Categories > Cartoons > Class of the Titans > Dawn of Time
Reviews
Dawn of Time
(#) Pheonee 2006-06-28
"Speech" or 'quotation' marks were invented for a reason. The enter key was also placed on the keyboard for a reason. The reasons are so that your story is acually understandable. Put line breaks befores and after each person who speaks. For example...
~Andrea turned to her friend.
"Jackie, I know you like him, are worried for him. But right now, the best thing for him wold be to ket him rest." Her dark eyes held Jackie's tearstained, electric-blue ones.
"I-I guess you're right." Jackie let out a choking sigh and followed Andrea out of the emergency room, hiccoughing and sobbing, leaving her boyfriend's motionless body behind...~
All the same, I love the plot and hope you update soon.Dawn of Time
(#) princessofoyownworld 2006-06-28
decent Plot, but you could stand to put a spaces between where the people talk. And a few more discripteve words. Like:
"Who are you!" Belle screamed as a wolf like deamon jumped out from the pitch black shodows. The demon was composed comletely of fire, excepted for gleaming birght yellow eyes. The deamon knocked her down, her waist length blonde hair was spread around and her welectric baby blue dress had multiple tears in it.
"You can not take that book." The demoned replied in a deep menicing voice as he tried to take the old dogeared book away from Belle, but Belle hung on with all her strength. Even the demon could see the determination in her baby blue eyes.
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