FicWad

Ava took a seat in the plush leather chair Dr. Heinrich offered. This was her third visit to the psychiatrist, and even though she was well versed in the way therapy went, she was still nervous every time she came. The reason for this was simple; she hated admitting to her weaknesses. Well, that and the fact that Dr. Heinrich was about six foot five inches tall to Ava's five foot three inch frame. He was a little more than imposing, even though he did have that 'fatherly' vibe down pat.

"So Ava," He began in his normal way, "What can I help you with today?"

Trying her best not to be defensive toward the therapist she shrugged her shoulders vaguely. It was always hard to start out in this Adlerian technique he used; it is common for the client set the pace; however, in her case the pace was fairly nonexistent. "I guess I don't have anything new, really." She told him, not willing to bring up the latest conversation she had with the police. Dr. Heinrich already thought she was crazy enough as it was without mentioning conspiracy.

When the doctor spoke, his voice was calm and soothing; welcoming any comments she might have the urge to make. "Well, tell me a little about what has been on your mind lately." Ava noted that he basically asked the same question as before, but only rephrased the wording. Typical psychiatrist.

"Wendy's death still haunts me." She said slowly, carefully choosing her words. "It's like I have to think about her every moment of every day. If I don't then it's like I've let her down all over again."

"Let her down?"

"Yeah. I've done it before; she expected something of me and I messed up. I'm continually doing things like that..." Ava paused, waiting for the psychiatrist to say something more, but of course he just sat there staring at her. She knew he was just using the silence to push her into talking. It worked. "I messed up really bad once. It was a few years ago, back when she first started dating Matthew." Ava laughed at her reference; she guessed her time with Wendy could be broken into three different categories; 1-Wendy on Drug/ Before Rehab, 2- Wendy Before Matthew, and of course 3- Wendy with Matthew. Each time period was extremely distinct from the other on multiple levels. "Matthew had invited her to this really exclusive party, and of course Wendy had to bring me. At the time I was dating this really skanky guy, Vince, that I just couldn't be separated from, so he tagged along as well. So it was the four of us, and I remember being so excited about going... I mean, there were going to be celebrities there and everything." Ava suppressed a smile, remembering how disappointed she was when they got there and she didn't recognize anyone. "I got completely drunk off these little pink drinks... I still don't really know what they were, only that they were the best thing I had ever tasted in my life."

She had to look down at her hands to tell the rest of the story. Looking at another person was just too humiliating. "I kept getting separated from the rest of my group. When I'm drunk I tend to act like a five year old, so of course I wonder away... chatting up complete strangers and doing ridiculous things only a toddler would consider appropriate. I know now that I acted badly, but at the time I thought it was fun. I enjoyed the attention I got from my outrageous behavior so of course I thought everyone else enjoyed it just as much." Ava shook her head. "So there I was, completely shit-faced and I realize I've lost my friends again- big surprise- so I went in search for them. After I noticed they aren't in the main room, I started to look through the bed rooms. I don't really know what I was thinking at the time, because why would Vince go off with Matthew and Wendy to one of the bedrooms? But I guess I was just too plastered to care."

Ava took a deep breath, knowing now that she started this story she couldn't stop now. "I found two of them in a guest bedroom upstairs. At first I thought I accidentally walked in on Wendy and Matthew having sex but something caught my eye. The guy had a little tattoo of a sun on his right shoulder blade. It wasn't Matthew at all. Vince had that tattoo. I just... freaked. Vince already had his pants off and Wendy's shirt was lying on the floor next to my feet and I just started screaming. I was so angry... so hurt that my best friend would do that to me. I called her all sorts of names. Every ounce of hate I felt toward the two of them I directed at her. He was just a boy. She was my closest friend in the entire world and she was having sex with my boyfriend. I don't remember every exact thing that I said but all of it was meant to hurt Wendy. She, of course, was crying hysterically and that just made me even more mad. How dare she pretend to care when she would hurt me so badly? In the end she just ran from the room, and I stood there watching Vince as I heard a door slam down the hall. He didn't seem all that bothered, but for some reason I stood there actually apologizing to him. God, now that I think about this, I feel so stupid for the way I acted toward him. Even when I thought what they were doing was consensual I should have been pissed that he was cheating on me- but that thought didn't even enter my head. I didn't get a lot of boyfriends, so I was more than willing to overlook this little indiscretion." Ava squeezed her eyes closed, trying to block out the images of that night but it only seemed to help in clarifying them.

"I apologized to Vince for yelling, and then left him to get dressed. I don't remember walking outside, but I somehow ended up there. I stood right outside the door, letting the air rush over my skin. I don't know how long I stood there, it could have been seconds, minutes, or hours; at this point I had absolutely no ability to calculate time. That's when I noticed the two men out on the porch with me. Matthew was one of them, and it was all I could do to think that his girlfriend was just cheating on him. And he was such a nice guy! He didn't deserve a tramp like her. So I just kind-of existed in this dizzy world, not really comprehending anything that was going on around me. Eventually some girl came outside and said something to the guy Matthew was talking to and I wondered up to him- pretending I had just come out as well- and told him he needed to collect his whore of a girlfriend because it was time to go."

Ava's voice began to waver. "I couldn't look at Wendy the entire way home but I knew she was upset. It wasn't until the next morning that I learned the truth- Vince had been trying to rape her when I interrupted him. If I had been sober I would have noticed how Wendy had been fighting him the entire time and how she looked so relieved when I walked through that door. But I was drunk- which is absolutely no excuse, I know. I said horrible things. I- I brought a guy who would rape my best friend into our lives! Wendy was almost went through one of the most atrocious things possible because of me, and then I blamed her for it!" Ava looked up now at the psychiatrist, trying to judge his reaction but as always his face remained completely impassive. "Matthew beat Vince practically to a bloody pulp. He deserved it, and I had nothing to do with him ever again yet Wendy was too hurt to talk to me for over a month. She lived with Matthew for that time but she eventually forgave me and moved back into our apartment. She told me it wasn't my fault for what Vince tried to do, but I knew that wasn't the truth. I put her in danger. It was my responsibility to choose better guys than that." Ava leaned her head on her hand. "I put Wendy in danger then, and I put Wendy in danger at that concert. Her death is my fault; just like it was my fault she was put in that horrible position three years ago."

Ava had a lot of making up to do. If it was the last thing she ever did, she would catch Wendy's murderer and make sure he paid for his crimes- hopefully with an inch thick burn mark around his throat.


*



Ava was in a dark mood when she stopped at the library on her way home. She had some research only the online database could resolve. Taking that familiar seat in front of the computer brought her back to when she started writing her book, only this time the research was much more important. This time she was solving a case she was actually involved in.

Gathering as many records as possible as well as newspaper articles, she printed off the information and took it home with her to sort out later when she had a clear head. She was good at this- it was her thing. How could Wendy's dad have her body cremated? Impractical... not impossible it would seem. Sooner or later, she knew she would have it figured out.

Patrick called, as usual. But this time, instead of being excited to hear from him, she was cautious. What if she was just as wrong about him as she was about Vince? The conversation with Dr. Heinrich and reliving that event from before really brought her back to earth. Ava never wanted to be too trusting ever again.

"You sound weird."

"No. I don't think so." Ava kept her defenses high.

"You definitely do." He sounded concerned... but then again, they were only talking on the phone. It could easily be an act. "Did something else happen?"

"No."

"Then what is it?"

"God, Patrick, it's nothing, really." She snapped, then instantly regretted it. She knew in her heart that Patrick was as good as they come, but then again she wasn't completely sure she completely trusted her heart anymore. It had a tendency to make her believe things that turned out to be merely a dream.

"Ava..."

"I'm sorry, Patrick. I'm just upset from my appointment with my psychiatrist and I'm taking it out on you."

He sounded confused, "Do you want to talk about it?"

She sighed. "No. Not really."

The silence spread out before them, and for once it was awkward. Ava didn't know what to do or say to make anything better... for her and Patrick or for Wendy. She was in a place where she didn't really understand anything at all and that drove her crazy. The not knowing stage was worse than the sad stage.

"Maybe I should call back later." Patrick finally said.

Ava's initial response was almost 'well maybe that's best' but she stopped herself before it came out. She had a feeling saying something like that would probably push him away for good. "No, this is fine... it's just... I don't know."

"Is this about what the detective told you on the phone yesterday about Wendy's dad?"

Ava forgot she had already told him about that. "Maybe that's some of it. With the therapist I relived an experience I had with Wendy a few years ago. It wasn't a positive one." A major understatement. "I think I'm just still a little touchy from that." Probably another understatement... if only a little less major.

"Okay, I guess."

"It has nothing to do with you, really..." Unless you're a rapist murderer or something.

"What?!"

Oh crap, did I say that out loud?

It would seem that today she was sharing a bit more than she expected with everyone she was coming into contact with. She needed to barricade herself in her apartment and turn off all phones to prevent this from happening.

"You think I'm a rapist murderer?" He asked after she didn't respond quickly enough.

"Oh no. God, no. Patrick, that just sort-of slipped out. I've had issues with both in my life now, and sadly they've been on my mind for most of today. I don't think you are either, I swear."

"Well, that's good to know." He said sarcastically. "You don't think I'm a rapist or a murderer. I normally try to clarify this within the first few minutes of meeting, but I guess I let that slip this time."

"Patrick, I'm so sorry."

She heard him sigh. "It's fine, Ava. I know what you're going through can't be easy."

Another understatement, but she wasn't about to tell him that. "Anyway," She started, trying to change the subject. "Your concert is in less than a week."

"Are you sure you're up for coming?"

"I'll be fine. I just dread the drive... so much time to just sit and think."

He seemed to consider this. "Bring a friend to keep you entertained."

"I don't really know anyone that can just take off and drive to Cincinnati for the night. Most people keep normal jobs."

"Ah, yes... normal people."

"I guess that makes me not normal since I'm going, then. I have no job so taking off is not the problem." She laughed; I should probably be worried about money."

"If you need help, honey..."

"Oh no you don't. I already have plenty of help from Matthew. I can't be taking charity from everyone. I still have some pride."

"Matthew is helping you?"

"How else could I pay for my doctor visits? I thought I told you about that."

"I don't remember you saying anything about him, Ava."

Shiver. "Well, he's helping me out a little. He offered and I needed it, so... I don't know. I'll pay him back somehow. It isn't free, I'm sure." She thought for a moment. "Maybe I'll take him to the concert. I'm sure he'd take off a day to go."

"Right."

"Besides, you should really meet him."

"Sure." He didn't sound very happy with his one word responses.

"You'll like him, I promise. He's helped me out a lot over the past few days. I don't have a lot of friends who understand what I'm going through, so him being here means something to me."

"I know. If you need him to come then it's fine with me."

Ava wasn't totally convinced, but she wasn't going to argue with him over something so stupid. "Okay, then."

"I need to go. We're going to start in a bit and I still need to get warmed up."

"Sure..." It was so strange hanging up with him on such odd terms. This was definitely a first for them, and Ava hated it. "I guess I'll talk to you later."

"Bye." Click.

Ava sat on the end of her bed for a few moments before finally getting up and changing into her pajamas. She was not going to let Patrick upset her. If he was going to be weird about Matthew then that was his problem. Not hers.

Gathering her print-offs from the library she sat Indian style in the center of her bed spreading the sheets out in front of her. She needed something to keep her mind occupied and this was certainly the thing. Solving Wendy's murder was incomparably more important than any issue she was having with Patrick.

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Okay... fun stuff, guys. ;)