- Ooh, i liked this. I'll get to that part later, but let's start with the hint-line. Numbers are flow-stoppers in a text and are to be avoided. Just read it and you'll see that three doesn't break the flow, but 3 provides a little stutter in the reading. As you use numbers for names, that's something else as we see names differently. Still, they're hard to keep apart. Yodaspeak is hard, and needs a lot of commas. That's it from the flame department.
On the naming of the clones, it's done by Harry, right? What kind of names would he know, considering? Boadicea, the witch queen. Aurora, Minerva, Guinevere, you have the Arthurian cycle as well as Shakespeare at your disposal. Asimov made a culture that had long names, but only used one syllable for daily use. Just a thought.
On the Jedi intervention, please do remember that Jedi are diplomatically trained, intelligent and intuitive. They will not barge in all Fumbledorian on him.
Hmm. Would Harry know any Spanish names? Bringing Corazon to Coruscant would be fun. Heart to heart, kind of thing? This is based on me mishearing the planet's name in the first movie.
Thanks, and keep it up. Good length, too.
Author's responseSorry, I don't know any Spanish. Thanks for the adivce! I'll consider the names, I usually cut up latin words to create some names. Just look at most of the enemy names. The Jedi send will probably be somewhat cool yet impulsive. Remember not all jedis are calm and collected, I know some arrogant pricks in the order. It'll probably be just as long, but depends on the week I'm in.
- Nice chapter.
Think Harry did rush in a little impulsively. A few more minutes being updated on what happened after he was injured and what the situation was now. Also some time to give more orders as to how the assault was to happen. Eventually he is going to have to learn that he can't fight the most dangerous part of every battle, some are just to large scale(especially as he gets more legions) and he would be of more value coordinating efforts.
Interesting bringing in the Assassins. Though commandoes would probably be more accurate as a designation.
The vision by Yoda was interesting, should be interesting to see how the Jedi and Harry get along.
Harry really does need some training afterall. I mean one of the sale points to the Kamino for this deal was that Harry had special abilities but so far he doesn't know enough magic to be of any use.
More soon please.
Author's responseThe ARCs won't appear yet. So I just used the assassins to even things out. Harry is still 14 years old, so he is still impulsive. even though he looks like he's in his late teens thanks to genetic augmentations. He will learn those lessons of war in his travels/conquests. He will be trained in the force next chapter, you'll meet his 'mentor'.
(#) zombiewolf 2008-04-20I dont know if you have alredy know which jedi you are going to send or not but if you are sending a female my favorit is Aayla Secura. though if your going with the time line I think she is youger that harry at this point. of cours my all time favorite jedi is Plo Koon. other than that I just hope you keep up the pace of one a week, not quite as fast as I would like but then again I just want to read the story all at once.
Your Lord and Master
Author's responseyup! It's Aalya Secura who will be sent to 'retreive' him. trust me she will be hunting for quite some time. i'vew been thinking in on that, so I'll probably have her as a padawan with Quinlan Vos hunting for him.
- First will Harry ever return to fight Voldemort, or be involved in the ST universe?
Will we see more Wizards or Witches join him?
Author's responseYes, he will return to fight, but it's much later in the story. remember he asked the RoR to bring him somewhere he can train and learn to defeat voldemort. It brought him to the ST universe. it's a one way trip so he have to find his way back himself(another reason why i put him in the outer rim of the galaxy near the unknown region.) No, Harry will be the only wizard in the galaxy. remember the setting. the entire wizarding world is in denial including Ron and Hermione. Harry can only rely on himself, his army and the friends he meets in his quest.
- You got a good mix of action and story advancement here and I like the lessons Harry's already learned from the battle to take Derem City. It will be interesting to see just why it was targeted and just who else is among the plotters. Meanwhile, I wonder if Harry's going to sense the Jedi team looking for him and how he'll react to their presence. That, and their response(s) to his moves should tell hime a lot.
I'm looking forward to your next chapter.
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