(#) SiriusStains 2007-03-21You need to work on your starting point...honestly reading the first cahapter to me was like opening a book at a random page and starting. You also need to work on your characterisations..tehy are rather flat for lack of a better word. You leave a lot of questions. Your dialog seems forced and it really does not have anything that just hooks a readers attention.
I apologise that this is all critisism, but hopefully you will take it to heart and use it to try to improve your writing.
- It's an interesting start but you really need to lay more of a back story about how Harry came to leave the Dursley's and get involved with Sirius, Remus, and Tonks.
having said that, it reads reasonably well, though with some punctuation problems here and there (be glad to beta if you still need one). It does sound like an interestin AU to follow, though.
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