop interrupting me.”

“Not a girl.” She ground out breathlessly. “A woman, your woman.”

Her words pleased him more than any before. “Yes, you are my woman.” He pulled her lips apart even further then lowered his head. Again his tongue made love to her while her body trembled. Time seemed to be suspended, he could hear her moans in his ears and they urged him on. Slowly he inched one of his fingers towards her hot, wet hole.

“Please.” She begged needing sweet release.

When his finger entered her she cried out. “Yes.”

Very slowly he inched his finger inside her looking for the spot he knew would send her over the edge. He’d lifted his head to watch her body, loving what he saw, she was his, she always would be. When his finger connected with the spot her whole body tensed, her back arched.

“That’s it, Baby.” He crooned continuing to move his finger inside her. “Let go.”

As much as he body was demanding she do as he say she tried to fight it. She tried to make her brain work enough to explain, “But you… I want…”

He thrust his finger in further knowing in a moment she wouldn’t be able to hold back, he could see it in her eyes. “You’ll have me later.” His voice was a gentle caress. “But for now, let go, Ayasha.”

And she did, waves and waves of passion washed over her as his finger moved deep inside her. When at last she was sated her body once more lay on the table, as she tried to catch her breath. Gerard saw her looking into his eyes, he licked his lips. “Best damn lunch I’ve ever had.”

She closed her eyes.

“Ayasha.” He’d stood and was touching her face, “Look at me.”

Slowly her eyes opened. He had to know the truth. “You aren’t embarrassed are you?”

She stared into his eyes. “No, it’s just…”

“Just what?”

“When you said lunch, I…”

He frowned, “What, Sugar?”

“I’m so sorry you can’t feel, can’t taste.” She whispered.

“Oh.” Now he understood. “Believe me I wish the same thing, I’d love to truly taste you but believe me seeing what my touch does to you, well that’s more satisfying than you can understand.”

Slowly she sat up. Her eyes fell to his lap. He followed her gaze then laughed, “Yeah, still hard.”

Ayasha’s voice was low and husky, “Stand up.”

He pushed the chair back then did as she’d asked.

She ran her hands down his chest then grasped his hard member with both her hands. “See what you do to me.” She whispered scooting to the end of the table so she could position him at her wet entrance. With one hand holding him in place her other hand went around his body to force him closer, to push him inside her. “Oh.” She threw back her head as he began to thrust inside her. “Yes.” Her body, already so wet and ready welcomed him. Gerard’s lips crashed down on hers as he continued to move inside her.

Gerard placed his arms around her, he kissed her neck, “I fuckin’ love you so much.” He whispered.

His words once more sent her over the edge. Her lips pressed tightly against his neck she didn’t realize she was leaving a mark.

He held her close until the passion subsided. His mind and body both satisfied that there was no way he’d ever forget this woman.