Categories > Celebrities > My Chemical Romance > Never Say Never
Chapter 42- Beautiful
5 reviewsIt was nearly 5 o’clock and just waiting in the hospital room was torturing me.
2Insightful
WARNING: In this chapter the point of view does change more than once. You'll know when it changes though so don't worry.
Chapter 42- Beautiful
Gerard's POV
It was nearly 5 o’clock and just waiting in the hospital room was torturing me. I wanted to leave and never come back. I stared at the blank ceiling and listened to the IV drip beside me. Everything was so silent; it seemed that I was frozen in time. Ray and Caitlin hadn’t moved once since they got here. A nurse hadn’t come in the room to check on me, no one had arrived to wait with us.
The silence was maddening. I’ve heard the saying ‘Silence is Golden’ but right now I wanted no more than to hear her break the silence with her voice. Her beautiful soft voice or even the quietest giggle would subdue the growing pain.
A phone rang outside the room and someone answered it in a toneless ‘Hello’. There was no point being here, this place where pain was held. And somewhere deep in this hospital she was lying dead and cold on an operating table, where doctors and surgeons had given up hope. I wanted to leave.
I sat up on the bed and pulled the IV out of my hand quickly. Caitlin stood quietly and watched as I lumbered out of the bed and walked towards the door.
“Where are you going?” She asked. Her voice rung in my ears, it was the first sound I had heard for nearly two hours. It sounded loud and uncomfortable; I cringed at the scratchiness of her voice.
“Away,” I whispered. My throat was raw and barely let me utter those few words. I stumbled out the door and didn’t look back. The room was the closest to the exit and I walked as fast as I could towards it. They opened automatically and a boy was being pushed in on a stretcher. He was screaming out in pain and his mother was shouting at the doctors and nurses to help her son. The boy was badly burned along his face and body. The woman had burns too although hers weren’t as bad as her sons.
“Please! Help him!” She shouted pushing whoever was trying to help her towards her son. They managed to get the boy and his mother through the ER doors; I could still hear her desperate shouts as I walked to the automatic doors.
“Gerard!” The automatic doors slid open and Mikey came running in with everyone else in a tow, “Where’s Maddie?” He asked. His eyes were full of concern and he searched my face for an answer. I shrugged and pushed past him. The slow crowd of people began forming behind him, they all gave me looks of sympathy and touched my arm with some sort of hope.
I just kept walking.
Then I felt her. The familiar warm hand slid into my own. I halted and carefully looked down to my own hand. I jumped in surprise when I didn’t see her fingers entangled in mine, but I felt them.
“Please, don’t leave me,” Her voice rushed into my ears. And I jumped again, she was pleading for me to stay. Her voice was filled with a certain pain that broke my heart all over again. Then just as she had come, she left. Her warmth was gone and it was harder for me to remember what she sounded like.
I stared at the glass doors and bit my lip hard to keep myself from crying. I turned around slowly; Mikey was standing there watching me. He gave me a half smile and beckoned me to him.
I shuffled to him and we walked slowly back to my room. I sighed heavily and my eyes stung with new tears. We walked in the room and Caitlin was talking in a hushed, hurried whisper to everyone who had come. Right when she saw me she stopped talking and smiled at me. Everyone followed her example and gave me looks of apathy.
I made my way to the bed and climbed in, pulling the sheets to my chin and closing my eyes. Caitlin began whispering again and I ignored the fact that it was probably about me. I didn’t want to talk, I just wanted to die.
Maddie’s POV
I stood next to Gerard’s bed watching as he lay there, his face was contorted in pain and tears began leaking down his face. I reached out and tried to wipe them away, but my hand didn’t meet his face and the tears dribbled off his chin. I had been crying too, it was so difficult being close to the person I loved with all of my heart and not being able to communicate with him. I mentally cursed myself for being such a whore before and not realizing the Gerard was everything I ever wanted. He didn’t judge me and stood by me. I wiped my nose on my sleeve and moved closer to him. He looked like he was in so much pain; I bit my lip so hard I broke skin. I tasted the salty blood for a second then it disappeared. I put my hand over my mouth and sobbed into it. I felt so horrible.
“It’s time to leave,” The man’s voice echoed in my ears and I nodded. The white door appeared by my side and I opened it slowly giving Gerard one last longing look before walking back into the ‘train station of life’.
“You can’t keep coming and watching him, you have to choose before he decides for you,” The man said and I shook the tears from eyes.
“I thought I had a lot of time,” I said shakily. I was being selfish; I had been watching Gerard for the past couple hours just hoping that he would give me some sort of hint of what I should do. I didn’t know what to do; I wanted to be with Gerard so badly that I hadn’t stopped crying after I talked with that random girl.
“Yes, but you can’t hover over your loved one’s like your truly dead, you need to decide on your own, with no external influence,” He said then he disappeared in a wisp of smoke. I dissolved into tears again. I hated being alone and the way he abruptly leaves is really annoying.
“Tears are just a waste of salt water,” The girl said as she walked over to me. I didn’t jump; I was used to one of them leaving then the other appearing.
“I can’t stop, I love him so much,” I mumbled with a dry mouth. I tried to wipe my face but the tears just kept flowing. I decided it was no use and wished I had a chair to sit on. Instantly one appeared beneath me and I sat down holding my face in my hands.
“You can always go back,” She said and she kneeled down before me rubbing my arms gently. I wanted more than anything to go back, but Gerard wouldn’t believe I was alive. I couldn’t hurt him anymore.
“I wish I could, I just can’t hurt him anymore,” I said and the girl smiled warmly at me. She took my hands from my face and held them in her own.
“He’s done so much for you, don’t you think its time you do something for him?” She asked me. My chin began to throb as I tried to hold back my tears. Gerard had done so much for me; I needed to give him some sort of reason to have faith. I had to help him.
“What do I do?” I asked brokenly. The girl smiled at me again before wiping my eyes. Instantly I stopped crying and my face was dry again.
“First you need a hug,” She said and pulled me up giving me a warm hug, she felt like home. I took a deep breath and gave her a small squeeze; she released me then said, “Second, you need to listen to your heart. I can’t tell you what to do, you have free will. So calm yourself down, clear your mind, and just hear what you’re supposed to hear.”
I nodded slowly and took a deep filling breath. The girl took a step back and waved at me before disappearing like she always did.
“Thank you,” I murmured to her even though she was gone.
I looked around and for the first time since I got here, I was completely alone. I walked over to the statue of God and nodded thoughtfully to myself before I sat down cross-legged before him.
I closed my eyes and cleared my mind of all thoughts. I took deep soothing breaths trying to calm my frazzled nerves and once I felt at peace I heard it. It was like a drum pounding softly in my ears, but with every beat it grew gradually louder. As it came in a slow crescendo I realized it wasn’t a drum I was hearing it was a deep velvety voice saying a name over and over again.
Gerard…Gerard…
I listened to it calmly and a small smile slid onto my face. I lived for Gerard. Then with a sudden shock, my body felt like it was being pressed flat. All the air escaped from my chest and I couldn’t breathe. I was suffocating. Was this what death felt like? Pressure began to build in my head and I struggled to find air. I was being compressed into something small. Then when I thought I was about to die, oxygen reached my lungs and I took a large breath of summery air filling my chest completely.
Gerard’s POV
I was sitting on a swing at the elementary school playground. The summer wind picked up strands of my hair and tickled my face. The air smelt of fresh cut grass and the woodchips beneath my feet. I smiled to myself and ran my shoes through them leaving two dark paths in their wake.
“I hope you haven’t been waiting long,” She said softly and I looked up. I smiled widely as she approached me. She was wearing a soft white dress the hugged her skin and cut off right before her knees. The wind caught its edges and whirled them around playfully. Her hair was as brilliant as her eyes and it seemed to float in the air around her. The woodchips beneath her crunched as she walked slowly to the swing next to me and sat down lightly.
“I’ve only been here a while,” I murmured to her. She smiled and let out a small giggle that made the hair on the back of my neck stand on end. The wind caught her scent and I took a deep breath of it letting it tingle every nerve ending in my body.
“Will you stay with me?” I asked. She played with the woodchips beneath her bare feet, a smiled on her beautiful face. She was glowing, that I was sure. Her skin was vibrant and shining. I had to blink several times to keep myself from staring and bathing in her beauty. She turned to look in my eyes and the breath caught in my throat, she was so stunning.
“You surprise me, Gerard, but I love it, so much. There are so many things I love about you,” She whispered her words but I could hear them loud and clear, her voice rung in my ears. I also noted how she avoided answering my question.
“So tell me, tell me what you love,” I whispered back. Her smile faded slightly and she stood and began walking over to me. She paused for a moment as she halted right in front of me; she hesitated slowly before taking my hand off the cool chain and gently placing it over her heart.
“Do you hear that?” She asked softly, her voice was barely audible. The wind almost instantly died and I sat completely still trying to hear the soft beat of her heart that I hoped was safe inside her body. I held my breath waiting for the sound, but instead of hearing it I felt it pulse beneath my fingers. I jumped slightly, but I didn’t pull away. It was the most reassuring feeling I had ever experienced.
“Yeah, yeah I do,” I murmured softly, “I feel it.”
“Don’t feel it, Gerard, hear it.” She whispered insistently. I nodded slowly before closing my eyes and concentrating on the pulse I could feel. I squeezed my eyes tight shut and tried to hard to hear it, but no sound came to my ears. I could still feel it in my fingers, but I couldn’t hear it.
“I can’t hear it,” I whispered, “I’m sorry.” I said opening my eyes and looking up at her. Her smile only faltered for a moment, but it was different. It held a new expression, one of hurt. I instantly felt terrible and she must have seen it in my eyes because she suddenly said,
“I love you, Gerard,” I shuddered making her giggle. Her giggle was the sweetest sound on earth to me. For a moment the hole that had been brutally torn through my heart felt healed.
“I love you too,” I said back. She smiled and looked down at me for what seemed like forever. The breeze brushed lightly against our faces and the warm gentle rays of the sun heated our skin. She blinked once before speaking softly.
“I best be going,” She said and she turned away, the woodchips didn’t make any noise beneath her feet now.
“Wait!” I called out to her. I leapt off my swing and ran towards her. She halted and turned back, a happy smile permanently stamped on her face. I stopped a couple feet from her and my breath hitched instantly in my throat; she was so beautiful my eyes almost hurt from looking at her. I closed the distance between us and reached out, cupping her cheek in my hand, “You’re so beautiful,” I whispered.
A slow tear leaked from her perfect orbs and she began lifting her hand to her face. But before she could touch my hand with her perfect small one, she was gone.
“No!” I shouted, “Please! Don’t leave!”
Rate and Review.
A/N: okay so here i am interpreting again. Gerard's second POV is a dream he's having. so yeah. and no i'm not telling you if Maddie is alive or dead yet. you can guess or make your own predictions if you like, BTW i wanna hear your predictions! so lemme kncw! and yeah, still don't understand? tweet me or review and i shall explain in further detail! LURVE Y'ALL!
Chapter 42- Beautiful
Gerard's POV
It was nearly 5 o’clock and just waiting in the hospital room was torturing me. I wanted to leave and never come back. I stared at the blank ceiling and listened to the IV drip beside me. Everything was so silent; it seemed that I was frozen in time. Ray and Caitlin hadn’t moved once since they got here. A nurse hadn’t come in the room to check on me, no one had arrived to wait with us.
The silence was maddening. I’ve heard the saying ‘Silence is Golden’ but right now I wanted no more than to hear her break the silence with her voice. Her beautiful soft voice or even the quietest giggle would subdue the growing pain.
A phone rang outside the room and someone answered it in a toneless ‘Hello’. There was no point being here, this place where pain was held. And somewhere deep in this hospital she was lying dead and cold on an operating table, where doctors and surgeons had given up hope. I wanted to leave.
I sat up on the bed and pulled the IV out of my hand quickly. Caitlin stood quietly and watched as I lumbered out of the bed and walked towards the door.
“Where are you going?” She asked. Her voice rung in my ears, it was the first sound I had heard for nearly two hours. It sounded loud and uncomfortable; I cringed at the scratchiness of her voice.
“Away,” I whispered. My throat was raw and barely let me utter those few words. I stumbled out the door and didn’t look back. The room was the closest to the exit and I walked as fast as I could towards it. They opened automatically and a boy was being pushed in on a stretcher. He was screaming out in pain and his mother was shouting at the doctors and nurses to help her son. The boy was badly burned along his face and body. The woman had burns too although hers weren’t as bad as her sons.
“Please! Help him!” She shouted pushing whoever was trying to help her towards her son. They managed to get the boy and his mother through the ER doors; I could still hear her desperate shouts as I walked to the automatic doors.
“Gerard!” The automatic doors slid open and Mikey came running in with everyone else in a tow, “Where’s Maddie?” He asked. His eyes were full of concern and he searched my face for an answer. I shrugged and pushed past him. The slow crowd of people began forming behind him, they all gave me looks of sympathy and touched my arm with some sort of hope.
I just kept walking.
Then I felt her. The familiar warm hand slid into my own. I halted and carefully looked down to my own hand. I jumped in surprise when I didn’t see her fingers entangled in mine, but I felt them.
“Please, don’t leave me,” Her voice rushed into my ears. And I jumped again, she was pleading for me to stay. Her voice was filled with a certain pain that broke my heart all over again. Then just as she had come, she left. Her warmth was gone and it was harder for me to remember what she sounded like.
I stared at the glass doors and bit my lip hard to keep myself from crying. I turned around slowly; Mikey was standing there watching me. He gave me a half smile and beckoned me to him.
I shuffled to him and we walked slowly back to my room. I sighed heavily and my eyes stung with new tears. We walked in the room and Caitlin was talking in a hushed, hurried whisper to everyone who had come. Right when she saw me she stopped talking and smiled at me. Everyone followed her example and gave me looks of apathy.
I made my way to the bed and climbed in, pulling the sheets to my chin and closing my eyes. Caitlin began whispering again and I ignored the fact that it was probably about me. I didn’t want to talk, I just wanted to die.
Maddie’s POV
I stood next to Gerard’s bed watching as he lay there, his face was contorted in pain and tears began leaking down his face. I reached out and tried to wipe them away, but my hand didn’t meet his face and the tears dribbled off his chin. I had been crying too, it was so difficult being close to the person I loved with all of my heart and not being able to communicate with him. I mentally cursed myself for being such a whore before and not realizing the Gerard was everything I ever wanted. He didn’t judge me and stood by me. I wiped my nose on my sleeve and moved closer to him. He looked like he was in so much pain; I bit my lip so hard I broke skin. I tasted the salty blood for a second then it disappeared. I put my hand over my mouth and sobbed into it. I felt so horrible.
“It’s time to leave,” The man’s voice echoed in my ears and I nodded. The white door appeared by my side and I opened it slowly giving Gerard one last longing look before walking back into the ‘train station of life’.
“You can’t keep coming and watching him, you have to choose before he decides for you,” The man said and I shook the tears from eyes.
“I thought I had a lot of time,” I said shakily. I was being selfish; I had been watching Gerard for the past couple hours just hoping that he would give me some sort of hint of what I should do. I didn’t know what to do; I wanted to be with Gerard so badly that I hadn’t stopped crying after I talked with that random girl.
“Yes, but you can’t hover over your loved one’s like your truly dead, you need to decide on your own, with no external influence,” He said then he disappeared in a wisp of smoke. I dissolved into tears again. I hated being alone and the way he abruptly leaves is really annoying.
“Tears are just a waste of salt water,” The girl said as she walked over to me. I didn’t jump; I was used to one of them leaving then the other appearing.
“I can’t stop, I love him so much,” I mumbled with a dry mouth. I tried to wipe my face but the tears just kept flowing. I decided it was no use and wished I had a chair to sit on. Instantly one appeared beneath me and I sat down holding my face in my hands.
“You can always go back,” She said and she kneeled down before me rubbing my arms gently. I wanted more than anything to go back, but Gerard wouldn’t believe I was alive. I couldn’t hurt him anymore.
“I wish I could, I just can’t hurt him anymore,” I said and the girl smiled warmly at me. She took my hands from my face and held them in her own.
“He’s done so much for you, don’t you think its time you do something for him?” She asked me. My chin began to throb as I tried to hold back my tears. Gerard had done so much for me; I needed to give him some sort of reason to have faith. I had to help him.
“What do I do?” I asked brokenly. The girl smiled at me again before wiping my eyes. Instantly I stopped crying and my face was dry again.
“First you need a hug,” She said and pulled me up giving me a warm hug, she felt like home. I took a deep breath and gave her a small squeeze; she released me then said, “Second, you need to listen to your heart. I can’t tell you what to do, you have free will. So calm yourself down, clear your mind, and just hear what you’re supposed to hear.”
I nodded slowly and took a deep filling breath. The girl took a step back and waved at me before disappearing like she always did.
“Thank you,” I murmured to her even though she was gone.
I looked around and for the first time since I got here, I was completely alone. I walked over to the statue of God and nodded thoughtfully to myself before I sat down cross-legged before him.
I closed my eyes and cleared my mind of all thoughts. I took deep soothing breaths trying to calm my frazzled nerves and once I felt at peace I heard it. It was like a drum pounding softly in my ears, but with every beat it grew gradually louder. As it came in a slow crescendo I realized it wasn’t a drum I was hearing it was a deep velvety voice saying a name over and over again.
Gerard…Gerard…
I listened to it calmly and a small smile slid onto my face. I lived for Gerard. Then with a sudden shock, my body felt like it was being pressed flat. All the air escaped from my chest and I couldn’t breathe. I was suffocating. Was this what death felt like? Pressure began to build in my head and I struggled to find air. I was being compressed into something small. Then when I thought I was about to die, oxygen reached my lungs and I took a large breath of summery air filling my chest completely.
Gerard’s POV
I was sitting on a swing at the elementary school playground. The summer wind picked up strands of my hair and tickled my face. The air smelt of fresh cut grass and the woodchips beneath my feet. I smiled to myself and ran my shoes through them leaving two dark paths in their wake.
“I hope you haven’t been waiting long,” She said softly and I looked up. I smiled widely as she approached me. She was wearing a soft white dress the hugged her skin and cut off right before her knees. The wind caught its edges and whirled them around playfully. Her hair was as brilliant as her eyes and it seemed to float in the air around her. The woodchips beneath her crunched as she walked slowly to the swing next to me and sat down lightly.
“I’ve only been here a while,” I murmured to her. She smiled and let out a small giggle that made the hair on the back of my neck stand on end. The wind caught her scent and I took a deep breath of it letting it tingle every nerve ending in my body.
“Will you stay with me?” I asked. She played with the woodchips beneath her bare feet, a smiled on her beautiful face. She was glowing, that I was sure. Her skin was vibrant and shining. I had to blink several times to keep myself from staring and bathing in her beauty. She turned to look in my eyes and the breath caught in my throat, she was so stunning.
“You surprise me, Gerard, but I love it, so much. There are so many things I love about you,” She whispered her words but I could hear them loud and clear, her voice rung in my ears. I also noted how she avoided answering my question.
“So tell me, tell me what you love,” I whispered back. Her smile faded slightly and she stood and began walking over to me. She paused for a moment as she halted right in front of me; she hesitated slowly before taking my hand off the cool chain and gently placing it over her heart.
“Do you hear that?” She asked softly, her voice was barely audible. The wind almost instantly died and I sat completely still trying to hear the soft beat of her heart that I hoped was safe inside her body. I held my breath waiting for the sound, but instead of hearing it I felt it pulse beneath my fingers. I jumped slightly, but I didn’t pull away. It was the most reassuring feeling I had ever experienced.
“Yeah, yeah I do,” I murmured softly, “I feel it.”
“Don’t feel it, Gerard, hear it.” She whispered insistently. I nodded slowly before closing my eyes and concentrating on the pulse I could feel. I squeezed my eyes tight shut and tried to hard to hear it, but no sound came to my ears. I could still feel it in my fingers, but I couldn’t hear it.
“I can’t hear it,” I whispered, “I’m sorry.” I said opening my eyes and looking up at her. Her smile only faltered for a moment, but it was different. It held a new expression, one of hurt. I instantly felt terrible and she must have seen it in my eyes because she suddenly said,
“I love you, Gerard,” I shuddered making her giggle. Her giggle was the sweetest sound on earth to me. For a moment the hole that had been brutally torn through my heart felt healed.
“I love you too,” I said back. She smiled and looked down at me for what seemed like forever. The breeze brushed lightly against our faces and the warm gentle rays of the sun heated our skin. She blinked once before speaking softly.
“I best be going,” She said and she turned away, the woodchips didn’t make any noise beneath her feet now.
“Wait!” I called out to her. I leapt off my swing and ran towards her. She halted and turned back, a happy smile permanently stamped on her face. I stopped a couple feet from her and my breath hitched instantly in my throat; she was so beautiful my eyes almost hurt from looking at her. I closed the distance between us and reached out, cupping her cheek in my hand, “You’re so beautiful,” I whispered.
A slow tear leaked from her perfect orbs and she began lifting her hand to her face. But before she could touch my hand with her perfect small one, she was gone.
“No!” I shouted, “Please! Don’t leave!”
Rate and Review.
A/N: okay so here i am interpreting again. Gerard's second POV is a dream he's having. so yeah. and no i'm not telling you if Maddie is alive or dead yet. you can guess or make your own predictions if you like, BTW i wanna hear your predictions! so lemme kncw! and yeah, still don't understand? tweet me or review and i shall explain in further detail! LURVE Y'ALL!
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