FicWad

Chapter 18: Flawed Design

Archie slammed the door to his room, arriving in a messy bedroom that smelled of shit and cocaine. He couldn’t even smell it, his nerves were practically shot. He remembered walking out of math class, that Odie and Neil tried to stop him but he brushed them off. He remembered Atlanta bumping into him in the hallways, her eyes were bloodshot. She tried to bring him to the Principal’s office. She wouldn’t listen to him when he sad that he wanted her to leave him alone. She wouldn’t listen. None of them—they just wouldn’t listen. He remembered punching someone in the face, wiping blood off of his knuckles onto his sweatshirt. He fell to his bed and, sure enough, there were lines of dried blood lining its left side. He barely heard the front door slam and several pairs of feet stomping up the stairs. His door slammed open and Atlanta attempted to jump on him, blood streaming down her face from her nose. Herry and Jay held her by the arms and her legs flung up in the air with such force she almost brushed the ceiling.
‘You bastard,’ she screaming, nose clogged. ‘how dare you punch me you son of a bitch! You mother—’
‘Archie what the hell has gotten into you,’ Jay exclaimed, covering Atlanta’s mouth with his hand, her face contorting with rage. ‘Ouch!’
Atlanta had bitten down, hard, onto Jay’s hand and had continued screaming.
‘You motherfucker! How fucking dare you fucking punch me in the fucking face, after getting fucking high every fucking day!!! You son of a motherfucking bitch!’
‘Atlanta, Jesus Christ,’ Neil said, pushing his way through to the door, gagging, then exiting hastily. ‘God Archie, what’s that smell?’
‘Probably fucking pot!’ Atlanta screamed, her anger subsiding to distress, and her breathing in sobs.
‘What’s the fucking matter with everyone in this house,’ Atlanta sobbed. ‘Jay, you don’t have a fucking clue that anything is going on except for that bitch Brooke after she brainwashed you into being her bitch! Neil and Odie it’s incredible that you can both be so fucking oblivious and helpless when someone would come to you about the fucking issues that everyone has here! Archie, what’s gotten into you? Pot? It’s worse than Cronos! Theresa, you’re fucking anorexic, and it’s fucking surprising that you, Jay, don’t even notice why that hell she is anorexic! It’s because of fucking you and you’re fucking relationship with the Queen bitch-Bee Brooke Kingston! Herry, you’re the only one that I can talk to here that isn’t a fucking problematic person like everyone else in this fucking house!!!’
She wailed on and one and on until her swaying ceased and she collapsed into a shocked Herry’s arms. He hushed her and gestured to Jay that he was going to bring her to her room. Jay didn’t notice. He was too busy staring into space and occasionally running his fingers through his hair. Slowly, the others departed from Archie’s room. Theresa’s cheeks were stained with tears and refused to reply to Jay’s gaze. She heaved in and out, shuddered, and ran to her room.
Jay was the last one to stay behind. He strode to the door and closed it, locking it from inside.
‘We need to talk,’ he started.
‘Oh no, you’re breaking up with me aren’t you,’ Archie joked darkly.
‘That’s not funny,’
Archie paused, an evil sneer growing on his face.
‘Oh I get it, like with Theresa and Brooke, oh that was clever and witty and I didn’t even realize it! Well I am a poet.’
‘Archie this is serious, you have a serious problem,’ Jay said, arms akimbo. ‘Pot? Honestly I thought you were tougher than that.’
‘Well maybe that’s the problem! No one can be that perfect, no one can be that tough all the fucking long day! And it seems to me that you should be consulting everyone else here: anorexia, anger management, brainwashing, you’ve got a lot to handle and you’re trying to tackle me first? Try with the easier one.’
‘And who would that be?’
‘How should I fucking know? I’m not fucking telepathic, or a fucking psychic like your anorexic ex. She’s pretty pissed at you now, so I wouldn’t try her out first. But good luck with it all. You know that way out.’
Jay stiffened, opened the door, and slammed it shut so hard the whole Brownstone might have rumbled.
Archie only remembered the rage and disappointment on Atlanta’s face. That the only person she could count on was Herry, not him, but Herry, the stupid, strong, teddy bear.
But who is Jay to say that I have fucking problems? He though angrily. He’s the one with fucking problems and should concentrate on his own fucking love triangles and issues. Just leave me alone, all of you fucking bastards, you’re all bitches and I wan to be alone for this—this whole life.

‘When I was a young boy
I was honest and I had more self-control
If I was tempted I would run,’ he sang.
‘Then, when I got older
I began to lie to get exactly what I wanted
When I wanted it
And I wanted it,’ I was always a good liar, he thought with a smirk.
‘Now, I'm having trouble differentiating
Between what I want
And what I need,’ his head pounded…
‘To make me happy
So instead of thinking I just act
Before I have a chance to contemplate the
Consequence of action,’ too many memories…

‘And I will turn off
And I will shut down,’ he just wanted to start over…
‘Burying the voices of my conscience hitting ground
And I will turn off ,’…for everything to stop…
‘And I will shut down
The chemicals are restless in my head

‘'Cuz I lie
Not because I want to,’ …forever…
But I seem to need to
All the time,’ Time?
‘Yeah, I lie
And I don't even know it,’ My nerves are practically shot too…
‘Maybe this is
All a part of my flawed design,’ Nobody’s perfect, right?

‘And ever since I figured out,’ Theresa sang on her porch, hours into the night.
‘That I could control other people
I've had trouble sleeping
With both eyes closed,’ her head had been pounding, like a hammer thrusting into her skull every second every day for the past few weeks…
‘And if I asked permission
If I make sure it's ok
I promise I won't slip up this time,’ My head hurts so much…
‘You can trust me,’ Trust? She couldn’t even trust herself…
‘But never take advice from someone
Who just admitted to being devious
Who just confessed to treason
And I would also
never ask a question,’ Make the pain stop…
‘That I cannot ask myself
For it might,’ Please…
‘Dirty up your conscience,’ God I love him…

‘'Cuz I lie
Not because I want to,’ He hated yelling at her, but punching her was even worse…
‘But I seem to need to
All the time
Yeah, I lie
And I don't even know it
Maybe this is
All a part of my -

‘And how can you say those things
Why can't you just believe,’ Maybe Jay’s right and I do have a problem…
‘And how can you say those things
And keep a straight face,’ She was crying and sobbing and screaming so much…
‘And how can you say those things
Why can't we just believe
And how can you say those things
And keep a straight face,’ Oh God, what have I done?

‘And I will turn off,’…make the spinning stop…
‘And I will shut down,’ …make everything stop…
'Burying the voices of my conscience hitting ground,’ what the hell is wrong with me?
‘And I will turn off,’ …forever…
‘And I will shut down,’ let me die…
‘The chemicals are restless in my head,’ and the pot…what’s happened to me?

‘'Cuz I lie
Not because I want to
But I seem to need to,’ I really do.
All the time,’ when don’t I have some sort of mask on to hide my true emotions…
‘Yeah, I lie
And I don't even know it
Maybe this is
All a part of my -
'Cuz I lie
And if I could control it,’ but I can’t…
‘Maybe I could leave it all behind,’ I really would…
‘Yeah, I lie
And I don't even know it
Maybe this is all a part of my
Flawed design.’

What can I do to help myself and the ones that I love, because there is some serious damage control in the future…starting with Atlanta.