FicWad

He was really there.

Really there.

On my doorstep.

He was still smiling, but I knew him too well to believe that it was real.

I smiled back, hoping that I could encourage his smile to spread on his lips.

I got the opposite effect, his smile slipped slightly and his eyes widened.

I wanted to hug him.

I wanted to hold him in my arms and tell him I love him.

But I knew I couldn’t.

Just looking at him, stood there, on his own.

He looked so, serene.

He didn’t need me.

But I had to try. For the last ten minutes I had there, I had to try.

“Ryan?” My voice sounded weak. I’d gone a year without speaking to him, now, it was almost impossible. “Come in for a bit ok?”

“Is...Is that alright?” He asked me. His voice was almost silent; it was a delicate, rushed, perfect slither of what he used to be.

“Yeah. Sure!” I tried to sound casual, but I ended up sounding strained and uncomfortable. “Come on!”

I was hurrying; I didn’t have much time left with him.

I needed all the time in the world.

I turned and began to go up the flight of stairs leading to my room.

I noticed that there was no one following me.

I turned and looked back at the door.

He was still stood at the door.

He looked perfect, although he had faint shadows under his eyes which made him look like he hadn’t had any sleep for months.

That wouldn’t make sense though.

He dumped me.

He should’ve been able to sleep easy.

“Um...Brendon...?” He sounded worried, almost afraid. I nodded and frowned, anxious to hear what he had to say. “I...um...Are...you...going somewhere?” He glanced nervously at the moving van outside my house.

I sighed. I had wanted things to go the way I’d planned, that he’d just wake up tomorrow and find that I was gone.

But things didn’t usually go my way.

I looked at him and smiled, hopefully he wouldn’t notice the fadedness of the smile.

“Hurry up Ry! We need to get to my room before I set off!” My voice sounded cheerful, although inside I felt almost broken apart, again.

His eyes widened and he sighed. The sigh that escaped his lips was one of his famous irritated sighs, though I knew he didn’t mean it.

I ran down the two bottom steps that I had gone up and grabbed his hand.

I yanked him up the stairs without checking the expression on his face.

I was surprised, he didn’t pull away.

I opened the door to my room and stepped in.

Everything looked bare, all my stuff had gone. It was in the moving van.

I sat down slowly on the floor, with my legs crossed.

He stared down at me for a minute, and then sat down beside me.

Close.

So close that I could almost hear his breath.

I subconsciously moved closer to him and leant my head on his shoulder.

He shuddered as my head touched his flesh.

“I’m...I’m sorry!” I stuttered. He looked at me and his lips were slightly upturned in a light smile.

“It’s...it’s fine...” He muttered and hung his head to avoid my eye contact.

“Brendon...I need to tell you something.” His words came out smoothly, controlled, but I felt some sort of feeling behind them.

“Go on Ry! You can tell me...” I altered my tone to sound reassuring and open. The way I always sounded when he had trouble telling me things.

“Well...” And that’s when he told me everything.

The break up.

His father.

His feelings...and in particular...

His love.

“So...this is when I ask you to forgive me....” His voice went all shy and quiet again. He was never very good at asking me to do things.

I flung my arms around him and pulled him as close as I could.

“I’ll always forgive you...” I whispered into his ear, “And I’ll always love you...”

I felt him squirm slightly in my arms as I spoke.

But I wasn’t going to let him go.

Ever.

He managed to pull his head back from my chest though.

That’s when he placed his hand on my chest and pushed himself up.

He raised his head so it was level with mine.

I had only a second to prepare myself.

And that’s when...

Lips touched.

Our lips.

His lips.

They were just as I remembered.

Soft and gentle, warm and perfect against mine.

He pulled away after only the shortest of seconds.

I was breathing heavily, even though it had been the shortest kiss we’d ever shared.

The shortest kiss, but one of the best.

It was the only kiss that he’d ever started.

My bottom lip was trembling, from shock and from happiness.

He muttered something under his breath and pulled away, removing his hand from my chest.

Without thinking I grabbed his hand and replaced it on my chest.

I used my other hand to pull his head towards mine.

Again.

And again.

And again.

Our lips touched.

Again.

I never wanted the moment to end.

Ever.

If it did, I don’t think I would cope.

It was too perfect.

Too beautiful.

But it was wrong.

Forbidden.