FicWad

DISCLAIMER: I do not own Futurama. I wrote this story purely for the enjoyment of myself and others, not for economic gain.

Zapp froze and clenched his hands together tighter and tighter as the footsteps got closer and closer. He and Kif watched in horror as the trees in front of them shook with the noise and leaves fell from them.

Zapp looked around, and ran over to the rubble that used to be his ship and dived under a sheet of metal. Kif sighed, and jogged over quickly to join him.

Huddled together under the metal, they watched in amazement as the trees began to bend to the sides, clearing the way. They gasped when they saw three huge men walking through the cleared path, their heads well higher than the trees.

The men were primitive, with only a piece of cloth around the privates. Their muscles were huge, however, and Zapp and Kif were like an ant compared to them.

"Who goes here?" the first man shouted, making Zapp and Kif jump at the loud sound. He banged the stick he carried on the ground, causing it to shake like a point five earthquake. The piece of metal began to slip off and though Zapp tried his best to reposition it so they would remain hidden, he could not move it.

"What this?" The large primitive man stepped closer and gazed down at the remains of the ship. He appeared very interested in it and bent down to pick a piece up. The piece he picked up was the one Zapp and Kif were under. Zapp screamed, but the primitive man seemed not to hear. He examined the sheet of metal, and then passed it to the other two.

"We take to leader!" shouted one of the other two.

"Yes," the first agreed. He then began to look around for more treasures. "What this?" He bent down and picked up Zapp, who was too scared to even scream. He tried to thrash around, to get out of his hold, but it didn't work.

"It little man," another said, staring at Zapp in a very disturbing way. "Take to leader too?"

"Yes." He turned to go back, as did the others, but stopped to look back on the ground, and just when Kif thought it was safe, he picked Kif up too. "Here another! He squishy. We take to leader."

This time, they did leave, going back the way they came, with one holding the metal, another Zapp, and another Kif.

Fifteen Minutes Later

The three large, primitive men carried Zapp and Kif to a large (very large) stone chamber, which stood guarded by men like themselves. They brought in Zapp, Kif, and the sheet of metal and walked down a long hall lighted with torches (very large torches at that). At the end of the hall was a large royal blue curtain which reached from ceiling to ground and was pulled across from wall to wall. Two men even larger than the other two (in the muscular sense) stood guard there with spears as weapons.

"We bring little men and strange thing to leader."

The guards exchanged glances and then stepped forward to take a closer look at Zapp. "He not big!" shouted one guard. "He little!" They then looked over at Kif. "What he?" They then poked him with the end of their spears, jumping when they discovered he was very squishy. "He green!"

Forgetting about the piece of metal, they then went behind the curtains. There they whispered (well, whispering for the large men, but Zapp and Kif heard every word of it).

"Two little men..."

"...one squishy and green..."

"...other almost good looking as me..."

Both Zapp and Kif jumped and turned to each other when they heard that last comment. Then Zapp realised what had been said and a smug look appeared across his face. He then looked ahead and saw that the curtains had been opened and another large man sat in a simple chair that looked like it had been carved from the log of a very large tree. The material around his privates had shells around it, unlike the other's, and Zapp knew immediately that this was their leader.

"Bring squishy and good looking man to me," said the leader. Both of them were brought and placed on the palm of the leader's hand. "He better looking me!" He then narrowed his eyes. "You on our planet not invited! Two options: Death or uns-uns! Death come later with uns-uns too...but because pelvic injuries." Zapp and Kif shot glances at each other. Uns-uns was...sex?

Before Kif could reply, Zapp shouted, "Uns-uns!" Kif stared at him in fear.

"Very well," said their leader, a smile on his face. "Take to my uns-uns chamber. Good-looking first. You," he said to the three who found Zapp and Kif, "tell everyone else we have uns-uns tonight."

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" shouted Zapp and Kif. They were about to have sex with...men?

"To uns-uns chamber!" shouted one of the guards. He took Zapp and Kif and was off.

Zapp and Kif looked over at each other in fear and disgust as they were both placed in separate uns-uns chambers and anxiously waited for the leader to come.

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To Be Continued...

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Please note: This is a parody of Amazon Woman in the Mood. Uns-uns is snu-snu backwards.

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See any mistakes? Any suggestions? Ratings and reviews are greatly appreciated! Thanks!