FicWad

The next morning Monica slid out of bed and dressed quickly. Her head was still pounding caused by the tears she'd shed though most of the night. Gee was going to call her when he had all the details ironed out about coming home. She had decided not to mention his plans to Liv until she was sure when he'd arrive. Once she finished brushing her hair she made her way down the hall to Liv's room. Both Liv and Bert were still sleeping. She smiled sadly seeing Bert lying on the floor beside Liv's bed. He wouldn't even consider sleeping anywhere else. When Monica had suggested that he try to get some sleep in Kelly's room he had simply shook his head and told her that he wouldn't leave Liv's side. He had said he was worried that Liv might wake up and be afraid.
Monica took the back staircase and arrived in the kitchen. She was surprised to see Kara had already made coffee. Without a word Kara poured her mom a cup and handed it to her.
"How are you feeling?' She asked.
Monica took a sip of the strong brew then answered, "My head is pounding and I feel like I've been run over by a truck."
Kara nodded, "Stress will do that to you. Did Gerard call you back?"
Monica walked over to the table and took a seat, "Yeah, he called back. He told me he was sorry for hanging up like he did." She replayed the conversation in her mind, "He said he realizes how hard this has been for me." She took another sip,” He also said he hopes I'll help him through this."
Kara's eyes narrowed, "At least he said he understands how hard this is for you."
"Kara, try not to be so hard on him. Finding out about Liv shocked him."
"Yeah, I know that, hell I understand that perfectly. I just don't want you to be hurt anymore, can you understand that?"
Monica smiled at her daughter, "I know that. I will never be able to say how much it means to me having you here."
Kara took a sip of her coffee and spoke softly, "I love you Mom. It's just that we are both so different sometimes it's hard."
"We're not all that different." Monica said, "Your feelings are just as deep as mine. We just handle things differently."
Kara tired to lighten the mood, "Yeah, for sure. I'd have smacked Gerard so many times if I was in your place."
Monica understood what she was doing, "I'm sure you would have." She paused a moment, "He's gonna come home to see her."
"I know. Bob called me earlier. They are having a hard time trying to figure out how to make it happen but Bob says Gerard said it's something he has to do."
"It is something he has to do." Monica said nodding her head, "I just think we should keep quiet until we know when he'll get here."
"I agree." Kara said, "I'm just hoping that Gerard and Bert will get along. Bob said he could hear a lot of anger in Gerard's voice while they were all talking about it. He's angry that Bert is here with Liv."
"I hope that both of them will understand that they need to put their own feeling aside for Liv." Monica took another sip of coffee. "What are you doing today?" The school was having an in-service day, which meant the girls had a free day.
Kara shrugged, "I think I'm just gonna get out of the house today. Maybe I'll pick up Bug and take her with me. It's about time the kid learns the art of shopping and what better way then to have your older sister teach you."
Kara's words touched Monica's heart. This was the first time she'd ever heard Kara refer to Elle as her sister. "That would be really nice. I wonder what Kelly is doing?"
"No doubt she has plans to do something with Luke." Kara took a sip of coffee, "So what are you going to do?"
"Carrie is coming in about an hour. She's going to help me with Liv. I want to change her sheets and help her take a shower. I'm also going to try to talk Bert into leaving for a few hours at least."
"Mom, have you actually thought about what’s going to happen when Liv dies? I mean about a funeral and all."
This was something Monica had deliberately not been thinking about. "Not really" she admitted.
"I'll take care of all the arrangement." Bert's voice surprised them both. They hadn't seen him standing in the doorway.
"Coffee's fresh." Kara said to him.
He nodded to her, "Thanks."
"Liv still sleeping?" Monica asked.
Bert nodded, "Yeah, I smelled the coffee and decided I needed to get a cup." After he had his coffee he walked towards the table. Kara stood up.
"Hey I'm gonna take off. See you guys later." Monica waited until she left the room to speak.
"Carrie is gonna be here soon to help me with Liv. You need to get out for a few hours."
"I'm fine." He answered quickly.
Monica reached out and touched his arm, "You're not fine. Look we’re gonna help Liv take a shower. You need to clear out for a bit." She said this with love in her voice.
"Got nowhere to go." He admitted.
Monica thought a moment. "Okay I'm gonna make a grocery list and that's what you're gonna do."
"Grocery shopping?" He looked so shocked Monica laughed.
"Yeah, grocery shopping. Think you can handle it?"
He took a sip of coffee and nodded, "I guess. So what did Gee say?" He couldn't put off asking any longer, "Is he gonna talk to her?'
"Bert you know he's as devastated about his as you are. The band is figuring a way so he can come home to see her."
Bert looked down at this coffee, "Yeah, I know. I'll clear out when he shows up."
"You don't need to clear out when he gets home. He knows you're here."
"Bet that fucking pissed him off."
Monica sighed, "Look both of you have to realize that you're gonna have to set aside any hostility."
"I can but can he? He's gonna remember that I was the one who tried to keep her from going to Bamboozle."
"At the time none of us knew what was going on with Liv. Gee knows that."
Bert snorted, "Yeah, well Gee knowing something and understand it are two different things."
Monica stood, "You both should realize that you need to help each other through this."
Bert reached up and touched her arm, "Monica how come you are so good with this? I mean understanding about Gee and his feelings for Liv."
"Because I love him so much. I know Liv still has a special place in his heart, she always will. I accept that because I love him." Monica blinked back a stay tear. "Now I'm making you a grocery list."

"You okay?" Bob asked walking into the hotel room to find Gerard stretched out on the bed staring at the ceiling.
"Yeah, just thinking. I was remembering the first time I ever saw Liv. She was so beautiful and innocent looking. Maybe I should have known how young she was but when she talked she seemed so much older, you know?"
Bob set down the few bags that held gifts for Kara on the floor. "Kara says Liv's life pretty much sucked. Guess that's why she seemed older, she'd been through so much."
"I'm almost afraid to see her." Gerard whispered.
Bob looked over at him, "Why?'
"Cause I'm almost afraid of what she'll say. I'm afraid that I'll realize I failed her. She was so young. I should have been the one to make her stop the drugs and booze instead I just went along with her."
"You went along with what she wanted because you loved her." Bob said sadly.
"Yeah but that don't make it right. I wonder why when she came to the Christmas Gala why I didn't see she needed me."
Bob shook his head, "You had moved on with your life. You and Monica had just fallen in love. Look Gee, don't do this to yourself. You can't change the past and if you aren't careful you just might ruin your future. You are in love with a woman who tries to be so strong for you but we both know deep down Monica is fragile. Don't forget that she needs you too."
Gerard sighed, "I know that. But part of why I'm afraid to see Liv is Monica. I don't want her to be hurt."
"Hurt, how?'
"Because my feelings for Liv are still so strong. What if Monica is hurt by that?"
Bob pulled over a chair and sat down, "Look Monica has always accepted that you have deep feelings for Liv. She understands that. Just make sure she knows how deep your feelings for her are."
Gerard stared at the ceiling not speaking.
"You do still love Monica don't you? I mean you aren't questioning that are you?" Bob held his breath waiting for his answer.
"I love Monica with all my heart but what if that isn't enough? What if I don't love her enough?"
Bob frowned, "Enough? I don't get it."
"How can I love Monica enough if I still love Liv?"
"Gee, if things were different, if Liv wasn't dying would you leave Monica for her?"
The room grew silent. Finally Gerard spoke in a whisper. "I survived Liv leaving me but I don't think I could ever survive if Monica left me."
Bob nodded, "Then make sure she knows that. Just make sure she knows."

"I talked to Mom this morning. She says Dad is going to try to come home to see Liv." Kelly told Luke as they walked towards the pizza shop where they planned to have lunch.
"That's good." Luke said, "How long was he with Liv?"
Kelly thought a moment, "I'm not really sure. A few years I think. I know how much Liv loved him, I could feel it every time she would mention his name."
"Feel it?" Luke asked.
"Yeah, it was strange. Sometimes when people speak someone else’s name I can feel how they feel about that person. Liv loves him so much." She said sadly.
Luke wondered how Gerard felt about Liv but didn't want to ask. Kelly knew what was in his mind.
"Dad still loves her too."
Luke tightened his grip on her hand, "As much as you Mom?"
"No" Kelly said sadly, "But the sad thing is he doesn't know that. I think sometimes he worries about it. He's just so afraid he'll hurt Mom."
"That's messed up."
Kelly stopped walking and turned to him, "I don't want us to ever be like that. I don't want us to ever worry about hurting each other."
Luke thought a moment, "Sunshine, I've never loved anyone before and I'll never love anyone else."
Kelly could feel that his words were from his heart. "I feel the same way." She said before leaning over and kissing his lips. "The exact same way."

"So what do you think?" Kara placed the floppy pink hat on her head and smiled at Elle,” Is it me?'
Elle gave her a puzzled look, "Mes likes it."
Kara pulled the hat off her head and rolled her eyes. "Bug, we have to work on your fashion sense." They had been shopping for about an hour. Kara smiled and took Elle's hand. "Come on lets go look at the jewelry."
Elle's eyes grew big as the looked into the glass showcases. "Lookie at the sparkles." Elle said in wonder.
Kara laughed, "Yeah well those are sparkly but not real. Diamonds are truly a girls best friend."
Elle moved further down the counter to look. "Kawa lookie at dat one." She pointed to a cameo.
"That's pretty. Probably it opens and you can put a picture in it."
"Mommy could put a piture of mes in it?' Elle asked innocently.
Kara's heart broke. This little girl believed her mommy was coming home for her and she wanted to get her gift. "Yeah Honey, she could." Kara blinked back tears. "Excuse me could we see this cameo?" Kara said to the salesgirl hovering nearby.
The woman handed her the cameo, which was indeed a locket. "See it opens." Kara squatted down to show Elle.
"Mes piture does dare." Elle's little finger pointed to the empty compartment.
"Yeah, your picture goes there.” Kara stood back up and handed the cameo to the saleswoman telling her she'd like to buy it. Once it was paid for she took Elle's hand again and started out of the store. It was hard to hide her feelings.
"Kawa is mes puture gonna go in dat for Mommy?'
Kara bit her lip to keep the tears from falling, "Yeah Bug. I'm gonna get a picture of you from Kelly's stuff at home and I'm gonna put your picture in there."
"So whens Mommy comes to get mes I can give it to her?"
In her mind Kara knew what she was going to do. "Yeah Bug." She wiped her eyes quickly, "Now lets get some lunch."
Beside her Elle skipped happily along thinking about her mommy.