FicWad

He slid his arm out finally from her waist, staring at her in the darkness as he did. The last thing he wanted to do was leave, the only thing he could do, was to leave. Slowly dressing himself, he felt physically sick with the repercussions his lust would have.

He'd slept with one of his truest friend's wife. Twice.

The first time could never be excused because now there was Natalie. Her soft features and beauty only mirrored the image of their ugly, selfish mistake.

Sat on the edge of his friend's bed, he pushed his hands through his hair. In a split second, he got up and left her, leaving no evidence that he'd even been there at all.

---

Seeing the divisions within Patrick and Shay, Sue had cornered a session with Shay alone.

They sat in silence. Sue was looking over at Shay who was unable to return the eye-contact. Sue shifted slightly. Shay's nonverbals were screaming at Sue, and now that she had Shay alone, it was time to bring the topic up.

"In the years that you and Patrick have been together, was there ever a time that you had been unfaithful to him?" Sue asked breaking the silence.

Shay's head snapped up and her eyes revealed it all. Sue took a deep breath and shifted in her seat. She didn't say anything, though; she just waited for Shay to respond, because as strong an gutsy as Shay was, her goodness would fail and she have to let it out.

"We had a fight after you told us to spend the weekend together. He left angry and I made a desperate phone call," Shay said quietly her voice was threatening to break with emotion.

"Who did you call?" Sue asked.

"Pete," Shay nearly whispered his name. She felt so guilty she could practically taste it on her tongue.

"What happened, Shay?" Sue asked.

"Same thing as 2 years ago...." She said factually as if Sue was to know.

"The same thing?" Sue asked, treading her tone carefully over Shay's words.

"Ugh! Pete came over!" She said frustrated.

"I see." Sue said gently.

"Because I was upset and .....and then it just happened all over again....it's like a trap that I know I'm setting up, and the trap's for me and now I'm caught in it!!" She burst out, she put her head into her hands.

Sue didn't say anything. She allowed for Shay to think and sit with her feelings for a moment. Shay didn't want to sit with her feelings, though. She wanted to run away from them.

"I practically begged for him to sleep with me...." She said ashamed.

Sue, again, allowed passive time.

"What are you thinking?" Sue asked as Shay started to cry.

"The morning after was the worst I had ever felt in my life. I can't believe I did what I did. I knew exactly what I was doing and I hate myself for it," Shay said wiping the tears off her face with the back of her hand.

"Do you know why you did it?" Sue asked placing a box of Kleenexes in front of Shay.

"I just wanted to feel that passion," Shay confessed, emphasising with her hands

"Did you?" Sue simply asked.

"At the moment, yes, but afterwards I knew that I had betrayed my husband and I went against our vows to each other..... and I did it all with his best friend!" Shay whispered the last part of the sentence.

---

Shay felt her legs slide under the sheets; it meant her body wanted her to wake up. Spanning an arm out and in a fan motion, she felt his absence, already knowing he was gone because if he was there, she knew his arms would've been around her.

This stirred her up quicker than normal, and it wasn't because a child needed feeding or was hurt or was just requiring her affection. It was because of him. Standing up, the feelings of what she had done the night before evidenced themselves in her centre and she gasped quickly.

Disgust. Betrayal. Hate.

Singular emotions burst into her head as she rummaged quickly for her birth control. Finding the small packet she literally tore out the day's pill and swallowed it swiftly. Putting on her underwear, she tore the sheets off her bed angrily and threw them across the room. Each item of linen was being treated a little more aggressively until she was growling hard as she hauled off the final sheet and fell down with it, sobbing.

"What have I done??" She sobbed to herself. She couldn't bring herself to feel pity or regret for what she'd done because it was too late.


---

"You seem to be very angry with yourself," Sue observed.

"I hate myself," Shay mumbled.

"What do you propose to do with this anger towards yourself?" Sue asked.

Shay sat staring at one spot on the table in front of her. She just shook her head slightly.

"I have no idea," she admitted. "I've been doing everything to avoid thinking about it. I can't even bear to look at myself in the mirror."

"What do you think you should do?" Sue asked.

"I should tell him, but I can't," Shay said as tears started to fall down her cheeks again.

"You can't tell Patrick?" Sue asked wanting Shay to elaborate.

"I won't! God...Is this just a big dream, tell me I'm going to wake up and it be that none of this happened!" She cried. Sue bit her lip slightly, yearning for the same thing for this young woman, but every action has a consequence.

"I'll completely crush him .....And he will leave me, which I don't think I can handle. I can't handle hating myself and having him hate me too. It would be too much," Shay cried as she let out the pent up emotions that she had been experiencing since her bedroom behavior with Pete.

---

She pulled herself together, busied herself, ignored herself. She made the bed, tidied the bedroom, cleaned the bathroom, washed the dishes, tried to remove the stain from her dress.

Shay gasped as she heard the keys land on the dining table.

"Patrick." She whispered.

He stood there. Staring at her.

She broke, that love she had for him came through and she rushed up to him, holding him tight, his arms forcefully holding her. Shay pulled away from him slightly and looked into his eyes. She was searching, she wasn't sure for what, but she was hoping she could find it, in order for the infidelity she'd committed to be counter balanced. Patrick's warm hand drifted down and took her left hand and lifting it, he saw her wedding band back on, he kissed her hand softly.

No words.

Patrick's lips absorbed her passionate lips on his own. His heart quickened as her hands slid around his waist and pulled him close to her, kissing him deeply.

He began moving backwards and it became harder for their lips to remain attached, so he lifted her legs around his waist and he carried her steadily to their room.

Shay landed on top of him, moving her thighs to each side of his waist, he reached up, pulling her hair band out so her long hair fell over them both.

He dug deep into his pocket and pulled out his cell, switching it off and throwing it down on the floor by the bed, their lips only remained attached for every second.

Unknown to Patrick, Pete had released a built up passion that Shay had contained all these years, a passion she was too routined with sex, to share with Patrick. He almost couldn't handle her confidence with him; she gripped his arms and made him put them around her waist as she, with untamed guilt, adored him with her lips.

"God....Shay!" he gasped as she covered every inch of his skin.

"I just want to please you!" she said, explaining her actions.


---

"When I met Patrick, I had never been with a man before...in that way...he was my first; my one and only," Shay said after calming down from her slight breakdown.

"That's not something you see too often anymore," Sue said trying to allow for Shay to continue feeling comfortable with talking with her.

"No. It's not," Shay said sounding sad.

"Do you feel that this fuelled your intentions with Pete?" Sue asked.

"With Pete it was difficult. There was just something about him. He had this presence about him.....this confidence that just made him so irresistible," Shay said now giving Sue some eye contact.

Sue noticed immediately how Shay's eyes sparkled slightly by talking about Pete.

"You seem to have quite an adoration for him," Sue noted.

"I don't know. It was just the way that he would look at me sometimes or the way he would lightly brush up against me, it made me curious," Shay explained.

"What happened to cause you to follow that curiosity?" Sue asked.

"It wasn't planned out in anyway, when we first slept together, I mean. It just happened, and after it did I just.....just felt like I'd missed out on it...," Shay expressed.

"Missing out?" Sue asked.

"On passion!! Pete - he...he made me feel this extreme pleasure .....pleasure I had never had with Patrick. I wanted to experience it with Patrick, but we just never seemed to make it to that level that Pete ...." She stopped, and looked down at her hands.

"...That Pete made me feel ...." She finished weakly.

She was beginning to feel overly ashamed with herself. It started to sound silly as she spoke it out loud.

"So, what happened after you slept with Pete for the first time?" Sue asked.

Shay was shocked by the reaction of Sue. She was expecting Sue to be judgemental and condescending, but she wasn't. Even her body language showed warmth and empathy.

"That's when things started to get hard between Patrick and myself. We weren't the same couple as we were before I slept with Pete. Things had changed. I had changed."

---



Patrick gripped Shay and swiftly pulled her beneath him. He pushed off the hair that was strewn across her face and looked longingly into her eyes, both of their breathing was heightened under the foreplay.

He really loved her. Loved her deeply, strongly, without bias.

Patrick now began to take the dominate role rendering Shay defenceless underneath him. Shay felt Patrick's mouth travel down her jaw line, to the sensitive spots on her neck all the way to her collar bone where he placed multiple nips and kisses. His hands holding her down beneath him.

Shay's chest was raising and lowering with each breath that she took anticipating Patrick's next move. He pulled off each item of her clothing, lifting her hips and pulling impatiently at her panties.

Patrick hands continued their exploration Shay's body, his finger tips paying close attention to her soft feminine spots that made her literally shudder in his hands. Patrick's hot breath on her skin caused her to tense up in arousal.

"Patrick," she moaned quietly as his moves evoked that quivering response from her.

Patrick's mouth formed a smile as he heard the plea in his wife's voice.

Patrick rubbed his body along hers and hovered above Shay breathing deeply with lust. He looked into her eyes as he delayed his movements of pleasure and as she looked back, she felt herself be overcome with the emotion

Patrick leaned down and placed his lips on top of Shay's. His kiss was so passionate and deep Shay almost felt as though she was going to pass out. A low moan escaped the back of Patrick's throat as he thrust deeply into Shay.

Shay's hands squeezed Patrick's sides tightly, awakening each hair on his arms as the goosebumps formed on his arms. He loved her touch. It was always so gentle and filled with care. Patrick moaned out slightly as he felt Shay's legs circle around his body in order to pull him closer to her.

"More....Patrick!" She whispered, she felt embarrassment asking for it but she needed it.

With each thrust Patrick let out a low grunt barely audible, but it was a sound that drove Shay crazy. Patrick placed his face in the nook of Shay's neck and nipped at the sensitive spot under her ear. Shay's hand instinctively went to the back of Patrick's head where her fingers went through his hair driving him insane.

"Shay," Patrick breathed out.

A tearing up of emotion began within Shay's mind as Patrick gave to her everything she'd ever unknowingly wanted. For those moments in time they made love, she was the only thing in his world. He knew he needed to give that to her, to give her the safety of his vows he made to her.

Closing her eyes tight, she could not bear it any longer that she had sought these very feelings from another man, and now the man who should have given them to her, was doing so, all he needed was a little reflection on just how much Shay meant to him.

What Patrick was making her feel couldn't be described in levels as she previously did, it was what she had with Pete and more, so much more. More because when Shay looked into Patrick's eyes, she saw the father of her 3 children ( Biological or not...), her lover, her friend and a man who wasn't afraid to change in order to keep his marriage to her alive.

Thrown from her thoughts suddenly, she held her breath as he really did bring her to the moment that is often lost within marital relationships.

"Open your eyes!" He gasped, she clenched them tighter.

"Look at me Shay!" he persisted, she opened her eyes quickly and he kissed her full on the lips.

"You're so beautiful, I love you!" he moaned, always ending with that expression from him.

There was tingling, there was panting, there were hot clammy limbs and she held him so tight to her body, bathing in their sensual experience.


---

"So, now what?" Sue asked Shay.

Shay was shocked. She wasn't expecting that to come from her therapist. Wasn't her therapist supposed to tell her what to do next?

"I have no idea," Shay croaked, sounding overly exhausted.

"You know, it's not my place to tell you what to do, nor would I ever dream of telling you what to do. Only you know what you need to do, however, I will tell you what I have observed over the past couple of weeks between you and Patrick," Sue said folding her hands in front of her and leaning forward in her seat.

Shay just nodded and looked up at Sue giving her full attention.

"Patrick loves you, and he really wants this marriage to work with you," Sue started.

Shay closed her eyes tightly and dropped her head with regret.

"Patrick has shown major progress in this therapeutic process. If you remember correctly, he came in here thinking everything was alright and thinking that therapy wasn't needed, to working extremely hard in the therapy sessions because he finally realized that he didn't want to lose you or his family," Sue paused letting what she had just said settle in.

Shay just nodded. She now had tears streaming down her face.

"I think that you owe it to yourself and to him to be completely honest. I think you should be honest with yourself and I think you should be honest with him. I think you both deserve that much," Sue said

Shay took a deep breath and cleared her face of her tears. Sue just watched as Shay thought about what she said. Shay wasn't able to speak knowing her voice would fail her. She just looked up at the ceiling and nodded. Sue was right. Patrick did deserve that much.

"That means I'm ready to end my marriage....." Shay whispered.

"Only you know Patrick well enough to know where he stands on matters like this. I can't sit here and feed you the scenarios. But...." She said.

Shay looked at her, with hope, possibility, an escape?

"If you conceal this from him and your children....your marriage is going to be over anyway." She said sadly. Shay sobbed again and felt Sue's hand gently rest on her shoulder.

"Adults make wrong decisions all the time, every day! If you let it bury itself within the confines of your marriage, it will eat away at you...bit by bit....Shay...Do the right thing.... " She encouraged the young woman soothingly.

---

Shay entered her home cautiously, she could feel how on edge she was. She felt worse that she couldn't control it. But then again, it wasn't a matter of strength....

"Daddy no!!!" Squealed Aimee, followed by a slightly less controlled squeal from Natalie.

The amazing sound of her children laughing with Patrick wasn't hitting that note today and only thickened her sadness.

"Shay..." the voice whispered gently. Her heavy eyes looked up to the voice, she saw Pete standing, leaning against their doorway.

"Mommy!!!" Aimee howled and threw herself into Shay's thighs. Natalie stomped her way over confidently, joining Aimee.

But Shay's eyes stayed on Pete.

"Hey babe..." Patrick said, kissing the side of her head firmly. He whipped Natalie up and they migrated to the kitchen where it looks as though the play fighting had started.

Pete was scared, Shay looked ill.

"What's going on?" he asked firmly. Shay shook her head, implying nothing was going on.

Pete glanced to the kitchen and seeing Patrick tied up with the 2 youngest kids, approached Shay and could see how spaced out she looked.

"There's something wrong, Shay, tell me." He said firmly, he pushed her eye open slightly, her pupils were tiny.

His heart sank as he quickly gathered the data Shay was feeding him and he gripped her arm, pulling her close.

"Tell me!" he said angrily. Her eyes sleepily looked up to his.

"I couldn't stop." She said weakly.

"Stop what? Shay-"

He stopped as she just slumped into his arms.

"Patrick!!" Pete yelled.

The following seconds were followed by chaos as the kids started screaming, seeing how frightened Patrick was.

"Shay!!" Patrick growled, tearing off her hat and scarf. He shook her hard. A very slow response moaned from her lips.

"Pete - get help!" Patrick cried and put his hands around Shay's face gently,

"Mommy!!" Aimee cried, climbing onto Shay's chest.

"Aimee - baby please!!" Patrick cried, pulling her from Shay's body.

"Rory, take them into the other room!" he commanded the boy, Rory knew by his Father's voice, there was no way he'd ask questions.

"Shay - What's going on?" Pete asked as he held the phone to his ear. She wasn't responding now, he pulled her hand out of her pocket and both the men froze as the tub rolled from her fingers.

Patrick grabbed it, reading the label.

"Oh god no.." he said, he gripped Shay's top and shook her hard.

"Shay!!!" He growled, Pete tried to stop him.

"How many did you take Shay?!" He said, shaking her again, she was out cold.

"Patrick stop!!" Pete yelled at him, pinning him back.

"Why did she do this?!" He asked angrily. He broke free from Pete and pushed him away.

"Why?" He cried, breaking down.

Pete stared at him.

If you knew, you would be doing the same thing... he uttered silently.

Pete looked over and stared at the three children in the doorway, Rory had Natalie in his arms and Aimee was sobbing hard into his waist.

"Will Mom be ok?" he asked.

All he did was nod.

"Yeah....she's gonna be just fine." He just said as they saw the red flashing lights through the windows.

Patrick pulled Shay up and held her close.

"Why did you do this?" he cried gently into her hair,