FicWad

Joke me something awful just like kisses on the necks of best friends
We're the kids who feel like...

I stared down at the paper filled with scratches and blobs of ink where I stabbed my pen into the paper from frustration. I read over the two lines a few more times, but no words could finish the second line. I mumbled a 'fuck it' and threw the notebook on bedroom floor, loose papers scattering all around adding to the mess of my room.

I didn't care.

I stretched out on my unmade bed and stared up at the ceiling. I could hear mama brewing something in the kitchen and dad talking to her. I couldn't really make out the conversation, but from the way things sounded, I knew that they were talking about me. I hadn't come out of my room for two days now. So I wasn't surprised.

The only time I came out was when I was home alone or it was late at night to grab something and eat it to shut up my stomach from rumbling. Then I'd retreat back to my room to dwell in my self pity. I swear I was still sixteen years old. But I deserved it.

I always did.

"It's my fault." Her voice circled in my head, playing on repeat, haunting my thoughts and depriving me from sleep.

Its one thing when she blames everything on me, but it's a whole 'nother ball park when she blames this on herself. I hated admitting that she was right, and that what she was saying was the complete truth, but I did.

If we never met, I'd never be in this position.

I'd probably be playing around with other girls' minds, bodies, and hearts. Then pull my great disappearing act, hoping I never run into them again. I'd be a grade A smooth talker, also known as, a player, manwhore, douche, and pretty much anything other word created that I could degrade myself with.

If we never met, she'd probably be married, or engaged. She'd be happy, and have so much more than I could ever offer her.

But every time I tried to move on, it just made me want to go back to her more. Some part of me still believed that even though she could find better and do better with out me, I was the one that was meant to hold her and tell her everything is going to be okay. She was the one that was designed to fit in this bed with me. We put the us in jealous, etcetera, etcetera.

The best part of believe is the lie.

A felt a tear roll from my eye and down my face. I reached up to rub it away, but there was no wetness. I was crying dry tears. I rolled my eyes and sniffled as I curled up into a ball on my side and pulled my comforter over my head.

My thoughts started to play memories in fast forward like the black and white movie we watched together a week or so ago. I shut my eyes, trying to rid them, but they still played. I let out an aggravated sigh and gave in and reopened my eyes.

A loud ring came from the door and echoed through the house. I didn't think much of it until I heard my dad greet whoever was at the door with, "He's up in his room. He hasn't come down in two days."

I quickly shut my eyes and pretended to be asleep as I heard footsteps ascending up the stairs. My door opened. More footsteps were heard from under the sheets and I steadied my breathing until I heard an irritated sigh.

"Pete," I opened my eyes under the comforter.

Patrick.

"I know you're awake under there so get your pathetic ass up," I widened my eyes and hesitated before pushing back the blanket to stare up at him.

"What is it?" I asked. Patrick sighed, sitting down on the bed as I leaned against the headboard.

"Travis managed to talk Evie into something," I blinked.

"What do you mean?" I asked. Patrick rolled his eyes.

"A date with you," I bit my lip.

I really felt like sixteen now.

"A /date/?" I asked. Patrick nodded once.

"Yeah, I mean, Travis and me were talking and," I cut him off.

"You're on my side?" I asked quickly. Patrick's expression fell.

"No," he answered. I frowned.

"Oh," I mumbled. Patrick sighed.

"But we both agree that this is the best for both of you and your baby," he paused. "I mean, people deserve love," I sighed pathetically.

"But...she hates me right now," Patrick shook his head slowly.

"Believe it or not, she hates herself right now," I frowned deeper.

"Why?" I whispered. Patrick frowned with me.

"She is completely frustrated with..." he took a deep breath.

"Me," I whispered. Patrick bit his lip briefly.

"Maybe," he commented and flinched when his phone started to ring. He pulled it out of his pocket and answered it, speaker phone.

"Patrick," I heard Travis.

"Yea?" Patrick asked.

"Do we have a time?" he asked. I gulped as I nervously glanced over at the clock. Noon.

Great.

Patrick smiled that devious grin I thought only I could master.

"Tonight," I heard Travis laughing.

"Pete's freaking, huh?" I spoke up.

"Yea," I spoke. I heard a mumble in the background.

"Pete," Travis spoke. I hummed. "You better be at Patrick's house at 8 to pick her up or your ass is grass,"

I bit my lip as he laughed, lightly letting my lips curl into a smile as I heard Evie's giggle in the background. Patrick hung up while my mind racked off with the possibilities of tonight.

He patted my knee.

"You think it'll be awkward?" he asked. I shrugged.

"I'm an awkward person," I whispered. Patrick shook his head.

"I'm awkward," he started and poked my chest. "You're just stupid," I rolled my eyes and stood to walk him out.

"Thanks Patrick," I sarcastically put as we descended down the staircase. I saw my parents in the kitchen, eyeing me as I stepped out.

"Well look who comes out of the cave," my dad joked. I nervously laughed before scratching at my neck.

"I kind of have to," I started. "I have a date tonight," My mom smiled brightly before hugging me sideways and kissing my cheek.

"Make things right, Peter," she commented. I sighed, looking down at my striped socks.

"I'll try," I whispered and closed my eyes briefly. "I'll try,"

----------

I felt myself gulping as I ran my finger under my tie, loosening it even more. Red on black. I sighed, shifting my feet as I held roses in one hand and my keys in the other. I blinked hard before shaking my head, trying to clear my thoughts.

I was so nervous that I was ready to cry.

Placing my keys in my pocket, I closed my eyes again as I rang the doorbell, it echoing throughout the house.

"Oh shit," I heard.

Evie.

I lightly smirked and bit my lip, looking down at my feet. The door opened and I snapped my head up to be greeted by Evie in a black dress that was tight around her, urm, breast, area and flowed just above the knees and black flats to match. Her hair was curled and white star shaped earring poked out from it.

She grabbed her purse from the table by the door and tucked it under her shoulder. I stood there for a good 5 seconds, making it very obvious I was drooling and how stupid I probably looked. It wasn't until Travis came from behind the door and pointed at the flowers.

"Ya gonna give 'em to her or are you saving them for ya'lls wedding?" I blinked myself back to earth and held out the flowers.

"Uh, they're for, uh, yeah," I blabbered and she laughed taking them from my hand.

Travis slapped his forehead and stepped out from behind the door and took the flowers and Patrick appeared with a water filled vase. It was like they planned this all out. Travis placed them in and they stood behind her like protective parents.

A few more seconds went by without word exchange. I bit my lip and searched for something to say, but my mind keep drawing blanks. And with Patrick and Travis standing there, it didn't help much either.

"Well you kids go out and have fun," Travis mocked in a motherly tone, pushing Evie out the door. "And remember, no glove, no love," Travis paused for a second, "well...maybe it's too late for that." Patrick punched him in the arm and rolled his eyes.

"Don't listen to him."

I figured.

Patrick then shut the door and Evie still stood in front of me, looking even more beautiful than ever. I swallowed the lump in my throat and she rolled her eyes.

"Let's get this over with," she mumbled.

That was a perfect way to start the night.

I ushered her to the car, opening the door and assisting her in, all gentleman like. Then the rest of the car ride was completely silent, aside from the constant throat clearing and sniffling.

What did Patrick talk me into?

We arrived to a small Italian restaurant in downtown Chicago. And were assisted to a table of two outside. It wasn't until I was unfolding a napkin to put in my lap that I said something to her.

"You look really beautiful Ev," I said, patting the napkin in my lap down.

"You don't look too shabby yourself Wentz," she smiled, but it quickly went away as she picked up a menu.

Yeah this was not how I planned anything to go. The waitress came to the table and pulled out a notepad, saving us from the awkward silence and one liners. I exhaled as she asked if we were ready.

"Yes."

"No."

I felt my face flush as we said it at the same time.

The waitress stared confused.

"No, we're not," I said, watching her scan over the menu. The waitress nodded and stood there. A good minute passed and the waitress stood there impatiently.

"Um Ev, why don't you just order spaghetti and meatballs or something." Evie set down her menu and looked at me as if I were on drugs.

Then it hit me.

Vegetarian stupid.

"I'm s-" I stopped myself from saying the S word, remembering where it led to last time.

"I'll just take spaghetti, no meatballs, and a glass of lemonade please," she ordered.

"I'll have the same." She scribbled on her notepad and walked away, leaving us at planet awkward again.

"So," Evie said after a few more seconds of silence went by.

"You look really, really nice tonight," I said again.

"Yeah, I heard you the first time," she shot back.

Classic Pete style, piss Evie off in three worded conversations.

Gooo team petard.

"Well I just wanted to make sure you know, ya know?" I adjusted my tie a bit.

"Yeah, sure," she mumbled, and took a sip out of the cup of water. "So Patrick talked you into this?"

I nodded. "Kind of." She sat back in her chair and folded her hands over her growing stomach.

"Yeah, Travi begged me to. So here we are."

"In downtown Chicago," Yeah, listening to a cicada was a lot more entertaining than our conversation. This wasn't only pointless but humiliating.

"Pete why are we even here?" she blurted out of nowhere. I gulped and lowered my eyes to my lap.

"What do you mean?" I asked. Evie let out a long sigh.

"I'm talking about why you are even bothering," I felt defeated.

"I really want to make this work," I whispered. Evie frowned and looked away.

"Pete," she whispered in a whine.

I forced a smile as the waitress came back with our two plates. It was funny. Two minutes after she walked away and silence insured, we just sat there, not even knowing if we wanted to eat.

"You," I cleared my throat and reached out towards her. "Wanna go get ice cream?" I asked. Evie looked away for a moment before standing up and pulling her purse on her shoulder.

"No," she commented and wiped at her eye briefly. "I want to go home,"

I sighed and pulled out my wallet, my heart completely falling down into the worn out soles of my shoes. Placing two twenties on the table, I leapt up to catch up to Evie who was already walking towards the car, her hand actually curling around the door handle. I put my legs to work to run up to her, not caring that she didn't want my help as I ushered her into the passenger seat.

When I climbed into the driver's seat I felt that nervous breakdown nipping at my mind. My eyes stung with defeat and I banged my palms against the steering wheel before letting my head fall into them. I slouched forward until my head bumped the wheel as well.

I could feel Evie's eyes burning into my skull.

"Pete," he voice seemed calmer than before.

"Shut up," I hissed calmly, bringing up my knees slightly before slamming them back down towards the break and gas. It was a good thing the car wasn't on. My chest flinched with smirking tears, the kind that make you shake with uncontrollable emotions.

I didn't want this.

"Pete," her voice seemed more urgent and I felt my hands dampen with wet tears. Her hand rested on my shoulder and I tensed up.

"You have no idea how much I feel like a failure, Ev," I mumbled, in my mind wanting to yell. I heard her sigh and lightly moved my hands so I could peer at her.

A single tear rolled down her cheek.

"Damnit Ev," I whispered, reaching over to brush it away. Evie shook her head, grasping my hand and lightly throwing it back at me.

"Get out of the car Pete," she whispered. I bit my lip.

"What?" I asked. She opened the passenger door.

"I'm driving," she mumbled.

I closed my eyes briefly, feeling my chest shaking with ultimate fear.

Fear of falling apart.

Fear of...losing.

----------

I must have dozed off.

When I awoke I found Evie missing from the driver's seat. I groaned lightly and turned to look in the back seat to find the seats all folded down, Evie lying down on some pillows as she looked up and out of the roof window. I sighed and caught her attention as I climbed back.

"So you're awake," she whispered.

I shrugged, sitting down next to her elongated body. I crossed my legs Indian style and sighed, closing my eyes.

"I guess," I mumbled before turning my head to look at her.

"Life is weird," she started. I blinked.

"How so?" I asked. Her gaze stayed focused on the bright stars.

They shined so much brighter than anywhere else. I looked out the window. I wonder how she found this place. The only other time she was up here was when I showed her snow for the first time. And she was blindfolded. I looked back down at her in time for her lips to part.

"Fate. Cupid," she paused and looked up at me. "Everything," she whispered, her hands moving from her shoulders to her stomach.

I wanted to place my hands on top of hers as well, but restrained myself. She sighed and looked back up at the stars again. I shifted slightly and moved my legs so that they rested next to hers. Evie observed me for a moment as I situated myself next to her, my head inched from hers on the pillow she had.

"I want to tell you everything on my mind," I paused to turn my head, observing her profile. "Right now," I whispered. Evie closed her eyes.

"It's too late," I cut her off.

"And don't tell me that," Evie opened her eyes and looked at me.

"What?" she asked. I took a shaky breath.

"I deserve to be listened to," Evie bit her lip before looking back up. I moved my hand to the other side of her face, bringing it back. "Look at me," I whispered.

One tear fell from the corner of her eye, falling down her cheekbone and sliding down my hand. It was fear expressed in her eyes, scared of what I had to tell her. I didn't care if she didn't want to listen. This was my chance.

For everything.

"I know I've done shitty things Ev. I know I played with your emotions like a god damn Nintendo, and I have to live with the results everyday just as much as you do." She opened her mouth but I placed a finger over it. I wasn't done yet. "But I'm trying SO hard to make things right. And I don't want you to believe that I'm doing this because my guilty conscious is telling me too, but because I want to be part of the baby, our baby's life." A tear freely streamed down my face and I let out a shaky breath. "I probably can't give you the moon, or be the perfect soul mate, but I can try Evie," I reached up and wiped at my face. "I can try, because, I love you Evaline. More than Andy or Bobby ever can," I let my head fall and the tears we're streaming heavily now. "I love you, and I'll keep saying it until the end of time," I whispered before I started to choke on tears. Evie's breath hitched loudly as she tilted up my head and began wiping at my tears.

"Don't cry Pete," she paused, silent tears sliding down her slightly tinted cheeks. "Please," her voice gave out as she closed her eyes, her hands retreating her face to cover her face.

We were a wreck.

I managed to wrap my arms around her before kissing below her ear. Her hair made a slight blanket across the side of my face.

"I want to be known Ev," I whispered. "For everything good/, for everything /great I ever did for you," She hiccupped into my shoulder. "I want to be known for my hits," I mumbled into her neck. "I keep taking these shots and not coming close to getting anywhere," I felt more tears swelling up in my heart. "I want to have your heart Ev, it's all I want in this world," I swelled even larger. I started tripping over my words. "All I want in this fucked up world is you, here," I pulled back to see her tear stained face, bottom lip wedged into her mouth. I patted over my heart rather loudly, it echoing in my ears. "Right here," My voice cracked and I winced as my heart started beating rapidly, it growing heavier and heavier. My entire body tensed up.

"Pete," she cried. I shook my head.

"No," I started again. "You are my everything. I wish I could take back everything I said or have done to you that made you cry. Fuck if I could take back even all the little things I forgot to do and make it right, I would. I don't want to be like this anymore, I, I don't know how much more I can take us being like this. My heart is holding on by it's last thread, and you know what is holding it?" She shook her head, crying, her lips trembling. "It's you. You are the reason I wake up and fall asleep. You are the reason Fall Out Boy can even exist. Shit, every line is about you Evie. Every verse, every chorus. Every little lyric that gets stuck in your head, you. If it weren't for you, Pete Wentz would be non existent." I reached up and pulled at my hair in frustration. My head was starting to spin and my heart was beating so hard against my rib cage I thought it was going to burst out of my chest and spew blood everywhere. Evie seemed to calm down and used her sweater to wipe at her eyes. I closed mine in an attempt to take myself away from this.

"Pete," she whispered.

She sounded weak.

I opened my eyes to find her completely drained of life. Her eyes held every bottled up emotion, her lips chapped from crying and skin pale from the intensity of the situation. I brought her closer. My eyes closed as her lips gently grazed against my neck.

"Ev," I whispered.

She hushed me and wrapped her arms around my torso. Her breathing settled slightly and I thought she had fallen asleep until I felt her eyelashes moving against my cheek.

"Evie," I started again. "Did that even faze you?" I asked in a whisper.

I only got one response.

And it killed me.

"We're just dead ends Pete,"