FicWad

Gerard slipped into the dark bedroom and undressed as quietly as possible. He got a pair of pajama pants out of his drawer and slipped them on. As he opened the next drawer to grab a tee shirt Monica spoke.
“Did she tell you about her past?”
He pulled the tee shirt on then crossed over to the bed, “She told me about her mom and the way she grew up. She told me about the man who raped her and her mother's suicide.” He crawled into bed and reached for her. Monica moved into his arms and buried her face against his chest. Her voice was muffled.
“So now you understand why she left you? You understand that she never stopped loving you?”
He stroked her hair, “Yeah, I understand.” He said softly.
Neither said anything for several moments. It was Gerard who spoke again.
“None of this changes the way I feel about you. Nothing could change that. I want you to know that I love you with all my heart. I’m glad I had this chance for closure with Liv and I thank you for that. If it hadn’t been for you knowing in your heart that something was wrong I wouldn’t have gotten this chance.”
Monica sighed, “Sometimes I hate myself for thinking that it all would have been so much easier for me if I’d just let it go. That if I’d just accepted the idea that she left town and hadn’t gone looking for her that my life wouldn’t be so hard right now.”
Gerard understood what she was saying, “But you couldn’t have done that, Honey. That’s not the kind of person you are. You knew Liv would never have left Elle unless there was a reason. You understood that and I was too blind to see it.”
“Gee, it breaks my heart knowing we’ll have to tell Elle when it happens. She’ll have to be told her Mommy isn’t coming back.”
Gerard hadn’t even considered this, “Will she understand? Does she have a concept of death?”
Monica shook her head, “I have no idea. I don’t think she does. Her whole life has just been her and her mommy. I doubt she’ll understand what death really means.”
“I want to be with you when we tell her.” Gerard said sadly.
“I want that too.”
He closed his eyes, “I’m sorry about the adoption.”
Monica moved back slightly, “You’re sorry?”
“Not about the adoption but about the timing. If I’d had known what you were going through here I would never have brought it up.”
Monica smiled slightly, “Gee, I want us to have a baby. I’m glad that it happened. You and I will have a baby of our own and Elle will have a little brother or sister.”
“She has two wonderful sisters.” Gerard reminded her.
“Yeah, she has two sisters who love her. Kara took her shopping the other day.”
Gerard stroked her arm absentmindedly as she spoke, “Liv showed me the locket. She really likes Kara. She said she’s a strong young woman with a tender heart.”
Monica laughed, “Don’t tell Kara that. She doesn’t want anyone to think she’s got a tender heart.”
“But she does.” Gerard said, “That is a lot of the reason she dislikes me. She loves you so much she’s afraid I’ll hurt you.”
“I’m so glad she and Bob found each other. At first I fought the idea but he’s just the perfect fit for her. He understands her better than anyone ever has.”
Gerard smiled, “He does love her. The other day I caught him having a special tee shirt made for her. She’s always on his mind just like you’re always on my mind.” He leaned down and kissed her lips. “Always.”
The kiss deepened but Monica pulled away. “You need to sleep. The alarm is going to go off in a few hours.”
Gerard gently caressed her breast, “And for those few hours I want to spend loving you.”

When the alarm did sound they had both just fallen asleep a short time before. Their lovemaking had been slow and sweet. Monica kissed him then slid out of bed to dress. “I’m going down to start the coffee.”
Gerard sat up and yawned, “I’ll be there in a minute.”
She pulled on her jeans and hoodie then spoke, “I’m going to take Bert downstairs with me.” She spoke softly, “Take you time telling Liv goodbye.”
He nodded, “Thanks.” Before she could leave the room he was out of bed and at her side. He pulled her into his arms and hugged her to him. “Thank you.”

Bert opened his eyes when he heard her approach the bed. “Hey, morning already?”
Monica smiled, “Yeah, already.” She looked over and saw Liv open her eyes. “Lets head downstairs so Gee can tell Liv goodbye.”
Bert stood slowly and took her outstretched hand. They were walking out of the room as Gerard reached the doorway. No one said anything. Gerard waited until they headed down the back staircase before he crossed over to the bed and sat down.
“Morning.” Liv said softly.
Gerard took her hand in his, “How are you feeling?”
“Like I’m dying.” Liv answered. She saw the look of pain on his face, “Gee don’t feel like that. Look I’m okay with it now. It has to happen and I accept that. It’s so much easier for me to take knowing that my baby will be loved and cared for. Monica will be a good mother to her, she loves her.”
“I love her too.” He reminded her,
“I know.” Liv said softly
He looked into her eyes, “Livie, thank you for this. Thank you for explaining to me what happened between us.”
Liv smiled sadly, “Thank you for always trying to be there for me. I wish I could have been the woman you needed. I wish so many things that will never be.”
Gerard stood and leaned down to kiss her lips, “You were the woman I loved, Liv. Thank you for giving me my beautiful daughter. She is the one thing about our past that is our own special gift.”
“Gee, the shuttle is here.” Monica said softly from the doorway.
He stood, “Okay.”
Monica moved back from the doorway and waited in the hall. She could hear them speaking softly to each other. When Gerard walked out of the room he had tears in his eyes. “Stay with her.” He said softly.
Monica nodded, “Please call me when you get to Berlin.”
“I will,” He pulled her into his arms and kissed her gently. The sound of the shuttle horn made him pull away. “I’ve got to go.” He took one final look back at Liv’s room but turned and headed down the stairs.
Monica took a deep breath and walked into the room. She was shocked to see Liv’s face. “What is it?”
Liv broke into heart wrenching sobs. “I couldn’t do it.”
Monica sat down by the bed, “I don’t understand. You couldn’t do what?”
Liv was crying so hard it was hard for her to catch her breath, “I couldn’t tell him the truth. I wanted to but I couldn’t.”
“The truth?” Monica was confused, “What truth?”
“I wanted to tell him so he could forgive me.”
Monica shook her head, “He did forgive you. Liv, it’s okay.”

Gerard reached the bottom stair and realized he hadn’t told Monica he loved her. Those were words he needed for her to hear. He turned and quickly made his way back upstairs. When he head Liv speaking he stopped.

Liv shook her head violently, “No, I just couldn’t make myself tell him the truth. I couldn’t make myself tell him that he might not be Elle’s father.”
It felt like a cold icy hand grabbed Monica’s heart, “He might not be Elle’s father? Liv what are you saying?”
“That his brother might be her father.” She sobbed, “Mikey might be…”

Gerard closed his eyes and felt his world shatter into a million pieces. Liv’s words echoed in his mind as he quickly turned and walked downstairs and out of the house.