Categories > Original > Fantasy > Virtual Reality
The First Test
3 reviewsJosh is doing his first test in order to be a "Chosen Child". But it's hard when they're playing mind games...
2Funny
Reviews
Virtual Reality
(#) panda_1418 2007-06-07
Action action action! I like action! And I love how the lyrics of the songs fit amazingly to the story. What shall happen with those two, eh? Update soon!!Virtual Reality
(#) fruit_addict 2007-06-26
nice. some funny parts. since I can't rate twice I'll just put this. "You have to forgive yourself and not let the past interfere with the present." I thought that was very thought provoking. deep, good advice to live by.
again minor spelling/grammer issues. o and in the last chapter it said that he uses matches to light his cigarettes and in this one he uses a lighter... which makes more sence. may want to change that so it's not contradictory. good storyVirtual Reality
(#) fruit_addict 2007-06-26
yes, yes, I know I already reviewed but I forgot something. I realized that until this chapter you hadn't described the main character except that he had green eyes, which is changed in this chapter to chocolate brown. It would probably be better if you described him in the first chapter then re-describe him in the third chapter so the reader grasps that the enemy is his inner self. Maybe his inner self is darker so he looks different? I'm not sure but that should be clarified a bit better. good writing though keep it up.
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