Categories > Cartoons > Class of the Titans > A Christmas Mission
A Turn for the Worse
3 reviewsThings go from bad to worse for Atlanta in this visit to the mall.
2Funny
Oxy... it was Oxy. She was here, at the mall, in the food court, right here. I want to die; can someone please just kill me now? I don't care if I never had a real boyfriend or not, just please please, strike me now!
"You poor girl! Once again they're harassing you. I'm so sorry I left you before!" she jumped up to grab me, and I jumped back.
Oxy took one look at the gang before adding disapprovingly, "Another one? And..." she starred at Archie, namely his head. Archie glared back at her, still not knowing why everyone was laughing at him. Pan had run up and was now in our circle of tension and glaring. He looked to Archie and made a motion with his hand, pointing to his head, with a wide-eyed look. Cautiously, Archie reached up and pulled the underwear off his head. His eyes were a big as dinner plates and he threw them to the ground like they were the plague or something.
"Oh god!" he cried. That's the thing I love about Archie, just how fast he can go red.
"Look, Lady, these are my friends, and we're just hanging out. Leave us alone now!" I told her. She just stared at me with those big... ox ...eyes. I was full aware of Archie glaring holes in the back of my head, since he'd figured out by now that I knew he'd had the underwear on his head the whole time.
Oxy nodded slowly, "Yes. Hanging out, that is the slang you children use nowadays. Well... would you mind if I spoke to you, alone, for a second?"
I guess that's about the best deal I'll get, though I'd rather not be alone with her. She scares me plenty.
"Sure," I found myself saying. I turned and waved good-bye to the guys (Meleager waved back) and then walked away from them with Oxy. She trotted to a corner outside the girl's restroom, and turned to face me.
"Now, child, speak to me openly. Why is it that I've seen you twice in three days, and both times you were being harassed by more than one male each time?" Her beady black eyes bored into mine, and I found myself looking away.
"You just show up when we're having fun, that's all. The guys are great, probably the nicest and most responsible people you'll ever meet, though I admit sometimes they're idiots, and Herry and Odie arranged this stupid party and now we're cramped to the brim with-" I cut myself off. Oxy's eyes were widening, even enough to show the whites- which I might add, seems very strange to me that ox's had white in their black eyes- as she heard how we were having a party. With more men- and most of them still living in the 'good ol' days' where women just fell at their feet to have children.
Shizzit.
"A party?" Oxy inquired, "what's it like? How many of your friends are there? Do you feel safe with them?"
Well, for starters, only eight of us are human and the rest are essentially immortal. All my friends are there, and yet I don't feel quite safe with The Husband and Evil stalking around every corner, oh, you know what, Oxy? One of my most reliable, responsible buddies has the mind of a dog when he drinks eggnog. Speaking of which, I wonder how Jay's fairing, and if he even remembers last night.
I flashed her a grin, "Sorry, it's top secret!" and before she could reply I whirled around and ran back to Archie, Pan and Titanium Thighs, and the three of us ran away as fast as we could. I at least heard Oxy shouting at us to return, but Atlanta is tamed by none!
The four of us finally stopped in the middle of the mall, around the ginormous fountain. Panting and gasping for breath, Archie, Pan and I flopped down on a bench, trying not to think about what those stains or bumps on the surface of the seat were, and Meleager just sat down beside up, resting his head on the bench. We just sat like that for a while, ignoring the odd looks people were giving us.
"Atlanta hungry," I whined.
"Mel... you've got the, the money- right?" Pan asked. I just couldn't believe he'd called Meleager, Mel.
"The which?" Meleager asked.
"The currency, Odie and Herry gave it to you, right?" Pan explained. I love his patience. Maybe I should start dating him again...
"Oh, yes! I remember. But no. I don't have it," Meleager replied. Immediately all three of us glared in horror and shock at him.
"You... don't? Why not?" Archie growled. He was verging on the edge of psychopathic rage right now... maybe I should take my chances and run away with Pan and let Archie kill Meleager, because he might kill me instead.
"Well, you see, these nice young men in black came up to me and said they needed it for some 'pot' and so, being a kind man, I gave it to them. I always did enjoy having plants around my living quarters," Meleager grinned.
We all just gaped. Meleager had given away all the money we were going to spend on gifts and food- to a bunch of druggies? I want to kill. Now.
"What is wrong? Have I done bad?" Meleager asked.
"Yeah, Mel," Pan replied, rubbing his temples, "you've done something very bad."
Meleager pouted, which held nothing against Jay's or Pan's pout. In fact it was more negative and gave me shivers rather then make me feel sorry for him.
"So I guess we have to go beat up some druggies now," I said. Archie grinned beside me. I scooted closer to Pan. While Archie's the lightweight dork who complains all the time that I tease him for, when he gets really annoyed and/or angry, he goes all 'Mr. I-kill-you-and-it's-funny' mode. He's done it once or twice when we were fighting with giants or Cronus, and, man; it's not a force to be reckoned with.
"I will take you to them to make up for my error," Meleager stood up, bowing to us. Archie was on his feet, and nervously I got up beside him. I'll probably not even get to land a punch, but be keeping Archie from killing them... much.
The three of us set off, and it took me a moment to realize Pan-Man wasn't there. I turned around and he was still sitting on the bench.
"Pa-an! Aren't you coming?" I called. He looked up with an uncertain look on his face, after a moment he shook his head. This wasn't good. We might need some of Pan's 'gardening' skills to grow giant plants and such to restrain Archie. I ran back to him.
"What's wrong?"
"I... You know I don't support violence, right? I just don't see any justification in this," he sighed.
He what? I didn't understand any of that.
Pan looked at my face, "No. I don't want to fight," he translated. Oh, well if he just said that in the first place.
"Okay... we'll meet you later," I smiled. Pan nodded quietly and I ran back to Archie and T. Thighs.
Haha, this was going to be fun.
((((((0o0))))))
Finding these swindlers was a little tricky. It was a big mall and no one- especially after taking that much money- stays in one place for long. I had to use my Super-Tracking-Skillz to hunt them down. And yes I just did put a 'z' on 'skills'.
Archie calmed down a bit in the while it took us to find these kids, and people no longer hid in closets or threw themselves down the stairs to spare themselves a worse fate. They just sort of... parted... and stared. Then Archie would glare back and they'd hustle on by.
We, mainly I, found them out back. Don't ask me how because it involves the ancient equation of Prey = number of toes on a horse's tail + the gender of purple leaves on a tree hiding under the snow x The Northern Lights / the speed of a singing duck. It takes a while to explain, trust me. But I found them nonetheless!
"Hey! You took our money!" I cried.
The kids were running at the first quotation. They think they can beat me? I'll show them. I was going to give them a second to think they'd gotten ahead, but then a blur of purple and Husband shot past me in hot pursuit. Shizzit... again. They were competing and Archie was still not in deemed-socially-safe mode yet, and it was all too easy to go back into ha-ha-you're-intestines-make-belts mode. And it's not a nice thing, let me tell you that. Again. I seem to be repeating a lot lately.
I slammed a foot down on the pavement and took off flying. They'd nearly cleared the parking lot by now, and it took a bit of extra speed to really close the distance. The scrawny little junkies dodged in between two buildings, Archie and Meleager pursued right on their heels and I was still a ways behind. I poured more energy into my legs, and I swear I felt them light on fire.
You think it's easy to just run fast? No way, I have to pour a lot of energy into it and later it leaves my feet smelling like burnt rubber and my muscles ache for hours. And that's just my normal faster-then-you-can-blink fast. When I'm really running, like I'm trying to right now, I'll be feeling this for days I bet you. But I need, even though I'd rather not, to protect those stupid kids, and any innocents along the way, from Archie and Titanium Thighs, but mainly Archie.
They broke clear of the buildings just a head and dashed, oh no, right across a very busy road. I wanted to close my eyes and look away, but if I went splat at this speed I would spend the rest of my life (hopefully with a nice guy) in 2-D. The kids managed to make it through fine, and then Archie and Meleager went. If anything happened to them I don't know what I'd...
...
Please, someone hit Meleager and end this nightmare.
But spare Archie, I might end up dating him. Aaannnddd he'd go all Psycho-Demon on you.
A truck nearly hit Mel, (whoa... I just called him Mel) but he leapt into the air and, landing on top of it, jumped across the street. Archie ran close behind, cars swerving every which way, and fortunately no one was suicidal enough to yell at him.
Okay, my turn, thanks to the fact that those druggies, Meleager and Archie have all but killed any possible traffic, I figured it was safe and just sped right out onto the road after them.
Someone, hijack Cronus, go back in time, and slap me for not even just glancing to my left as I ran. Before I go out on the road, presumably.
Well, I went splat. Right over the roof of a car. Down the back and onto the road, where a huge Semi nearly crushed me into that 2-D image I was talking about earlier, but I was so dazed I just stayed flat. Looking back now, I must have had some dead skin cells or something from Neil on me, because, whoa, I was so lucky.
I gasped for breath on the asphalt, my lungs burning and my body was still in the sensation of running. The world was spinning like a merry-go-round on eggnog, little direction and no preference to gravity or normality. I rolled onto my stomach, I think, and heard loud, blaring beeps from the semi that had nearly run me over.
Wait... didn't beeps mean it was backing up?
It was swirling around and around and around and it made me sick, but it was coming closer. Oh lord, it was going to try and kill me again! Who would do that?
It must've been knocked loose from my bank of mission memories, but I remembered how Cronus had a huge semi that he locked Archie and I up in when Echo had kidnapped Neil a while back. This couldn't be him... but then again, no sane man would purposely run over a teen.
The world was starting to slow down, and the pain was catching up. I had to move before I realized something was broken and that I couldn't move. You see, in battle, the trick is not to think about any injury until after, because then you can't tell if you're missing an arm or not until later, when there's time to whine and cry about it.
I finally found the nerves to my arms and legs as the license plate came within a foot of me. It said PWND in big, colorful letters. I can't tell what color... the word isn't coming to mind. Oh no, I am not going out with irony like that.
Besides, everyone would laugh at my funeral when they heard how I kicked the bucket, and I would probably laugh too, but I'd also have been single my whole life and not even made it to Christmas.
Well, PWND truck, you aren't going to taste Atlanta today. I rolled out of the way just in time to loose a few hairs to the tires. It stung, by I could probably get up now. My head seemed to weigh a billion pounds, or a giant was sitting on it, and I was feeling oddly tingly all over my body.
Now, see, the rest of the world has just been un-muted. On full volume.
People were screaming, shouting, pointing. Horns were blaring and alarms were sounding in the distance, voices were arguing and, behind that, you had the normal ruckus of the city. My ears /bleeed/.
I was shaking on my feet, my legs now going into that limp, spaghetti mode I was talking about before when I'm going to ache everywhere.
"I'm going to enjoy this!" a familiar voice shouted. Shaking, I turned around and saw Cronus leaning out of the window of the semi, one hand on the steering wheel so tight that the knuckles were white and the metal was denting. He was grinning one of his psychotic grins and I swear I felt his foot hit the pedal as the semi began flying at me.
Oh, legs, just to let you know, of all times you could just die on me, this was the worst. I hate you and I hope you get crushed so much they don't even think you're mine and you get buried with someone who smells like babies.
And for the record- I don't like Meleager. I might like Pan and I might like Archie. Before I die, let's just say I was cheating and they're both my boyfriends, okay? There, not single when I bite it.
And also, Cronus is an onus. Haha, my last funny before I die.
...
Oh good-golly-Neil's-looks, I don't want to die!
PWND grew closer and closer, the bright letters nearly filling my vision. My legs jelly, I tried to pull away on my hands but it wasn't doing much. Archie? Pan? Anyone? Heck, I'd even settle for Mel (I've only just started calling him Mel, he isn't worthy of a superhero name yet) to save me right now.
Seriously, now is the time!
There was a loud crack in the air and suddenly one of the tires was cut right in half, and the one half came spinning over towards me and landed right by my head. Great, seeing the gum on it makes me want gum.
As the truck tipped and nearly fell over on its one side, the giants tumbled out as did what looked like their version of a poker game. Obviously angry, they picked themselves up and turned to see who the cause of their unforeseen tumble was. All they saw was me... and the other half of the tire. Great.
Snarling, they jumped forwards- but only to be stopped by a fuming and glaring Archie. I'm surprised they didn't wet themselves right there. He cracked his whip against the pavement and the giants took a step back. Yeah, that's right, just walk away. You're not stupid enough to attack psycho killer-Archie, are you? Cronus shouted something from the truck and the giants looked amongst each other nervously, debating which one should go first. People had begun to gather in a crowd, pointing and screaming at the odd happenings in the middle of the road. No duh.
Ow, ow, ow. My joints are popping and cracking. I stood up, my knees nearly knocking together. I really don't want to look at them, what if there's a bone sticking out or something? What if my feet are gone? What then?
...then I probably wouldn't be able to stand, nice one Lannie-Bear.
...
...
Where that came from, do not ask. It is somewhere that was sealed away by priests and monks when I was born. But hey, I like that name- Bear. Feminine, soft and yet can kick butt like any old man name. Except for Archie. Because Archie is a dorky name, sorry buddy, but it is.
Okay, so my feet and legs must still be working because I can stand, not well, but I can. My arms appear okay and my spine must still be in one piece and-
"Wife- lower yourself down!" Meleager bellowed. No, no I can't go down- not after this!
I saw the hunk of concrete flying at me; I could see the bits of rock flying off. I wondered if I could pull off some trick, but it was a blessing alone that I was standing right now.
Oh mama, I thought, this is going to hurt.
I let my knees buckle and I collapsed to the ground as the hunk or road narrowly clipped the top of my head. Had I fallen any later it probably would've taken my head off.
I hit the ground, hard, and my body shrieked in pain, and I couldn't blame it. I shrieked with it. The world was spinning again, things in the distance darkening and my eyelids drooped while I tried to curl into a ball. I could hear the fighting in the background, could hear Cronus laughing and people screaming. But the sound that dominated them all was my heartbeat.
Ba-Bum.
Ba-Bum.
The ground shook as a giant must've come running at me. I think I heard someone scream 'charge', slightly slurred. Funny, it sounded like Jay.
Ba-Bum.
I felt strong arms wrap around me, pulling me into the bridal-style position of carrying someone. I think for a brief moment I looked into the crowds and I saw Oxy, but then again, how could she have caught up?
Ba-Bum.
Hmm, I know I know this person, but I can't place where. I buried my face into the soft material of their shirt and blocked out the smell of blood and oil and asphalt. The screams were starting to drown out and I realized my eyes had become too heavy to lift.
"I want to go home now," I think I remember saying before I passed out.
0o0o0o0o0o0o0o00o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o
Yes, it's not that much of a funny ending this time, but this is a real-life drama guys! There are ups and downs. Next chapter should be nice and light again, and, according to you people, funny.
So Mel gave the money away, Atlanta got hit by a car, Cronus drives a semi with the license plate 'PWND', and now Atlanta nearly got killed. Who saved her? Will she be alright? Did Atlanta see Oxy in the crowd? Why does Oxy keep popping up, what significance does she hold? Can Drunk-Jay be taught to fetch? What horrors do Odie and Herry have in store for our too-young looking heroine?
Stay tuned, I'll try to update again soon!
-Demenior
"You poor girl! Once again they're harassing you. I'm so sorry I left you before!" she jumped up to grab me, and I jumped back.
Oxy took one look at the gang before adding disapprovingly, "Another one? And..." she starred at Archie, namely his head. Archie glared back at her, still not knowing why everyone was laughing at him. Pan had run up and was now in our circle of tension and glaring. He looked to Archie and made a motion with his hand, pointing to his head, with a wide-eyed look. Cautiously, Archie reached up and pulled the underwear off his head. His eyes were a big as dinner plates and he threw them to the ground like they were the plague or something.
"Oh god!" he cried. That's the thing I love about Archie, just how fast he can go red.
"Look, Lady, these are my friends, and we're just hanging out. Leave us alone now!" I told her. She just stared at me with those big... ox ...eyes. I was full aware of Archie glaring holes in the back of my head, since he'd figured out by now that I knew he'd had the underwear on his head the whole time.
Oxy nodded slowly, "Yes. Hanging out, that is the slang you children use nowadays. Well... would you mind if I spoke to you, alone, for a second?"
I guess that's about the best deal I'll get, though I'd rather not be alone with her. She scares me plenty.
"Sure," I found myself saying. I turned and waved good-bye to the guys (Meleager waved back) and then walked away from them with Oxy. She trotted to a corner outside the girl's restroom, and turned to face me.
"Now, child, speak to me openly. Why is it that I've seen you twice in three days, and both times you were being harassed by more than one male each time?" Her beady black eyes bored into mine, and I found myself looking away.
"You just show up when we're having fun, that's all. The guys are great, probably the nicest and most responsible people you'll ever meet, though I admit sometimes they're idiots, and Herry and Odie arranged this stupid party and now we're cramped to the brim with-" I cut myself off. Oxy's eyes were widening, even enough to show the whites- which I might add, seems very strange to me that ox's had white in their black eyes- as she heard how we were having a party. With more men- and most of them still living in the 'good ol' days' where women just fell at their feet to have children.
Shizzit.
"A party?" Oxy inquired, "what's it like? How many of your friends are there? Do you feel safe with them?"
Well, for starters, only eight of us are human and the rest are essentially immortal. All my friends are there, and yet I don't feel quite safe with The Husband and Evil stalking around every corner, oh, you know what, Oxy? One of my most reliable, responsible buddies has the mind of a dog when he drinks eggnog. Speaking of which, I wonder how Jay's fairing, and if he even remembers last night.
I flashed her a grin, "Sorry, it's top secret!" and before she could reply I whirled around and ran back to Archie, Pan and Titanium Thighs, and the three of us ran away as fast as we could. I at least heard Oxy shouting at us to return, but Atlanta is tamed by none!
The four of us finally stopped in the middle of the mall, around the ginormous fountain. Panting and gasping for breath, Archie, Pan and I flopped down on a bench, trying not to think about what those stains or bumps on the surface of the seat were, and Meleager just sat down beside up, resting his head on the bench. We just sat like that for a while, ignoring the odd looks people were giving us.
"Atlanta hungry," I whined.
"Mel... you've got the, the money- right?" Pan asked. I just couldn't believe he'd called Meleager, Mel.
"The which?" Meleager asked.
"The currency, Odie and Herry gave it to you, right?" Pan explained. I love his patience. Maybe I should start dating him again...
"Oh, yes! I remember. But no. I don't have it," Meleager replied. Immediately all three of us glared in horror and shock at him.
"You... don't? Why not?" Archie growled. He was verging on the edge of psychopathic rage right now... maybe I should take my chances and run away with Pan and let Archie kill Meleager, because he might kill me instead.
"Well, you see, these nice young men in black came up to me and said they needed it for some 'pot' and so, being a kind man, I gave it to them. I always did enjoy having plants around my living quarters," Meleager grinned.
We all just gaped. Meleager had given away all the money we were going to spend on gifts and food- to a bunch of druggies? I want to kill. Now.
"What is wrong? Have I done bad?" Meleager asked.
"Yeah, Mel," Pan replied, rubbing his temples, "you've done something very bad."
Meleager pouted, which held nothing against Jay's or Pan's pout. In fact it was more negative and gave me shivers rather then make me feel sorry for him.
"So I guess we have to go beat up some druggies now," I said. Archie grinned beside me. I scooted closer to Pan. While Archie's the lightweight dork who complains all the time that I tease him for, when he gets really annoyed and/or angry, he goes all 'Mr. I-kill-you-and-it's-funny' mode. He's done it once or twice when we were fighting with giants or Cronus, and, man; it's not a force to be reckoned with.
"I will take you to them to make up for my error," Meleager stood up, bowing to us. Archie was on his feet, and nervously I got up beside him. I'll probably not even get to land a punch, but be keeping Archie from killing them... much.
The three of us set off, and it took me a moment to realize Pan-Man wasn't there. I turned around and he was still sitting on the bench.
"Pa-an! Aren't you coming?" I called. He looked up with an uncertain look on his face, after a moment he shook his head. This wasn't good. We might need some of Pan's 'gardening' skills to grow giant plants and such to restrain Archie. I ran back to him.
"What's wrong?"
"I... You know I don't support violence, right? I just don't see any justification in this," he sighed.
He what? I didn't understand any of that.
Pan looked at my face, "No. I don't want to fight," he translated. Oh, well if he just said that in the first place.
"Okay... we'll meet you later," I smiled. Pan nodded quietly and I ran back to Archie and T. Thighs.
Haha, this was going to be fun.
((((((0o0))))))
Finding these swindlers was a little tricky. It was a big mall and no one- especially after taking that much money- stays in one place for long. I had to use my Super-Tracking-Skillz to hunt them down. And yes I just did put a 'z' on 'skills'.
Archie calmed down a bit in the while it took us to find these kids, and people no longer hid in closets or threw themselves down the stairs to spare themselves a worse fate. They just sort of... parted... and stared. Then Archie would glare back and they'd hustle on by.
We, mainly I, found them out back. Don't ask me how because it involves the ancient equation of Prey = number of toes on a horse's tail + the gender of purple leaves on a tree hiding under the snow x The Northern Lights / the speed of a singing duck. It takes a while to explain, trust me. But I found them nonetheless!
"Hey! You took our money!" I cried.
The kids were running at the first quotation. They think they can beat me? I'll show them. I was going to give them a second to think they'd gotten ahead, but then a blur of purple and Husband shot past me in hot pursuit. Shizzit... again. They were competing and Archie was still not in deemed-socially-safe mode yet, and it was all too easy to go back into ha-ha-you're-intestines-make-belts mode. And it's not a nice thing, let me tell you that. Again. I seem to be repeating a lot lately.
I slammed a foot down on the pavement and took off flying. They'd nearly cleared the parking lot by now, and it took a bit of extra speed to really close the distance. The scrawny little junkies dodged in between two buildings, Archie and Meleager pursued right on their heels and I was still a ways behind. I poured more energy into my legs, and I swear I felt them light on fire.
You think it's easy to just run fast? No way, I have to pour a lot of energy into it and later it leaves my feet smelling like burnt rubber and my muscles ache for hours. And that's just my normal faster-then-you-can-blink fast. When I'm really running, like I'm trying to right now, I'll be feeling this for days I bet you. But I need, even though I'd rather not, to protect those stupid kids, and any innocents along the way, from Archie and Titanium Thighs, but mainly Archie.
They broke clear of the buildings just a head and dashed, oh no, right across a very busy road. I wanted to close my eyes and look away, but if I went splat at this speed I would spend the rest of my life (hopefully with a nice guy) in 2-D. The kids managed to make it through fine, and then Archie and Meleager went. If anything happened to them I don't know what I'd...
...
Please, someone hit Meleager and end this nightmare.
But spare Archie, I might end up dating him. Aaannnddd he'd go all Psycho-Demon on you.
A truck nearly hit Mel, (whoa... I just called him Mel) but he leapt into the air and, landing on top of it, jumped across the street. Archie ran close behind, cars swerving every which way, and fortunately no one was suicidal enough to yell at him.
Okay, my turn, thanks to the fact that those druggies, Meleager and Archie have all but killed any possible traffic, I figured it was safe and just sped right out onto the road after them.
Someone, hijack Cronus, go back in time, and slap me for not even just glancing to my left as I ran. Before I go out on the road, presumably.
Well, I went splat. Right over the roof of a car. Down the back and onto the road, where a huge Semi nearly crushed me into that 2-D image I was talking about earlier, but I was so dazed I just stayed flat. Looking back now, I must have had some dead skin cells or something from Neil on me, because, whoa, I was so lucky.
I gasped for breath on the asphalt, my lungs burning and my body was still in the sensation of running. The world was spinning like a merry-go-round on eggnog, little direction and no preference to gravity or normality. I rolled onto my stomach, I think, and heard loud, blaring beeps from the semi that had nearly run me over.
Wait... didn't beeps mean it was backing up?
It was swirling around and around and around and it made me sick, but it was coming closer. Oh lord, it was going to try and kill me again! Who would do that?
It must've been knocked loose from my bank of mission memories, but I remembered how Cronus had a huge semi that he locked Archie and I up in when Echo had kidnapped Neil a while back. This couldn't be him... but then again, no sane man would purposely run over a teen.
The world was starting to slow down, and the pain was catching up. I had to move before I realized something was broken and that I couldn't move. You see, in battle, the trick is not to think about any injury until after, because then you can't tell if you're missing an arm or not until later, when there's time to whine and cry about it.
I finally found the nerves to my arms and legs as the license plate came within a foot of me. It said PWND in big, colorful letters. I can't tell what color... the word isn't coming to mind. Oh no, I am not going out with irony like that.
Besides, everyone would laugh at my funeral when they heard how I kicked the bucket, and I would probably laugh too, but I'd also have been single my whole life and not even made it to Christmas.
Well, PWND truck, you aren't going to taste Atlanta today. I rolled out of the way just in time to loose a few hairs to the tires. It stung, by I could probably get up now. My head seemed to weigh a billion pounds, or a giant was sitting on it, and I was feeling oddly tingly all over my body.
Now, see, the rest of the world has just been un-muted. On full volume.
People were screaming, shouting, pointing. Horns were blaring and alarms were sounding in the distance, voices were arguing and, behind that, you had the normal ruckus of the city. My ears /bleeed/.
I was shaking on my feet, my legs now going into that limp, spaghetti mode I was talking about before when I'm going to ache everywhere.
"I'm going to enjoy this!" a familiar voice shouted. Shaking, I turned around and saw Cronus leaning out of the window of the semi, one hand on the steering wheel so tight that the knuckles were white and the metal was denting. He was grinning one of his psychotic grins and I swear I felt his foot hit the pedal as the semi began flying at me.
Oh, legs, just to let you know, of all times you could just die on me, this was the worst. I hate you and I hope you get crushed so much they don't even think you're mine and you get buried with someone who smells like babies.
And for the record- I don't like Meleager. I might like Pan and I might like Archie. Before I die, let's just say I was cheating and they're both my boyfriends, okay? There, not single when I bite it.
And also, Cronus is an onus. Haha, my last funny before I die.
...
Oh good-golly-Neil's-looks, I don't want to die!
PWND grew closer and closer, the bright letters nearly filling my vision. My legs jelly, I tried to pull away on my hands but it wasn't doing much. Archie? Pan? Anyone? Heck, I'd even settle for Mel (I've only just started calling him Mel, he isn't worthy of a superhero name yet) to save me right now.
Seriously, now is the time!
There was a loud crack in the air and suddenly one of the tires was cut right in half, and the one half came spinning over towards me and landed right by my head. Great, seeing the gum on it makes me want gum.
As the truck tipped and nearly fell over on its one side, the giants tumbled out as did what looked like their version of a poker game. Obviously angry, they picked themselves up and turned to see who the cause of their unforeseen tumble was. All they saw was me... and the other half of the tire. Great.
Snarling, they jumped forwards- but only to be stopped by a fuming and glaring Archie. I'm surprised they didn't wet themselves right there. He cracked his whip against the pavement and the giants took a step back. Yeah, that's right, just walk away. You're not stupid enough to attack psycho killer-Archie, are you? Cronus shouted something from the truck and the giants looked amongst each other nervously, debating which one should go first. People had begun to gather in a crowd, pointing and screaming at the odd happenings in the middle of the road. No duh.
Ow, ow, ow. My joints are popping and cracking. I stood up, my knees nearly knocking together. I really don't want to look at them, what if there's a bone sticking out or something? What if my feet are gone? What then?
...then I probably wouldn't be able to stand, nice one Lannie-Bear.
...
...
Where that came from, do not ask. It is somewhere that was sealed away by priests and monks when I was born. But hey, I like that name- Bear. Feminine, soft and yet can kick butt like any old man name. Except for Archie. Because Archie is a dorky name, sorry buddy, but it is.
Okay, so my feet and legs must still be working because I can stand, not well, but I can. My arms appear okay and my spine must still be in one piece and-
"Wife- lower yourself down!" Meleager bellowed. No, no I can't go down- not after this!
I saw the hunk of concrete flying at me; I could see the bits of rock flying off. I wondered if I could pull off some trick, but it was a blessing alone that I was standing right now.
Oh mama, I thought, this is going to hurt.
I let my knees buckle and I collapsed to the ground as the hunk or road narrowly clipped the top of my head. Had I fallen any later it probably would've taken my head off.
I hit the ground, hard, and my body shrieked in pain, and I couldn't blame it. I shrieked with it. The world was spinning again, things in the distance darkening and my eyelids drooped while I tried to curl into a ball. I could hear the fighting in the background, could hear Cronus laughing and people screaming. But the sound that dominated them all was my heartbeat.
Ba-Bum.
Ba-Bum.
The ground shook as a giant must've come running at me. I think I heard someone scream 'charge', slightly slurred. Funny, it sounded like Jay.
Ba-Bum.
I felt strong arms wrap around me, pulling me into the bridal-style position of carrying someone. I think for a brief moment I looked into the crowds and I saw Oxy, but then again, how could she have caught up?
Ba-Bum.
Hmm, I know I know this person, but I can't place where. I buried my face into the soft material of their shirt and blocked out the smell of blood and oil and asphalt. The screams were starting to drown out and I realized my eyes had become too heavy to lift.
"I want to go home now," I think I remember saying before I passed out.
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Yes, it's not that much of a funny ending this time, but this is a real-life drama guys! There are ups and downs. Next chapter should be nice and light again, and, according to you people, funny.
So Mel gave the money away, Atlanta got hit by a car, Cronus drives a semi with the license plate 'PWND', and now Atlanta nearly got killed. Who saved her? Will she be alright? Did Atlanta see Oxy in the crowd? Why does Oxy keep popping up, what significance does she hold? Can Drunk-Jay be taught to fetch? What horrors do Odie and Herry have in store for our too-young looking heroine?
Stay tuned, I'll try to update again soon!
-Demenior
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