Categories > Cartoons > Teen Titans
The Lies We Tell Ourselves
1 reviewTerra and Raven both have a set of daily lies. (dark femeslash)
-1Illiterate
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The Lies We Tell Ourselves
(#) PPM42 2005-05-12
The first thing I'll say is that this is definitely an interesting idea at its core -- that is, studying the further relationship between Raven and Terra. However, I do have some other things I would like to say.
One: Please try to stay in one tense. If it's going to be a narrative like this, the preferred tense to keep is past. The constant shifts between past and present are very disorienting.
Two: You have a point-of-view change after "These are the lies Terra tells herself...". Try to make that more apparent with a chapter break or something like that, because (from my experience, at least) it's not considered good writing to switch POVs like that.
Three: I don't quite agree with your representation of Raven. It's not shown in canon that she is actually abusive like that. Not even when she began falling to Trigon (in 1x06 "Nevermore") did she hit anybody. (Sucked them under her cloak and subjected them to the unimaginable terrors of aeons, yes, but she never hit them.) I hope you explain why she's like this in (what I assume is) this AU, because canon Raven is not like this at all.
Four: I'd like you to go into more detail about Terra's resurrection. From what I gleaned, Beast Boy killed himself to save her, but it's still very much unclear. And as an extension of that, why exactly did the Titans let Terra back in? She betrayed them, which you mentioned, and I highly doubt Robin and the others would allow her back in. I suggest stating why exactly she was allowed back in before going on with this story.
Five: This is an extension of four, really. Beast Boy held close relationships with both Terra and Raven before, apparently, he killed himself. I think you ought to analyse their emotions as a result of Beast Boy's loss past Raven's whole redemption kick.
There's really so much more to say, do, and be done in this plotline. And I think you can reach if not the full potential, then a far greater level of potential for this if you just follow a few of my suggestions.
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