FicWad

“Where the fuck is he?” Ray asked Mikey as soon as he got off the elevator and walked over to where he stood. They were in the lobby of the hotel preparing to get into the van that would take them to the interview.
“He’s not here?”
Ray frowned, “No, he’s not here. I’ve called his room and his cell and he’s not answering. I’m gonna go get him.”
“No” Mikey said quickly, “I’ll go.” He turned and made his way back over to the bank of elevators before Ray could respond.
“What’s up?” Bob asked joining Ray.
Ray turned to him. “Gee’s not answering his phone. We’re gonna be late if he don’t show soon.”
Mikey got off the elevator and headed for Gerard’s room. It really wasn’t like Gee not to answer his phone. Yeah, sometimes he was late but he always answered his phone. Mikey knocked and waited. Several minutes later he knocked again, this time harder. Still nothing. Had Gee gone out earlier? Maybe he wasn’t even in his room. Mikey knocked again.
Gerard rolled over fighting to come awake. At first the knocking had become incorporated into his dream. He’d been dreaming he was working on the gazebo and the pounding was the sound of the hammer hitting the nails. Liv has stood watching him in the dream. He realized the memory was of the day she’d been at his house. The pounding got louder and he forced open his eyes.
Mikey was about to go back down to get the key from the hotel manager when the door was thrown open.
“What?” Gerard barked.
Mikey was shocked at his brother’s appearance. He looked terrible. “Uh, we’re supposed to be heading for the interview right now. Didn’t you alarm go off?”
“I didn’t fucking set my alarm.” Gerard answered. He tried to clear his mind but it was proving impossible.
“Uh, we need to get going.” Mikey said. “Want me to go down and get you some coffee?”
“I don’t want you to get me a fucking thing. I’ll be down soon.” He started to close the door.
“Hurry, okay?”
Gerard glared at him, “If you guys are in such a fucking hurry just go without me.” He slammed the door before Mikey could utter another word.
Mikey stared at the closed door a moment then turned to go back down to the lobby. Ray and Bob looked up at him expectantly as he walked back over to them.
“Is he on his way?” Ray asked.
Mikey frowned, “He wasn’t even awake yet.”
“What the fuck?” Ray said, “He knew what time we were taking off.”
Mikey tried to defend his brother, “Look think of all the flying time he’s put in over the last two days. He’s exhausted.”
Bob felt bad for Mikey. He understood he was trying to cover for his brother’s actions. “And he’s got a lot of shit on his mind.”
Mikey nodded, “Yeah, he does.”
“We really need to be leaving now.” Ray reminded them. They decided to wait in the van. Mikey sat down in his seat and thought back to the look on Gerard’s face when he’d opened the door. His eyes hadn’t focused. Mikey had seen that look on his brother’s face many times. That was what had him really worried.

Monica looked over at the kitchen clock again. She really had expected Gerard to call before now. The day had passed quietly. Liv had slept almost continually with Bert at her side. Now as Monica prepared dinner she couldn’t shake the feeling that something was very wrong. Kara came in the back door and threw down her schoolbooks.
“Hey” she said in greeting
“How was school?” Monica asked.
“Same as always. Glad it’s Friday and I don’t have to get up early tomorrow. I’m gonna sleep in and then I think Kelly and I are gonna take Bug to a movie.”
“That’s nice. Maybe I can go too.” Monica said wistfully. She missed spending time with her daughters. “Carrie is going to be here first thing in the morning so maybe I can go with you.”
Kara heard something in her Mom’s voice, “So how’s Gerard doing?”
Monica shrugged, “I’m not sure. I haven’t talked to him.”
“What? He hasn’t called you since he left?”
“No, but he got into Berlin so late. Then I know they had interviews all day.”
Kara’s eyes narrowed, “Yeah, but he could have at least called to tell you he’d gotten there okay.”
Monica walked over to the stove and turned it on. “I’m sure he’ll call soon.” She placed the roast inside and closed the door. “I’m gonna go up and talk Bert into taking a break. He needs to get some fresh air.”
Kara waited until she had left the kitchen to call Bob.
“What’s up with Gerard?” She asked as soon as he answered.
Bob, who had just returned to the hotel, sat down on his bed. He sighed, “He fucked up several of the songs tonight. Hey, how did you know?”
Kara laughed, “I didn’t know that. I just know he hasn’t called Mom since he left here.”
“Fuck.” Bob said, “He hasn’t? I didn’t know that. He disappeared after the interviews today and I just assumed he would have called her.”
“Well he didn’t and she’s pretty upset. What the hell is he thinking? I mean he’s gotta know she’s hurt he hasn’t called.”
Bob shook his head, “Hell, I don’t know what he’s thinking. He’s been fucking pissed off all day at everything. This morning in our first interview he got really shitty with the interviewer. Ray tried to cover for him. He’s not really talking to any of us. We’ve been trying to give him his space cause we know what he’s going through.”
“Look I understand what he’s going through but I also see what Mom is going through. Talk to him, okay?”
Bob rolled his eyes and was glad Kara couldn’t see him. “I’ll head down to his room now and talk to him.”
“Love you Bob.” Kara said suddenly, “With all my heart.”
“I love you too.” He said getting to his feet. “With all my heart.”

“Yeah?”
Bob blinked. “Uh, can I talk to you?” He asked Gerard.
“What? You wanna talk to me about how I fucked up at the concert like Ray did?” Gerard asked.
“Can I come in?” Bob really didn’t want to continue this conversation in the hall.
Gerard stared at him a moment then relented and stepped back so Bob could enter his room.
“Gee what’s wrong?” Bob asked taking a seat and coming right to the point.
“Nothing and I ‘m fucking tired of people asking me that. Nothing is wrong. I’m just tired, okay?”
Bob look a deep breath, “Look, we all know how had this is for you. We understand saying goodbye to Liv was fucking hard…”
Gerard cut him off, “It wasn’t hard. Actually I really shouldn’t have gone in the first place. Matter of fact I wish I’d just stayed on the fucking tour.”
Now Bob was shocked, “What are you saying?”
Gerard took out a cigarette and lit it. “I’m saying it was stupid of us to cancel a concert for this shit. I didn’t need to go home to say goodbye to an old girlfriend. Especially one who fucked up my life.” He crossed the room and grabbed his jacket.
“Where are you going?” Bob asked shocked to see him putting on the jacket.
“Out.” Gerard answered. “I’m going out.”
“Man, it’s so late. We’ve got to catch an early flight.”
Gerard shrugged, “Yeah, I know. Stop acting like my fucking mother. I can take care of myself.” He headed for the door.
“What about Monica?” Bob’s words stopped him.
‘What about her?”
Bob stood, “Have you called her?”
“She knows I’m here.”
“That’s not what I asked.” Bob said growing angry, “I asked if you called her.”
Gerard opened the door, “Bryar, why don’t you just mind your own business.” He walked out and slammed the door before Bob could answer.

“Where the fuck did he go?” Ray asked. Bob had just told him about the conversation he’d had with Gerard a few minutes ago.
“I got no fucking idea. Something is really wrong. I mean, the shit he said about Liv doesn’t make any since. Kara said that he and Liv talked for a long time according to Monica and that he had gotten closure. Shit, what am I supposed to tell Kara when she asks me why he hasn’t called her mom?”
“We better tell Mikey what’s going on.” Ray stood and walked to the door of his hotel room. “Wait here, I’ll go get him.”
Bob sat replaying the conversation in his mind. He just couldn’t understand Gerard’s anger. His cell rang. “Hello Honey.”
“Bob, did you talk to him? Mom is sitting downstairs waiting for him to call.”
“Kara, something is going on but I don’t understand it.” He told her what Gerard had said about Liv.
“What the fuck?” Kara said, “Mom said when he left here he was sad but he wasn’t pissed. What happened?”
“I don’t know.” Bob admitted.
“So is he gonna call Mom?” She asked angrily.
Bob really didn’t want to tell her that Gerard had left the hotel. “I don’t know.” He answered honestly.
“Well shit.” Kara’s patience was at its breaking point. “Go tell him to call her now.”
“He’s not here.” Bob said softly.
“What? He’s not at the hotel. Where is he?”
Ray and Mikey walked into the room. “Hun, Ray and Mikey just walked in and I need to talk to them. I’ll call you back in a little bit.” He disconnected before she could answer.

Gerard pulled up the collar of his jacket as he walked along the mostly deserted street. A few businesses, mostly bars, were still open. He ducked inside one and found a seat at a table in a darkened corner. When the waitress appeared at his table he ordered a coke.
Inside his jacket pocket he felt his phone vibrate. Taking it out he hit the button to illuminate the screen. It was Monica. He turned off the phone and placed it back in his pocket.
“Hello”
Gerard looked up to see a young blond girl standing by the table. He didn’t reply.
“You look like someone who could use a friend.” Her English was flawless with just a slight German accent.
“No, just need to be alone.” He said finally speaking.
She smiled, “Alone is no fun. I don’t want to be alone. Do you really want to be alone?”
Gerard studied her a moment. She looked like Liv when he’d first met her. He shook his head slowly, “No, alone really isn’t fun is it? It’s what I thought I wanted but now I’m not sure of anything.”
She sat down next to him, “I’ll help you find just what it is you do want.”