Categories > Cartoons > X-Men: Evolution > No Rain

Breaking The Habit

by slickboy444 0 reviews

Major Scott/Jean. Scott and Jean have always been seen as a couple of uptight straight-arrows in the eyes of others. But in reality, their lives are far darker, and more complex than anyone could p...

Category: X-Men: Evolution - Rating: R - Genres: Angst, Drama, Romance - Characters: Cyclops - Warnings: [R] [V] [X] - Published: 2005-08-27 - Updated: 2005-08-27 - 5660 words

No Rain
Chapter 8: Breaking The Habit


The next morning, Scott and Jean woke up still in each other's arms. Even with the incessant rumors circulating throughout the mansion, they didn't want to sleep alone after all the turmoil they had faced in the last month. Never the less, they wanted to remain somewhat tactful in an effort to get the others to just leave them alone for once. Unknown to them, Logan had covered for them last night in order to help quell any additional gossip that would have resulted from them going out. It was still unclear why he was doing this, but for now Scott and Jean just accepted it and were grateful for his help. But that still left much of the institute to confront...Including the Professor.

The clock struck seven when Jean began to stir from her sleep. Even though she was still tired, the five hours of sleep she had gotten thanks to Scott, helped her regain at least some of her strength back. Sleep was fast becoming a precious commodity for the both of them. And what little they could get was never usually enough because they never slept soundly...Especially after the mission. While it did help when they slept together, there was still some lingering trauma that they struggled to get through and it kept them from ever getting enough rest.

For a while, Jean just stayed in Scott's warmth, not wanting to leave just yet. But soon, he too began to stir and despite his grogginess...He was able to speak.

"Hey," he said, giving her a good morning kiss.

"Morning hun...Did you sleep well?" asked Jean, even though she felt she probably knew the answer.

"I slept okay I guess," replied Scott, still noticeably groggy. "What time is it?"

"Seven...Time for me to head back to my room."

"I know...I'm sorry again about the other night. I wish it would have turned out better."

Jean didn't want to think about the other night and how tumultuous it had been for the both of them. But she still managed to smile as she placed another kiss on his lips.

"I know it wasn't perfect. But I'm happy with how it ended."

That got Scott to smile as well as he soon returned the kiss. After they parted, Jean made her way to the door, still somewhat groggy. Using her powers, she scanned the halls to see if the coast was clear. Once she was satisfied that it was, she opened the door and stepped out in to the hallway. But no sooner had she taken one step out Scott's door...She suddenly heard a strange 'bamf' down at the other end of the hallway. As she turned to face the source of the sound, her eye fell upon a bewildered Kurt Wagner as he looked wide-eyed at what he was seeing.

"Uh...Sorry," said Kurt hastily as he quickly teleported away back to his room.

A sinking feeling now formed in the pit of Jean's stomach and a sharp pain formed within her head. Kurt had seen her come out of Scott's room wearing nothing but an oversized sleeping shirt. There was no doubt in her mind to the conclusion that he would draw from this and it was very likely that he would tell the others in the same way Kitty and Tabitha had. The sickening feeling almost caused her to lose her balance as millions of thoughts as to what would happen next began to overwhelm her mind. This feeling didn't go unnoticed, for Scott soon felt his girlfriend's distress through their link.

'Jean...What happened? Are you all right?' sent Scott with a worried tone.

'Kurt...That joking asshole! Of all the time he had to appear in the hallway he picked this moment!'

'Oh no...Oh no not this,' said Scott as he too began to feel Jean's feelings as he became short of breath.

'Now what do we do? How can we deny this?' said Jean as she struggled to keep herself together.

'I don't know Jean...I just don't know.'

Jean lingered in Scott's room for a while longer until the sickening feelings passed for the both of them. They spent the better part of a half hour trying to reassure themselves and the each other that it was going to be okay. But there was little that could be done to undo what had just happened. Kurt was just as big of a blabbermouth as Kitty and Tabitha. Of course he was going to tell everybody, including the Professor. Either way it looked bad for them as the prospect of going through another day like this was far from appealing. In the end, they chose to skip breakfast today, mainly as a result of the nauseous feelings they had felt. Part of their chronic ailments made it hard to eat and keep it in all the time. But they would most certainly have to do something to stave off this new development or face even more pain.

After they managed regain some of their composure, they both went to their respective rooms and prepared for another uncertain day.


Much to Scott and Jean's dismay, they had been right about Kurt's blabbermouth. By the time everyone had shown up for breakfast, he had told just about everyone there was to tell, including Storm. Things were made even worse because Logan wasn't there to act as a mediator like he usually did with them. Either way, Scott and Jean skipped breakfast all together that morning and wanted to go out to their spot near the lake to wait for the heat to die down. But that little plan was soon thwarted when they learned that Beast was taking all the new recruits on a little hike down by the lake. So they were left to simply avoid the others in any way they could in the vast halls of the Xavier institute.

While Scott and Jean tried to keep their distance from the others, Ororo Munroe was in the midst of listening in all the chattering mutant teens as the air circulated of rumors and gossip about what Kurt had seen. While she tried to stay in the background, it didn't seem to matter to the rest of them as they let the gossip flow freely without interruption.

"I knew it!" said Kitty as she sat around the kitchen table with the others. "See, I told you guys I wasn't lying!"

"For once," quipped Bobby, which earned him a snide look from Kitty.

"I knew those two were fucking! I mean, just look at how they've been acting. They look as though they haven't slept in over a year! They both disappear for hours at a time only to come back looking more tired than before! They must have quite an appetite for the good stuff," smirked Tabitha as the rest of the breakfast table couldn't help but giggle.

"You got a dirty mind, ya know that Tabby?" said Rogue, "But I guess I can't deny the facts either. I may not be an expert on the subject, but even I know those two are goin' at it. They just act so lovey dovey around each other it's almost sickening."

"Ja, I still had my doubts before...But I saw it vith my own two eyes!" said Kurt as he remembered the shock he felt upon seeing Jean come out of Scott's room wearing nothing buy an oversized T-shirt.

"Yeah, and I bet they'll still try to deny it though," said Bobby.

"That's for sure," said Kitty in agreement, "But I don't see why they, like, have to be so adamant about it. I mean, come on! We have three eye witnesses to it and plenty of other logic to back it up."

"I guess Mr. and Mrs. X-man don't want us to see them as too...Promiscuous, I guess," said Rogue with a smirk.

"Though I don't see what the big deal about it is...I don't see why they have to act so damn 'perfect' all the time for the sake of their precious reputation. I mean...What's the worse thing they could do? Give us some pointers on positions?" said Tabitha with a laugh.

That comment got the rest of the table to laugh as well. Ororo merely sighed, not wanting to add on to any of this unscrupulous banter. While she thought that some of these rumors had some truth in them...She knew Scott and Jean wouldn't want to discuss it. She was still uncertain if they had sex at one point...But they just refused to talk about it. She could only guess why that was, but either way she wanted to confront them about it with the Professor later on. But even after she left, the conversation between the younger students continued to go on.

"I say we get them to finally admit it!" said Kitty as the laughter died down.

"Good luck vith that Kitten. You know they'll just keep denying it until ve get board and stop asking," said Kurt as he shook his head at her suggestion.

"But still...I think we should try."

"Yeah, for once I'd have to agree with ya Kitty. I'm gettin' kinda sick of those two actin' so upstanding just because their supposed to be role models," said Rogue.

"Same here...I think they should just stop and give us some damn details for once!" said Bobby.

"You'd like that wouldn't you Iceman?" joked Tabitha, causing the teenage boy to slightly blush.

"Come on guys, stay focused!" said Kitty, who couldn't help but laugh at Bobby's predicament.

"So how are ve going to do this?" asked Kurt as the laughter died down.

"Simple," said Kitty, "We just make it so they have no tricky way out this time!"


With Hank taking the rest of the students out to the lake in the hot, humid summer weather, that left the students who stayed behind to lose themselves in the cool halls of the Xavier Institute. While the Professor worked in his study and Logan fine tuned his motorcycle, the rest of the institute residence put in affect their little 'plan' to finally confront Scott and Jean about the rumors that had been prevalent for over a month now.

However, the two eldest students of the institute had gone to some substantial lengths to avoid the litigation of the others. Jean had chosen to keep herself distracted in the institute library, where very few people ever came during the summer months. Scott had chosen to hide down in the sub-levels where most of the students tried to avoid until danger room sessions came up. They wanted to keep themselves from thinking about all the problems they now faced in wake of so much inner turmoil...And so far the only way to do that was to distract themselves from it. Even though it was only a temporary remedy...It was better than no remedy at all.

For almost the entire morning Kitty, Tabitha, and Rogue tried to confront Jean while Kurt and Bobby tried to confront Scott. As always, they were somewhat difficult to find. Add to that, one of them was psychic so it was kind of a test on their mental wits. But eventually...They located both of them thanks to an extensive search. Scott and Jean were both heavily sleep deprived and their minds were utterly tired from dealing with recent events so they were unable to stay a step ahead of their pursuers. And as the younger students of the Xavier institute for gifted youngsters approached their deeply troubled friends...They prepared to put an end to the rumors, one way or another.


Jean was definitely feeling the effects of her sleep deprivation. She could barely keep her eyes open as she tried to focus on her book. But she didn't want to sleep...She knew that would only bring more nightmares. Each one was worst than the last and the encounter with Duncan last night only exacerbated the situation. She and Scott were trying to look normal...But neither of them could have ever anticipated it being so hard.

Jean once again tried to rub the sleep from her eyes as she struggled to keep her drowsy state from getting the best of her. She had lost track of how long she had been here. Her weary state made time lose all meaning to her as she closed her book, no longer to stay focused enough to read. But as she forced herself to get up and walk over to the bookcase in search of something else...She suddenly heard the doors to the room swing open and watched as Kitty, Rogue and Tabitha entered the room. A new feeling of dread came over the young woman as she tried to stay calm in the face of her ever invasive friends.

"There you are Jean! We've been looking all over for you!" said Kitty as she walked over towards the bookcase where she was standing.

Unknown to Jean, Tabitha had closed the door behind them...Showing that they had no intention of letting her leave until she confronted the rumors.

"What do you mean?" asked Jean, trying to put on the old oblivious act knowing it probably wouldn't work.

"You weren't at breakfast and I don't know if you've noticed...But you and Scott seem to be avoiding us like the plague lately," added Kitty, who had seen Jean's predictable answer coming before she even answered.

Jean simply sighed, knowing that denial would only make it worse at this point. Her options were so limited now...How was she going to get out of this one?

"We have our reasons," said Jean, hoping that they would stop.

"I'll bet..." said Tabitha in a giddy tone.

Jean forced herself to take deep breaths. She couldn't afford to hyperventilate or hallucinate at this point. She just wanted them to go away and leave her alone. She didn't want to put on this fake act any longer...But she had no choice. She never had a choice. A terrible feeling had been bottled up inside her and the longer she kept it in the more painful it felt. Old feeling and memories were starting to take hold as Jean Grey tried desperately to keep herself together at this point.

"Come on Jean, enough is enough!" said Rogue, who was fed up her responses and Kitty and Tabitha's beating around the bush. "Yer psychic, ya know why we're here. Kurt saw ya come out of Scott's room this morning...Kitty and Tabby saw him come out of yer room a month ago."

"That doesn't mean anything!" shot Jean, who was trying to keep her emotions under control in wake of Rogues accusations.

"Jean...We're not stupid," said Tabitha, "Stop denying it. I mean look at you...It looks like you haven't slept in weeks. You and Scooter go off and disappear for hours at a time and you go on dates and don't return until three in the morning! We know you two are getting it on, so just admit it okay?"

Jean didn't say anything...It was as if she had forgotten how to talk. A cold sweat began to from on her face, but the rest of the girls didn't seem to notice it. They just wouldn't leave. Jean tried harder than ever to keep herself from just plain falling apart right before the three girls that stood before her. She wished that Logan would barge in to the room or the Professor would announce something over the intercom. Hell, she would have accepted an all out sentinel attack if it would just get her out of this. But nothing was happening...Nobody was going to help her.

"Like, what's the big deal Jean? So you and Scott have sex. Why do you have to hide it? Are you afraid of the Professor or something?" asked Kitty as Jean stayed silent.

"Come on! With all the times you two slip away it must be pretty good if you both keep going back for more!" smirked Tabby.

Jean couldn't fight it anymore...After all these years and so much suppression of her inner pain...It was just getting too great for her to bear. It was eating away at her...Festering like a scar in her mind. Memories, emotions, feelings...For many years now she had forced herself to stay in control...But there was only so much she could take. Her breathing grew more erratic as the three girls continued to push for a response. She couldn't take it anymore...She couldn't fight all the pain welled up within.

"Jean, why don't you just..." but then, Kitty stopped in mid-sentence as the girls saw a sudden change in Jean's expression.

The look on her face had changed to one that looked nothing like the Jean Grey they knew. Something within her had finally given way...And all the years of pent up suppression and angst finally began to break out as Jean's will to continue the act she hated so much shattered.

"Jean..." said Kitty, who was beginning to get concerned.

"SHUT UP! JUST SHUT THE FUCK UP!" yelled the angry redhead with tears in her eyes.

Suddenly, the three girls were flung against the wall with a powerful telekinetic burst. But it didn't stop there...Jean was in such a rage, she went further. Using the power of her telepathy, she pumped each of their minds with countless painful images, feelings, and emotions. All of her agony and all of her inner turmoil was slammed in to their young minds as they felt and experienced things that had tormented Jean all her life. Each girl let out agonizing screams as they clutched their heads from the unfiltered detail of the sad story that had been Jean's life. Other details from Scott's life made it in as well, for Jean couldn't hold back anymore. All the abuse, the beatings, the torture, the rapes, and the trauma from her and Scott's life were blasted through their minds at fantastic rates. Then...As Jean felt the maelstrom of anger within her subside...It all stopped.

Rogue, Kitty, and Tabitha fell back to the floor and Jean was left to take in what had just happened. She watched as the three girls lay on the floor in a frozen state. The look in their eyes was that of pure horror as countless images of the inner pain that Jean had forced in to them now dwelled within their minds. There were tears in their eyes and a look of pain on their faces as they struggled to process what they had just seen. As Jean Grey finally managed to collect her thoughts...A horrible feeling dawned on her.

"What have I done?" said Jean as a sinking feeling in the pit of her stomach began to form, "My god, what have I done?"

Jean ran out of the library as she struggled to keep herself together. She had just done something extreme...She had just snapped under the pressure of keeping up an act she hated. Now they knew the truth...And a terrible feeling of dread descended upon her. She began to feel dizzy and light-headed from her breakdown and soon found herself stumble in to the bathroom. As she closed and locked the door...Her legs then gave way. She sank on to the cold floor and hugged her knees as she tried to tell herself that this was just another nightmare. But it was far worse than that...It was real. Tears now streamed down her face as she cried her pain out. Now, she truly didn't know what was going to happen. What would the others say? What would the Professor say? Countless thoughts and feelings went through her mind as she just kept on crying...Wishing for it all to go away. But it wasn't happening...She had given up the act...She was breaking the habit. Now, she could do nothing but let it all out...


At the same time Jean was confronting the emotional turmoil with the girls, Scott was in the sub-levels where Kurt and Bobby were coming to confront him. Scott had hoped that nobody would come down on a day without danger room sessions. He wanted to blow off his feelings of angst in the weight room where he hoped nobody would bother him about the rumors or the mission. He felt like a terrible wreck. He was tired from getting only minuscule sleep...He was angry at the way every other resident in the institute, minus Logan, badgered him and Jean incessantly about rumors...And he was getting deeply depressed with every moment he had to hold everything in. And it wasn't just him...Seeing Jean suffer the same feelings only made it worse on him because he felt she truly didn't deserve it. He wanted to make it go away for her more than he wanted it to go away for himself...But it wouldn't go away...These feelings never stopped. The more he thought about it, the more depressed he became. Because of his Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, Scott had always suffered a terrible amount of depression. And since he had struggled with it so long and never got treated, it was chronic now...He would have it for the rest of his life.

Grunting at the hopelessness he felt, Scott continued to punch at the heavy bag near the center of the gym. The chains rattled as the force he hit with seemed to be fed by his pent up emotions. He lost track of time as he was left in his own world. He became so immersed that he almost didn't hear the door to the gym open.

"So this is where you've been hiding out," said Bobby as he and Kurt entered the weight room.

Scott was quickly jolted back to reality as he saw the two boys approach him.

'Oh no...Not this...Not now.'

Scott felt a horrible sense of dread come over him, knowing what they probably wanted to talk to him about. He forced himself to take deep breaths as he tried to put on a calm demeanor, but he found it a lot harder than usual. It was strange...Because he had been putting on this act for years, and now it seemed so much harder and he struggled to hold himself together.

"You vern't up for breakfast mien friend. In fact, I don't think I, or anyone else for that matter, have seen you in days," commented Kurt.

"I just wasn't hungry this morning," said Scott simply as he resumed punching the bag.

"But that doesn't explain why we haven't seen you in days. It's like you're hiding from us or something," said Bobby.

Scott swallowed a lump in his throat, trying to hide his anxiety. Bobby had been right about him hiding in a sense, but at the same time Scott couldn't help but feel somewhat angry that he, nor anybody else for that matter, had taken a hint.

"I'm not hiding," replied Scott, knowing that was a complete lie.

"Then vhy are you avoiding us? It vouldn't have something to do vith a certain young redhead now vould it?" said the blue mutant with a smirk.

Scott had a feeling this was going to happen, but that didn't make it any easier. He didn't want to talk about this...It bought back too many bad memories that he had been trying to forget for many years. It aggravated that young man every time he was forced to confront this issue...But there never seemed to be a way to avoid it.

"What are you talking about?" asked Scott, trying to sound indifferent but not doing a very good job at it.

"Dude...Come on!" exclaimed Bobby who was beginning to get frustrated with Scott's continued attitude. "What's with the denial?"

"Yeah man, I saw Jean come out of your room this morning vith my own two eyes! And Kitty and Tabitha saw the same thing a month ago. Now ve may not be experts in the subtleties of human interaction, but ve knew better than that."

Scott didn't know how to respond to their words...He knew that neither boy would be satisfied until they got the answer they wanted even if it wasn't true. The more they pestered him, the more irked Scott became. He was forced to hold back his feelings of inner turmoil under the pressure of keeping up the act he had been putting on for so long now. It was now harder than ever to pretend and continue to be something he wasn't...And a growing feeling in the pit of his stomach made him feel like he was going to burst. However, he kept forcing himself to take deep breaths in an effort to suppress all this.

"Come on man...Where all guys here," said Bobby, still oblivious to Scott's disposition, "What's the harm in giving your old pals a few 'details.'"

"Yeah, so out vith it man! Vhat's Jean like?" grinned Kurt as he and his partner in crime pressed on, "Is she wild, subtle, rough?"

That caused them both to snicker as Scott attempted to filter their words out. Over and over again, memories from the streets flashed before his mind's eye. The unpleasant images hammered at his psyche and put more and more pressure on his mind. He hated this act...He hated this unending feeling that ate at his very soul with each passing second. Then...As he felt all the turmoil within his mind grow to fevered levels...Something within him finally snapped. All the years of pent up angst could no longer be suppressed as Scott felt his world around him shatter.

"Uh...Scott?" said Bobby who was beginning to feel a little freaked out by Scott's silence.

Kurt noticed it as well after he had made that last joke. Then suddenly, he caught a glimpse of the look on Scott's face and he started to get nervous. That look...It was as if he was looking at a completely different person. It wasn't a look from the upstanding leader that he had come to know over the years. He had no clue to the turmoil that was going on in his mind...He only had the pained look in Scott's eyes to go on.

"Scott..." began Kurt as he put his hand on his friend's shoulder.


Then, without warning, Scott grabbed Kurt's hand and threw him through the air against the wall as if he weighed nothing. Then, he looked over at the bewildered Bobby Drake and grabbed him as well with surprising ease and flung him through the air against the hard concrete wall, nearly knocking them both out. However, the older mutant wasn't done just yet. He then proceeded to tear off his glasses and blow the punching bag he had been hitting away in to a smoldering heap with his optic blasts. Then, letting out yells of agony, he grabbed whatever weights he could and flung the across the room as if they were light as a feather. The walls soon became dented, mirrors and glass shattered, and Kurt and Bobby could only watch in horror as Scott Summers erupted under the pressure of the emotions that he had been holding back for so long.

As Scott continued his rampage, Kurt and Bobby worked through the intense shock and fled the room as fast as they could. They couldn't believe what they had just seen...They were unsure if it had truly happened. The normally rational, collected leader that they knew Scott by so well had changed in to a completely different person. It was as if everything they knew had been completely destroyed in a fit of rage that was bought on by their hands. Their young minds struggled to process what had just happened...But even as they ran as far away from the weight room as they could...They could still hear the sounds of Scott's anguish echoing through the halls as the intensity of what they had seen was permanently etched in to their memories like a burning scar.

As the overwhelming breakdown finally subsided within Scott...He soon fell to his knees as he once again regained control of his thoughts. He looked at the room around him as it now stood utterly destroyed by his hands. A horrible feeling in the pit of his stomach caused him to keel over in a fit of pain. Everything that he had worked so hard to suppress so that he could live a semi-normal life had been unleashed in an uncontrollable fury that he could not stop. So many agonizing feelings now griped his mind as he stood in his own living nightmare. Tears flowed freely in his eyes as he let out scream after scream that echoed throughout the lower levels of the institute. He felt so horrible now...So many things had been unleashed that he had kept bottled up for so long. Scott had given up the act...He was breaking the habit in the same way Jean had. And as he felt his body fail him on the cold, hard floor he knew that there was no going back now...Because what was done could not be undone.

"Make it stop..." said Scott weakly as he collapsed on to the floor in a tired heap, "Please...Make it stop."


Scott Summers and Jean Grey had been pushed so hard by others to keep up an act that they hated with a passion. The long standing memories of their past, the rumors throughout the institute, and the ill fated mission had left them so deeply wounded that nothing could keep the pressure within them from unleashing itself. The others had pushed them...It seemed as though everything had pushed them. And after years of being something they're not, it all finally came to ahead. They had lost it...It had all come out in an emotional cataclysm unlike anything they had ever experienced before. Scott and Jean had been through a lot of terrible things in their short lives...But one of the most painful experiences they were forced to go through was having to suppress so many terrible feelings for so long. Now that they had let it all out, many of those repressed feeling were surfacing all at once. And it was almost too great for their already fragile minds. The pain that had been bought to surface was all so overwhelming...And now more than ever, the near future was unclear.

Memories consume
Like opening the wound
I'm picking me apart again
You all assume
I'm safe here in my room
Unless I try to start again

I don't want to be the one
The battles always choose
'Cause inside I realize
That I'm the one confused

I don't know what's worth fighting for
Or why I have to scream
I don't know why I instigate
And say what I don't mean
I don't know how I got this way
I know it's not alright
So I'm breaking the habit
I'm breaking the habit

Clutching my cure
I tightly lock the door
I try to catch my breath again
I hurt much more
Than anytime before
I had no options left again

I don't want to be the one
The battles always choose
'Cause inside I realize
That I'm the one confused

I don't know what's worth fighting for
Or why I have to scream
I don't know why I instigate
And say what I don't mean
I don't know how I got this way
I'll never be alright
So, I'm breaking the habit
I'm breaking the habit

I'll paint it on the walls
'Cause I'm the one at fault
I'll never fight again
And this is how it ends

I don't know what's worth fighting for
Or why I have to scream
But now I have some clarity
to show you what I mean
I don't know how I got this way
I'll never be alright
So, I'm breaking the habit
I'm breaking the habit
I'm breaking the habit


AN: I know...This chapter was a little over the top in some areas. And I know some of you will hate me for making Scott and Jean seem really out of character. But remember that this is AU! This as a STORY! You may have found their actions a little unrealistic, but try to look at it from their point of view. Keeping something as traumatic as what they have experienced bottled up is always difficult deal with. Things like chronic depression, post traumatic stress disorder, and generalized anxiety disorder are REAL THINGS! So please, if you have to send me flames, bare these thoughts in mind. Also, the song I mentioned at the end of the chapter was, you guessed it, "Breaking the Habit" by Linkin Park. This song truly describes the situations and feelings portrayed in this chapter. I couldn't help but use it. In addition, LINKIN PARK RULES! Other than that, what do you think? Do you like it? Hate it? Please tell me! I always love to receive feedback from my readers! Please send them to me via email or post them on the fanfiction website. Stay tuned! There is plenty more angst and Scott/Jean romance ahead in the last few chapters! This story is almost over so please don't wait too long to review! Thank you all so much for reading and best wishes to you all!

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