Categories > Celebrities > Fall Out Boy > The Bass Files: Parallel Universe

Great, greater, Greta

by FrostedGlass 8 reviews

Yeah... So I´ve been thinking this story could use a little Greta.

Category: Fall Out Boy - Rating: PG-13 - Genres: Drama, Humor, Romance - Warnings: [!] - Published: 2006-11-08 - Updated: 2006-11-08 - 1297 words

30. Great, greater, Greta *

The members of ´Rattlesnake UFO´ were Jennifer (drums), her boyfriend Paul (guitar and vocals), Didi (bass) and Gary (lead guitar) who was a friend of Joe´s. They lead the way and we followed in a van that Andy had borrowed from a friend.

I sat on the passenger seat next to him. Patrick and Joe were playing some computer game in the back of the vehicle. It sounded as if Joe was orgasming when he beat the less experienced gamer. Yes, these were the people I hung out with by choice.

_ _ _ _ _

After we had played a show in a little hall of some small college Andy and Joe started to pack the instruments back into the van. Last time it had been Patrick´s and my turn. How did this pairing up had come into existence, you ask? Well, mainly because Joe had stated his unwillingness to work with Patrick, or in his terms, his unwillingness to carrying around instruments and amps "with someone who ha[d] the strength of a newborn dwarf shrew.* With all its legs in plaster."

So while our drummer and lead guitarist were busy removing anything that belonged to us from the makeshift stage, the behatted** shrew and I mingled with the college kids.

"Hey, Patrick," I nudged his side with my elbow softly, "that blonde one´s been checking you out for the last 10 minutes." I nodded at a short girl that was standing in a corner near us, sipping something from a plastic cup.

"Nya... Sure, Sheena," he rolled his eyes.

I glanced over to her and she looked away quickly. "I swear. She´s definitely looking our way a lot."

"Even if that´s true - so what? I finally have Joyce... even though," Patrick took a quick glance at the blonde, "she is kinda cute."

I think that was the first time Patrick had admitted his attraction to a member of the fairer sex with me around. With the exception of Joyce, of course.

"Hey, I think she´s coming over to us..." I whispered to Patrick as I saw the woman approaching us.

"Hi, guys. You played a damn fine show tonight."

"Thanks," Hat-Pat and I said in unison. But only he smiled shyly and blushed slightly. Good thing Joyce wasn´t around. With her being semi-mad at him for "spending too much time on his music" she surely wouldn´t have liked seeing him getting all ga-ga about another chick.

"I´m Greta," she extended her hand.

Both of us shook it and introduced ourselves.

We struck up a conversation about what kind of bands we were into and where we were from. Pretty much all just small talk. After a while Greta asked if we were a couple.

"Hell, no," I answered.

Patrick looked a bit hurt. As if that question hadn´t been the most ridiculous thing he´s ever heard. Ok, his last name was Stump. I guess he´s heard more appalling things in his life.

Greta smiled smugly, "Yeah, didn´t think you were. You don´t really behave all that lover-ish around each other."

Whatever that meant... Didn´t know lovers were supposed to mount each other in clubs for college kids. Ok, that was probably actually a given in clubs for college kids, even for complete strangers.

"So you´re single, huh?" Greta smiled at Patrick, then at me. "´Cause I was wondering if you´d like to come to my place and we get to know each other a bit better."

A second later Patrick looked like a tomato with a hat on, "I, ah... I have a girlfriend actually."

The woman giggled and shook her head, "Not you, silly. I meant Sheena. I like girls." She winked at me.*

I usually didn´t get hit on a lot. But getting hit on by a girl, that was definitely a first. Patrick´s eyes looked as if they would pop out of his head any second.

I swallowed hard and tried my best to smile, "I surely feel flattered, Greta, but... I have a boyfriend."

She skewed her lips to one side, "Are you telling me you´re straight?"

I nodded.

She crossed her arms in front of her chest, "You could have just told me that you´re not attracted to me. You don´t have to lie, ok."

"What?" I furrowed my brow.

Greta turned around and before walking away she said, "It´s so obvious that you´re gay, girl. I saw you on the stage. No straight woman behaves like that."

I watched her walk away slowly. Then I picked up my jaw. Patrick was laughing hard.

"What´s so funny?" All of a sudden Andy was with us and kissed me quickly. I didn´t respond to his lips on mine. I was still in shock.

Patrick was still snickering, "Sheena just got hit on by a hot girl."

"You´re kidding me," Andy smirked. "Did you reject her?" He looked at me.

I nodded, still dumbfounded.

"Damn, I could´ve watched."

_ _ _ _ _

The week passed fairly quickly. One night we were actually able to afford sleeping at a hotel, a pretty shabby one but still preferable to spending the night in the van again. The guitarists shared one room, Andy and I another one. This have us the opportunity to work on our mating skills.

I think Andy was getting frustrated because I hadn´t really climaxed with him yet. A few times the thought of lying to him about it had crossed my mind because I was sensing that it was really eating away at him. To me it wasn´t such a big deal. I guess my... womanhood is a very complex machinery that needs special operation. Well, or the cheap junk is just broken. I would have to try it on my own one of these days. Just to be on the safe side, you understand.

On day seven Pete arrived to take over the bass position for the rest of the tour. I had agreed to let him take my car (he doesn´t have one) so I would have it to drive back home. I was relieved to see that he hadn´t dented or completely smashed it. I said my goodbyes to him, Patrick and Joe and hugged Andy tightly before departing.

About one hour on the road I discovered that Pete had used the glove compartment as a trash can. There were wrappers of Butterfingers** and Baby Ruth bars and emtpy Skittles boxes. Oh, he was in for a taste of a blow that would make him see all the colors of the rainbow.


* Since the purpose of literature is to entertain as well as teach, have a look at what a dwarf shrew looks like:
While doing research I´ve actually learned that their brain mass is about 10% of their total weight. Pretty shrewd animals those shrews, eh?

** I´m thinking literature should also revolutionize vocabulary. Further suggestions for future dictionary entries: becapped (somewhat synonymous to behatted/), /beuglydeerstalkerhatted (in case you should feel the need to specify the type of hat) and dehatted (to use when Patrick decides to take off his hat for a second to ruffle his hair). Also, plonk as adjective, verb and noun, meaning anything you want it to really.

* In contrast to what everybody´s (i.e. pixied_secrets and whatkatydid) thinking, Greta prefers Gretel to Hänsel. At least in my piece of lesbo-fic. Aren´t I glad I called a parallel universe into existence? It´s nice to be God. (Hear the atheist talk.)

** I choose to blame Evie for this. Obviously he hangs out with her too much.
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