FicWad

Chapter 43- White Reflection

Gerard's POV

It was nearly five-thirty when I woke up screaming. My face was wet with tears and Mikey was trying to calm me down. My chest was tight with pain and Mikey was talking so loudly my ears were beginning to hurt.

He was hovering closely over me using scratchy tissues to wipe my face and nose. Caitlin was right behind him holding the box and wearing a very concerned look.

“You’re okay, you’re okay,” Mikey kept mumbling over and over again. I grabbed his hand and pushed it away from my face. He deflated almost instantly and sat in a chair he must have pulled next to the bed while I was asleep.

“I’m not okay,” I said and my voice was shaky and hoarse. Caitlin nodded gently and walked over to Ray, laying her head on his shoulder. Mikey didn’t do anything; he just sat by the bed and stared at me like I was going to explode at any second.

“Knock, knock,” Mo’s soft voice drifted in the room and her head popped around the corner of the door. She smiled warmly at me then walked in with the rest of the band on her heals. “Do you mind if we stay here with y’all? We can leave if you want to though,” Mo said quietly as she sat down gingerly on the edge of my bed.

“By all means, stay,” Mikey said and gestured to the chairs nearest them, they took the seats without question and for the first time since I had met them they weren’t laughing or talking; they were dead silent.

Maddie’s dad arrived not much later and didn’t speak as much as one word to any of us. The silence was slowly driving me mad. No one spoke, no one moved. I began itching the skin on my arm till it was raw and Mikey had to take my hand to keep me from creating a hole in my flesh. I kept nervously throwing glances at the clock. It was 5:45. God dammit why does anticipation make this so slow!? I kept squirming in my bed from the uncomfortable and anguishing silence that was held above us like a storm cloud threatening to crack with lightening.

I just wanted to end this. Then I sat straight up in my bed as the idea hit me. Everyone’s eyes were on me as I got out of my bed and carefully pulled the IV from my hand. I began to move towards the door and Mikey spoke up,

“Dude, where are you going?” He asked, I could hear the worry in his voice and I slowly turned around. He had stood and taken a few steps towards me. I gave him a stiff smile that felt incredibly wrong on my face.

“Bathroom,” Was all I could manage. I shuffled out of the room and down the sterile hallway, the muscles in my legs wouldn’t work much faster than they already were and I tried to get away as quickly as possible. I took a few looks back making sure no one was following me. The only person who was in the hallway was a girl with a Super Mario mushroom t-shirt and purple skinny jeans. I rolled my eyes at her attire and kept shuffling towards the elevator.

I reached the elevator in moments and the girl had caught up and stood next to me. I jabbed my finger into the ‘up’ button and waited patiently outside the door. The girl next to me was now rolling on the ball of her heels and she kept looking over at me then quickly looking away. I rolled my eyes and let out a puff of frustration.

“I’m Amy,” She blurted out once the elevator bell rung and the doors slid open. I acknowledged her with a nod and walked into the elevator. She smiled at me and followed me in. She pressed the five button and the doors closed only seconds later.

“So…” She said awkwardly, “What are you in for?”

“Nothing,” I muttered. I wasn’t in the mood for talking. I just wanted to get to the roof as fast as possible. Amy smiled at me then looked away shyly. She was playing with her fingers and the elevator began to move slowly upward.

“Dude, you look like you’ve been run over by something,” She said and I noticed she was staring at me; her eyes were wide as she looked me over with some sort of concern in her eyes. I was almost positive I looked like shit. I shrugged and grunted impatiently for the elevator to move quicker.

“Yeah,” I mumbled and my eyelids felt heavy. In fact my whole body felt heavy, like the whole worlds gravity was pressing down on just me.

“Where are you getting off at?” She asked and I stared at the little red neon letters that informed us of what level we were on. Right now it said we were on four. I groaned inwardly and turned to look at Amy. She seemed to notice my totally pissed facial expression because she turned away quickly. I wanted to feel bad for being a total dick, but I didn’t feel like apologizing at this exact moment.

“Six,” Was my apology. Answering her god damn question was my apology. She jumped in surprise and carefully looked back at me. She smiled slowly into something of a smirk.

“There are only five floors,” She informed me and the elevator binged letting us know that we had reached our floor. The doors slid open and Amy took a hesitant step out. She looked back at me before completely exiting the elevator. She gave ma another half smile and waved as the doors began to close. I looked away and jabbed the roof button with such a force my thumb was sore.

Once the elevators reached to roof I walked out more quickly then my body would allow me and I nearly threw up. It took me a while to regain myself and I slowly walked to the edge.

“Don’t do this,” Her voice swarmed into my ears and I smiled distantly. Closing my eyes, I loved the sound of her voice, it was so incredible.

I took another step towards the edge and I felt her presence beside me, her warm small body against my arm. I shivered and took another step. My toes were now hanging off the side of the roof.

“Please, Gerard,” Her voice was louder and more insistent this time, “Don’t do this.” My smile grew wider and I took a deep breath trying to focus myself on just her so my last memory would be of her voice. I didn’t know whether I would die and go to hell for suicide and I wanted to be able to carry this with me for the rest of eternity.

“I love you, Maddie,” It was the first real sentence I had said in what felt like forever. It would also be the last words the ever left my mouth. I took one foot from the edge and held it out in front of me. My one leg alone couldn’t support all my weight and I fell from the roof of the hospital.

At least I thought I fell.

Suddenly someone grabbed me around my mid and hauled me back onto the roof. I fell on my back and my savior fell down beside me, panting and gasping for breath.

“Are-you-mental?!” She spat at me between breaths. I looked over and recognized her immediately. Amy, the girl from the elevator was lying beside me clutching at her ribs as she gasped for air, “What in bloody hell were you thinking?” She asked as she slowly sat up.

“I wasn’t,” I muttered and tried, but would have failed to sit up if Amy hadn’t grabbed my elbow and pulled me into a sitting position.

“To hell you weren’t!” She shouted and I winced from the high octave of her voice. She noticed and immediately became quieter. “You weren’t trying to kill yourself were you?” She asked. I avoided her gaze and she sighed, “Not that that’s any of my business.” She muttered as she stood up and brushed herself off.

I sat and looked at my feet blankly. Why hadn’t she just let me die?

“Need a hand?” She asked softly. I looked up at her from my spot on the ground; she had her hand extended out to me. At first instinct I didn’t want to take her hand. I didn’t want help period. But I soon realized that I wouldn’t be able to get up without help from someone else and it would be ages before another person came up here to do anything. So I slowly lifted my hands towards hers.

“I don’t bite,” She said and let out a goofy laugh. I rolled my eyes and took her hand. I was sure it wasn’t easy for her to help me up, I wasn’t exactly the lightest person in the world, and she let out a little huff as she used both of her hands and lifted me off the ground. I released her hands immediately once I was upright again.

The silence that hung between us was extremely awkward. Did I care? No. Did she care? Probably. She didn’t get off at the fifth floor again. She took the elevator all the way down to the ER ward with me, and to my dismay she even walked me back to my room. I was extremely pissed that I couldn’t convince her to let me be alone. She was determined to make sure I didn’t try to kill myself again. Once we had reached our room Mikey was pacing back and forth across the room. I shuffled in slowly and made my way back to my bed. I noted the fact that Zero to Sixty was no longer in the room.

“Gerard!” Mikey jumped in surprise, “God you take forever!” He said and he followed me as I reached the bed and carefully climbed in. It took him a couple seconds before he noticed the girl standing in the doorway.

“Who’s that?” Caitlin asked. She was standing instantly and I saw her fingers begin to twitch. I grunted at her and she shot me an angry glare before looking back at poor Amy. Amy looked sort of frightened, I didn’t blame her though, I would be scared shitless if Caitlin was about to rip my head off.

“I’m Amy,” She said with a soft nod to Caitlin, I was guessing it was a girl thing because Caitlin seemed to relax a bit. Mikey looked completely bewildered and his brows were furrowed in confusion. I grunted again and laid my head on my pillows. I wasn’t going to explain to them what happened.

“So…” Ray said awkwardly as he stood up. He put an arm around Caitlin’s waist and pulled her back down into her seat. She looked rather repulsed by his action, but she didn’t protest. Amy turned and looked at me. She smiled and gave me a nod of encouragement. I tried to swallow the lump in my throat but it didn’t work. I couldn’t say much more than a few words right now. Amy looked very uncertain. I could tell she didn’t want to rat me out, but she wanted to tell them what happened.

“Okay what the hell is going on?” Mikey blurted out loudly. Amy and I jumped simultaneously. Neither one of us answered, “Okay so since you’re here and we don’t know you, you have two choices, A) you can talk or B) you can leave.” Mikey snapped at her.

“I’m sorry.” Amy snapped back, “Last time I checked none of you were trying to save him,” She pointed at me, “from throwing himself off the roof!”

“Wait, what?” Mikey said. He turned to look at me; I caught his gaze for a moment and turned away. I didn’t want to see the disappointed look in my younger brother’s eyes. I was also extremely pissed at Amy; this was none of her business and it really didn’t concern her. I wasn’t grateful that she ‘saved’ me. In fact she really didn’t save me at all; she couldn’t ever save me from myself.

“He tried to kill himself!” She stated loudly and Caitlin let out a tiny gasp. I bit the inside of my cheek to keep myself from shouting back at her, she could go away now. I wasn’t going to kill myself with people watching.

Then to my shock, Mikey stood and walked over to her. I turned my head to look as he approached Amy. Her eyes widened and she planted her feet firmly on the ground, holding her chin up high and not breaking eye contact with him.

“Thank you, for keeping my brother alive,” He said and he stuck out his hand for her to shake. Her eyes were now the size of walnuts as she looked down at his hand. Then after a moment of staring at his hand she took it gently. She gave him a half smile and a tint of pink crept up in her face. Nice to know Mikey hadn’t changed much. He released her hand slowly and she smiled again before walking out of view.

Mikey turned on his heel and marched back over to the bed, he wore a smug smile on his face. Joyce snorted. Mikey’s head shot in her direction and he suddenly looked very angry.

“What? Jealous?” He spat at her.

She rolled her eyes and shook her head, “Not at all,” She said with a smirk.

Mikey was fuming, but reluctantly he let it go and sat himself in the chair beside my bed. He turned to me and gave me a look that said ‘it’s alright, you’ll be fine.’

“This isn’t okay,” Caitlin said angrily as she read Mikey’s face. He clenched his jaw and let out a sigh before turning to Caitlin. I almost started to laugh. But as soon as I felt it begin to bubble in my throat it hurt like hell and my hand flew to my chest.

Everyone’s eyes were suddenly tore from Mikey and Caitlin and glued to me. I could feel my own heart beat underneath my fingers and I thought about the dream I had with her. Damn it felt so real. I wanted it to be real too, but just thinking of the thought she could be alive hurt. I didn’t want to have false hope. My heart beat was random and faltered, it sounded so uneven and irregular. I looked down at my own chest as if to see through my skin and bone to the tampered heart below it all.

“What?” Caitlin asked breaking through my thoughts. I peered up and realized she was standing right on the side of my bed. She tried to read my face, but I was sure she found nothing. Then she slowly took the hand from my chest and examined it, she turned it over and over in her own palms and once she had her fill of inspection she gently placed it on the bed.

I lifted the same hand and poked my finger into my chest right above my heart, “It sounds broken.”

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A/N: I thought this chapter was pretty self-explanitory. If not tweet me or review and I shall explain in further detail.