FicWad

For the first time in a long time, we had spent the day together. For the first time since I died, we had spent time together: smelling, touching, just talking. She smelt the same, like freshly cut pineapple and mangos. She felt the same, like the finest silk or velvet. But she didn't speak the same, at least not of the same things. Her sweet, patient voice, ringing out like the most charming melody, never spoke of what she had today. She is beside me now, sleeping for the first time since she joined me, so as I watch her features relaxed in total peace, I thought over what she had told me.

I tried to be perfect
But nothing was worth it
I don’t believe it makes me real
I thought it’d be easy
But no one believes me
I meant all the things I said

She told me how her heart had stopped, how her world had come crashing down when I had stopped her from dying. How she had hated herself for not moving on her own, how she blamed herself. I was ashamed for causing her any pain, and told her she never had to feel bad for what had happened. I had willingly given myself for her, and would do it again in an instant. This made her tear up even more. She said she knew I would say that.

If you believe it’s in my soul
I’d say all the words that I know
Just to see if it would show
That I’m trying to let you know
That I’m better off on my own

For days after my death, she walked around in a state of shock. Even though she still had her life, it didn’t feel like it. She felt hollow, and empty, like she would never feel anything again. Then, three days after the fight, she snapped. The tears she couldn’t cry before were falling now, as she uncontrollably sobbed for me. I feel so guilty now, I didn’t realise what I had done would hurt her so thoroughly, or I would have found another way to save her. It’s too late for that, but at least now we get another chance.

This place is so empty
My thoughts are so tempting
I don’t know how it got so bad
Sometimes it’s so crazy
That nothing can save me
But it’s the only thing that I have

An eternity later, she had run out of tears, but she still felt torn and alone. The others, our friends, left her in her bedroom, they knew nothing they said could help her now. She had to decide something on her own. Once, she tried to picture a life without me, without my friendship, guidance, and love, and all she could envision was a cold and lonely future. She knew what she had to do, so she picked up a pen, and began to write:

“I welcomed the cool rain upon my skin. It was a relief...”

If you believe it’s in my soul
I’d say all the words that I know
Just to see if it would show
That I’m trying to let you know
That I’m better off on my own

Then the day came, the day that would define her for the rest of her short life, my funeral. She stood with no one, our friends feet away, glancing at her every few minutes to make sure she was okay. None of them knew what to say to her, mainly because only one of them knew what had really happened between Jay and us, and she wasn’t talking.

Time came for the guests to say their final good-byes, but for Theresa it would only be for now. When the others tossed flowers, my whip, my key, into my coffin, Theresa hung back until the end, placing her bound memoirs into my hands last. Then she moved back to her previous spot, and while most people left whilst they buried me, Theresa waited until the very last person had left. She stood, a ghost with her pale skin and black attire, reading my headstone one last time.

R.I.P.
Archie Davien Ockley
A lover, loved by all who knew him.
A silent warrior in his own right,
You will never be forgotten.

I tried to be perfect
It just wasn’t worth it
Nothing could ever be so wrong
It’s hard to believe me
It never gets easy
I guess I knew that all along

After telling me all of this, Theresa was visibly upset. Tears ran freely down her face again as she finished, begging me to understand. I told her I did, completely, then pulled her to me. I comforted her for a long while, then brought her to my new house. Theresa, exhausted, fell onto the bed, and was asleep in minutes. That was where we were now, her still sleeping soundly, and I clinging to my last reserves of consciousness to recall this.

I did understand. Why would a girl, a beautiful, charismatic girl with unlimited opportunities and everything to live for, wish to join me here? Because, maybe, she didn’t have everything to live for. Maybe the thing she didn’t have, she could only find here. Well, I promise I would always give it to her, make sure she had no problems, no regrets. I never wanted to see her cry again.

If you believe it’s in my soul
I’d say all the words that I know
Just to see if it would show
That I’m trying to let you know
That I’m better off on my own

I leaned down, moving a few tendrils of hair from her ear, and I whispered, “Never again will I leave you on your own.”

I watched her mouth curl into a slight smile in her sleep, and knew she understood.