FicWad

The room was silent as the two women stood staring at each other. Down the hall the sound of canned laughter from an old TV show seemed so wrong. Monica tried to form words but her mind had gone blank. The truth of the situation was too horrible to accept.
“You should go now.” Liv finally broke the silence. She put out her hand to open the door but Monica stopped her. “No.” She said softly. “Liv, I’m so sorry.”
Liv turned on her, “Don’t say you’re fucking sorry. I don’t want you to feel sorry for me. I don’t need your pity. Just get out.”
Monica blinked but did not respond to Liv’s anger. She had been at her mother’s side during her last few months of life as cancer had ravaged her body. Monica understood the anger as part of the illness. “Liv, please. We need to talk about this.”
“What is there to talk about? I’m dying. I have maybe a few weeks left. End of story.”
“Isn’t there anything that can be done?” Monica asked grasping at straws.
“No, the cancer is in my liver it’s inoperable. I’ve known there was no hope since the beginning.” She paused then added in a whisper, “I just wanted there to be more time. I wanted more time to spend with my Baby.”
Tears rolled down Monica’s cheeks. “Spend the time you have left with her. Come home with me.”
Liv looked at her. God, she wanted to so badly agree but she would not. “I can’t. Look at me Monica. These past few weeks it’s been harder and harder to hide this. I don’t want Elle to see me like this. I don’t want her to remember me like this. Fuck, the doctor told me as my liver shuts down my skin could turn yellow.” She blinked back tears, “I can’t let her see me like that.”
“Why didn’t you tell anyone?” Monica was struggling with her emotions. “Why?’
“Because of this. I don’t need anyone to feel sorry for me. I never have.”
“So that’s why you wanted us to think you were going away.” Monica was starting to understand.
“Yeah” Liv said softly. “That is my I made you Elle’s guardian. When you and Gee marry it will make things much easier. When I die Elle will belong to you.”
Monica shook her head, “Liv let me help you.”
“Help me?” Liv said shaking her head, “Monica as hard as you try you can’t keep me from dying. It’s gonna happen soon. I ran out of time.”
“So you’ve known since December?” Monica asked trying to make sense of everything.
“Yeah” Liv said softly. “When I showed up at that Christmas Gala? I had just found out. I was scared and wanted Gee. Tried to get him back the only way I knew how.” She gave a humorless laugh. “Fucked that up. I didn’t know how he felt about you.” She leaned against the door. Her body was tried, “I didn’t realize I’d truly lost him forever.”
“Liv there are so many things I still don’t understand.” Monica said feeling like she had just fallen into a nightmare. “Why didn’t you tell Gee? He’s Elle’s father.”
“I couldn’t.” Liv reminded her. “I didn’t think he wanted her. I believed he knew about her but didn’t care. I just thought that if I could get him back he might start to love her.”
“Fuck” Monica whispered.
“So when I realized he didn’t love me anymore I didn’t know what to do. I thought of Bert and thought maybe he could help me get to Gee. I thought that if I threatened to go to the press he would realize he needed to take responsibility for Elle.”
“But then you did nothing.” Monica reminded her,
“I changed my mind. I couldn’t see leaving her with a man who didn’t want her.”
“He was just shocked, Liv. He didn’t know she existed.”
Liv couldn’t stand any longer. She slowly crossed over to a chair and sat. Monica could see the pain she was in and it tore at her heart. “I didn’t know what to do until I realized that you were the answer.” Liv said softly.
Monica followed and sat down beside her. “I was the answer?’
“Bert told me about you. He told me the kind of woman you are. I wanted to hate you but I knew I needed you.” She dropped her head and closed her eyes; “I needed you for my Baby.”
“Why didn’t you just come to me and tell me the truth?’ Monica asked trying to blink back the tears.
“Because I have never been able to ask for help. I hate that I have to now.” Liv said softly. “I fucking hate that I have to now.”
Neither woman spoke for several minutes. Finally Liv raised her head, “Please Monica go home and forget we ever had this conversation.”
“But I don’t understand. Where are you going?’
“God you just can’t stop, can you?” Liv said angrily. “Forget about me. If you care so much then just promise you’ll love Elle and take care of her. That’s all I want.”
“You know I will.” Monica said, “I promise.”
“Fine, then go.” Liv said tiredly.
Monica noticed her suitcase by the door. “Just tell me where you’re going.”
Liv shook her head and sighed, “There is a hospice center that has room for me. I’m going to stay there.”
Monica thought only for a moment before making her decision. “No” she stood “You’re not. You’re gonna come home with me.”
Liv shook her head in disbelief. “We already talked about this. I can’t let Elle watch me die.” Tears formed in her eyes. “No.”
“Elle and Kelly can stay with Donna. I’m familiar with hospice. They helped me care for my mother at the end. I know they will come to the house and help me.”
Liv stared at her in disbelief at what she was suggesting. “I can’t believe you would even think of this. Why the hell would you want me to come to your house to die?” she shook her head, “Anyway it’s gotten to the point where I will be bedridden soon.”
“I know.” Monica said, “I understand”
“No” Liv said again. “I can’t. I’ve never accepted help from anyone.”
Monica smiled sadly, “Don’t you think it’s about time?”
Liv stated at her. Why would this woman seriously want to do this for her?
“Liv let me stay with you. I want to do this.”
As frightened as Liv was of dying alone she still couldn’t accept. “I can’t.” She whispered.
“Why?”
Liv had to make her understand, “I don’t want Gee to know. Please Monica. Please understand. I’d be afraid he’d try to see me. I just can’t see him again.” She started sobbing, “I just can’t.”
Monica understood. “I promise he will not know. I promise you no one will tell him.” She moved to Liv and slowly put her arms around Liv’s frail body. All this time she had believed Liv looked bad because of drugs not knowing disease was ravaging her body. She hated herself for not seeing.
For the first time in her life Liv allowed herself to be comforted by another. She sobbed on Monica’s shoulder. “Why are you doing this?”
Monica felt her own tears began to flow again. “Because I won’t let you die alone. I just can’t.”