FicWad

woo i am starting to crank out the chapters, i have written several more and i will post them when i just cant stand making you wait lmao. well enjoy! LOVE Y'ALL! PEACE OUT!

Chapter 36- Honestly

Gerard's POV

My jaw dropped and Caitlin nodded sadly. It was impossible; Maddie would have told me if he had AIDS, she would have protected me when we had sex. Did that mean I had AIDS too?
“Caitlin that doesn’t make sense,” I said and Caitlin shook her head at me.
“When you guys were in the hospital I read her forms, it said on them she had it,” Caitlin said and no matter how hard I wanted to believe she was lying the truth stung.
“Does she have HIV or AIDS?” I asked calmly even though I felt more shaken than I had ever before.
“I think she has AIDS,” Caitlin said softly and I shook my head trying to mentally erase the knowledge I had just learned.
“Who has AIDS?” Maddie asked as she entered the room to put some clothes in the bag. Caitlin’s eyes were wide as she turned to look at me.
“Maddie, you have AIDS,” Caitlin said and Maddie started laughing.
“That’s ridiculous! I don’t have AIDS,” She said and rolled her eyes as if we were playing a lame joke.
“She doesn’t know,” I whispered and Caitlin sucked in air.
“Maddie we’re being serious right now, you need to tell the truth,” Caitlin said and Maddie turned to us looking completely offended.
“I don’t have AIDS, I would know and I wouldn’t have sex with anyone if I did, I wouldn’t want to risk anyone’s life for sex,” Maddie said with a roll of her eyes.
“Shit,” I muttered and Caitlin began chewing on her lip.
“Maddie, come here, Sugar,” I said and she looked confused as she turned and walked over to us, “Sit down,” I said pointing to my lap and she sat lightly on top of me.
“Maddie, we were being serious,” Caitlin said softly and I grabbed Maddie’s shoulders pulling her head down on my shoulder.
“Sugar, you have AIDS,” I said quietly and Maddie was off of my lap in lightening speed.
“What the HELL are you talking about?” Maddie shouted.
“We should call the hospital,” Caitlin said more to me then Maddie. I nodded and Caitlin stood and walked to the phone on my dresser and began dialing.
“You guys are being serious,” Maddie said quietly.
“I’m so sorry,” I said standing up, I got light-headed but I had to comfort Maddie, I had to.
“I had sex with you,” Maddie said her eyes flooded with tears and I reached her pulling her into my arms, “I’m pregnant, my child will have it too, how could I have done this?” She sobbed into my chest.
Caitlin had begun talking hurriedly into the phone and I held Maddie tightly, hoping and praying Caitlin had read the forms wrong.
“Gerard, if I have HIV or AIDS, I’m leaving you,” She said it simply but it hurt as if she had ripped my soul right from me and tore it into a million pieces.
“Don’t say that, we can get through this like everything else,” I said and Maddie sobbed into my chest.
“I can’t risk giving it to you, I’m leaving you,” She said it again and a horrible pain shot through my aching chest that had nothing to do with any outer injury.
“Maddie I won’t let you leave me,” I said and she shook her head no.
“Gerard, don’t make this more difficult than this has to be,” She said softly.
“Maddie you’re the one who is making things more difficult!” I shouted then immediately regretted it because she flinched.
“Gerard, I can’t risk it. I love you so much, and if you die because of this, I don’t think I could live with myself,” She said.
“I can’t live without you,” I said tears were threatening at my own eyes.
“Gerard,” Caitlin said softly and I released Maddie but held onto her waist.
“Yeah?” I said holding my chin up readying to face myself with the news I knew were coming.
“HIV,” Was all she said and Maddie broke down and fell on her knees. I shook my head to try to make the tears go away. I looked down at her shaking body and on impulse I reached down and lifted her in a baby cradle. I ignored the searing pain in my back and moved as quickly as my body would allow.
“Get the bag, grab her car keys,” I snapped at Caitlin as I carried Maddie down the stairs.
“What’s going on?” Ray said as he opened the front door for me.
“Caitlin will explain, thanks for letting us use your cottage Ray,” I said as I gently plopped Maddie into her own passenger seat and buckled her seatbelt for her. She didn’t have any protests, she just sat their and cried.
“Be safe,” Was all Ray said as he handed me the cottage key. I nodded before climbing into Maddie’s truck and driving away from the house where so much hell had happened.
The whole two hour car ride Maddie cried horrible snotted sobs that echoed in the silence that hung over us like death. I didn’t once look at her; I knew how she would look. Her eyes would be puffy-red and her makeup would have left a tint of grey against her pale skin. Her cheeks would be blotched and her hair would be messed up because she would pull at her hair in agony. I knew Maddie too well. It was about 3 o’clock that we reached the cottage and as we pulled onto the gravel driveway Maddie finally silenced herself to hiccups and looked up at the cottage. The cottage was small and cozy, it was right on the lake, and looked like something out of a dream I once had.
“It’s beautiful,” Maddie said. Her voice was hoarse and raw from all her crying and not trusting my own voice, all I did was nod.
I pulled up next to the house and turned off the engine; I grabbed the duffel bag and slung it over my shoulder, wincing as it hit heavily on my back. I climbed out of the car and put the keys in my pocket as I walked over to Maddie’s door. She was already trying to open it and get out, but I beat her to it and scooped her up in my arms. She didn’t protest as I carried her to the front door. I balanced Maddie’s weight on my hip as I shoved the key in the door and unlocked it; I kicked the door fully open and carried Maddie inside. I found the old comfortable futon by the TV and laid Maddie down on it. I then turned on the over head lights and found the room Mikey and I always stayed in when we came here. I opened the door to the small room that had a closet, a dresser, a nightstand, a lamp, and a double sized bed. I dumped our stuff on the dresser and walked back to the main room. The main room of the cottage was open and connected to the kitchen; I walked to the fridge and opened it. Inside was a box of cheez-its, beer, and a can of whipped cream. I took a beer out and popped it open taking a large swig out of it.
“Bring some over here,” Maddie said. Her voice was as cold as ice and carried throughout the room. I flinched then got a beer for her and walked back over to the futon.
I hesitated, “I don’t think you can drink when you’re pregnant.” I said as I stood over her watching as her body still shook and shuddered.
“So you decided to bring the beer over here and rub it in my face?” She snapped. I was so shocked by her anger I stumbled back a few steps.
She scowled at me before hiding her face in her hands.
“Maddie, I think we need to talk,” I said quietly and sat down beside her. I was careful not to touch her and stayed a good couple inches away.
“About what?!” She shouted, “I have AIDS, and there are good chances you do too!” She bit her bottom lips before saying, “And so does my baby.”
“Maddie is that what’s this about? You’re scared you’re child has HIV too?” I asked.
“OF COURSE IT DOES! HIV AND AIDS IS CARRIED THROUGH BLOOD AND SEX! SO GUESS WHAT GERARD, I HAVE BOTH!” Maddie shouted at my face. I wasn’t hurt by her words this time; I was hurting by seeing the horrible pain and agony that was written in her every feature.
“Maddie, I don’t care if you gave me HIV, it’ll be another thing for us to share and conquer. You’re child, our child, will survive with HIV just like we will, you won’t be damning it, you’ll be creating its strength.” I said and I couldn’t stop myself before I reached out and touched her cheek with my hand.
“Gerard, I can’t be with you knowing that I was the one who gave you this horrible disease,” Maddie said softly as she leaned her cheek into my hand.
“Maddie, like I said before and I will keep saying for the rest of my life, I can’t live without you.”
“What happens when the HIV kills me?” Maddie asked softly before closing her eyes and letting a tear streak down her cheek.
“Sugar, people have lived with HIV and AIDS, they have survived to live long lives, I don’t see how that will be any different for us,” I said.
“My child.”
”He or she, will understand. Maddie they do have medicine’s that will stop your child from getting HIV,” I said and Maddie nodded slowly.
“I’m just eighteen,” She said softly.
“And you’ve had enough hell to last you a lifetime, Sugar,” I said and a smiled slowly slid onto her face.
“How can you even want to be with me after all this crap you had to go through because of me?” She asked and I closed the small space.
“It’s simple, Sugar, I love you.”
I leaned in to kiss her, but she pulled away and walked to the kitchen.
“Gerard,” She said before she rubbed her eyes and began pulling on her hair, “You’re killing me.”
“Maddie what are you talking about?” I asked as I stood and began to approach her.
“You’re just too perfect, and it seems like every time something finally starts to work out, the rug is pulled from underneath my feet and my world comes tumbling down,” She said and sighed dropping her hands, “I don’t want to loose the most perfect thing in my life.”
“Maddie, you’re not making any sense. You breaking up with me is loosing me,” I said and she shook her head no.
“I meant loose you, forever.” She said and I saw the horrible pain in her eyes.
“Maddie, I’m not going anywhere, how many times do I have to tell you that?” I asked my temper slipping slightly as I threw my hands in the air in frustration.
“Maybe we should sleep in different rooms tonight,” Maddie said quietly as she stared at the floor.
“What? No I-“ I paused as she looked up at me, her eyes weren’t the brilliant moss green they usually were, they were an iced dark green that made me wonder whether Maddie would ever be herself again, “Okay,” I said softly nodding my head and walking to the room I put our stuff in. She followed me and I walked to the dresser and began pulling out my clothes and toiletries, “You can sleep in here if you want too,” I said as I brushed past her and walked to Ray’s room. Ray had a bigger room and it had a bunk bed in it, I threw my stuff down beside it and walked back into the main room nearly running head into Maddie.
“Oh sorry,” She mumbled staring at her feet.
“Uh is there a reason you are here?” I asked trying to sound nonchalant.
“Bathroom,” Maddie said and she pointed to the open door behind me.
“Right,” I said and let her past.
I walked over to the futon and picked up my unfinished beer and took another long swig before clicking on the TV. The Simpsons was on and I stared at the screen intently even though I had no desire to watch it at all.
“I’m really tired, I think I’m going to sleep,” Maddie said from behind me.
“Still want that beer?” I asked grabbing the unopened can and waving it in the air.
“I’m alright,” She said softly, “Good night then,” She said and I burped in response.
I heard the small click of the door closing and I downed my drink and opened the other one.
“I know your hurt, Gerard, but you don’t need to be a dick,” Maddie said and I jumped. I hadn’t noticed she came back in the room.
“Um, okay?” I said as I turned to look at her. She was standing with her arms tightly crossed on her chest, she looked angry.
“Look, I know you don’t handle being denied very well, but seriously can’t you be mature?” She asked and I rolled my eyes.
“I’m not the whore who freaks out all the time,” I said and turned back to the TV.
“What?!” She shrieked.
“You heard me,” I shouted over my shoulder.
“Take it back!” She yelled and I heard the hurt in her voice.
“You know what,” I said standing up and throwing the empty can against the wall, “You’re right; I should have dumped you on your ass so long ago! I don’t know why I stuck around!” I shouted and Maddie was fuming.
“Because you love me, Gerard, isn’t that right? You’re never going to leave me!” Maddie mocked me.
“Yeah I did until now! I don’t know how I missed the fact that you’re such a bitch!” I shouted and tears were sliding freely down Maddie’s cheeks.
“Take it back!” She shrieked hysterically, “Take it back!”
“NO!” I thundered, “I won’t fucking take it back because it’s true, Maddie! Accept the GOD DAMN TRUTH!” I shouted angrily throwing my fists in the air.
“YOU KNOW WHAT GERARD! I HOPE YOU FUCKING HAVE AIDS! I HOPE YOU DIE ALONE AND SICK AND IN HORRIBLE GUT RENCHING PAIN! I HOPE YOU SUFFER!” She shouted hysterically and she railed her fist against the door before opening it and slamming it so hard the whole cottage shook.
I sighed and walked slowly to Maddie’s door and placed my ear against it. I could hear her sobbing. I carefully put my forehead against the door and let its coolness dissolve my fried nerves. Maddie was wailing now, but the sound was muffled which gave me the thought that she was burying her head into a pillow. I wished and prayed silently to God that the whole fight had never happened; I wanted to take it back so badly it made my stomach hurt. I stayed at her door until she had cried herself to sleep, she was mumbling in her sleep and I was sure she was having a horrible nightmare, she only mumbles when she’s having nightmares. I wanted so badly to open the door and have her in my arms, to take everything I said back, but I knew I couldn’t so I walked to the fridge grabbed another beer and it was gone before I had reached the futon. The TV was still going and I was surprised when The Late Night Show with Jay Leno came on, I peered outside and only saw the darkness of night which had fallen to quickly.
I decided to sleep on the futon because my body didn’t want to move anymore, I had had one of the world’s shittiest days and I was extremely exhausted. I clicked off the TV and the lights then grabbed a wool blanket and fell extremely fast into a deep sleep.

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