Categories > Books > Harry Potter
Reviews
Family surprises
(#) jump_jives 2008-07-07
"...its not really necessary story." should have been "...its not really necessary for this story."
Ficwad either needs a larger submit window so I can better proof my reviews before submitting or a method for me to edit my own reviews after the fact.Family surprises
(#) Cateagle 2008-07-07
::wicked chuckle:: Oh, that could get quite interesting when she finds out just how big a family Lord Potter has; it'd be somewhat amusing for a mutual attraction to develop such that the co-wives jointly offer to bring her in as another co-wife. In any case, her daughter is not going to lack for anything or for playmates she can fully be herself around. On the other hand, when she gets introduced to the twins...Family surprises
(#) grizwald 2008-07-07
Great start. And I say start because that clearly does not end but looks like the beginning of a very good story. Please continue.Family surprises
(#) Cateagle 2008-07-07
::evil cackle:: I just thought of a fun moment. Can you imagine the reaction of Dudley if Rebecca sent a message through his lawyer that he needn't bother any more about child support because his cousin, Lord Potter, and his family were taking care of everything?Family surprises
(#) DarkDannyB 2008-07-07
more more more. you gotta expand this story is this the prologue i love the way its wortking out. maybe you can go into more detail on how harry got a a harem or how he kicked the moldie morts ass.Family surprises
(#) hawk426 2008-07-08
Pretty decent as a stand-alone one-shot. However, given where you leave things, it seems... cut off. For example, the ending ("What have I gotten into?") seems to be leading into another chapter, or at least setting up for something. So, given that the story basically seems to be set up for chapters and not as a one-shot, a few suggestions to think about/explore/expand upon if you want:
-Who is this story focusing on? Harry? Rebecca? Rose? Harry's kids? all of the above?
-When is this set? 1 year after Hogwarts graduation? 5 years? etc.
-Who's still around in terms of leadership? Fudge? Scrimegour(or however you spell his name)? Dumbledore? Do they get along with Harry and Co.?
-How did the war go for Harry and Company?
-How did the wizarding world fare during the war? Is everything still being rebuilt 10 years later? Did they fix it all the next day? Somewhere in between?
-How does the public see Harry? Do they worship him? Hate him for not ending it earlier? Are they apathetic and don't care anymore now that Voldemort is dead?
-Which of Harry's friends and classmates are still around? Remus? Tonks? Ron? Ginny? Neville? etc. If they're around, what are they up to? If not, what happened to them (& when did it happen)?
-I'd suggest staying away from any sort of ministry forced-marriage law plot device, as it seems like it'd contradict Hermione's comments.
-Will you re-introduce Dudley later on as an antagonist? or will he have some sort of miraculous change of heart? What about Petunia? Vernon?
-How old is Rose? About to start Hogwarts? 5 years old?
-How big is Harry's Family? What does Harry do for a living? What do their titles (Lord/Lady) imply? Is it ceremonial or is there more to it?
-How skewed is the population problem? Is the polygamy solution just something Harry and his friends are doing, or is it something that pretty much everyone is doing?
-Most importantly, What is Harry's reaction to this news?
As I said long ago at the beginning of this review, it is a pretty decent one-shot. However, it would be much improved if it was either extended into a multi-chapter story, or if it was extended/edited so the last paragraph wasn't so open-ended.
p.s. err, not to poke any gaping holes in your plot, but... to the best of my knowledge, the Dursleys have never been to the Leaky Cauldron. Well, maybe Petunia has been there, but certainly not Dudley. How does he immediately recognize it?Family surprises
(#) bmatsea 2008-07-08
this has been an excellent start for a story. Please continue.
BmatFamily surprises
(#) koppe 2008-07-08
Very good story, hope you'll continue this plot.
Maybe she'd become another wife? I also hope Dudley (or the Durselys) would pop-up again; either a random meeting, Harry confronting him, or perhpas Dudley filing for custody -- out of spite, to hurt his ex, to get Harry or to "save" his daughter from the Wizarding-world.
I would also love prequels set in this universe, both about this woman's earlier life (how did she see The Leakey Cauldron, but not know about Hogwarts? Is she a squib? Does she have magical-family that left her in the muggle-world?), how did she meed Dudley, how was their married life?
And what happened in the Wizarding-world? What was the events causing women to accept -- and maybe even champion -- polygamy? How has Harry and Fred&George's familiy-life with multipple wifes been? What about the others (Ron, Draco, Bill, Charlie, Percy,... Fleur, Gabrielle, Hanna, Lavender, Patils, Susan, Pansy,...)? Who is Harry's wifes and how are their family-life?
Keep up the good work, and please continue!Family surprises
(#) red_jacobson 2008-07-08
I agree with several of the other reviewers, this feels much more like the beginning of a story, rather than a simple one-shot.
I hope you do go ahead and expand on this idea.
Red
Sign up to review this story.