Categories > Cartoons > X-Men: Evolution > No Rain
No Rain
Chapter 9: Empathy
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Charles Francis Xavier was truly at a loss for words. For years he had dedicated his life to helping mutants everywhere, so it was only natural that he felt a certain attachment to his first two students. He, Ororo, and Logan had watched Scott Summers and Jean Grey grow since they were only twelve years old. They came in to the institute traumatized, scared, and undernourished. Over the years, he had done a lot to help them put the past behind them, and up until today...He thought he had succeeded.
When the Professor first learned that the two normally peaceful students he had grown so close to erupted in a violent rage over a discussion with other students...He truly couldn't believe it. After all these years of helping them, he was utterly shocked that they had lashed out with such agonizing fury. He knew they had been very troubled lately, but he had no idea it went so deep. When he tried to talk to them about what they had done, they just didn't respond. They were still suffering from the overwhelming strain of letting out so many pent up feelings. Now, they held up in Scott's room, simply sitting on the side of his bed, holding on to each other for support. They had lost their innocence...They had lost a lot of things. But today...It just became too much for them to bear on their young souls.
Xavier now sat in a frozen state at is desk...Going over what had happened again and again in his mind. He kept trying to tell himself that this could have been avoided had he simply done something...But despite all the self-reassurance he could muster, he was still stuck with a great amount of uncertainty. Professor Xavier soon became so lost in his own thoughts, that he almost didn't notice Logan and Ororo enter his office. They too had been shocked by Scott and Jean's actions. And for the better part of the last hour, they had been trying to get them to talk...Well, at least Ororo did. For some reason, Logan didn't seem to follow this approach. It was unclear why that was, but for now they just concerned themselves with how to deal with such a grave issue.
"Any luck?" asked Xavier as he turned his attention back towards his two long-time associates.
"I'm afraid not Charles," said Ororo somewhat solemnly, "They still won't talk. It's as if...I don't know...As if they've turned in to completely different people."
The weather goddess struggled to get her words out as she felt just as helpless as the Xavier in helping their first two students.
"What about half-pint and the others? How are they holding up?" asked Logan.
Professor Xavier simply let out a deep sigh upon hearing Logan's troubling words.
"I'm afraid I had no choice but to wipe their memories clean from what they had seen. They have no recollection about their encounter with Scott and Jean this afternoon..."
Logan and Ororo felt undue shock upon hearing what Xavier did. They knew how he felt about using his powers to modify the minds of others...Particularly his students.
"But...Why did..." began Ororo, but soon found herself unable to get the right words out.
"I tried to explain to them...But they were just so...Traumatized by what they had seen. It was as if their entire world came crashing down on them...And I just couldn't do anything else to help them recover from it."
"So they don't remember anything?" asked Logan.
"No...Not even the rumors," replied Xavier in a deep, solemn tone.
A heavy silence soon fell over the room as the three adults struggled to process the events of this fateful day. There had been so many horrible events in such a short period of time. They had already resorted to drastic measures in an effort to deal with some of issues that now hung so heavily over both them and their students. Scott and Jean had done some unthinkable things in their anxious state of mind...And it was clear now that they would never be the same.
"So what do we do now? How do we handle this, Charles?" asked Ororo in a daze.
"I don't know, Ororo...I honestly don't know. We've already had to take drastic measures...But there's no turning back now. There's no way we can undo any of this."
It was hard feeling so powerless now for both the Professor and his fellow teachers...But it had just become so complicated now that this had happened.
"We should have seen it coming...We should have done something," said Ororo as she let out a defeated sigh.
"I know Ororo...The signs were there. They were so clear...And we still did nothing," said Xavier, feeling as though he had truly failed his students.
"So what's gonna happen to Scott and Jeannie now?" asked Logan, who had been silent for the most part.
The Professor carefully contemplated this question. In some ways, he felt as if this was his fault for letting things get so complicated. He still felt a great deal of guilt for sending Scott and Jean out on that fateful mission nearly a month ago that nearly killed them. They could have died horribly at the hands of the Friends of Humanity. And their lives were already so harsh, that more pain just seemed too overwhelming for such young adults. They had already been robbed of their childhood, their family, their innocence, and so much more. What more could they lose? This only made whatever course of action the Professor decided harder as he gave his response.
"What they did...Was quite serious Logan. I don't see how we can let this go even with the rest of the students not remembering what had happened. I don't want to punish them...They have faced enough punishment as it is. But now more than ever, they need to confront these long standing issues even though I know it may be very hard for them. I don't know what more we can do...But for now, I think it would be best if we sent them to a psychotherapist for intensive counseling over the next few months. I believe it would be in their best interests to get more professional medical help...More than we can offer them at least. That...And if we could just get them to go back on some of the medications Hank and I have been working on...Then maybe they can finally overcome these issues and hopefully we can prevent something like this from happening again."
Ororo simply sighed upon hearing the Professor's plan. It saddened her because Scott and Jean had been through enough in their short lives...And it may take a long time for them to get over such things. But as it is...It seemed the only logical course of action.
"I guess that's all we can do for now," said the weather goddess with a sigh. "I just hope they'll let us help them get through this...And I hope they realize that they don't have to go through it alone."
While Ororo seemed to agree with Xavier's plan...Logan, however, hated every word of it with a passion. He knew Scott and Jean just as well as they did...But unlike them, he had a bit more insight in their world of suffering. He had problems as well, being a man who was once made to be a living weapon...And in teaching Scott and Jean since their early years, they had helped him feel human again. But neither Xavier nor Storm had any of these problems. They never in their lives had to deal with the kind of things Scott and Jean had to deal with. And with that in mind, he knew that he had to convince the Professor to rethink his course of action.
"Chuck...With all due respect...That is probably the worst plan of action we can possibly take at this moment," said Logan with a vehement look on his face.
The Professor and Ororo were most definitely shocked by this response from their friend and couldn't understand his logic behind his words.
"Logan...Scott and Jean have a serious disease. We need to help them with..." but that's as far as the Professor got before Logan cut him off.
"Damn it Chuck! You know how Jeannie feels about shrinks...Hell, she was raped by em on a regular basis before we found her," said Logan with a stern tone, trying to make his point.
A brief silence followed as the other two adults took in Logan's words, but they still tried to defend what they thought was the right course of action.
"Logan please...We can't just do nothing. That's what led to this in the first place," said Ororo. "They need serious medical help...I can't stand seeing them so sad and depressed all the time."
"I don't like watchin' them suffer any more than you do. But lately, it seems like that's all those two have felt. The mission, the rumors...And the three of us as well have been doin' nothing but making things harder for them," said Logan, hoping to get them to understand.
"But Logan...We've been trying to help them," said Ororo, who couldn't see why her friend felt this way, "How can you say that we've been hurting them more?"
Logan just sighed...He had been trying to help both Scott and Jean in different ways throughout the past few weeks. But he could only do so much when everybody else around him kept trying to do things they thought were right...And in the end they failed to realize the folly of their logic.
"Ro, you and the Prof have been trying to help them by doin' the same ol' act of talkin' to them about it and getting them to confront it," explained Logan, "But did you ever stop and think for just one moment...That Jeannie might not want to talk about being raped and treated like an animal. Did you ever stop and think...That maybe Scottie might not want to talk about being tortured or assaulted by soldiers or foster parents?"
The Professor and Storm didn't have a response to Logan's words. For years talking and counseling had been the only things they could do for the two distraught students. From the early years to this day, that had been the only course of action. Even though they were skilled teachers and good with medicine...They had never learned how to treat severe depression, post traumatic stress disorder, night terrors, or generalized anxiety disorder. They had gone about it only one way for all these years...And for a while now they thought they had succeeded. But when they actually thought about it, that reasoning just seemed so irrational. Looking back on what they had done, it was clear that their treatment of Scott and Jean's ailments had mixed results at best. In the end, they had just forced them to lock it all away because they just hated talking about it so much.
"I suppose you have a point Logan," said the Professor finally as he thought about Logan's reasoning, "But I don't see how else we can help them. They could be a danger to themselves and the other students if we just ignore this. They are the first students we ever took in...They are the leaders and role models for this school...I don't want to see them like this."
The Professor's desire to help the students that he had grown so close to was evident in his voice. He was never a man who liked to feel powerless to help others...But feeling as though there was nothing more he could do for Scott and Jean only forced that dreaded fear upon him as he was forced to concede to what his friend was telling him. In many ways, Charles Xavier was trying to prove to himself that he was not powerless in this situation when in reality, there was nothing he could do to make this horrible event go away.
"Chuck...I know you ask a lot of Scott and Jeannie...Being as how they were the first ones you took in. But sometimes you have to realize that ya may be askin' too much of them," said Logan, hoping to stem his mentor's anxiety, "You see them as role models and ya make clear to them that they should act like that...Hell, we all do. But they ain't perfect...And that's what we're tellin' them to be. We put a lot of pressure on them to be certain way around the others...But I know that the way they're forced to act ain't who they really are...Not by a long shot. Ya can't force them to be somthin' they're not and expect them to keep it up without causing a lot of stress. Hell, I'm surprised they've kept it up for as long as they have...But I think we all need to just stop and think about what we're expecting of them."
In listening to Logan's feelings on this tumultuous event, Professor Xavier started to feel a great deal of guilt for what he had been asking of his first students. Even though he had always told the others to be themselves in this sanctuary for mutants...Scott and Jean, however, were sort of an exception. He thrust upon them the responsibilities of setting a good example for the new recruits...Never once asking them if they felt comfortable being that way. Not once did he stop and question whether or not this was causing undue strain upon their already tortured minds. Now, the Professor and Storm actually felt responsible for letting this happen simply because they didn't stop and think.
"I suppose we do ask a lot of them," admitted Xavier with a sigh, "I suppose that we are in some ways responsible for letting things get so hard for them."
"Yeah...I guess I never thought of it that way. I just...I assumed they had moved on from those horrible early years. I guess that was a pretty weak assumption," said Ororo in agreement who was starting to see Logan's point.
"Ro, if there's one thing I've learned since being here...It's that inner wounds can never be cured or healed...Only treated. And we've just been trying to cure something when we should have been treating it," said Logan, speaking from personal experience.
Seeing the truth in the words he spoke, Professor Xavier was now left with quite a dilemma.
"I see your point Logan," conceded Xavier, "But I still want to help them. I sympathize greatly with their situation...But if we do nothing, it won't help them."
Logan just sighed as he thought about Xavier's words. He too wanted to help Scott and Jean. He looked at them as if they were his own kids. They had to do something...But not in this mindset.
"Chuck yer probably capable of more sympathy than any other person on this planet," said Logan, hoping to keep the situation from getting too hopeless for all of them, "Your sympathy is what helped get them both out of the painful world they lived in before we found them. But as much sympathy as I know you have...I also know that empathy isn't necessarily one of your strong points. You can have all the sympathy in the world for Scott and Jeannie...But no matter what, you can never know how they truly feel. None of us ever went through the kind of things they had to go through. All this time, they've had to keep things bottle up inside because nobody understands. And this is something that we can't understand even though I know you want to. Ya need to put yerself in their shoes even if it's for just one moment...And try to imagine what it's like for them to live the kind of lives they've lived."
A heavy silence soon descended upon the room as the three adults were left to think about what to do next. Neither of them wanted to just sit by and do nothing while Scott and Jean were suffering so much. They needed them now more than ever...But if they were to make things better for them, they would have to start making better decisions.
"You're right old friend," said Xavier as he pondered his words, "We have been going about this all wrong. We're just as much to blame as anyone else who has caused all this turmoil for them. I thought I was doing the right thing...I honestly was. But I guess I only made things worse."
"Don't blame yourself Charles," said Ororo even though she sort of agreed with him, "We all played a part in it as well. We all should have stopped for just one moment to consider what we were asking of them."
"But still...What to do? How do we help them? How do we make it better for them and not worse?" asked Xavier.
The three teachers of the Xavier Institute for Gifted Youngsters were now in a conflicted state of mind. So far, everything they did in the past to help Scott and Jean had either done nothing or made things worse for them. They wanted to change that...But they didn't know how. They wanted to stop the endless cycle that only made things more complicated than they needed to be. But for the first time, they actually began to consider how Scott and Jean would feel about it. They tried to put themselves in their position...No matter how unpleasant it may be. For many years, since those two were only twelve they had raised them like their own children. Scott's family was dead, Jean's family had disowned her...They were the only parents they knew now. So how could they make the kind of decision that any loving parent should make?
Then suddenly, Logan had an idea. It was unconventional...But in the end, it felt right.
"Chuck...I think I have and idea that may help us all."
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Time had lost all meaning in the early evening hours. For nearly two hours now, Scott Summers and Jean Grey had been lost in a dazed state in Scott's bedroom. They were sitting with their backs up against the wall, thinking and dreading about what was going to happen to them now. They had lashed out at their friends...They had erupted under the pressure of their own inner pain. They had done something unthinkable...Something that could not be undone.
Sadness...Loss...Anxiety...And depression now permeated throughout their minds. Through the powerful link they shared, they kept trying to reassure each other that everything would be all right. But neither of them could be certain of that. Nothing ever got simpler for them, it only got more complicated. It only got harder to think about. But through the dizzying array of possibilities that flooded their mind, the same questions kept on repeating in their minds.
'Now what's gonna happen? How are do we get past this?' thought Scott as he and Jean stayed close, clinging to each other as if they were they hanging over the edge of a cliff.
'I don't know Scott...I really don't know. But what we did...It can't be forgiven,' replied Jean telepathically with a great amount of dread, 'We attacked our friends...We lost control.'
'I know Jean. But...I just couldn't take it anymore. I just couldn't...' however he soon felt himself unable to finish as he hugged Jean closer to his body.
'I understand Scott...I couldn't take it either,' sent Jean trying to soothe his angst, 'After all these years...I just couldn't hold it in any longer. I just can't keep living a lie. I don't care what Xavier says...I'm through being something I'm not.'
However, that simple vow was much easier said than done. This was Xavier's school...Xavier's rules. They had nowhere else to go...This was their only home. They had no other family out there that was willing to help them.
'What if he kicks us out?' thought Scott as he contemplated how they both would be punished for this, 'What if we're tossed out of the X-men for good? He won't let us stay if he thinks we're a danger to other students.'
'But isn't that exactly what we are, Scott?' replied Jean with tears welling up in her eyes, 'We are dangerous...I mean, look at what we did! There's no way he'll let us stay now!'
Fear and uncertainty now gripped the young couple as they struggled with how they were going to live on after this. If the Professor kicked them out, they would have nowhere to go...They would just be a couple of lost souls again. But at least this time...They would be together.
Soon, an ominous silence fell over them as the events of this tumultuous day played over and over again in their heads. They kept trying to tell themselves that it could have gone differently...They kept trying to think about how they could have changed the outcome and avoid what really did happen. But in the end, they knew that nothing could have prevented this...They had bottled everything up for too long.
Then, the two young mutants were suddenly bought out of their daze as Logan entered the darkened room. While an immediate sense of dread did come over them about what he was going to say...Both Scott and Jean were still somewhat relieved that it was Logan and not someone else. He had been the only one to understand them in all the time they had been struggling with themselves. And while he always put on a somewhat gruff appearance, deep down they knew he had a soft side to him. With that in mind, Scott Summers and Jean Grey prepared to hear their 'punishment.'
"So what's going to happen to us Logan?" asked Scott in a monotone voice, "What did the Professor decide?"
Logan just sat on the edge of the bed, hoping that he would say the right things even though he was never very good with words. Taking a deep breath...He hoped that he could break the cycle that they had endured for too long now.
"We were shocked to say the least...Well, at least they were in a sense. For me...I'm kinda surprised something like this didn't happen sooner. I'm surprised that you two managed to stay in control after all this time."
"You mean you knew?" said Jean, somewhat shocked by Logan's words.
"Come on kid, I've known you two for years. I know your moods...Your fears...All the things that the others don't know about. I know that you act differently around the rest of the crew...And I know why. I know that the Prof expects a lot from you...I know that we all put more pressure on you than we should. In a way...This is more our fault than yours. I tried to do what I could when the others were just making things worse...But I guess it wasn't enough. You know I ain't all that good words or actions for that matter."
The tension seemed to lighten as Logan's words seemed to relieve some of the earlier dread.
"But you always did do a whole lot more than the Professor, Hank, or Storm could do when the going got tough for us," said Scott.
"That's because I'm not them, bub. Unlike them...I can sorta understand what you two have been through. But I have an advantage...I don't have to deal with memories in the same way you two do. Hell, I don't even have half my memories. But that doesn't mean I can't put myself in your shoes enough to know how badly it feels to deal with certain issues."
It explained a lot for Scott and Jean as they listened on. It explained why he always tried to help them in a different way compared to the Professor. He would never force them to talk about things they hated to talk about...He would always try to make it easier for them to simply cope instead of confront.
"I know talking about it isn't the solution to everything," continued Logan, "I know it can make things a whole lot worse. And I don't want to see things get worse for you two...I want to see them get better. I helped raise you two...It's because of you I know my place. And while I know you can always count on the Professor for sympathy...Remember that I can also be there when you need empathy."
As much as he struggled to say the right things...Logan felt like he was doing what was needed to help these two young adults. The more he looked at them...The more grown up they seemed. They weren't the scared twelve year olds that he had met all those years ago...They were adults now. And while he didn't age...Logan did feel somewhat older in a certain way.
"But what about the Professor?" asked Scott, still dreading what was going to happen to him and Jean, "What is he going to have us do? After what we did...I know he won't ignore it."
This was where Logan hoped he didn't slip up. He hoped that what they had decided in the end was right for them.
"It's like I said earlier Cyke...This is our fault in some ways. And I ain't gonna lie to ya...He wanted to send ya both to a shrink for a few months."
"What?! No I can't..." shuddered Jean as she heard this, but was quickly calmed as Scott gently wrapped his arm around her.
"Don't worry Jeannie," replied Logan quickly as she saw the intense panic in her face upon hearing the word 'shrink.' "I talked them out of it...I also talked them out of those crazy medicines that they wanted you to take."
A wave of relief came over the both of them upon hearing this, for they were glad that they would have to go through that horrible cycle again which they knew would only make things worse.
"But there is one thing that ya both can't deny no matter how hard it may be...Ya both have a disease," said Logan as he looked in to the hollow faces of his first two students that he looked upon as his own children, "And I know it's chronic...I know it's not something that can be cured. So I ain't gonna try to cure it...And I got Xavier and Storm to stop trying so hard to do just that."
"So what are they going to do?" asked Jean, now more uncertain than ever about what was going to happen to her and Scott.
"Inner wounds...Can never be cured...Only treated," said Logan as let out a sigh, "And makin' you two bottle everything up only made those wounds fester. So instead of goin' down the same path I know you've been down before...We're gonna try takin' a new path. I don't want ya to act different around the others anymore...I don't want ya to be somethin' yer not just for the sake of being Xavier's role models. I want ya to be yourselves from now on...Not who someone else wants ya to be."
Being themselves...It seemed so easy, and hard at the same time. It was definitely more than Scott and Jean expected. But there was still some lingering anxiety about being who they really are for a change.
"I don't know Logan," said Scott somewhat wearily, "We've been acting like something we're not for so long now...What would the others think if they got to know the real us?"
"Let me worry about that bub," assured Logan, "Ya said it yerself once, when yer with the X-men, yer never alone. Just let Ro, Hank, the Prof, and I handle the hard part. I know it'll be a big transition for you two...But we trust you both. We know you'll make the right decisions."
As much as that helped, it didn't alleviate the pain that this day had bough on them. There were still so many things that Scott and Jean had to deal with not just in the past few months, but the past few years as well. It was unclear how they would be able to handle each passing day with so many painful memories burned in to their minds. But Logan wanted to help them turn a corner...And head down a new path.
"Look, you can't undo what's happened...Nobody can," said Logan as he got up from the bed and walked over to the door, "But I still wanna help ya...And so does the Prof. There's a small cabin out in the mountains not far from here...About a two hour drive away. I use to stay there when the going got tough for me. We want you to take a break...Get away from being X-men for a while...Get away from being something out of obligation. You two haven't gotten a decent level of rest in years...And it's high time ya got one."
A new sense of calm came over the two young mutants as they heard this. It was a better plan then they ever could have hoped fore. It was a chance to finally be alone together without the pressure of being upstanding role models...It was finally a chance to rest after all these years of physical and emotional strain. Neither Scott nor Jean could say anything to express their gratitude for this...And as Logan left the room, he heard one last thing from the students he held so dear.
"Thank you Logan..."
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AN: Well, it's almost over! "No Rain" is nearing its end! I know it's been a little wordy at some times and I know it's been a little over the top in terms of shock value and angst. But this is AU! This is just a story that I wanted to tell. I'm sorry if I made some characters seem a little unrealistic, but I wanted to do so for the sake of telling a good story. Stay tuned! There is still one last Scott/Jean moment left before I end this fic! For all you Jott fans out there, you won't want to miss it! I can't thank everybody enough for taking the time to read this piece despite its graphic content and R rating. It really means a lot to me and it provides a great deal of inspiration for me and my writing. I implore everybody to review! Send them to me via email or post them on the fanfiction website! I love to hear what you all think about my work and I thank you all for taking the time to read it! I wish you all the best! Peace out!
ONE MORE TO GO! REVIEW BEFORE IT'S TOO LATE!!!
Chapter 9: Empathy
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Charles Francis Xavier was truly at a loss for words. For years he had dedicated his life to helping mutants everywhere, so it was only natural that he felt a certain attachment to his first two students. He, Ororo, and Logan had watched Scott Summers and Jean Grey grow since they were only twelve years old. They came in to the institute traumatized, scared, and undernourished. Over the years, he had done a lot to help them put the past behind them, and up until today...He thought he had succeeded.
When the Professor first learned that the two normally peaceful students he had grown so close to erupted in a violent rage over a discussion with other students...He truly couldn't believe it. After all these years of helping them, he was utterly shocked that they had lashed out with such agonizing fury. He knew they had been very troubled lately, but he had no idea it went so deep. When he tried to talk to them about what they had done, they just didn't respond. They were still suffering from the overwhelming strain of letting out so many pent up feelings. Now, they held up in Scott's room, simply sitting on the side of his bed, holding on to each other for support. They had lost their innocence...They had lost a lot of things. But today...It just became too much for them to bear on their young souls.
Xavier now sat in a frozen state at is desk...Going over what had happened again and again in his mind. He kept trying to tell himself that this could have been avoided had he simply done something...But despite all the self-reassurance he could muster, he was still stuck with a great amount of uncertainty. Professor Xavier soon became so lost in his own thoughts, that he almost didn't notice Logan and Ororo enter his office. They too had been shocked by Scott and Jean's actions. And for the better part of the last hour, they had been trying to get them to talk...Well, at least Ororo did. For some reason, Logan didn't seem to follow this approach. It was unclear why that was, but for now they just concerned themselves with how to deal with such a grave issue.
"Any luck?" asked Xavier as he turned his attention back towards his two long-time associates.
"I'm afraid not Charles," said Ororo somewhat solemnly, "They still won't talk. It's as if...I don't know...As if they've turned in to completely different people."
The weather goddess struggled to get her words out as she felt just as helpless as the Xavier in helping their first two students.
"What about half-pint and the others? How are they holding up?" asked Logan.
Professor Xavier simply let out a deep sigh upon hearing Logan's troubling words.
"I'm afraid I had no choice but to wipe their memories clean from what they had seen. They have no recollection about their encounter with Scott and Jean this afternoon..."
Logan and Ororo felt undue shock upon hearing what Xavier did. They knew how he felt about using his powers to modify the minds of others...Particularly his students.
"But...Why did..." began Ororo, but soon found herself unable to get the right words out.
"I tried to explain to them...But they were just so...Traumatized by what they had seen. It was as if their entire world came crashing down on them...And I just couldn't do anything else to help them recover from it."
"So they don't remember anything?" asked Logan.
"No...Not even the rumors," replied Xavier in a deep, solemn tone.
A heavy silence soon fell over the room as the three adults struggled to process the events of this fateful day. There had been so many horrible events in such a short period of time. They had already resorted to drastic measures in an effort to deal with some of issues that now hung so heavily over both them and their students. Scott and Jean had done some unthinkable things in their anxious state of mind...And it was clear now that they would never be the same.
"So what do we do now? How do we handle this, Charles?" asked Ororo in a daze.
"I don't know, Ororo...I honestly don't know. We've already had to take drastic measures...But there's no turning back now. There's no way we can undo any of this."
It was hard feeling so powerless now for both the Professor and his fellow teachers...But it had just become so complicated now that this had happened.
"We should have seen it coming...We should have done something," said Ororo as she let out a defeated sigh.
"I know Ororo...The signs were there. They were so clear...And we still did nothing," said Xavier, feeling as though he had truly failed his students.
"So what's gonna happen to Scott and Jeannie now?" asked Logan, who had been silent for the most part.
The Professor carefully contemplated this question. In some ways, he felt as if this was his fault for letting things get so complicated. He still felt a great deal of guilt for sending Scott and Jean out on that fateful mission nearly a month ago that nearly killed them. They could have died horribly at the hands of the Friends of Humanity. And their lives were already so harsh, that more pain just seemed too overwhelming for such young adults. They had already been robbed of their childhood, their family, their innocence, and so much more. What more could they lose? This only made whatever course of action the Professor decided harder as he gave his response.
"What they did...Was quite serious Logan. I don't see how we can let this go even with the rest of the students not remembering what had happened. I don't want to punish them...They have faced enough punishment as it is. But now more than ever, they need to confront these long standing issues even though I know it may be very hard for them. I don't know what more we can do...But for now, I think it would be best if we sent them to a psychotherapist for intensive counseling over the next few months. I believe it would be in their best interests to get more professional medical help...More than we can offer them at least. That...And if we could just get them to go back on some of the medications Hank and I have been working on...Then maybe they can finally overcome these issues and hopefully we can prevent something like this from happening again."
Ororo simply sighed upon hearing the Professor's plan. It saddened her because Scott and Jean had been through enough in their short lives...And it may take a long time for them to get over such things. But as it is...It seemed the only logical course of action.
"I guess that's all we can do for now," said the weather goddess with a sigh. "I just hope they'll let us help them get through this...And I hope they realize that they don't have to go through it alone."
While Ororo seemed to agree with Xavier's plan...Logan, however, hated every word of it with a passion. He knew Scott and Jean just as well as they did...But unlike them, he had a bit more insight in their world of suffering. He had problems as well, being a man who was once made to be a living weapon...And in teaching Scott and Jean since their early years, they had helped him feel human again. But neither Xavier nor Storm had any of these problems. They never in their lives had to deal with the kind of things Scott and Jean had to deal with. And with that in mind, he knew that he had to convince the Professor to rethink his course of action.
"Chuck...With all due respect...That is probably the worst plan of action we can possibly take at this moment," said Logan with a vehement look on his face.
The Professor and Ororo were most definitely shocked by this response from their friend and couldn't understand his logic behind his words.
"Logan...Scott and Jean have a serious disease. We need to help them with..." but that's as far as the Professor got before Logan cut him off.
"Damn it Chuck! You know how Jeannie feels about shrinks...Hell, she was raped by em on a regular basis before we found her," said Logan with a stern tone, trying to make his point.
A brief silence followed as the other two adults took in Logan's words, but they still tried to defend what they thought was the right course of action.
"Logan please...We can't just do nothing. That's what led to this in the first place," said Ororo. "They need serious medical help...I can't stand seeing them so sad and depressed all the time."
"I don't like watchin' them suffer any more than you do. But lately, it seems like that's all those two have felt. The mission, the rumors...And the three of us as well have been doin' nothing but making things harder for them," said Logan, hoping to get them to understand.
"But Logan...We've been trying to help them," said Ororo, who couldn't see why her friend felt this way, "How can you say that we've been hurting them more?"
Logan just sighed...He had been trying to help both Scott and Jean in different ways throughout the past few weeks. But he could only do so much when everybody else around him kept trying to do things they thought were right...And in the end they failed to realize the folly of their logic.
"Ro, you and the Prof have been trying to help them by doin' the same ol' act of talkin' to them about it and getting them to confront it," explained Logan, "But did you ever stop and think for just one moment...That Jeannie might not want to talk about being raped and treated like an animal. Did you ever stop and think...That maybe Scottie might not want to talk about being tortured or assaulted by soldiers or foster parents?"
The Professor and Storm didn't have a response to Logan's words. For years talking and counseling had been the only things they could do for the two distraught students. From the early years to this day, that had been the only course of action. Even though they were skilled teachers and good with medicine...They had never learned how to treat severe depression, post traumatic stress disorder, night terrors, or generalized anxiety disorder. They had gone about it only one way for all these years...And for a while now they thought they had succeeded. But when they actually thought about it, that reasoning just seemed so irrational. Looking back on what they had done, it was clear that their treatment of Scott and Jean's ailments had mixed results at best. In the end, they had just forced them to lock it all away because they just hated talking about it so much.
"I suppose you have a point Logan," said the Professor finally as he thought about Logan's reasoning, "But I don't see how else we can help them. They could be a danger to themselves and the other students if we just ignore this. They are the first students we ever took in...They are the leaders and role models for this school...I don't want to see them like this."
The Professor's desire to help the students that he had grown so close to was evident in his voice. He was never a man who liked to feel powerless to help others...But feeling as though there was nothing more he could do for Scott and Jean only forced that dreaded fear upon him as he was forced to concede to what his friend was telling him. In many ways, Charles Xavier was trying to prove to himself that he was not powerless in this situation when in reality, there was nothing he could do to make this horrible event go away.
"Chuck...I know you ask a lot of Scott and Jeannie...Being as how they were the first ones you took in. But sometimes you have to realize that ya may be askin' too much of them," said Logan, hoping to stem his mentor's anxiety, "You see them as role models and ya make clear to them that they should act like that...Hell, we all do. But they ain't perfect...And that's what we're tellin' them to be. We put a lot of pressure on them to be certain way around the others...But I know that the way they're forced to act ain't who they really are...Not by a long shot. Ya can't force them to be somthin' they're not and expect them to keep it up without causing a lot of stress. Hell, I'm surprised they've kept it up for as long as they have...But I think we all need to just stop and think about what we're expecting of them."
In listening to Logan's feelings on this tumultuous event, Professor Xavier started to feel a great deal of guilt for what he had been asking of his first students. Even though he had always told the others to be themselves in this sanctuary for mutants...Scott and Jean, however, were sort of an exception. He thrust upon them the responsibilities of setting a good example for the new recruits...Never once asking them if they felt comfortable being that way. Not once did he stop and question whether or not this was causing undue strain upon their already tortured minds. Now, the Professor and Storm actually felt responsible for letting this happen simply because they didn't stop and think.
"I suppose we do ask a lot of them," admitted Xavier with a sigh, "I suppose that we are in some ways responsible for letting things get so hard for them."
"Yeah...I guess I never thought of it that way. I just...I assumed they had moved on from those horrible early years. I guess that was a pretty weak assumption," said Ororo in agreement who was starting to see Logan's point.
"Ro, if there's one thing I've learned since being here...It's that inner wounds can never be cured or healed...Only treated. And we've just been trying to cure something when we should have been treating it," said Logan, speaking from personal experience.
Seeing the truth in the words he spoke, Professor Xavier was now left with quite a dilemma.
"I see your point Logan," conceded Xavier, "But I still want to help them. I sympathize greatly with their situation...But if we do nothing, it won't help them."
Logan just sighed as he thought about Xavier's words. He too wanted to help Scott and Jean. He looked at them as if they were his own kids. They had to do something...But not in this mindset.
"Chuck yer probably capable of more sympathy than any other person on this planet," said Logan, hoping to keep the situation from getting too hopeless for all of them, "Your sympathy is what helped get them both out of the painful world they lived in before we found them. But as much sympathy as I know you have...I also know that empathy isn't necessarily one of your strong points. You can have all the sympathy in the world for Scott and Jeannie...But no matter what, you can never know how they truly feel. None of us ever went through the kind of things they had to go through. All this time, they've had to keep things bottle up inside because nobody understands. And this is something that we can't understand even though I know you want to. Ya need to put yerself in their shoes even if it's for just one moment...And try to imagine what it's like for them to live the kind of lives they've lived."
A heavy silence soon descended upon the room as the three adults were left to think about what to do next. Neither of them wanted to just sit by and do nothing while Scott and Jean were suffering so much. They needed them now more than ever...But if they were to make things better for them, they would have to start making better decisions.
"You're right old friend," said Xavier as he pondered his words, "We have been going about this all wrong. We're just as much to blame as anyone else who has caused all this turmoil for them. I thought I was doing the right thing...I honestly was. But I guess I only made things worse."
"Don't blame yourself Charles," said Ororo even though she sort of agreed with him, "We all played a part in it as well. We all should have stopped for just one moment to consider what we were asking of them."
"But still...What to do? How do we help them? How do we make it better for them and not worse?" asked Xavier.
The three teachers of the Xavier Institute for Gifted Youngsters were now in a conflicted state of mind. So far, everything they did in the past to help Scott and Jean had either done nothing or made things worse for them. They wanted to change that...But they didn't know how. They wanted to stop the endless cycle that only made things more complicated than they needed to be. But for the first time, they actually began to consider how Scott and Jean would feel about it. They tried to put themselves in their position...No matter how unpleasant it may be. For many years, since those two were only twelve they had raised them like their own children. Scott's family was dead, Jean's family had disowned her...They were the only parents they knew now. So how could they make the kind of decision that any loving parent should make?
Then suddenly, Logan had an idea. It was unconventional...But in the end, it felt right.
"Chuck...I think I have and idea that may help us all."
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Time had lost all meaning in the early evening hours. For nearly two hours now, Scott Summers and Jean Grey had been lost in a dazed state in Scott's bedroom. They were sitting with their backs up against the wall, thinking and dreading about what was going to happen to them now. They had lashed out at their friends...They had erupted under the pressure of their own inner pain. They had done something unthinkable...Something that could not be undone.
Sadness...Loss...Anxiety...And depression now permeated throughout their minds. Through the powerful link they shared, they kept trying to reassure each other that everything would be all right. But neither of them could be certain of that. Nothing ever got simpler for them, it only got more complicated. It only got harder to think about. But through the dizzying array of possibilities that flooded their mind, the same questions kept on repeating in their minds.
'Now what's gonna happen? How are do we get past this?' thought Scott as he and Jean stayed close, clinging to each other as if they were they hanging over the edge of a cliff.
'I don't know Scott...I really don't know. But what we did...It can't be forgiven,' replied Jean telepathically with a great amount of dread, 'We attacked our friends...We lost control.'
'I know Jean. But...I just couldn't take it anymore. I just couldn't...' however he soon felt himself unable to finish as he hugged Jean closer to his body.
'I understand Scott...I couldn't take it either,' sent Jean trying to soothe his angst, 'After all these years...I just couldn't hold it in any longer. I just can't keep living a lie. I don't care what Xavier says...I'm through being something I'm not.'
However, that simple vow was much easier said than done. This was Xavier's school...Xavier's rules. They had nowhere else to go...This was their only home. They had no other family out there that was willing to help them.
'What if he kicks us out?' thought Scott as he contemplated how they both would be punished for this, 'What if we're tossed out of the X-men for good? He won't let us stay if he thinks we're a danger to other students.'
'But isn't that exactly what we are, Scott?' replied Jean with tears welling up in her eyes, 'We are dangerous...I mean, look at what we did! There's no way he'll let us stay now!'
Fear and uncertainty now gripped the young couple as they struggled with how they were going to live on after this. If the Professor kicked them out, they would have nowhere to go...They would just be a couple of lost souls again. But at least this time...They would be together.
Soon, an ominous silence fell over them as the events of this tumultuous day played over and over again in their heads. They kept trying to tell themselves that it could have gone differently...They kept trying to think about how they could have changed the outcome and avoid what really did happen. But in the end, they knew that nothing could have prevented this...They had bottled everything up for too long.
Then, the two young mutants were suddenly bought out of their daze as Logan entered the darkened room. While an immediate sense of dread did come over them about what he was going to say...Both Scott and Jean were still somewhat relieved that it was Logan and not someone else. He had been the only one to understand them in all the time they had been struggling with themselves. And while he always put on a somewhat gruff appearance, deep down they knew he had a soft side to him. With that in mind, Scott Summers and Jean Grey prepared to hear their 'punishment.'
"So what's going to happen to us Logan?" asked Scott in a monotone voice, "What did the Professor decide?"
Logan just sat on the edge of the bed, hoping that he would say the right things even though he was never very good with words. Taking a deep breath...He hoped that he could break the cycle that they had endured for too long now.
"We were shocked to say the least...Well, at least they were in a sense. For me...I'm kinda surprised something like this didn't happen sooner. I'm surprised that you two managed to stay in control after all this time."
"You mean you knew?" said Jean, somewhat shocked by Logan's words.
"Come on kid, I've known you two for years. I know your moods...Your fears...All the things that the others don't know about. I know that you act differently around the rest of the crew...And I know why. I know that the Prof expects a lot from you...I know that we all put more pressure on you than we should. In a way...This is more our fault than yours. I tried to do what I could when the others were just making things worse...But I guess it wasn't enough. You know I ain't all that good words or actions for that matter."
The tension seemed to lighten as Logan's words seemed to relieve some of the earlier dread.
"But you always did do a whole lot more than the Professor, Hank, or Storm could do when the going got tough for us," said Scott.
"That's because I'm not them, bub. Unlike them...I can sorta understand what you two have been through. But I have an advantage...I don't have to deal with memories in the same way you two do. Hell, I don't even have half my memories. But that doesn't mean I can't put myself in your shoes enough to know how badly it feels to deal with certain issues."
It explained a lot for Scott and Jean as they listened on. It explained why he always tried to help them in a different way compared to the Professor. He would never force them to talk about things they hated to talk about...He would always try to make it easier for them to simply cope instead of confront.
"I know talking about it isn't the solution to everything," continued Logan, "I know it can make things a whole lot worse. And I don't want to see things get worse for you two...I want to see them get better. I helped raise you two...It's because of you I know my place. And while I know you can always count on the Professor for sympathy...Remember that I can also be there when you need empathy."
As much as he struggled to say the right things...Logan felt like he was doing what was needed to help these two young adults. The more he looked at them...The more grown up they seemed. They weren't the scared twelve year olds that he had met all those years ago...They were adults now. And while he didn't age...Logan did feel somewhat older in a certain way.
"But what about the Professor?" asked Scott, still dreading what was going to happen to him and Jean, "What is he going to have us do? After what we did...I know he won't ignore it."
This was where Logan hoped he didn't slip up. He hoped that what they had decided in the end was right for them.
"It's like I said earlier Cyke...This is our fault in some ways. And I ain't gonna lie to ya...He wanted to send ya both to a shrink for a few months."
"What?! No I can't..." shuddered Jean as she heard this, but was quickly calmed as Scott gently wrapped his arm around her.
"Don't worry Jeannie," replied Logan quickly as she saw the intense panic in her face upon hearing the word 'shrink.' "I talked them out of it...I also talked them out of those crazy medicines that they wanted you to take."
A wave of relief came over the both of them upon hearing this, for they were glad that they would have to go through that horrible cycle again which they knew would only make things worse.
"But there is one thing that ya both can't deny no matter how hard it may be...Ya both have a disease," said Logan as he looked in to the hollow faces of his first two students that he looked upon as his own children, "And I know it's chronic...I know it's not something that can be cured. So I ain't gonna try to cure it...And I got Xavier and Storm to stop trying so hard to do just that."
"So what are they going to do?" asked Jean, now more uncertain than ever about what was going to happen to her and Scott.
"Inner wounds...Can never be cured...Only treated," said Logan as let out a sigh, "And makin' you two bottle everything up only made those wounds fester. So instead of goin' down the same path I know you've been down before...We're gonna try takin' a new path. I don't want ya to act different around the others anymore...I don't want ya to be somethin' yer not just for the sake of being Xavier's role models. I want ya to be yourselves from now on...Not who someone else wants ya to be."
Being themselves...It seemed so easy, and hard at the same time. It was definitely more than Scott and Jean expected. But there was still some lingering anxiety about being who they really are for a change.
"I don't know Logan," said Scott somewhat wearily, "We've been acting like something we're not for so long now...What would the others think if they got to know the real us?"
"Let me worry about that bub," assured Logan, "Ya said it yerself once, when yer with the X-men, yer never alone. Just let Ro, Hank, the Prof, and I handle the hard part. I know it'll be a big transition for you two...But we trust you both. We know you'll make the right decisions."
As much as that helped, it didn't alleviate the pain that this day had bough on them. There were still so many things that Scott and Jean had to deal with not just in the past few months, but the past few years as well. It was unclear how they would be able to handle each passing day with so many painful memories burned in to their minds. But Logan wanted to help them turn a corner...And head down a new path.
"Look, you can't undo what's happened...Nobody can," said Logan as he got up from the bed and walked over to the door, "But I still wanna help ya...And so does the Prof. There's a small cabin out in the mountains not far from here...About a two hour drive away. I use to stay there when the going got tough for me. We want you to take a break...Get away from being X-men for a while...Get away from being something out of obligation. You two haven't gotten a decent level of rest in years...And it's high time ya got one."
A new sense of calm came over the two young mutants as they heard this. It was a better plan then they ever could have hoped fore. It was a chance to finally be alone together without the pressure of being upstanding role models...It was finally a chance to rest after all these years of physical and emotional strain. Neither Scott nor Jean could say anything to express their gratitude for this...And as Logan left the room, he heard one last thing from the students he held so dear.
"Thank you Logan..."
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AN: Well, it's almost over! "No Rain" is nearing its end! I know it's been a little wordy at some times and I know it's been a little over the top in terms of shock value and angst. But this is AU! This is just a story that I wanted to tell. I'm sorry if I made some characters seem a little unrealistic, but I wanted to do so for the sake of telling a good story. Stay tuned! There is still one last Scott/Jean moment left before I end this fic! For all you Jott fans out there, you won't want to miss it! I can't thank everybody enough for taking the time to read this piece despite its graphic content and R rating. It really means a lot to me and it provides a great deal of inspiration for me and my writing. I implore everybody to review! Send them to me via email or post them on the fanfiction website! I love to hear what you all think about my work and I thank you all for taking the time to read it! I wish you all the best! Peace out!
ONE MORE TO GO! REVIEW BEFORE IT'S TOO LATE!!!
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