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Categories > Books > Harry Potter > You're my what?

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• You're my what?

  (#) Treck 2009-04-27

  /Grabs Scruffy by the neck...
  
  Where the hell is the rest?
  
  I WANT MORE!!!
  
  Nice start. I do hope that you are diligently working on chapter 2. I'm going to LOVE reading the fallout from this mess.

• You're my what?

  (#) javacap 2009-04-27

  I really like this story. Hope you update soon.

• You're my what?

  (#) draymon 2009-04-27

  Excellent read, but when can we expect the rest of this story. you can not leave it there that is just cruel

• You're my what?

  (#) GinnyLuvr 2009-04-27

  Mate you need a beta. PM me for my email address. I can open Microsoft Word format, or Pages (Apple).
  
  Other than that I'd like to see where you take this story. I enjoy H/Gab pairings.

• You're my what?

  (#) Cateagle 2009-04-27

  -chuckle- Oh, that's going to throw a big wrench into Dumbles' plans and will likely frsutrate Umbridge's attempt with dementors, too (mayhaps they'll get lucky and take out Harry's relatives, including Marge). I'm certain that the results of this will be causing waves through the rest of Harry's days at school, though I'd give odss his fifth through seventh years will be at Beauxbatons, not Hogwarts; that'll put a real kink in a lot of folks' plans.

• You're my what?

  (#) Cateagle 2009-04-27

  PS. I love the new stuff but, please, please, give us more of "Motorcycle".

• You're my what?

  (#) JDE 2009-04-27

  A nice change to the usual scenario and I hope you have more coming soon.

• You're my what?

  (#) BJH 2009-04-27

  Nicely done. Very nicely done. There were some typos and a couple grammar issues but overall it was well crafted and well told.
  
  You didn't go overboard with some "Veela Bond" thing yet made it clear that Gabrielle was there for the long haul. I also liked how Joseph Delacour stepped in as Harry's champion just as Harry stepped in for Gabrielle.
  
  One question though, does Dumbledore know that Harry was going to France or will it come as a surprise on September 1st? I do assume that Joseph's payment for Harry will serve as proof to everyone but Dumbledore that the protections are worthless.
  
  BJH

• You're my what?

  (#) lakelord 2009-04-27

  Great starting to a story. I hope you continue soon I look forward to reading the second chapter.

• You're my what?

  (#) Maxtaf 2009-04-27

  Excellent job! H/G is my first choice of ship, and I don't mean Ginny (although she is a very close second). You have given this a very good start, and I would very much like to see more of this story.
  In particular, I loved the way Mr Delacour sheilded Harry by claiming the kills, since he had diplomatic immunity.
  
  I would imagine that, given the way the French paper covered the situation, that the French Government will be fair about giving Sirius a new trial, especially since Joseph saw Pettigrew personally. And Lupin could follow, since France is obviously not as harsh on 'creatures'. And you've made it seem that Joseph is the head French Unspeakable, so Harry could get trained as well, although your Harry seems to have a pretty good handle on the combat thing already.
  
  I might suggest that you expand your scenes a bit. Since you compared yourself to him and his story, Hope( a personal favorite of mine as well), I'll use Jeconais as an example. Scenes that he might have spent 4-5,000 words on, you blurred through in 4-500. As an example, Harry's last day at Hogwarts, with all his anger at the ministry, despair for Sirius when the Ministry denies that Pettigrew was there, frustration with Dumbasadoor, and frantic worry over Gabrielle, as she needs to spend time with him to survive, is all handled... in three sentences that mention none of the above issues. Slow down and give more details. Give us the feelings of the people involved, not just their actions. Detail is your friend.
  
  And don't denigrate yourself for not being up to Jeconais' level. You're not at Asimov's or Heinlein's level, either. Jeconais is a master who has published as many or more words in the Harry Potter universe than JKR herself, and to a far higher standard.
  You have very good ideas, and you can spin a very nice plot. Your story flowed very nicely from scene to scene. You just need to get some practice with setting the scene, and ambiance.
  
  Once again, I really liked your story, and am looking forward to reading much more of it.
  
  Max

  Author's response

  Thank you for your kind words.
  
  Several reviewers have mentioned I need to flesh out the scenes more but it won't be in this fic as it is done and in the can.
  
  I promised myself no posting or changing a story once it is done after I re-wrote myself in to a bind on Motorcycle. (Still haven't found a way out of it, but I haven't given up trying.)
  
  Thank you for your kind words.
  
  Several reviewers have mentioned I need to flesh out the scenes more but it won't be in this fic as it is done and in the can.
  
  I promised myself no posting or changing a story once it is done after I re-wrote myself in to a bind on Motorcycle. (Still haven't found a way out of it, but I haven't given up trying.)

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