FicWad

I don't know where I've been. LoL.

Chapter 10

Driving slowly down the street and into his apartments Patrick eyed Arissa. To him she seemed odd. The way she sat sunk into herself close to the door. Her back was tense and her confidence was cloudy. She wasn't herself at all, granted she had lost her fiance and been to jail.

Arissa was the type to cry and be completely inconsolable. Looking at her now though she was a statue. Just a frozen version of herself. The eyes that were once so full of emotion were empty and cold. Patrick found no sadness or regret in them. He sighed deeply and opened his door getting out of the car. Arissa followed suit and walked just inches behind him up the stairs and through his door.

"Are you hungry?" Patrick asked softly while placing his keys on the bar.

"No." Arissa stated simply. He placed his hands in his pockets and shuffled closer to her.

"Are you tired?" He tried again wanting to hear her voice to get some kind of read on her feelings.

"Not in the slightest." She replied meekly.

Patrick watched as Arissa made her way into the living room and sat down on the couch. She pulled her knees to her chest and bit her lip. He walked over and knelt in front of her.

"Wanna talk to me Riss?" He asked in whisper. "Tell me what is going on in there?" Taking his pointer finger he tapped on her left temple.

Arissa raised an eyebrow and narrowed her eyes at him. "Do you want to explain why you are talking to me like I'm a helpless wreck?" Her voice was sharp and even.

Patrick frowned and scratched the back of his head. He stood and walked out of the living room into the kitchen. He reached into the cabinet above the fridge and pulled out a bottle of whisky. If he was going to attempt talking to Arissa he was going to need a little more than a level head. If he expected Arissa to answer she was going to need a little less. He grabbed two small glasses from another cabinet and trotted back into the living room.

"Pete wouldn't like this, but..."

Arissa cut him off, "Pete's dead."

"Arissa..." Patrick started firmly only to be cut off again.

"Just pour darling." She said sadly.

Patrick filled each glass halfway and took a seat next to Arissa handing her a glass in the process. "What's with the fucking attitude Riss?"

"You kiss your mother with that mouth?" She smirked at him and smelled her cup.

She was successfully pissing him off. Patrick grunted and took a swig of the brown liquid. As it burned its way down his throat and took refuge in his stomach he cursed inwardly.

"Arissa I don't seem to remember being at all rude to you and quite frankly I'm thinking I'd like to slap that smirk right off your face." He looked into his cup and back up at her astonished face. "I understand that you were just falsely accused of your fiances murder and that you are a little pissed right now, but do you think you could find in your heart to be half decent toward your best friend?"

Arissa pursed her lips and looked down at her hands. She brought the cup to her mouth and downed the contents quickly. She placed the empty vessel on the coffee table and licked her stinging lips. "I think I can do that." She mumbled.

"Thank you." Patrick blinked a few times and set his glass next to hers.

"I'm sorry." Arissa said just above a whisper. Her eyes seemed to soften and she relaxed. The tension he'd noticed in her small frame melted and she started to look like herself again.

"It's fine." He replied and thought for moment. "Talk to me Riss. Please."

"I can't." She looked worn out and defeated.

"Why not?" He asked her not understanding her unwillingness to let him in.

"I'm a horrible person." Tears fell from her gorgeous green eyes and she covered her face up instantly.

Patrick stared at her in awe and scooted closer to her pulling her into an embrace. "No, you aren't."

"Yes I am." Arissa sobbed. "I'm retched." She wrapped her arms around his torso and nodded her head into his chest. "You can't pretend to think I'm not. I was just so mean to you."

"You're hurt sweetie. Angry. It's okay." Patrick reasoned and stroked her hair away from her face.

"No Patrick. I've been terrible." She forced herself to calm down and sat up.

"What do you mean?" He asked not quite understanding.

"I'm just so confused. I don't know how to feel." Arissa pulled her knees to her chest again and wiped the tears from her cheeks.

"I don't understand." Patrick shook his head slightly bemused.

"Should I feel angry, sad, happy, or vindicated?" She sobbed some more and rocked back and forth slowly. "I just don't know."

"Vindicated?" He asked. "Why vindicated?" Patrick couldn't help but feel slightly mad at the thought.

Arissa pushed her hair behind her ears and thought of how to explain what was going on in her head. "He cheated on me and I had to hear it from some reporter who just so happened to have a heart. She called and told me everything. She even had pictures. I met up with her and saw all of them. Two months worth of photos and he actually tried to deny it." She paused and took a breath. "It started after he proposed and ended just a couple weeks ago."

"Oh...Arissa..." Patrick was at a loss for words.

"You don't have to say anything Trick." She bit her lip. "He was your best friend and I didn't want to tell you. I didn't want to drag you into it. And now... Well, that's why I was so mean. I don't want anyone to know. I don't want him to be remembered for that."

"The reporter? Is she going to do the story?" Patrick asked panicky.

"She said she'd give me a couple weeks and then print it." Arissa sniffled and reached for a tissue from the end table behind her. "I'm going to pay her off."

Patrick kept his eyes on her and studied her mannerisms. She was so upset. It really was a big mess. If he was in her position he'd be just as confused.

"How do you want to feel Arissa?"

"What?" She asked not having heard him.

"I said, How do you want to feel?" Patrick grabbed her hand and squeezed it softly.

"I feel sad. Horribly sad. Completely empty. But I feel like I shouldn't feel so sad that I lost him because he wasn't even mine." She paused to gather her thoughts. "I feel angry that he was so careless with my heart. I don't feel happy or vindicated at all, but in the back of my mind I think I should. As for how I want to feel...I just want to be numb." She sobbed and leaned forward placing her head in her hands. "I don't want to feel anything at all."

Arissa's cries took over her body as she sat hunched over in an attempt to rid herself of the pain in her heart. She had held it in for days and now that she was letting everything out she was afraid she would never stop. Patrick shifted to be closer to her and rubbed her back in calming circles. He didn't know how to react.

"It just hurts Patrick." Her movements slowed and she whimpered. "I loved him so much. I would have forgiven him. I would have gone back to him." She nodded her head into her folded arms and took a breath. "I don't want to feel this. I just want to go to sleep and never wake up. It hurts too much." She whispered things to herself and continued to rock slightly. "I don't even know who I am without Peter."

Patrick took off his glasses and threw them on the table. He rubbed the bridge of his nose and sighed, "Do any of us?"



Okay. Review?! It took me a while, but I don't know why. I think it could be better. I don't love it and I think it should have been more descriptive.