Categories > Cartoons > Danny Phantom > Danny Phantom: Fanning The Flames Remix
Chapter 2-A
1 reviewBefore the events of 'The Kids Are Alright' a very interesting series of meetings happened...PLUS an Omake section!
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Danny Phantom: Fanning the Flames Remix
Chapter 2-A
The following sequence of events occurs before 'The Kids Are Alright'.
(One year ago, before the events of 'The Kids Are Alright...deep in the Pentagon somewhere a meeting is held between two men, Brigadier General Hawk & Admiral Paulson.)
Hawk: So, how are the kids doing?
Paulson: Fine, fine, Arty! There's a lot for them to do in Hawaii. Wife's even up to her neck in activities. How's yours doing?
Hawk: Japan's been good for them. But quite honestly, we've never could sway Bonnie from the Kabuki plays. I still can't wrap the ol' cabesa around them.
Paulson: True, true. But I doubt we're here to discuss the family life. Where's the rest of the council?
Hawk: War's got them preoccupied, so we're all that's left. This is concerning The Geist Project.
Paulson: Oh, right...this was the proposed action decided on by Gen. Harker to control all paranormal activity.
Hawk: That bastard...
Paulson: I see you have a grudge.
Hawk: They never told you the whole story, did they?
Paulson: No, I came into the fold a year after the trial. What happened?
Hawk: It's a bit of a long story, but are you aware of a ghost named Pariah Dark?
Paulson: The Ghost King?
Hawk: Yeah. The word is that he was sealed off in the Ghost Zone by that ghost kid from Amity Park, the one called Danny Phantom. The big boys decide that they want to go and collect old Pariah for 'research purposes' and appoint Harker to be the leader.
Paulson: Let me guess, there's more to the story.
Hawk: Always. By 'research' they meant use Pariah as some sort of ecto weapon and make clones like him. Harker handpicked a team to infiltrate the Ghost Zone, locate the place where he was sealed in and bring him back. But the team never stood a chance, especially with the guard in the castle. Only one team member actually made it out alive. That's when we learned just what Harker really wanted to do.
Paulson: It was something bad wasn't it?
Hawk: I'll let our guest fill you in on that. Sara, show him in.
(The doors to the office open. Stepping inside is Prof. York.)
Hawk: It's good to see you again, Altair.
York: Likewise, although I'd rather it would have been for something more social. Admiral Paulson, pleasure to meet you.
Paulson: So the rumors are true.
York: If you mean the rumors of me being an agent for the government, not anymore. I was a bit more than miffed when they found that one of my projects from college was better suited for military use.
Hawk: We know we know.
York: Right, now that the little misunderstanding is out of the way, let's begin. (York takes a seat.) This is about Harker, isn't it?
Paulson: Yes, we're sorry to say. The government is seriously considering starting up The Geist Project, but as we here know, you are the only known person to have in his possession the component we would need for the bomb.
York: Correct.
Hawk: We know that you're unwilling to part with it, but before we can continue discussions, we're a bit confused about the report you submitted. It's rather...complex.
York: Oh come now, surely explanations of parallel dimensions are not so bad to wrap that mind of yours around.
Paulson: Um, can you fill me in, I'm a bit lost here.
York: Gladly, rookie.
(York pulls from his jacket a small orb & lays it on the table. A hologram display of the Ghost Zone is lit up for all to see.)
York: As you know, all the ghosts we have encountered in this country, including a weird little city called Amity Park, seem to come from this plane of existence called the Ghost Zone. Spirits and other beings, mostly of the ectoplasmic variety, dwell here. I theorize it is a halfway point for the departed, before they go to their supposed final destination.
Hawk: But you said there is more.
York: Yes. Some of my research has indicated that there is no way to accurately measure the exact size of the Ghost Zone with the tech we have now. It may very well be the size of our own universe. And it would appear, given certain testimony from outside sources, that there are portals within there. These are portals that lead to other worlds, other time periods. Imagine the possibilities gentlemen, if we could freely travel through the Ghost Zone, unhindered.
Paulson: Wait, that would mean we could possibly find other sources of life. Other civilizations even. We could possibly answer questions about our own history.
Hawk: Harker had other ideas though. The funds he requested were for research purposes.
Paulson: Not research, I take it.
Hawk: Well, it was, but it was the research of the other kind. He was developing weapons to destroy ghosts, a complete 180 from what we here wished to do.
York: And despite my warnings, Harker nearly got what he wanted. Because of it, you lost some good men, one of which was a man of mine.
Hawk: But your explanation...
York: Is real simple: Try to imagine setting off a small bomb in the middle of a cruise ship liners engine room. The explosion would spread, quickly, fire engulfing everything until the ship itself was obliterated. Setting off the bomb in the Ghost Zone would release all sorts of energies within that realm. It would spread not only there, but into our world, the other worlds, even to our past & possible futures. Boys, that is what we call in my line of work 'End Game'. The complete destruction of life as you know it. And your masters almost gave him the green light.
Paulson: You're scaring me, sir.
York: It's the end of our universe; I can't afford to sugarcoat the truth. And of course, there are certain parties who have something to say about that.
Paulson: Huh?
Hawk: He means the Shingami.
York: Man, don't you tell the new guys anything?
Hawk: He's been here only a year, cut us some slack. There's this secret sect of beings, Admiral, that are known as Shingami, or Grim Reapers. They are the ones who keep tabs on all ghosts and their activities. Their job is to keep the balance, track ghosts and humans, curb all sorts of supernatural actions. Some are humans themselves, who happen to be very influential in the world.
York: Harker's plan was caught on by the Shingami and they in turn alerted me to the situation. I took the appropriate action and, well, you know the rest.
Hawk: What surprises me is the fact that you can contact them at any given moment.
York: Oh, actually it's the opposite, they usually contact me. And I got a message from them.
Hawk: Something else going down? What was the message?
York: They said they would send a representative to our meeting. And that rep should be arriving right about...
(On cue, the doors swing open by themselves. A man in grey, with short green hair and a bandanna across his forehead, walks in.)
Man: Greetings.
York: You must be the Shingami they told me about.
Man: Yes, call me Hayate. Altair, nice to see you're still active.
Hawk: I'm Brigadier Gen. Arthur Hawk. This is Admiral Tomias Paulson.
Hayate: Hawk? As in the same Gen. Hawk of the Excalibur Incident? I thought you'd be shorter.
Hawk: From the eyes of a dragon, you would be described as a bit small.
Hayate: I'll get right to it, why I was sent here. The Geist Project can still be implemented, but with a radically different, non lethal approach. Now while you may not have the support of the Guys in White, who were rather incompetent to begin with, may I suggest some alternative candidates?
York: Like who?
Hayate: There are some friends of ours from college, the Fenton's, who are prime subjects for this project.
Paulson: Ah, Jack Fenton. I approved his grant for a Interdimensional Portal Disrupter last year.
York: Are we sure we should let him dabble in that? I mean, it was enough he sucked his own house into one before...
Hawk: As long as he works with Maddie, he will do fine. They may not be the greatest ghost hunters, but some of their contributions have been invaluable.
Hayate: And of course, Master Hamato's dojo has some students we need to consider.
York: Ah, sensei! I wonder what he's up to...
(Somewhere in Japan, a old man with round spectacles sits at a computer, looking at random images & movies of Danny Phantom in action. A lone figure, clad in black and grey leaps down besides him.)
Woman: Master, the other students are in the temple.
Hamato: I'll be in shortly...my my, Maddie Fenton's son has been busy...
Woman: Master, what makes you think that is the son of one of your former pupils?
Hamato: Come now, the name is a dead giveaway.
Woman: Granted...
Hamato: Plus this boy is said to be a half ghost. Maddie & her husband work in the business of ghost hunting, and it wouldn't surprise me if some sort of accident, indirectly caused by them, gave him said powers.
Woman: Ok, that's reasonable to understand. But why are you studying him?
Hamato: This son of theirs has potential...great potential. I'd hate to see it come to waste. I want to see him myself one day, but we'll have to wait for the perfect opportunity to act.
Woman: Of course.
Hamato: Now, what is on today's training agenda? Shuriken making?
Woman: Actually, it's flower arranging.
Hamato: Oh right...man, kunoichi training is a pain...
(And finally, in Vlad's lair)
Vlad: Report, spy. (A radio comes to life.)
Female Voice: He came in today, sir, just as I reported.
Vlad: Altair York...does that ever take me back. I wonder though, why does the government still have an interest in him? He ceased being their main stooge ages ago.
Female Voice: You may be interested to know that he had invited a Shingami to the meeting with the Council.
Vlad: What? How does he even know about them? Only a select few mortals ever had made contact with that group...looks like I need to do some detective work.
Female Voice: The file on York is rather large sir. And it's not exactly easy to obtain.
Vlad: Sara, I'm a billionaire. I have many ways of getting the job done. Patch me to Axion. We've got a bit of digging to do...
And now for a somewhat irregular Filler Theater...
(I walk into the lounge with Dani, notebook in hand. Sitting at a table, with an assortment of soft drinks is Danny...and Katara?)
Me: So, I think this scene's got to be slightly modified to get the emphasis more on the aspects of the relationship between...Katara?!
Dani: Hey, why are you here?
Katara: Ah don't mind me; I just needed to take a break from the usual stuff, that's all?
Me: So, you're not here to kick my ass again?
Katara: I think your ass has been kicked enough.
Dani: Lemme guess, she saw your 1 gig PSP memory stick...
Me: ...yeah. Hentai will be the ruin of mankind.
Danny: Tell me. Tucker decided to do a Google search and typed in the words 'Link & Midna' together.
Dani & Katara: Brrrrr...
Me: That certainly explains the weeping.
Dani: I gotta ask you, how do you guys put up with it? You know, all the shipping stuff?
Danny: 'Shipping'? I know nothing of the tuna trade!
Katara: He means relationships. (Pulls out a handy chart) 'Shipping' as Dani put it, is the act of pairing a character from a popular medium, be it animated or literary, and setting them up with another character. This theme is most prominent with fan fiction.
Danny: Wow, the Kim-Shego section is pretty big. So is the sections with me and Sam...and me & Ember...wait a sec WHY AM I LISTED NEXT TO DASH?!
Dani: Me & Danny...uh, technically speaking that's just...the implications alone...
Me: I try not to think about it. You should see who Shinji Ikari frequently gets paired with. (Shinji peeks in.)
Shinji: If given a choice between Ritsuko & Kaworu, who do you think I'm gonna pick?!
Katara: And I thought the Zuko pairing was hell...
Danny: Do you know how many letters I get a day begging me to get together with Ember or Sam, or at the most infrequent, Kitty?
Katara: I know the feeling.
Me: Hmm...that gives me an idea. (DarkDP walks in)
Dark: I REFUSE to do a Danny-Katara picture!
Me: No not that---hey, what's with the bo staff?
Dark: You know that whole business we were talking about the other day, the stuff between the 'True Fans' and the regular Danny Phantom fans?
Danny: Oh yeah, I remember. Ugly.
Dark: Well, it's gone into full blown war now. I've spent like a half hour beating down some of the 'True Fans' assembled outside.
Me: That would explain why I had to use this thing. (Pulls out taser.)
Danny: So, we are still on for the 3 week mark, right? We've made the people wait long enough.
Me: Yeah yeah, I know. I have a bit of military business to take care of...and the crossover ideas were a bitch to untangle.
Katara: Not another silly crossover with anime!
Danny: No, he wants to do something spoofing Smash Bros, but I was thinking about spoofing Jump Superstars...it's kind of hard to explain.
Me: Especially since the target audience may have never touched Jump Superstars. And the chaos involved...
Katara: How bad could it be?
(Suddenly, Timmy Turner lands on the table, followed shortly by Jimmy Neutron. A boulder shortly knocks the two out of the kitchen area as Toph pursues them, shortly pursued by Ty Lee.)
Katara: Oh, right...
Danny: You should have seen the Tootie vs Cindy fight.
/Omake Section: I Hate Early 90's Cartoons/
To be quite honest, I had no real point in making this at the time it was typed up: the story needed updating, I woke up grumpy & I saw a Captain Planet episode that morning where the villain WON. The villain, in one of the preachiest shows ever conceived by Turner practically got away with murder. Granted, it was a critique against the law and how it can fail to protect our national resources, but still, if you are Captain freaking Planet, and have the ability to restore depleated and damaged natural areas, isn't it in your best interest to go into an deforested area and, I don't know, grow some goddamned trees? Superman can put out a flipping forest fore just by sneezing, you can't restore one tree.
My point is that sometimes, superheroes just need to use a little common sense and Capt. Planet is the worst superhero ever.
(I walk into the lounge, notebook in hand, where Danny & Timmy are waiting.)
Me: Ah, 2 more weeks and we can get this bad boy sent out...hey, what are you guys watching?
Timmy: That old show that we made fun of last season, 'Captain Planet'.
Me: Bleh, that brings back memories.
Danny: This show is so...
Me: Cheesy, preachy, over the top, so inane only Chuck Austen could make the show worse?
Danny: I was gonna say hopelessly saddled by clichés, but those work too. What I don't get is why the government never stepped in to put those villains in jail.
Timmy: It's the government. It took them 4 days to respond to a hurricane.
Me: True that.
Timmy: But I wonder, what really happened to those guys.
Me: Well, if I remember correctly, some of those people were eventually caught & put on trial for their crimes...
(Years ago. Hoggish Greedly, Dr Blight & Looten Plunder stand before a judge, all in shackles and orange jumpsuits.)
Judge: The three of you are hereby found guilty of destruction of property, conspiracy to commit murder, murder, attempted murder, bribery, lewd conduct with a minor, lewd contact with farm animals...
Hoggish: I thought you said the camera was off!
Looten: Sorry.
Judge: ...destruction of the environment, manslaughter, bribery of government officials, spamming, being the jerks who cost Gore the election, vandalism, downloading Metallica mp3s, public nudity, flipping the Pope off and numerous other acts of destruction against the environment and mankind in general, we needed to draft another set of laws just to classify them all. What do you have to say for yourselves?!
Looten: I swear, your honor, we're innocent!
Judge: Sir, you have been recorded on numerous occasions ordering your flunkies to dump barrels of toxic waste near a orphanage! And need I remind you of this flyer, which says 'Come on down to Looten Plunder's Panda Barb-b-Que! This is not a misprint, I, Looten Plunder, REALLY will offer you genuine panda meat despite the fact that I know full well they are endangered!' You all get life!
Looten: Stupid Truth In Advertising Laws.
(Back)
Danny: Wow, they may very well be the stupidest villains next to Box Ghost.
Box Ghost: I must respectfully disagree.
Timmy: And what of the Planeteers?
Danny: I've seen one of them hanging out with Katara.
(Qi & Katara talk.)
Qi: Wait, you can control water just by using your arms? Darn, all they gave us were rings!
Katara: At least it gives you control over water.
Qi: Not exactly....I can control it, but my ring has to be clean.
Katara: You mean even if there is a smudge of dirt, you lose control.
Qi: In a nutshell.
Katara: That's kind of...dumb.
Qi: And now you know why we quit.
Katara: I just remembered something...Captain Planet has the power to transmute matter right? Does that mean he's an alchemist?
Qi: You could be right. I never thought of it in that way. (Danny & Timmy enter)
Danny: Oh God, that would mean that Wheeler's the Flame Alchemist.
Timmy: It would be lame on so many levels if it was true. But it does explain Ma-Ti's situation.
(In the infirmary, Box Lunch is fitting Ma-Ti with an automail arm & leg.)
Box Lunch: And what have we learned?
Ma-Ti: Human transmutation is a BAD BAD IDEA. (Ember peeks in.)
Ember: Don't even ask about Linka. It's just bad.
*And now allow me to slink back in the shadows to write the next chapter...really stop looking over my shoulder, what are you a stalker? Women...
Theme Song for Chapter 2-A
'Fujiyama Attack'- Guitar Wolf
*The above line was typed in Queens Library because while I was trying to get Chapter 3 typed up, 2 girls who were waiting for the computer I was at kept looking over my shoulder while I was working. It was really unnerving, so I typed it as I was correcting some sentences. I wonder sometimes, just sometimes, if I should ever just turn and say 'Would you like to finish this story for me?' Sure would save me some time and effort...
Chapter 2-A
The following sequence of events occurs before 'The Kids Are Alright'.
(One year ago, before the events of 'The Kids Are Alright...deep in the Pentagon somewhere a meeting is held between two men, Brigadier General Hawk & Admiral Paulson.)
Hawk: So, how are the kids doing?
Paulson: Fine, fine, Arty! There's a lot for them to do in Hawaii. Wife's even up to her neck in activities. How's yours doing?
Hawk: Japan's been good for them. But quite honestly, we've never could sway Bonnie from the Kabuki plays. I still can't wrap the ol' cabesa around them.
Paulson: True, true. But I doubt we're here to discuss the family life. Where's the rest of the council?
Hawk: War's got them preoccupied, so we're all that's left. This is concerning The Geist Project.
Paulson: Oh, right...this was the proposed action decided on by Gen. Harker to control all paranormal activity.
Hawk: That bastard...
Paulson: I see you have a grudge.
Hawk: They never told you the whole story, did they?
Paulson: No, I came into the fold a year after the trial. What happened?
Hawk: It's a bit of a long story, but are you aware of a ghost named Pariah Dark?
Paulson: The Ghost King?
Hawk: Yeah. The word is that he was sealed off in the Ghost Zone by that ghost kid from Amity Park, the one called Danny Phantom. The big boys decide that they want to go and collect old Pariah for 'research purposes' and appoint Harker to be the leader.
Paulson: Let me guess, there's more to the story.
Hawk: Always. By 'research' they meant use Pariah as some sort of ecto weapon and make clones like him. Harker handpicked a team to infiltrate the Ghost Zone, locate the place where he was sealed in and bring him back. But the team never stood a chance, especially with the guard in the castle. Only one team member actually made it out alive. That's when we learned just what Harker really wanted to do.
Paulson: It was something bad wasn't it?
Hawk: I'll let our guest fill you in on that. Sara, show him in.
(The doors to the office open. Stepping inside is Prof. York.)
Hawk: It's good to see you again, Altair.
York: Likewise, although I'd rather it would have been for something more social. Admiral Paulson, pleasure to meet you.
Paulson: So the rumors are true.
York: If you mean the rumors of me being an agent for the government, not anymore. I was a bit more than miffed when they found that one of my projects from college was better suited for military use.
Hawk: We know we know.
York: Right, now that the little misunderstanding is out of the way, let's begin. (York takes a seat.) This is about Harker, isn't it?
Paulson: Yes, we're sorry to say. The government is seriously considering starting up The Geist Project, but as we here know, you are the only known person to have in his possession the component we would need for the bomb.
York: Correct.
Hawk: We know that you're unwilling to part with it, but before we can continue discussions, we're a bit confused about the report you submitted. It's rather...complex.
York: Oh come now, surely explanations of parallel dimensions are not so bad to wrap that mind of yours around.
Paulson: Um, can you fill me in, I'm a bit lost here.
York: Gladly, rookie.
(York pulls from his jacket a small orb & lays it on the table. A hologram display of the Ghost Zone is lit up for all to see.)
York: As you know, all the ghosts we have encountered in this country, including a weird little city called Amity Park, seem to come from this plane of existence called the Ghost Zone. Spirits and other beings, mostly of the ectoplasmic variety, dwell here. I theorize it is a halfway point for the departed, before they go to their supposed final destination.
Hawk: But you said there is more.
York: Yes. Some of my research has indicated that there is no way to accurately measure the exact size of the Ghost Zone with the tech we have now. It may very well be the size of our own universe. And it would appear, given certain testimony from outside sources, that there are portals within there. These are portals that lead to other worlds, other time periods. Imagine the possibilities gentlemen, if we could freely travel through the Ghost Zone, unhindered.
Paulson: Wait, that would mean we could possibly find other sources of life. Other civilizations even. We could possibly answer questions about our own history.
Hawk: Harker had other ideas though. The funds he requested were for research purposes.
Paulson: Not research, I take it.
Hawk: Well, it was, but it was the research of the other kind. He was developing weapons to destroy ghosts, a complete 180 from what we here wished to do.
York: And despite my warnings, Harker nearly got what he wanted. Because of it, you lost some good men, one of which was a man of mine.
Hawk: But your explanation...
York: Is real simple: Try to imagine setting off a small bomb in the middle of a cruise ship liners engine room. The explosion would spread, quickly, fire engulfing everything until the ship itself was obliterated. Setting off the bomb in the Ghost Zone would release all sorts of energies within that realm. It would spread not only there, but into our world, the other worlds, even to our past & possible futures. Boys, that is what we call in my line of work 'End Game'. The complete destruction of life as you know it. And your masters almost gave him the green light.
Paulson: You're scaring me, sir.
York: It's the end of our universe; I can't afford to sugarcoat the truth. And of course, there are certain parties who have something to say about that.
Paulson: Huh?
Hawk: He means the Shingami.
York: Man, don't you tell the new guys anything?
Hawk: He's been here only a year, cut us some slack. There's this secret sect of beings, Admiral, that are known as Shingami, or Grim Reapers. They are the ones who keep tabs on all ghosts and their activities. Their job is to keep the balance, track ghosts and humans, curb all sorts of supernatural actions. Some are humans themselves, who happen to be very influential in the world.
York: Harker's plan was caught on by the Shingami and they in turn alerted me to the situation. I took the appropriate action and, well, you know the rest.
Hawk: What surprises me is the fact that you can contact them at any given moment.
York: Oh, actually it's the opposite, they usually contact me. And I got a message from them.
Hawk: Something else going down? What was the message?
York: They said they would send a representative to our meeting. And that rep should be arriving right about...
(On cue, the doors swing open by themselves. A man in grey, with short green hair and a bandanna across his forehead, walks in.)
Man: Greetings.
York: You must be the Shingami they told me about.
Man: Yes, call me Hayate. Altair, nice to see you're still active.
Hawk: I'm Brigadier Gen. Arthur Hawk. This is Admiral Tomias Paulson.
Hayate: Hawk? As in the same Gen. Hawk of the Excalibur Incident? I thought you'd be shorter.
Hawk: From the eyes of a dragon, you would be described as a bit small.
Hayate: I'll get right to it, why I was sent here. The Geist Project can still be implemented, but with a radically different, non lethal approach. Now while you may not have the support of the Guys in White, who were rather incompetent to begin with, may I suggest some alternative candidates?
York: Like who?
Hayate: There are some friends of ours from college, the Fenton's, who are prime subjects for this project.
Paulson: Ah, Jack Fenton. I approved his grant for a Interdimensional Portal Disrupter last year.
York: Are we sure we should let him dabble in that? I mean, it was enough he sucked his own house into one before...
Hawk: As long as he works with Maddie, he will do fine. They may not be the greatest ghost hunters, but some of their contributions have been invaluable.
Hayate: And of course, Master Hamato's dojo has some students we need to consider.
York: Ah, sensei! I wonder what he's up to...
(Somewhere in Japan, a old man with round spectacles sits at a computer, looking at random images & movies of Danny Phantom in action. A lone figure, clad in black and grey leaps down besides him.)
Woman: Master, the other students are in the temple.
Hamato: I'll be in shortly...my my, Maddie Fenton's son has been busy...
Woman: Master, what makes you think that is the son of one of your former pupils?
Hamato: Come now, the name is a dead giveaway.
Woman: Granted...
Hamato: Plus this boy is said to be a half ghost. Maddie & her husband work in the business of ghost hunting, and it wouldn't surprise me if some sort of accident, indirectly caused by them, gave him said powers.
Woman: Ok, that's reasonable to understand. But why are you studying him?
Hamato: This son of theirs has potential...great potential. I'd hate to see it come to waste. I want to see him myself one day, but we'll have to wait for the perfect opportunity to act.
Woman: Of course.
Hamato: Now, what is on today's training agenda? Shuriken making?
Woman: Actually, it's flower arranging.
Hamato: Oh right...man, kunoichi training is a pain...
(And finally, in Vlad's lair)
Vlad: Report, spy. (A radio comes to life.)
Female Voice: He came in today, sir, just as I reported.
Vlad: Altair York...does that ever take me back. I wonder though, why does the government still have an interest in him? He ceased being their main stooge ages ago.
Female Voice: You may be interested to know that he had invited a Shingami to the meeting with the Council.
Vlad: What? How does he even know about them? Only a select few mortals ever had made contact with that group...looks like I need to do some detective work.
Female Voice: The file on York is rather large sir. And it's not exactly easy to obtain.
Vlad: Sara, I'm a billionaire. I have many ways of getting the job done. Patch me to Axion. We've got a bit of digging to do...
And now for a somewhat irregular Filler Theater...
(I walk into the lounge with Dani, notebook in hand. Sitting at a table, with an assortment of soft drinks is Danny...and Katara?)
Me: So, I think this scene's got to be slightly modified to get the emphasis more on the aspects of the relationship between...Katara?!
Dani: Hey, why are you here?
Katara: Ah don't mind me; I just needed to take a break from the usual stuff, that's all?
Me: So, you're not here to kick my ass again?
Katara: I think your ass has been kicked enough.
Dani: Lemme guess, she saw your 1 gig PSP memory stick...
Me: ...yeah. Hentai will be the ruin of mankind.
Danny: Tell me. Tucker decided to do a Google search and typed in the words 'Link & Midna' together.
Dani & Katara: Brrrrr...
Me: That certainly explains the weeping.
Dani: I gotta ask you, how do you guys put up with it? You know, all the shipping stuff?
Danny: 'Shipping'? I know nothing of the tuna trade!
Katara: He means relationships. (Pulls out a handy chart) 'Shipping' as Dani put it, is the act of pairing a character from a popular medium, be it animated or literary, and setting them up with another character. This theme is most prominent with fan fiction.
Danny: Wow, the Kim-Shego section is pretty big. So is the sections with me and Sam...and me & Ember...wait a sec WHY AM I LISTED NEXT TO DASH?!
Dani: Me & Danny...uh, technically speaking that's just...the implications alone...
Me: I try not to think about it. You should see who Shinji Ikari frequently gets paired with. (Shinji peeks in.)
Shinji: If given a choice between Ritsuko & Kaworu, who do you think I'm gonna pick?!
Katara: And I thought the Zuko pairing was hell...
Danny: Do you know how many letters I get a day begging me to get together with Ember or Sam, or at the most infrequent, Kitty?
Katara: I know the feeling.
Me: Hmm...that gives me an idea. (DarkDP walks in)
Dark: I REFUSE to do a Danny-Katara picture!
Me: No not that---hey, what's with the bo staff?
Dark: You know that whole business we were talking about the other day, the stuff between the 'True Fans' and the regular Danny Phantom fans?
Danny: Oh yeah, I remember. Ugly.
Dark: Well, it's gone into full blown war now. I've spent like a half hour beating down some of the 'True Fans' assembled outside.
Me: That would explain why I had to use this thing. (Pulls out taser.)
Danny: So, we are still on for the 3 week mark, right? We've made the people wait long enough.
Me: Yeah yeah, I know. I have a bit of military business to take care of...and the crossover ideas were a bitch to untangle.
Katara: Not another silly crossover with anime!
Danny: No, he wants to do something spoofing Smash Bros, but I was thinking about spoofing Jump Superstars...it's kind of hard to explain.
Me: Especially since the target audience may have never touched Jump Superstars. And the chaos involved...
Katara: How bad could it be?
(Suddenly, Timmy Turner lands on the table, followed shortly by Jimmy Neutron. A boulder shortly knocks the two out of the kitchen area as Toph pursues them, shortly pursued by Ty Lee.)
Katara: Oh, right...
Danny: You should have seen the Tootie vs Cindy fight.
/Omake Section: I Hate Early 90's Cartoons/
To be quite honest, I had no real point in making this at the time it was typed up: the story needed updating, I woke up grumpy & I saw a Captain Planet episode that morning where the villain WON. The villain, in one of the preachiest shows ever conceived by Turner practically got away with murder. Granted, it was a critique against the law and how it can fail to protect our national resources, but still, if you are Captain freaking Planet, and have the ability to restore depleated and damaged natural areas, isn't it in your best interest to go into an deforested area and, I don't know, grow some goddamned trees? Superman can put out a flipping forest fore just by sneezing, you can't restore one tree.
My point is that sometimes, superheroes just need to use a little common sense and Capt. Planet is the worst superhero ever.
(I walk into the lounge, notebook in hand, where Danny & Timmy are waiting.)
Me: Ah, 2 more weeks and we can get this bad boy sent out...hey, what are you guys watching?
Timmy: That old show that we made fun of last season, 'Captain Planet'.
Me: Bleh, that brings back memories.
Danny: This show is so...
Me: Cheesy, preachy, over the top, so inane only Chuck Austen could make the show worse?
Danny: I was gonna say hopelessly saddled by clichés, but those work too. What I don't get is why the government never stepped in to put those villains in jail.
Timmy: It's the government. It took them 4 days to respond to a hurricane.
Me: True that.
Timmy: But I wonder, what really happened to those guys.
Me: Well, if I remember correctly, some of those people were eventually caught & put on trial for their crimes...
(Years ago. Hoggish Greedly, Dr Blight & Looten Plunder stand before a judge, all in shackles and orange jumpsuits.)
Judge: The three of you are hereby found guilty of destruction of property, conspiracy to commit murder, murder, attempted murder, bribery, lewd conduct with a minor, lewd contact with farm animals...
Hoggish: I thought you said the camera was off!
Looten: Sorry.
Judge: ...destruction of the environment, manslaughter, bribery of government officials, spamming, being the jerks who cost Gore the election, vandalism, downloading Metallica mp3s, public nudity, flipping the Pope off and numerous other acts of destruction against the environment and mankind in general, we needed to draft another set of laws just to classify them all. What do you have to say for yourselves?!
Looten: I swear, your honor, we're innocent!
Judge: Sir, you have been recorded on numerous occasions ordering your flunkies to dump barrels of toxic waste near a orphanage! And need I remind you of this flyer, which says 'Come on down to Looten Plunder's Panda Barb-b-Que! This is not a misprint, I, Looten Plunder, REALLY will offer you genuine panda meat despite the fact that I know full well they are endangered!' You all get life!
Looten: Stupid Truth In Advertising Laws.
(Back)
Danny: Wow, they may very well be the stupidest villains next to Box Ghost.
Box Ghost: I must respectfully disagree.
Timmy: And what of the Planeteers?
Danny: I've seen one of them hanging out with Katara.
(Qi & Katara talk.)
Qi: Wait, you can control water just by using your arms? Darn, all they gave us were rings!
Katara: At least it gives you control over water.
Qi: Not exactly....I can control it, but my ring has to be clean.
Katara: You mean even if there is a smudge of dirt, you lose control.
Qi: In a nutshell.
Katara: That's kind of...dumb.
Qi: And now you know why we quit.
Katara: I just remembered something...Captain Planet has the power to transmute matter right? Does that mean he's an alchemist?
Qi: You could be right. I never thought of it in that way. (Danny & Timmy enter)
Danny: Oh God, that would mean that Wheeler's the Flame Alchemist.
Timmy: It would be lame on so many levels if it was true. But it does explain Ma-Ti's situation.
(In the infirmary, Box Lunch is fitting Ma-Ti with an automail arm & leg.)
Box Lunch: And what have we learned?
Ma-Ti: Human transmutation is a BAD BAD IDEA. (Ember peeks in.)
Ember: Don't even ask about Linka. It's just bad.
*And now allow me to slink back in the shadows to write the next chapter...really stop looking over my shoulder, what are you a stalker? Women...
Theme Song for Chapter 2-A
'Fujiyama Attack'- Guitar Wolf
*The above line was typed in Queens Library because while I was trying to get Chapter 3 typed up, 2 girls who were waiting for the computer I was at kept looking over my shoulder while I was working. It was really unnerving, so I typed it as I was correcting some sentences. I wonder sometimes, just sometimes, if I should ever just turn and say 'Would you like to finish this story for me?' Sure would save me some time and effort...
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