Categories > Anime/Manga > Naruto
Firecracker-chan
34 reviewsHanabi tries to defend Hinata after her loss at the hand of Neji. IN rage Hiashi beats and disavow her. Naruto finds her in an alleyway and takes her in his care. Lemon, lolicon.
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Reviews
Firecracker-chan
(#) Lord-Anubis 2013-11-10
You did okay with hooking the reader in the beginning but then seemed to rush through to the end. Don't be afraid to expand on details and develop the characters or the relationship, these qualities only enhance the story making readers love the smut more because then it means something or is more tangible. Overall it has room for improvement but is not bad so I'm looking forward to more.Firecracker-chan
(#) thegreenaceofclubs 2013-11-21
Awesome, needs some grammar work but please continue.Firecracker-chan
(#) moragnog 2014-01-14
Read more like the outline to a story then a really great one. That being said even for its being a niche i like the premise.Firecracker-chan
(#) jp0625 2014-02-20
The plot is pretty forced and moves at a rapid pace. You should slow down and let things develop. The story itself isn't bad, but you need a beta badly. There is quite a few spelling and grammar mistakes.
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