Categories > Celebrities > Fall Out Boy > The Bass Files: Parallel Universe

Don´t mess with gravity unless you´re Superman

by FrostedGlass 12 reviews

Breakfast, not arms.

Category: Fall Out Boy - Rating: PG-13 - Genres: Drama, Humor, Romance - Warnings: [!!] - Published: 2006-11-13 - Updated: 2006-11-13 - 1151 words

32.* Another chapter that could hint towards ficwad´s suprisingly recent trend of naming chapters "Carpal Tunnel of Love" but I choose to call it:
Don´t mess with gravity unless you´re Superman

Hooray for Valentine´s Day! It´s the best day of the year!

Did I mention I actually have a boyfriend on Valentine´s Day this year? A freaky bondage-loving boyfriend but a boyfriend nonetheless. Ha, I got cock.**

The day at school went great. The kids were busy preparing cute Valentine´s Day cards with all sorts of glitter and stickers. We even had a super sweet mobile with cupids on it. Just when I was about to put it up my cell vibrated to announce that I had received a message. Whoops, had forgotten to turn it off.

I looked around and checked that all the kids were busy working on their cards and then risked a quick glance. I pressed a few buttons to read the message Andy had just sent me: Pick you up after work. Got something fancy planned. Andy. P.S.: I´m planning on being a bad boy today so you´ll need to discipline me.

Oh boy. The past few days had been quite... adventurous with Andy. The thing was that this whole tying up and all kinda made me tense up even more. Even if it was him who got tied up. I mean that guy wanted me to slap him in the face and make him lick my feet. How was I supposed to loosen up enough to have an orgasm with this going on?

I had to talk to him about this. Right after I talked to him about stopping to pet my head. (Oh, shut up.)

"Miss Scully, Aaron´s about to ta-," Cindy got cut short when one of our secretaries, Mrs. Johnson, burst into the classroom, sending the ladder that she hit with the door down with a loud "kerplonk".


Who are you?


If you let me talk to that bassist guy I´ll think about it.


Hello, Billie?

Ah, well...

Mrs. Johnson looked at the ladder and then at me. She was not exactly a happy-go-lucky natured person. But today even Mrs. Johnson could have nothing on me.

"I´m here to tell Aaron McPhony that his mom dropped off his lunch," she said sharply, turned towards the class. Then she took another look at the ladder, shook her head and left.

Later that day I drove home as quickly as I could in order to get ready for Andy. I almost fell out of the car because I was in such a hurry to get to my apartment and prepare myself for a romantic evening with my boyfriend. Which would most definitely end in fetish-driven sex. Well, at least I got cock.

_ _ _ _ _

Andy had prepared a four course meal at his place.

"Hmm, this is really good," I said when I tasted the dessert. "All the other stuff was really tasty too."


I needed meat.* NOW. In the course of the past weeks I had regularly grabbed a burger with Patrick after my dates with Andy. I was really into him, seriously, but I just couldn´t do without regular food. Patrick had given me the advice to tell Andy, he thought Vegan Boy wouldn´t mind. As if my list of things to talk to Andy about wasn´t long enough already. (Well, two items actually... but yeah... I got nothing.)

"I´m happy you like it," Andy beamed at me. "And I have a little something for you..."

Oh, no. I hadn´t gotten him anything. I was a shitty girlfriend.**

He got up from the table and returned with a...

"A WHIP?!" I semi-yelled.

He nodded eagerly, "Sorry I didn´t wrap it up nicely. I thought you´d use it soon anyways..."

"I don´t go horse-back riding, Andy."

He giggled. "It´s for," he wiggled his eyebrows, "when Andy´s been a bad boy."

Ach! This stopped being sexy ages ago. Or, more accurately, it never had been sexy in the first place.

I thought he was shitting me. I got a whip on Valentine´s Day so I could smack my bitch up?*** Just when I thought things couldn´t get more humiliating.

"Andy, I-"

"Shh," he placed a finger on my lips and smiled sweetly. "You can thank me later. Now let´s go outside, I wanna show you something."

I was AFRAID of how he would thank me later. But I followed him outside, holding his hand tightly.

"Look at those beautiful stars," he motioned for me to look up at the night sky.

"It´s breath-taking," I replied.

Then he pointed at a tree, "Let´s climb it and look at the stars."

We did. It was really romantic. It was all I could have asked for. Could this get any better? (Except for Andy suddenly finding out he wasn´t into bondage and S&M at all?)

"Sheena, I have to tell you something."

I looked him in the eyes. Wow, was he about to say what I thought he was about to say?

We locked our eyes.

"Yes, Andy?"

"I lo-"

"WhhhoooooooAAAA!" I screamed as I lost my balance and fell out of the tree, hitting one branch before meeting the ground.

"Oh my God! Sheena!" Andy quickly climbed down the tree and was at my side within mere seconds. "Are you alright?"

"No, my arm hurts. I think it´s broken," I whined.

"Let´s get you to a hospital," my boyfriend said and helped me up.

I grabbed his shoulder, "Wait. What were you about to say when I fell down?"

Now or never.

"Oh, I just wanted to tell you that I lost the keys to your apartment that you gave me the other day. I´m sorry. It might be a good idea to get a new lock."

Valentine´s Day. Big fucking deal.


* Which was the original title of the song before they changed it to "Carpal Tunnel of Love". Yes, it´s true. Come on. It´s Pete Wentz who writes the lyrics ("hubcap").

** A little anecdote: When I visited the USA with my father two and a half years ago we went to some fastfood restaurant. We decided I´d order for the both of us because, let´s just say, my Dad´s pronunciation even makes Arnie and Bush´s speaking skills put together look good. So I asked him what he wanted. And he said he wanted blah blah blah and a "cock". I guess it was good that I ordered his Coke in the end.

* I think we´ve established that Sheena would get cock later.

** How´s my t-shirt coming along, Crystal?

*** Anyone into the old The Prodigy stuff?
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