Categories > Cartoons > Family Guy

Quahog Furniture Store

by PickleGarden 0 reviews

Supposedly reformed jewel thieves take advantage of Peter's furniture store.

Category: Family Guy - Rating: PG-13 - Genres: Humor - Warnings: [V] - Published: 2018-10-14 - 4023 words - Complete

Three people, two men and a woman were walking down the streets of Quahog Rhode Island. They were named Eddie, Casey, and Ayra. These three were once a gang of international jewel thieves until Interpol took them down and arrested them. The three of them spent 7 years in prison in New York. Once released, they promised to return to their lives of crime and do more heists. What they were after was some pearls that the stole from a Museum in Berlin. The interpol agent that arrested them had taken the pearls to a pawn shop in Quahog was what the thieving trio learned while they were being released. They now walked passed the Drunken Clam and were now on their way to the pawn shop. Their plan was to get the pearls back, pawn them, and go to back to their criminal lifestyle. Eddie, Casey, and Ayra were just pretending that they were reformed.

"Ahhh. Smell that fresh air!!" said Eddie.

"That's the smell of freedom, baby!" said Casey.

"Much better than that shitty smell from prison toilets!" said Ayra.

"Why are you bitching? You were sent to woman's prison. We have to go to a men's prison!" said Casey.

"Yes, it was just like in that movie Alien 3! We were subjected to ass rape for God's sake!" Eddie scolded.

"Can we just drop this and stick with the plan? We're out of prison now!" said Ayra.

"Yeah, you're correct. Nobody suspects a think that we are really going back to being jewel thieves!" said Casey.

Eddie says, "This must be the place! Let's see if anyone here knows anything about the pearls we stole from Berlin!"

Casey Ayra, and Eddie will walk into the Pawn Shop. Bruce was there working. He recognized them from news reports in the past.

"Well hello there fine costumers. What can I do for you today?"

Eddie begins, "Do you know anything about some pearls?"

Bruce answers, "We did have some pearls but the person who brought them says y'all should never be near them again."

"How do you know us?" said Casey.

"Who doesn't? You were those international jewel thieves who ran around Europe. You were y'all on the news all the time!" said Bruce.

Ayra said, "But no need to fear, we are done with crime. We just want to see the pearls one last time, and we'll move on!"

"I'm afraid that's impossible. I was worried y'all were going to ask for the pearls one day. So I sold them to someone to ensure the pearls will never be stolen again!" Bruce said.

"Who did you sell them to and where do we find this person?" demands Eddie.

"His name is Peter Griffin. He recently opened a Furniture Store down a ways." Bruce said.

"What is the store called?" asked Casey. "Where can we find this store and this 'Peter Griffin''"!

Fearing that the pearls will be stolen again, Bruce states, "I forgot the name!"

"All right, thanks!" said Casey.

Not wanting to cause any chaos, to make people believe they've changed. Eddie, Casey, and Ayra walk out of the Pawn Shop.

"So all we need to is find this 'Peter Griffin' character and he will lead us to the pearls!" planned Eddie.

"We might have to find another Pawn Shop when we get the pearls back. That dude knows our faces." reminds Casey.

"Not familiar with this Quahog place. That asshole told us nothing of the location." said Ayra.

"That's because he didn't quite trust us." said Casey. "We knew us from the news! Damn that Lester Holt!" Eddie shouted.

"Brian Williams was anchor when we were doing our heists." said Ayra.

"Oh yes. That's right." said Casey.

The three of them walk by a shoe store with a TV inside. The TV was playing a commercial for a store called Quahog Furniture. It showed Peter Griffin tap dancing, farting, and singing.

"If you want to buy Couches and Beds! Quahog Furniture Store! We are just right across the street from you! Quahog Furniture Store!"

Casey rolled his eyes and took a short breath. "That guy looks like a retard! He will be easy to steal from!"

"Yes! That's it!" exclaims Ayra as she sees the Quahog Furniture Store across the street.

"Come on, let's go inside!" said Eddie.

"We need a plan though Ayra, you go inside first. Once you get the pearls,. We will kill this Peter Griffin, get out of town, pawn the pearls someplace else. Then there will be havoc to be wrought!" laughed Casey.


Inside Quahog Furniture Store, Peter has everyone do a job. Brian was sewing up a recliner. Lois was lacquering a coffee table. Stewie was sitting on a bed with his teddy bear Rupert. Chris was poking holes in wooden chairs with a power drill. Peter himself was building what was going to be an entertainment center. Until Chris accidently pokes Peter in the butt with the power drill.


Chris pleads with his father, "I'm sorry Dad! The power drill bit you!"

"Oh yeah? Bite this!" Peter grabbed Chris's nose and punched his face that send Chris falling backwards. Brian's sewing needle poked Chris in the butt. Chris slipped forward and hit Peter's butt again with the power drill.

Getting all angry Peter shouted, "Watch where you're poking that thing!"

Lois defends Chris, "Leave him alone, Peter! He's new that this!"

Stewie observes everything and tells Rupert, "Hmmm. I wonder how this is all going to end? My guess is, in complete utter disaster."

Chris apologizes, "But Brian pushed me."

"I did not! You slipped into my needle!" said Brian.

"That's enough out of all of you!" Peter demands.

"Look Peter, just because you own this furniture store, doesn't make you king of the world!" Lois asserts herself.

Stewie scoffs, "Another Titanic reference. When are people going to finally shut up about that movie and quit anaylizing it!"

"Lois is right. Once you obtained ownership of this place, you act like you're so topnotch!" Brian says trying to reason.

Peter stands on an office table. "May I have your attention please!"

Brian smirks, "What is he, Dudley Smith from LA Confidential?"

"I gave you all jobs to do and I expect them to be done correctly!!" Peter continues with his speech, "This is a place of business you hear! Business!" Peter points to Brian, "What is this a place of?"

Brian sadly says, "Business!" Peter points over to Lois, "What is this a place of?"

Lois rolls her eyes and sighs, "Business!"

Peter points to Chris, "What is this a place of?"

Chris salutes his father, "Business Dad!"

"From now on, you will all address me as sir! When I give you a task to do, I expect you to finish it do it right! And let me see it for my inspection. Lois! You add another arm to that table chair! Brian, go around and brush the plush of couches! Chris go stuff that bed!"

Peter was giving orders to everyone, Chris getting annoyed by Peter's controlling nature he says, "I'll stuff a turkey's ass!"

"All right, you! I heard that!" Peter shouted at his son. Taking another step from the office table he was standing on, the table breaks and collapses underneath him. A piece of wood flew into the air and landed on Stewie.


Brian runs over to Stewie. "Stewie! Stewie! You all right?" Stewie begins to come to. Lois comes over to share her concern, "Is my little Stewie okay?" "He's fine, Lois! I'll take it from here!" assures Brian. Peter gets up after his big tumble on the office table. "Man, that was a misconception!" Stewie begins to speak to Brian, "WHERE AM I! WHY AM I HERE!" Brian hung his head in shame. "Great, Stewie has amnesia. Better pretend everything is okay." said Brian.

Lois goes over to Peter, "Perhaps that will teach you not to be so bossy next time!" "This is still my store!" Peter yelled back. Chris wonders, "Where is Meg? " Peter answers, "I put her in charge of bathroom cleaning. She's in the men's room right now with her new boyfriend!"

"Yes, she's dating Vector Perkins from Despicable Me." said Lois. Peter giggles, "Meg dates the darnedest things!" In the men's room, Meg was resentfully cleaning a toilet with Vector by her side. "Whenever Dad is involved, I always end up getting the short end of the stick!"

Vector demonstrates to Meg how to clean a toilet with his Shrink Ray. "You don't need soap and water for this! Allow me!" Meg watches when Vector uses the shrink ray to miniaturize a toilet. "OH YEAH!" cheered Vector. "Is your brain full of shit! My Dad will kill me when he sees this!" Meg shouted. "This will cheer you up!"

The toilet Vector shrunk he walked up to it and said, "Aww, look at you! A little tiny toilet! coos" The toilet sprayed both Meg and Vector sending them both flying out of the men's room and into the sky. "Curse you, tiny toilet!" screamed Vector. "I told you this wasn't a good idea!" Meg and Vector both landed at James Woods High School into Principal Shepard's office. "That's detention!" said Principal Shepard.

Ayra walks into Quahog Furniture Store. "Excuse me, is this the new furniture store?" she asked. "You come to the right place, Ma'am!" Brian greets her. Peter pushes Brian aside. "You're not allowed to greet costumers! This is MY STORE! Not yours! Welcome to Quahog Furniture Store! Can I take your order?"

Laughing at Peter's ineptitude. Ayra says, "Who's the person who owns this place? Do you know where I can find Peter Griffin?

"You're looking at him!" Peter answers Ayra. "Good Good Good." Ayra says acting nervous.

"So what can I find for you?" asked Peter.

"Yesterday, I had a fight with my husband. I came here to find something to cheer him up. That was when I realized I dropped my pearl necklace somewhere here in this store. Was hoping you can help me find it?"

Ayra comes over to Stewie, "What an adorable baby! Can I hold him?" "Uh, sure!" said Lois. Ayra holds Stewie, "You're a little cutie! Yes you are! Yes you are!"

"GOVERNMENTS IN.....IN GRIDLOCK!" shouts Stewie. Ayra was shocked, "You're a loud one, aren't you! Always wished I had one to call my own!" Brian has a realization. "Stewie thinks he's Admiral Stockdale! Ross Perot's former VP pick!" Brian grabs Stewie away from Ayra. "Uh, uh, he's not used to strangers! We think it might be......uh......vaccinations!"

Lois asks, "Peter, have you seen this girl before?" "I just opened this store, yesterday." said Peter. Lois was rightfully suspicious. "Something is off about her.

Ayra worms her way around Peter then tries to sweet talk him. "You sure? You haven't seen my pearls around?" Peter nervously giggles, "Heh heh heh. I don't know nothing about no pearls!" Lois marches up to Ayra. "Excuse me! Didn't you just say you were married?" "Why yes. I am" answers Ayra. "Then why are you flirting with mine?" Lois sneered in Ayra's face. "I am.....uh...separated at the moment!" said Ayra. "He's fine with me socializing with other men!" "Yeah, sure!" Lois says. Brian takes Chris and Stewie aside. Chris unknowingly sits on an unfinished couch with a spring on the seat.

"I know who that bitch is." Brian said. "The one who's after the pearls."

Chris states, "Dad gave me these pearls. He entrusted me with them after he got the pearls from that pawn shop."

Stewie says, ""It just - the whole thing reminded me of a May pole dance. I was standing there trying to figure out how I could get my oar in and never really did."

"Shut up. Stewie!" Brian demands. "Anyhow, that woman who is after the pearls was part of a team of Jewel Thieves who stole those pearls from a museum in Berlin!"

"How do you know all this stuff, Brian?" asked Chris. "They were on the news all the time. FOX News and CNN even did repeated coverage about it." Brian says. Chris asks, "What should I do with these pearls?" "Keep them hidden at any means nesessary!" Brian advises.

Ayra said, "Okay, who here isn't married?" As she then makes her move on Chris. "Hey there, Handsome Stranger!" Stewie watches and says, "I'm all out of ammunition!"

Chris is stunned, "You trying to make out with me?" "I have a hankering for younger men! Would you care to help me find these pearls?" Ayra purrs seductively at Chris. "Is this going to be an Asia Argento thing!" Brian yells then pushed Ayra off Chris. "Claws off him! He's a minor! Seduce me, instead!" Brian said. Ayra gets very angry. "Grrrr! Who am I supposed to seduce here to help me find these pearls!" Ayra walks off and takes out a paring knife and began to tear away at a recliner. The Griffins were distracted when Chris tries to get up from the couch he was sitting on that had the spring push him back.

Peter said, "The hell! Chris! I told you not to sit on that!" "Help me! I'm having clutch trouble!" Chris yells in distress. Stewie says, "Government's in.....IN GRIDLOCK! I think the character is permanent and the issues are transient!" "Peter lets help him!" Lois said. "What did you do, Chris?" asked Brian. "Everytime I get up, this couch keeps sucking me back in!" Chris answers.

Lois and Peter grab Chris by the arms and pull him. "No wonder! Chris was sitting on that spring!" said Brian. "We have to detach him from it!"

Peter said, "No we don't! We just pull him off! Ready! Push and keep pulling then push!" "No Peter! Brian's right. The more we push, the the spring will just extend." said Lois. "It's my way or the highway!" Peter shouts in frustration.

Chris begins to cry out, "Ohh, I'm so sorry!" "I bet you are! " Peter replied. "Brian's right. Just cut off the part where the spring is attached!" said Lois. "NO! Know what! Forget you all! I'm doing this myself!" Peter said.

Ayra still searching for the pearls was going through the stuffing inside the recliner. Then she moves onto a bed. "Good! They won't notice me!"

Lois fed up with Peter's bossiness says, "Have it your way! Son of a bitch!" Peter pulls Chris from the couch and the spring was extending. "Push Pull! Push pull! Push pull!" With all his strength within him, Peter manages to pull Chris from the couch and the spring still stuck on Chris's pants jumps out and hits Peter in the face leaving a bloody mark. The pearls that were in Chris's pocket flew out and landed next to Ayra. "See what your jackassery has caused me?" Peter scolds Chris who begins to sob.

"Don't you know how much hard work I put into this! And how much money it's going to cost to fix this!" Peter yelled at Chris grabbing him by the chin.

"Don't yell at him!" Lois said. Brian takes notice that the recliner is torn apart. "Peter! Look!"


"Holy freaking shit! Somebody made fucking latex out of my recliner!" Peter yelled. "I'll bet Meg did this, Dad!" said Chris. Brian looks over to the bed where Ayra was about to cut it open. "Think we found our suspect!" Brian pointed. "I knew she was bad news right from the start!" Lois said. Stewie runs around and yells, "I'm Hungry! Where are we going! What happened! Where did you go!" Brian tells Stewie, "Act normal!" Peter goes to confront Ayra. "What is the meaning of making noodles out of my chairs?"

Ayra confesses referring to the pearls, "I thought they were hidden in there. Found nothing!" Peter tells Ayra, "If you want to tear apart my furniture you have to buy it first! Buy it or get out!" Ayra feeling enraged and offended begins to beat up on Peter, "Crap! You're a cut throat! You ought to go 10 bouts with Ali! Or join the Philadelphia Eagles!" Lois then comes to Peter's rescue. "Get your bloody fists off of my man, you bitch! You have no right to beat up Peter! That's MY JOB!" "She pussy whips me a lot!" said Peter to Ayra. "What are you going to do about it?" Ayra daring Lois. "Kick her ass for me!" cries Peter. Lois was about to go insane on Ayra when Chris goes over to the bed that Ayra was about to rip apart says, "I found the pearls! They must have fallen out of my pocket!" "You had them this whole time? How could I have missed that?" Ayra said.

Peter grabs the pearls, "Are these the pearls you were looking for?" "YES! YES! Now my husband will have to take me back!" said Ayra. "Peter, show this bitch the door, I never want to see her again." Ordered Lois. Peter eyeballs Lois, "Who's store is this? Who gives the orders around here?" Eddie and Casey break into the store and takes the pearls away from Peter. "These pearls are ours!"

"Who are these people?" Chris said startled. "GRIDLOCK GRIDLOCK! GRIDLOCK!" Stewie ran all around. Eddie introduces them, "I'm Eddie and these are my partners Ayra and Casey!" "We are International Jewel Thieves! Famous ones at that!" Casey said. "The media was all over us!" stated Ayra. "What do you want with these pearls?" asked Lois. Eddie says, "We want them back so we can pawn them!"

"You filthy rotten bastards! You want to pawn the pearls so you can go on more on more jewel heists and steal from innocent people!" Brian calls them out. "That Snoopy doll is right! Now! If you want to keep your furniture store, fatass! Give us the pearls!" Casey says cornering the Griffin family.

"Oh no! We're going to be prisoners of war! I'm an Admiral! They can really......" Stewie panics. Brian says "Stewie! Stay out of sight! Don't let these uh.....Viet Cong see you!" "Yes sir! I will hide in my A-4 Skyhawk! Government's!"

"These aren't Viet Cong what the hell are you talking about?" asked Peter. "Stewie has amensia and thinks he's Admiral Stockdale." explains Brian. "That isn't our problem!" said Chris.

"Well, I don't know what the means, aren't getting these pearls back, so suck my testicles!" Peter said. Feeling provoked, Eddie, Casey, and Ayra begin to attack the Griffins. Casey does some boxing moves on Peter, while Eddie chases Brian and Chris into the work station where there were tools, saw blades, and a box of materials used to make the furniture.

Lois grabs Stewie and goes into storage room to call Joe Swanson. "I'm calling the police! Come on, Stewie! Mommy doesn't want you to be exposed to this!"

"WHO AM I! WHY AM I HERE!" Stewie screams.


"Grab something, quick!" demanded Brian to Chris to find something to ward themselves with to keep Eddie and Casey from going after them. Eddie says, "Too late to do anything now!" "Bring us the pearls and we'll let you live!" said Casey. Chris gets the power drill he used earlier and Brian arms himself with a iron. Eddie and Casey laughed at them both.

"Whatcha gonna do there, Marmaduke! Press our pants?!" "Yeah, you gonna fill us full of holes, there fatass!"

Ayra was beating up on Peter. "HHHHEEEEELLLLLPPPPPP! This bitch is insane!"

Eddie and Casey then get hammers to go after Chris and Brian. Eddie says, "You want to fight tools with tools!?"

Casey said, "Two can play at this game!"

The hammer Eddie was holding handle fell off and hit Peter square on the head. Peter then did a drunken style and sang, 'Sloppy Drunk Blues' by Bumble Bee Slim until he landed into the box where all the material stuffing for the furniture was. Eddie and Casey saw Peter fall inside and decide to go after Peter. The pearls fell out of Eddie's hands and into Peter's pocket as they were now in his possession.

"Let's not waste our time with these losers!" said Eddie.

"We'll get him instead!" agrees Casey.

"Excellent! Let's move in and kick his ass!" Ayra says. "He has the pearls!"

Eddie, Casey, and Ayra all jump into the material stuffing box to attack Peter. Chris and Brian want to help him out.

"Oh no! They're hurting my Dad!" Chris panics.

"We have these tools, we'll save Peter yet!" Brian said.

Chris and Brian jump into the material box. Peter comes up and starts to breathe very hard. "gasps This must be what it feels like to be a Muppet!" Peter says.

Brian has the iron and Chris has to power drill. Brian proclaims, "Time for a little flat ironing!"

"Wait! Wait! I want to say something cool too! Uhhhhh, let's make some Swiss Cheese!"

Chris and Brian use the iron and power drill to defend themselves against the Jewel Thieves. Brian burns Eddie's buttocks with the iron then knocks him out. Chris uses the power drill and uses it on Casey's buttocks then hits him on the head with the power drill.

"Yes! We kicked their asses!" Chris says high fiving Brian. "That's what you think!" Ayra said coming up from behind them. Ayra had a gun. Chris teases her a little, "Look! Janie's Got A Gun!"

"You both beaten my friends, but you will NOT beat me! Show me your hands!" Ayra demands.

A monkey wrench comes out of nowhere and hits Ayra in the face knocking her cold along with Eddie and Casey. "That's what you get fucking with my husband, bitch!" a voice says.

"Who said that?" asked Peter. "I did!" the voice was Lois.

Joe Swanson and some policemen came into the furniture store. "Where are these Jewel Thieves?" he asked. "Over there by that material box." said Brian.

"Get an ambulance! After their stint in the hospital they're going right back to prison!" Joe said. "So where's the pearls?"

Peter proclaims, "I have them in my pocket!"

"That's great! You really are responsible sometimes, Peter." complemented Joe.

Brian tells Joe, "First the lady walked in and tried to have her way with Peter. She ripped up our recliner than tried to rip up that bed looking for those pearls."

"Don't explain yourself, Brian! I told the police everything!" said Lois. Stewie runs out. Still thinking he's Admiral Stockdale. "GRIDLOCK! GRIDLOCK! GRIDLOCK!" Brian had just about all he could stand he takes Stewie into another room. "Let me handle this!" Brian then tells Stewie, "Remember, remember. The fifth of November......."

" I followed the news reports about those thieves for two years. They were after those pearls that they stole because they wanted the pearls back so they can pawn them to make money to go on more heists. These thieves said on Dateline NBC they changed. One of them even said they found God. Found God my ass! If anything, they found Satan!" Joe says.

Peter, Chris, Lois, and Joe laugh. "Well, some people never change, Joe! Meg is a perfect example!"

Brian comes back with Stewie. "He's back to normal!"

"I look atrocious! Did you see my ass! Oh my gosh! I want to kill Lois!"

Peter wants to go back to running the furniture store. "Why are you still standing around! Get back to work! ALL OF YOU!"

Brian kicks Peter in the knee, "If you want to run this place! Treat us with dignity!"

Joe tells Peter, "Brian's right. I know! Hey, Peter. Why not hand over those pearls we will make sure they go back to the Berlin Museum where they belong."

Peter reaches into his pockets and then takes a step back, as he slips on a wet mop and the pearls all break and fall into the bucket. Peter reaches into the bucket's water.

"Uhhhh, I broke the pearls." Peter says in solemn sadness.

Brian, Stewie, Chris, Joe, and Lois all stare at Peter with acrimony and contempt.
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