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33. Taking it up a notch: Footnote this *


Reader, the shit hit the fan this time.*



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Voilá, an entire chapter as a footnote:

Andy was moaning a sequence of melodic "ohs"* as I was grinding myself against him. His wrists and ankles were tied to the bed posts. Of course. We couldn´t have normal sex anymore.

Alright, so maybe I hadn´t specifically asked if we could have normal sex again...

"Sheena... Sheena," he whispered and motioned for me to put my ear to his lips.

"You want me to put one of your drum sticks WHERE?!" I cried out, stopping to move at once.

He just looked at me. Smiled.

I flung my leg over his body and sat down on the edge of the bed, "Andy, I think we have to talk."

"You sound serious."

I glanced at him, "Ah, can I maybe untie you for this? It´s kinda weird to have you all tied up while I´m trying to discuss our relationship with you."

He frowned at me, "This IS serious, huh? Yeah, sure, just untie me."

After I had done that he sat down next beside me and covered our bodies with the blanket.

"What´s the matter, sweetheart?"

I cleared my throat. Where to begin?

"The thing, Andy, is," I swallowed again, "I don´t really feel all that comfortable with this bondage thing... Like I feel... it´s not me, you know. I´m not the dominant type. I don´t wanna..."

His fingers brushed my cheek softly, "Why didn´t you tell me earlier, Sheena? You know I would never want to force you into anything you don't wanna do."

I nodded, "I know, Andy. I just... I just couldn´t pluck up enough courage to tell you. I can see how much you enjoy this. Maybe... maybe we could have some regular sex every now and then at least. You don´t have to give up on this forever... I just... "

He smiled sweetly, "Yes, Sheena, totally." Then he kissed me softly.

Did I or did I not have the cutest boyfriend in the world? The understanding, the carresses. His tongue slowly exploring my lips.

"I´m glad you got it out now. I wouldn´t want you to become frustrated over this," Andy said.

His hand on my head. Petting the top of my head.

"DON´T!" I yelled out.

He pulled back his hand quickly and looked at me in shock. "What is it?"

I tuned down the sound intesity of my voice, "I can´t STAND it when you´re petting my head. It gives me the creeps. Like I´m some kind of dog or something..."

Andy started to look grim.

I just looked back at him.

The guy opened his mouth, "Alright... and why didn´t you tell me THAT before?"

"Well, kinda for the same reason I didn´t bring up the sex thing. I didn´t know how to s-"

"I feel like an idiot now!" he interrupted me. "I´ve been petting the top of your head for the past few weeks and you never said a thing! If my behavior upsets you so much why don´t you just break up with me?!"

Whoa. Frea-KEY.

I grabbed his hand in an attempt to calm him down, "Now, this is really not a big thing, Andy. It´s just something that I don´t like so much. It´s like... the bondage thing is a bigger issue to me."

He jumped up from the bed, standing next to me, stark naked, "Maybe you should leave now."

"What?" I pulled the blanket tighter around me.

He was fine with me telling him that I found his wishes in bed odd but it mattered a big deal that I didn´t like it when he petted my head. Where´s the proportion on that?

Andy started to put his clothes on, "I need time to think about this. I´d rather you go now."

Ok. Be an asshole.

"Fine," I replied and threw my clothes on to. Before I walked out the door I asked if I should call him later.

"No, don´t bother. I´ll call you."

_ _ _ _ _


"And he just kicked you out?" Patrick stared at me in disbelief as we sat in his room.

"I shit you not,"* I replied.

"Where´s the relation in that? He freaked out because you told him you don´t want him to pet you on the head but he was fine when you told him he´s a sick fuck for wanting to be tied up and dominated?"

"I didn´t exactly use the term ´sick fuck´, Patrick..."

"Yeah, yeah... you know what I mean."

I bit my lip.**

"And WOW! I didn´t know Andy had that in him. Bondage..."

Patrick, you´d be surprised about WHAT he wanted in him a few seconds before we had the conversation.

That instant the doorbell rang.

The guy shot up from his sitting position and hurried to the door, "That´s gotta be Joyce."

"Alright, I was about to leave anyway." I guessed he hadn´t hear that anymore.

Seconds later I heard Joyce´s voice, at first kind of hushed and then louder, "What do you mean, we can´t get my ring today?! You told me you were gonna buy it today!"

Patrick´s voice was a lot calmer, "Sweetie, I´m sorry. I really am. I know how much you want this ring but I just can´t afford it this month."

"You shouldn´t have promised me to get it today then!"

"I didn´t actually promise anything. You just... hung up the phone before I could say yes or no..."

I heard Joyce huffing loudly, "Alright then. I´m not gonna spend the rest of the day with somebody who breaks his promises. See ya."

I heard her walking down the stairs.

"Joyce!"

Then Patrick returned, looking blue.

"Those Hurleys, huh?" I said, trying to bridge the awkward moment with a Nobel Prize worthy commentary.

"Well, she has a point..."

No, she doesn´t. Didn´t he just buy her a new wardrobe?

I guessed it was best to not talk about this. Patrick would just come to her defense** anyway. His affection for Joyce was seriously messing with his common sense. The other day he had told me that she was right about complaining for half an hour when he hadn´t answered his cell because he was playing guitar.

Was this the woman I wanted to see my best friend with?


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** For the exact sound listen to the intro of /Of All The Gin Joints In All The World/.

* At the risk of repeating myself (repeating myself), I heartwitharrowthroughitandfancysgigglylinesaroundit American English. :)

* The author of this fanfic chooses to use a phrase as meaningful as this wisely.**

*** Unlike footnotes.

** Or, because I love my Plonkstress (and it´s an excuse to add another footnote): defence.