- Nice start.
Few small plot holes I see. The first is his fear about being recognized after his change in appearance, actually I'm surprised he let his 'family' see the new him as that is something that could be reported to Dumbledore and others.
The other is the Croxaeus(sp?) family. How is Harry related to them and how many people know of that relation. Cause he just gave his name for an official report and if the family is as well known and wealthy as you made it out to be then people are bound to notice the new young lord of the family showing up and want to meet him.
On other matters can I hope that the names Fleur and Tonks in the characters list mean that there will be some romance there. Especially Tonks since it is early for her to show up by canon and she is a fov of mine.
Also I suggest sending Sirius a care package of some clothes, a spare wand, wizard tent, and food under preservation charms if he can't just ask him to move to a Potter property for secrecy sake.
More soon please.
- I agree with cj.Cold, you should send sirus a care package, with food, colthes, tent, also a spare wand or waepons like knives. Also maybe some muggle diguises, like sirus should die his hair, grow a bird, somthing like that so his doesn't look like sirus black.
Also isn't going to be word to be like 6 fot something and only 14 year old?
Also a request PLZ DONT MAKE THIS A GINNY/HARRY OR HERMIONE/HARRY FIC, cant stand them also Harry is mentally older so he should get with a older girl like fluer or tonks, harry shouldn't bother with silly young school girl crushes,
Also if Ron gets jealous cause of Harry's look, then ron isn't a good friends, I would Prefer harry Good looking, independent, than a cissy he doesn't buy a decent pair of colthing becuase ron mught get jealous.
Looing forward ot the next chapter.
Also how is he croxasues hier, for his mother side?????
- too fast and too many cliches... i mean u had him do soooo much in just one chapter, without any detail description or any outlook into his emotions... plus there were some holes in the story as well...
i don't mean to discourage u, becuase the story has potential, especially if you mean to finish it, and not abandon it half way.. but u have to slow down and plan the chapters out a bit better....
anyway, hope to see mor soon, or even a revision of this chapter would be good.
(#) haroon_angel 2008-02-15Wow Excellant start! I really loved the Way you handled this start and also got rid of Shopping Stuff in one Chapter.
This Plot seems better then your other Fanfictions and it is Quite Promising for the Future Chapters.
I hope you will update this one Soon.
(#) apocalypse_thou 2008-02-15Its a good start to the story. I do love these clichéd 4th year time travel stories and i defiantly hope you continue it.
I dont think that Harry should take any of Rons bitching this time round, either have him completely ignore him, or beat some sense into the idiot.
I hope you chose Tonks over Fleur.
- I like the start even with the clichéd shopping trip and tons of money in the bank, at least you didn't linger over it. However, two questions, how old was the future Harry and why would sending his memory and power back change 14 year old Harry physically?
I agree with CJ in that letting the Dursley's see his new appearance wasn't smart unless he doesn't care what Dumbledore thinks. Also I like the idea of helping Sirius out. Hope you don't use Ginny but I like Tonks and Fleur.
In future chapters would love to see into his mental thoughts/emotions and more explanations and reasons.
Hope you continue with all your stories soon.
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