Categories > Books > Harry Potter > Motorcycle
Reviews
Motorcycle
(#) Bringhimup 2008-07-28
I liked your story so far. It was original. But the tattoo shit is just plain boring and already so old, the beard is grey and 10 feet long.
So you just lost a reader. Bye.Author's response
Sorry to see you go. The one upside that I hope happens is you are motivated to write your own version of Harry's story.... Without a Tattoo scene of course.Motorcycle
(#) bargavl 2008-07-28
I disagree with Bringhimup. I feel you did a good job with the tattoo scenes. Although I'm not a fan of tattoos it makes sense to use them to hide the runes. Secrets may save their lives afterall.
It was also interesting to get some detail about why Remus never really seemed to be interested enough to connect fully with Harry. In his childhood and later Remus just connected when he absolutely had to connect. Even with the patronus he put it off as long as he could about helping Harry although it was obviously needed. I've always felt there had to be a backstory there to explain it. Good Job! Original, interesting and quirky enough in the detail to freshen up the the old standard plots with a new twist.Motorcycle
(#) vianca 2008-08-03
Nice, love the plot breaking of some plotters.
Wonder how you will handel Harry's family line.
Will Harry go as James Black if he doesn't want anybody to notice it's him by his name?
What about them getting a chest (or two) like Moody has?
They could connect them to each other.
And if they think a bit, they should be able to turn a door (or so) into the passage into their chest house (think Washu's lab, Techi Muyo).
Perfect for at Hogwarts.
And if they really work on it, they could do lots more with it.
Any change on farenday principles being used togeter with cristal and fiberoptical tech (ect) to get working muggle electronic stuff in a magical place like Hogwarts?
It might even help them control some types of magic without having to do all the steps all the time.
Maybe a magical/electronical holodeck by building on the principles of the Room of Requirments that Hogwarts has?
True, you need some way to use memories of some place with a pc to control it all, so the room changes in the right way. :p
Anyway, hope to read more, soon.Motorcycle
(#) Cwejr 2008-09-14
This is fun. I'm kind'a sorry you got away from the biker gang, but the story is absorbing. You seem to drop an occasional word or letter but I can easily figure out what's missing without losing the train of thought. I hope you continue soon.Motorcycle
(#) siaru 2008-10-10
This is an interesting and intriguing one, to be sure.
The focus on Betrayer!Remus makes fresh a meme I've seen before, that of TetheredGoat!Harry (usually confined to Durskaban for a mutual takedown with TMR at ward-fall). Nice to see HJP's got some Weasleys on his side. With McGonagall showing her true colors like this (as if there was doubt, the way she hewed to AD's line throughout canon), the only Hogwarts staff likely to help rather than harm Harry, if any, will be Flitwicke (due to his Goblin connection), although Sprout might surprise us with a keen and savage sense of Hufflepuff justice. The "potioning of HJG and HJP by assorted sordid Weasleys" is crypto-canon, the anvil-sized dropped clues are so thick in book 6, and so blithely ignored in book 7; no surprise there.
Is Luna tracking any of this? Some writers play her as a Seer (while, in canon, the Quidditch commentary in HBP revealed her as an airhead -- d'you get the feeling JKR came to hate her characters by the last two books?) -- 'twill be interesting to see your take on it.
Your handling of memory-strand duplication is logical, given Harry's prodigious-in-canon power. Lesser folks will likely need the protective shell of a Pensieve to contain the process.
Nice to see Harry's Horcrux!Scar blasted away into the ward-boost-recycling so readily; I would've had a Dementor suck it out. Does Harry need a refresher on Parseltongue, or is his Peverell ancestry enough for that?
I personally am not a fan of piercings or tattoos, but the tattooing and the rationale for it played logically and realistically to me, considering the (original but logical) permanent Animagus markings: +1 Insightful there.
Your writing is rushed and sometimes lumpy, but it's readable. Don't stop to fix things now; wait until the tale is told, then subject it to beta. If you end up doing the beta work yourself, the beginning parts will be fresher to your eyes by then.
Good thing you made the bike a Triumph; I don't think canon post-HBP Harry could handle a Vincent at a stoplight, much less pick it up if it got dropped (I've seen one fic where it was a Black Shadow, others where it was a Harley -- either way, that's heavy machinery).
I've added this one to my daily fetches. Pray continue.
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