FicWad

Monica took a deep breath tying to control her anger. She didn’t want to make it seem she was angry with Gerard but it was proving too difficult. “I just thought her father would want to know there is a problem.”
He heard the anger loud and clear, “Of course I want to know it Kell is having problems. What is going on?”
“Her art teacher wanted to talk to me today. I went there thinking that it had something to do with her grades.”
“And it didn’t?”
Monica stood and began to pace, “No, the teacher thinks that Kelly is crazy.”
“What the fuck?” Gerard asked, “She said that?”
“Not in so many words but it’s clear that’s what she thinks. Kelly told her about her ability to see things before they happen. How she can just “sense” things. She told this teacher believing she would understand.”
“And the teacher thinks that makes her crazy?” Now Gerard was growing angry.
“She told me that she believes Kelly is under a lot of stress because of the situation at home and that’s why she’s making up these stories.”
“That’s fucking ridiculous.” Gerard said, “What did you say?”
“I told her that yes, there was a lot of stress at home right now and that’s part of the reason Kelly is living at her grandma’s. I didn’t realize Kelly had told the teacher what was going on. Ms Long said that in her opinion Kelly was imagining she had these powers, yeah she really said powers, as a way to get attention because she was feeling neglected.”
“What a bunch of shit.” Gerard lit a cigarette, “Did you explain to that woman the Kell really does have the ability to foresee the future sometimes?”
“I tried to but then she looked at me like I was crazy. She said she understood that it must be difficult for me dealing with the impending death of my fiancée’s ex-girlfriend. She said she understood that she was sure being your fiancée took a lot of my time and that perhaps I should spend more time with Kelly. The woman was implying I’m a bad mother.”
“You are not a bad mother. That woman has no fucking idea what she’s talking about.”
Monica sank into a nearby chair, “She thinks Kelly should talk to a psychiatrist.”
“What does Kell say about all of this?”
“I haven’t talked to her about it yet. After I got out of the school I was so angry I intended to wait until school let out to talk to her but I had to come home.” She closed her eyes, “Liv’s really bad today and Bert called wanting me to come home.”
When she mentioned Liv’s name Gerard grew still. He pictured her in his mind and once more anger took over. “Maybe she’s right. Kelly needs you more than Liv.”
His sudden change of thought shocked Monica. “Gee, you know that I couldn’t just tell Bert I was too busy to come home. He was so upset.”
“If you’d never brought her into the house this wouldn’t be an issue.” He said without thinking. Once the words left his mouth he wished he could recall them.
“You’re saying that I really did fuck up bringing Liv here?” Her voice shook.
“I didn’t mean it the way it sounded.” He tried to soften the statement, “I just mean that if Liv wasn’t there then the girls wouldn’t have to be at mom’s.”
Monica stood again, “So I should have just minded my own business and let Liv go off to die alone.”
“She wouldn’t have been alone.” He reminded her.
“No, that’s true. Not alone but with strangers. That’s what you think I should have done.”
He felt trapped. He knew her anger was also intertwined with hurt. “Look, we got off topic. We were talking about Kell.”
“And how I’m a bad mother for creating a situation that made it necessary to send her out of the house.” Monica shot back. “Fine. I’m fucking sorry you think I did the wrong thing by bringing Liv here but I wasn’t just doing it for her. I was doing it for you. I thought you needed closure before she died.” Monica completely let her anger free. “Do you really think it was easy for me to do that? Do you think it was easy for me to bring her into our home knowing how much you loved her?”
“Monica calm down.” He said.
To her his tone sounded like he was talking to a child throwing a tantrum. “I won’t calm down. I’m tired of all this, Gerard. Tired of trying to do my best and finding out I’m always wrong. I’m sorry I called you. Go back to hiding from the world cause you’re hurting. I’ll handle things here.” She snapped the phone closed.
“Fuck” he closed his phone and threw it across the room. It hit the wall and fell to the floor. “Fuck” He said again.
Monica was so angry she was shaking when Bert walked into the room. He’d heard her shouting. “Monica?”
“He’s mad because I brought Liv here.” She said throwing her phone down on the sofa. “He’s fucking mad at me.”
Bert was shocked, “No, he’s not. He told me he was grateful for what you’d done.”
“Well he’s changed his mind.”
Sitting down on the sofa Bert thought a moment. “Gee tends to run away from things that upset him. Did you tell him Liv is getting near the end?” He asked softly.
Monica nodded, “I told him you called me because she’d gotten worse.”
“Then that’s what’s going on. He knows she gonna die soon and he doesn’t want to face it.” Bert guessed. “He’s trying to run from the pain.”
“Do you really think so?” Monica asked wondering if he was right.
“I’m sure that’s it.” He patted the spot on the sofa next to him and waiting until she sat down. “He’s not angry with you. He’s angry at Liv cause she’s dying.”
Monica leaned her head back, “Well what am I supposed to do?”
“Just try to remember why he’s acting like he is. I know it’s shitty but try not to get angry with him.”
“I’m trying.” Monica said closing her eyes, “But what if I really did do the wrong thing?”
Bert grabbed her hand, “Monica, look at me.” He waited until she opened her eyes and raised her head. “You did a kind and unselfish thing when you brought Liv here. Don’t ever doubt that. Don’t ever fuckin’ doubt that.”

Gerard threw open the door, “What?”
Ray pushed past him, “We need to talk.”
Slamming the door Gerard leaned against it and folded his arms, “I really don’t feel like fuckin’ talkin’ right now.”
Ray spotted the cell phone on the floor, “Obviously.”
Gerard didn’t acknowledge the phone. “I’m tired. What do you want to say?”
“I want to know what the fuck is going on with you?” Ray said “I mean you owe it to us to tell us what’s going on.”
“I don’t owe any of you, anything. I just want to get through this fucking tour.”
Ray narrowed his eyes, “Cause you want to get home?”
His question caught Gerard off guard. No, he didn’t want to go home, at least not right now. Not with Liv still in his house. “I’m just tired.” He finally said.
“That’s not what I asked? Don’t you want to go home to be with Monica?”
“Why the fuck are you bringing her up? Shit, you’ve got someone of your own. Stop worrying about Monica.”
Ray’s temper snapped, “Yeah, I have someone who’s wonderful and so do you but you seem to have forgotten that. Look, I love Monica and I don’t want to see her get hurt and you are hurting her.” He paused, “I can still remember that day on the bus when she told us the story about what happened with her husband. I realized then what a remarkable woman she truly is.”
Remembering that day made Gerard lose some of his anger. In his mind he could still see Monica sitting on the floor of the tour bus crying as she told the story. He remembered how much he’d wanted to take her in his arms but she hadn’t let him. She’d said it was too painful for him to touch her but once she’d released the truth from her soul he’d taken her in his arms and promised to love and care for her forever. Ray was right. He was hurting her. “Fuck, you’ve all been right. You all knew I’d hurt her eventually.” Gerard said thinking out loud.
“Then stop.” Ray answered. “Just fucking stop. Don’t close her out of your life because of your grief over Liv.”
Gerard wanted so badly to tell him that it wasn’t grief over Liv’s dying that was causing the anger. He wanted to tell him that it was his brother’s betrayal that was causing the pain. Still he remained silent. He wasn’t sure what he was going to do about the truth that now tore at his soul. He just had to get through this tour first. Then he would decide how to handle the betrayal. He would deal with the fact that his brother was now dead to him.
Ray didn’t know what to make of Gerard’s sudden silence. He shook his head and walked towards the door. Slowly Gerard moved out of his way still staring down at the ground. “She loves you so fuckin’ much, dude.” Ray said softly as he opened the door. “That day on the bus….she became like a sister to all of us. We all want to protect her from hurt. Don’t get pissed at us because of that.”
As the door closed Gerard moved over to the bed and sat down. If only he could let go of the anger but more importantly if only he could let go of the hurt. He hung his head, closed his eyes and tried to remember the sound of Monica’s voice. He tried to remember the feel of her body touching his. He couldn’t. He felt dead inside.